When given the chance to rekindle old feelings, what would you do? Anna goes for it.
It all started a few days ago. He’d been working seventy hours a week for the last eight weeks, solid. The problem was, he didn’t have to. He wanted to. Part of this workaholic attitude was because he loved his job. The other part was that he didn’t believe that he had anything better to do. Nothing was waiting for him at home but his furniture and appliances. His friends and family were miles away, and he was too busy working to see them on anything resembling a regular basis.
He was literally burying himself into his work. His team appreciated that about him, but it was also a cause for concern. He had no life outside of his store, and it seemed he was in his store ALL of the time. He obviously didn’t eat right, because he rarely took breaks. They saw what he refused to see… He was burning himself out. More than one of his charges remarked on his need to slow down and take some time off, to no avail. He tried to be the best manager possible for them and his customer base, but he couldn’t physically do that if he didn’t take down time. Regardless of their pleas, he wasn’t listening. Time to call in a favor.
He wasn’t sure who it was or when it happened, but someone complained to his immediate supervisor about his lack of taking care of himself. He couldn’t complain that they hadn’t talked with him, because EVERYBODY did, every day. His customers, his team, his boss. He wouldn’t listen. It all came to a head when she made a surprise visit to his store. The five-foot, five-inch stocky brunette with the big brown eyes was dressed in a pair of black denim jeans, a black, short-sleeved mock turtleneck and a pair of black hiking boots. She took a look around the store for twenty minutes before finally approaching him.
“Bill… We need to talk.”
Bill, stunned, said nothing. At six-foot, two-inches, he is the tallest member in his store. Add to that, the fact that he’s African-American with a normally stern expression on his face, and you have an imposing sight. As imposing as Bill might look, he’s really a big teddy-bear. Rubbing his neatly trimmed goatee, then immediately rubbing his bald head, he looked around to his crew. Except for his boss, no one in the customer area would establish eye contact.
“Okay, Lisa. What’s this about?”
“Your office, NOW.”
He followed her without question. Since they’d first met, Lisa had never gotten this stern with him about anything. Obviously, this was serious. Thoughts ran through his head in nanoseconds, wondering what he could have possibly done wrong. Nothing came to him as Lisa sat in his chair, motioning for him to close the door behind him. As soon as he did so, she motioned for him to take a seat in the chair on the opposite side of the cluttered desk.
“Bill, we have a serious problem. I’ve gotten numerous complaints from your team regarding the amount of time you’re spending here at the store.”
Bill rolled his eyes before looking up to the ceiling, an exasperated sigh escaping from him.
“Before you even attempt to say anything, I want you to tell me something. When I first hired you, what did I tell you was the requirement for the number of hours a store manager should work?”
Bill blinked in dismay. “What?”
Lisa crossed her arms. “Tell me the required number of hours a store manager should work.”
“On average, it’s about fifty.”
“And how many hours have you been putting in since you were placed into this store?
“I don’t know… I work a lot. But I’m all good.”
Lisa sat on the edge of the chair, her elbows resting on the desk, a stern expression on her face. “You’re taking this weekend off.”
“Now, wait a minute, Lis-“
“That’s a direct order, Bill. If you value your job, you’ll take this weekend off.”
“Lisa, are you threatening me?”
“Nope… Not at all. I’m giving you a very strong suggestion. One that you’d better act on if you want to continue to work for me.”
Bill sat straight up in his seat, his jaw dropped, his eyes slits. “Lisa, that’s NOT fair!”
“I hired you to do a job, not to make yourself sick. It does me… Does this company no good if you burn yourself out. Now, you WILL take this weekend off. I’ve already arranged coverage for your hours. Go visit your family. Go see some sights. Whatever you do, don’t set foot in this store from Friday night until next Tuesday.”
“End of discussion. We’re done. Please don’t make me come here some time this weekend to have a conversation that we don’t want to have.”
“This isn’t fair, Lisa, and you know it.”
“Conversation is done, Bill. I’d suggest you make plans.” She got up out of her seat and headed for the door. “By the way… I WILL be checking up on you. I need to protect my investment.”
That happened on Monday. It was Friday night, and Bill couldn’t sleep. He’d tried, but it just wasn’t happening.
“What in the blue hell am I gonna do with three days off?”
