A letter to myself, reflecting on past resolutions and future goals...
I suppose my goals should be the usual assumed ambitions of any other year...
1) lose 10 pounds
3) be more positive
4) keep the house up better
Well, it's never worked before, so I highly doubt 2003 will be much different. My newly borrowed attitude is:
IF YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOMETHING, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEW YEAR AS AN EXCUSE.
Sounds like a good excuse to me!
But then, again...
Possibly, my truest ambitions have been carelessly cast aside, prioritized by what others seem to want or expect from me. Maybe I don't really want to lose 10 pounds! Maybe I hate to exercise when I feel forced into it! And I'm only negative to hubby, at times. Hey.... if my house looked perfect, I'd never have time to write or be on my favorite site, Writing.com!
So why exactly am I writing this letter to myself? Actually, the more I write, the deeper I think... and vice versa. I am very happy to go out in the garage with my notebook and pen while hubby works on his 1980 Blazer-going-on-five-years-project! I am extremely happy as I lug my writing bag to an unpopular rocky beach and search for words that sometimes elude me.
But, dear me, is there something missing in this picture? Maybe so. Am I spending too much time basking in my words, when the truest thing I ever wished for was to be published? Am I wasting a precious gift that can only live within me and my computer?
As I reflect upon the forsaken enthusiasm of publication, I wonder how I fell off the wagon along the way. Or perhaps at this point, I am chasing the wagon.
Writing is fun, but to become published is hard work. I think I have read almost everything written on the subject! In fact, maybe I am spending too much time having fun and highlighting thousands of sentences in books I may never open again because there's a new one on the market to read and get inspired by.
A-ha! I believe I just hit the nail on my head...uh, I mean the head.
Inspiration. Or better yet, looking for inspiration. I am spending way too much time waiting to feel inspired enough to write a perfect book with no mistakes in my first draft. Could that be it? I hate to admit it, but one might say.... I am lazy? Oh, dear me!
Do I dare submit a resolution to myself? A written promise that would inspire hard work and perseverance?
Okay, maybe I will make some changes this year.
1) lose 15 pounds
2) exercise every day
3) be more positive to hubby
4) keep the house spotless
I hesitate as I touch my pen to paper, unsure about the one thing I have always yearned for. And why am I so afraid of what I truly want?
Alright.... enough of dragging this letter out!
My goal for the year of 2003 is to.... is to... take my writing to another level. I shall try my best to concentrate on ideas and beginnings I have already started, to improve upon these pieces, and see them through to the very end.
(Whew! That wasn't so bad.... and I can already feel the growing excitement of knowing that I am going to be...... responsible.)
PS. You know, maybe I could stand to lose 5 pounds and it wouldn't hurt to exercise just a little. Hubby could use a bit of cheering up on that Blazer project, too. But forget about the housework!