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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/774616-Shovelchest-Bob
Rated: E · Poetry · Children's · #774616
Metal scraps magically combine to make an unstoppable fighting machine.
*NOTE* - this poem might not make much sense the first time you read it ... but there are some short notes at the end which should make things clearer.


Summon power, summon soul.
Hear me beckon, heed the toll.
Out of slumber, rise and shine.
Vault the very void of time.
Ever steadfast, ever strong,
Loyal as the day is long.
Curl and ravel, coil and wrap.
Hear me beckon, end your nap.
Ever born and ever dies,
Silver muscles, steely eyes.
Tinplate, lead and copper groans,
Bronze for brains and iron bones.
Out of slumber, rise and shine,
Bob, wake up! It's battle time!


NOTES:

This short verse is to be part of a chapter adventure book for children.

Shovelchest Bob is a huge mechanical man. His 'soul' is magically embedded in a battered old shovel and he is brought to life using the 'spell' above.

Bob's owner carries the shovel around with him. When danger threatens, he recites the spell - this causes all metal objects in the vicinity (spoons, swords, keys, buckles etc etc) to magnetise and mould into the shape of a large metal man, ready to fight for his master. If Bob is defeated (or the magic wears off) the owner simply retrieves the shovel ready to use another day. So, Bob can be beaten, but so long as the shovel remains intact, he can't be destroyed.

Can you help me???? I'm a little unsure of how to punctuate poetry. Have I got it right? If not, what should I change.

Can you feedback? Now you know the context and purpose of the poem - do you think kids will like it? Does it make sense now?

question: should I replace line 11 with this:

"Tiny tinplate chromosomes," ???

..or maybe this:

"Tinplate, copper, lead and chromes" ???


also ... did 'chromes' exist in pirate times?


*** FINAL NOTE ***

You may have noticed, this poem is acrostic. If you take the first letter of each line and put it all together it spells...?



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