He shot up out of bed and got dressed. “Well, since I can’t sleep, I might as well get out of here.” Within minutes, he was on the road, driving aimlessly. He couldn’t believe how his coworkers had set him up. It didn’t matter that they were looking out for his best interests, he was mildly perturbed by what had gone down. “Who’s better than I am when it comes to drawing the line on how much I work? This makes absolutely no sense.”
His trip took him to the expressway, where his deep purple Ford Mustang sliced through the night. It was late, other vehicles on the road were few and far between, and Bill’s company consisted mainly of reggae tracks from Shaggy. He thought it interesting, the timing of it all. Sure, he needed to take a break, but there was no way in hell that he’d slow down enough to do so. Unless he would somehow get sick (which very rarely happened), taking time off from work was never considered an option. He had too much that he wanted to accomplish, and he couldn’t accomplish these things without being at the store. Besides, he loved his job, so it didn’t feel like work. He didn’t understand why nobody else saw that.
As he drove along, his thoughts began to go elsewhere. He’d lost touch with someone that used to be in his life years ago, only to have a chance meeting a couple of months ago. Due to his volatile work schedule, they didn’t talk on the phone often, but they’d been e-mailing each other regularly. He’d found that he’d never really gotten over his feelings for her. Of course, it took him a while to realize that he’d had feelings for her in the first place. They never believed that they could explore this mutual interest, primarily because the timing was, as he liked to say, “cosmically fucked up.” Unbeknownst to either of them, the stars had been going into realignment.
Anna had been having problems sleeping for the last couple of weeks as well. She’d just snagged a major account for her company and things seemed to be going just fine professionally. That wasn’t the problem, though. Ever since she ran into HIM, she found that he was often on her mind. For some reason, things seemed to become more intense over the last couple of weeks of e-mailing. She was getting bolder with her statements, having even given him directions to her place, just in case he’d ever “find himself in the neighborhood.”
The problem with having unresolved feelings is that they sometimes have a nasty habit of coming back much stronger once triggered. That chance meeting with Bill was her trigger, and she’d tried to convince herself that she was able to keep those feelings at bay. Her dreams were telling her otherwise, though, often leaving her breathless when she awoke. She hadn’t listened to that little voice in the back of her head that told her to run while she had the chance. “I can handle it,” she lied to herself, all the while realizing that, since they’d started e-mailing, she was falling for him just as hard as she had before. She tried to convince herself that, if she stayed away from him, if she avoided actually getting caught alone with him, she’d be able to keep him a fantasy. Being caught alone with him, no matter how badly she wanted it, would only complicate things.
She didn’t WANT to keep him away, though. She’d beaten herself up on far too many occasions for letting him get away the first time. She believed in fate. She trusted her instincts and her heart. And she never forgave herself for holding back with him years ago. Things in her life had been going her way. She was getting everything that she wanted professionally. Something was missing. Something important. She often questioned why, no matter what she did, she just couldn’t achieve the feelings that she’d felt back then. She had the desire, the motivation that she wished for. Literally bumping into Bill, it fell into place.
PASSION. She had passion. It ruled everything that she did. But this particular passion, she had only felt with him. And they both had let it slip away. She freely admitted to herself that since then, she hadn’t felt that type of passion from anyone or anything else. And, as subtly as she could, she tried to find out if he felt the same, through their e-mails. As always, he tried to remain guarded about his feelings, tried to look out for both of them and be the voice of reason. She saw through it then, and she could see through it with much more clarity now. He was stalling. He was deliberately attempting to remain in denial. As much as she wanted to respect that, she’d sub-consciously made the decision to break through that shell. If things didn’t work, it wouldn’t be for lack of trying. Even now, she didn’t fully comprehend this decision that she’d made. All she knew was that she was being reminded of their connection. Now, it was time to see what could come of it.
Dressed in a black silk nighty, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom for a drink of water. Looking in the mirror, she played with her mid-length sandy-blonde hair for a few moments, blowing a kiss towards her reflection before grinning and going back to bed. She spread her body across the bed, head hanging as she looked down to the floor. She tried to push Bill out of her head, to no avail. Reaching to the black phone table to her right, she grabbed the remote control for her stereo and pressed a button. A moment later, Beyonce's “Baby Boy” began filling the room.
With London Beat’s “I’ve Been Thinking About You” beginning to play over his car’s speakers, Bill just drove, bobbing his head to the beat. Thoughts of Anna filled his head. He reminisced about the past, how well they’d gotten along with each other. He smiled as he thought about the way that she would look into his eyes, only to break that eye contact for fear that he’d see too much in her own. She’d once told him that he would never know how she truly felt. How wrong she was! Of course, being as stubborn as he was, virtually demanding that people just “spit it out,” it’s no wonder she felt that he would never get it. How long had it taken before he finally started getting the message? Too long. By the time that he’d finally started being more attuned to what she had been trying to tell him, she was already well on her way to the life that she leads today.
She didn’t understand at that point in time, that he thought this was the best way to protect her. No one in his life ever understood that most of the things that he did when it came to his love interests, he did in order to protect them. He’d tried to explain this to her recently. He shook his head with a smirk, realizing that making that statement had royally pissed Anna off.
“WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE THAT I NEED PROTECTION?! DON’T _I HAVE A SAY IN HOW I CAN AND CAN’T INTERACT WITH YOU?! AND WHAT IF I BELIEVE THAT HAVING THE CHANCE TO GET CLOSER TO YOU IS WELL WORTH ANY CHANCE OF GETTING HURT?!”
Internet etiquette. The fact that she’d written in all caps let him know that she was beyond ticked off. She hadn’t written back to him for three days after that. He’d let it slide. He had to concede that she was right, even if he didn’t agree with it. But, that’s the way that he ALWAYS operated. He saw no reason to change things now. Besides, what was so wrong in his belief that she could do so much better than him? He pulled over to the nearest open spot, turned off his engine and thought about it, all along, keeping his CD player on. He still hadn’t thought at all about where he was. Of course, where he was was the last thing on his mind at that moment.
Anna just happened to be looking out the window when she saw the unfamiliar car pull up across the street and stop. Her lights out so that no one could see that she was in her robe, she squinted in her attempts to see who it was that was behind the wheel. Nobody on the block had that car in that color. It was three in the morning… Who would visit the elderly couple across the street at this insane hour?
She tried to beat back the voice in her head. “Go out there. Whoever it is, they might be lost.” She shook her head and chuckled to herself. “They could also be the next Dahmer, too.” But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she should go out and take a look. Maybe, they WERE lost and needed directions. “Alright… But, there’s no need in making myself an easy victim if I’m wrong.”
Bill sat back in his seat, his eyes closed, his head bobbing to the beat of some song that he simply couldn’t remember the name of. He thought about Anna and the last time that he saw her. He was impressed by how she looked in her power business suit. A far different picture of her than the usual jeans and t-shirt presented a few years ago, he appreciated this more grown-up version quite a bit. In his own mind at the time, he said “SHE’S FINE!!” There was no way in hell he’d have said it in that manner to her. He did, however, make sure to let her know that she was “looking good,” and left it at that. Her slight blush was well worth the comment.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
With a start, he looked out his window, then did a double take. Dressed in a pair of gray sweat pants, a matching sweatshirt and with an aluminum baseball bat in hand, Anna stood before his window, back far enough away so as to avoid him reaching out and grabbing her, close enough to see inside the car clearly as he let his window down, a huge grin on his face.
Anna quickly went to her massive walk-in closet and reached for a pair of sweat pants and the matching sweatshirt, both bought at her alma mater. She walked to the far side of the room, to the massive dresser with a rather large mirror, pulled out the top two drawers and searched for a pair of underwear from the top. “Why exactly AM I doing this?” An impression flashed across her mind’s eye, too quickly for her to get the full meaning, but she continued on, slipping on a pair of burgundy bikinis. Seconds later, she was wearing a pair of white ankle-length socks and laying across the bed, sliding both legs into her sweatpants at the same time. Whenever she was in a hurry, she did that. That was one of the little quirks that she’d picked up from Bill. Slipping her nighty off, she thought about grabbing a bra, then changed her mind. She pulled her sweatshirt on, then quickly teased her hair before walking to the closet and grabbing a pair of white tennis shoes. She slipped them on, then walked close enough to the window to see that the car was still there.
“I’m gonna need a weapon,” she thought, flicking on the light over the stairs as she went down. The stairs lead directly to the front door. To its right side was another door, leading to the garage. She opened it, reached with her right hand to the left of the doorway and pulled in an aluminum baseball bat. “All of those years of playing softball had better come through,” she thought as she tucked the handle of the bat under her left arm. Looking out the window to the left of the door leading outside, Anna took a deep breath. She was having second thoughts, but that voice in the back of her head wasn’t hearing it. She couldn’t figure out just why she HAD to go out there and investigate. The Mustang was still there, and she hadn’t heard any car doors shut while she was getting dressed. “Here goes everything,” she said as she took the plunge.
Pulling the door shut behind her, Anna peered across the street at the Mustang. As far as she could tell, whoever was behind the wheel was still in there. Of course, the windows were tinted so darkly that she couldn’t be sure. She walked to the end of the path leading to the sidewalk, then looked both ways. Absolutely nobody else up and about this early in the morning. “Dammit, I should have grabbed my whistle. Too late now.” Carrying her bat slung across her right shoulder, Anna took another deep breath and marched right up to the Mustang. She could hear the sounds of an unfamiliar song to her. “Obviously, there’s SOMEONE still in there.” She knocked on the window five times, quickly backing away so as to be out of reach and holding her bat with both hands, ready to swing if necessary.
She held her breath as the window began to slide down. A mental impression flashed across her mind’s eye once again as she felt her heart pounding against her chest. What took seconds felt like an eternity, and her grip tightened on the bat. Still at a respectful distance away from the car, she crouched down a bit to see whose face would emerge. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and the dull clanging of the bat as it met the pavement was evident. She didn’t believe her eyes.
“Hi!” A black leather glove-covered hand waved at her as her eyes latched onto Bill’s face.
“OH MY GOD!” Anna tried to contain her shock, but it just wasn’t happening. Without a thought, she’d opened the car door and nearly pulled Bill onto the ground, hugging him with all the strength she had. “You nearly scared the hell out of me!” She looked into his face, then hugged him again.
“Do you ALWAYS greet your visitors with a baseball bat?” Bill smirked as Anna pulled away from him, then punched him in the right arm. “Owwwwwwww…”
“You deserved that.” Anna picked up the bat, then grabbed Bill’s right hand, pulling him towards her house. He stopped momentarily to slam the door shut. He stuck his keys into the left pocket of his jeans immediately after arming his car's alarm. “What are you doing out here this time of night? Is everything okay?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Bill responded, still rubbing the spot where she’d punched him earlier. “So, I went cruisin’. I actually hadn’t thought about comin’ here. You know that I normally wouldn’t do that without lettin’ you know that I was on my way.” By this time, they were in the house and Bill was surveying his surroundings. Anna had already grabbed his jacket and was putting it away.
“Yeah, well, I don’t normally meet strange men parked across the street from my house in the middle of the night, either.” She stuck out her tongue at him as his jaw dropped.
“Who you callin’ strange?” Bill tried to give his best hurt expression. “I don’t need to take this abuse. I’m goin’ back home.” He reached for the doorknob, only to get slapped across the back.
“You will do no such thing.” Anna crossed her arms, the expression on her face oozing “challenge.” “The only thing that you, my dear, will be doing, is parking your butt on my living room couch.”
Bill smiled. It felt just like old times. Too much like old times. “I am, huh?” He chuckled as Anna literally got behind him, shoving him towards her living room. “Don’t I have a say in the matter?”
“No, you don’t.” Arriving at the couch, she turned him around, then shoved him back away from her. “You’re in MY house now, so you play by MY rules.”
There was that look again. Like she was daring him to defy her. “You haven’t changed one bit.”
“Wrong, hon… I got better.” She kept telling herself to calm down, kept reminding herself that she was being overly obvious with her joy that he was here. But the joy that she felt refused to be contained. That was the beauty of their relationship. She always felt free to feel however she was going to, without fear of being looked down upon. Besides, if he called her on it, she’d just tell him that she couldn’t get over the surprise. She wouldn’t be lying, even if it was only a partial truth. “Would you like anything to drink, hon?”
Bill shook his head. “Nah… I’ll probably need to use your bathroom soon, though. I inhaled a liter of Cherry Coke on the way here.”
Anna squeezed between Bill and the arm of the couch. “You COULD offer to move over.”
“What would be the fun in that?” Bill grinned as Anna backhanded him in the arm. He slid over to the middle of the small couch, looking at her.
For the next couple of hours, they talked about anything and everything that came to mind.
A paradox. Time flew by, but stood still for them at the same time. The old familiarity was there, yet different. Their minds racing miles a minute, neither of them wanted the moment to end. Both hearts thumping wildly, they each avoided eye contact, their logic battling their emotions for dominance. As they laughed about some prank Bill had played on Anna years ago, Bill’s inner demons were finally making themselves heard.
Bill didn’t want things to go too quickly. He thoroughly enjoyed this time spent with Anna, but he had suffered a heartbreak years ago that he never recovered from. It was a heartbreak that he’d discussed with Anna in the past, but never thoroughly explored, not even within himself. He struggled against his memories, trying to push them away so that he could continue to revel in the moment, but they simply would not be pacified. He found himself flooded with sorrow, anger and massive disappointment. “Great. Fun’s over,” he thought to himself.
Anna felt the tone of their interaction change. No longer laughing, she looked directly into Bill’s face. That look. She’d seen it before, and she knew what it meant. He was constructing his wall. “Dammit, Bill! Don’t you dare,” she thought. Her heart started to break in that moment. She knew what he was thinking about and knew that there was no way that she could take his mind off “the situation.” She HAD to do something. She knew him well enough to know that he was about to go into “protective mode.” She did not want that.
She took the tip of her right index finger and placed it on his left cheek, turning his head so that she could look directly into his face. She looked into his eyes, welling up with tears, and her heart melted. All she ever wanted to do when she looked into his eyes was get lost in them, totally immerse herself into him. She wholeheartedly believed in the old saying that “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” When she saw what was behind those eyes, she wished to take all of his worries, all of his fears, all of his sorrows away.
“Don’t even think about it!” Logic was trying to step in. “He needs his space.” Anna frowned, refusing to listen to her inner voice. When it came to Bill, she’d all too often, let logic… His and her own, dictate how she was going to act and react. Where did that get her? Pining away for him for all of these years, wishing that she’d done what she really wanted to do. She loved him, heart and soul… Often, she questioned if she had fallen in love with him. She wasn’t sure, but she was sure that she was well on her way then, and that feeling never faded. She swallowed hard, watching Bill struggle to contain his tears, watching him try to put on a happy face. “Anna, don’t do it!” Her conscious again. Anna bit her bottom lip nervously, her heart feeling as if it were about to explode.
“Anna…” Bill began. Anna placed her right index finger across his lips, staring him in the eyes. The decision had been made weeks ago, and she wasn’t going to let doubts from either of them stop her now.
Logic said that it wasn’t fair, that she was taking advantage of Bill’s moment of weakness. Her emotions rebutted, “I’ve loved him since I first laid eyes on him. I’ve wanted him for so long… He’s going to know that. He’s going to know that, right here, tonight. I’d do anything to stop his heart from breaking. I’d give anything to make him happy. I’m tired of denying myself what I want! I’m tired of being cautious! I’m tired of being THIS close to the strongest feelings that I’ve ever had, only to have to walk away! No more walking away! We belong together, and I refuse to let him get away again!”
Anna took Bill’s face in both hands, still looking him directly in the eyes. So much pain, so much insecurity. She hoped that she could take that away, if only for a few hours. If she were taking advantage of his weakness, she’d forgive herself. “All’s fair in love and war.” She leaned in and their lips met. They barely brushed against each other, but they still touched. Their eyes met and she could see the insecurity and vulnerability in his soul. She desperately needed to make that go away. “Don’t be afraid, Bill," she said. "Trust in me.” She kissed him again, more firmly this time.
In his mind, Bill was reeling. His thoughts and his emotions were at all-out war with each other, and he was stuck in the middle. He didn’t want to get hurt, more important, he didn’t want to hurt Anna. He had too much baggage and didn’t want Anna to end up as yet another casualty to his own fears and insecurities. But, he so wanted to let go. He knew that he loved Anna. He knew that he wanted to get much closer to her, but he didn’t believe that he could let go of all of the issues from the past. He was afraid that he couldn’t love her in the way that she deserved to be loved. And, if he couldn’t do that, he should get out now, before things went too far.
He pulled away, looking Anna in the eyes. He saw her strength of resolve, saw the raw emotion that she was trying to convey. She’d told him that she loved him in the past. She’d told him that she’d loved him from the moment she first saw him. He knew it to be true. He knew it then, and it was far more obvious now. If he broke her heart, he’d never forgive himself. His heart was hardened, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to let anyone in, nor was he secure enough to attempt it. As much as he wanted to continue, he decided that this had to stop.
“Anna,” he began. He saw the determination double in her eyes before she straddled him and kissed him firmly.
Mentally, Anna screamed “oh, no you don’t!” The pounding of her heart sounded like a drum in her ears as Anna struggled to maintain control. She couldn't tell him what she was thinking, for fear of spoiling her one shot. She knew how he was. If she actually confronted him on it, he'd get pissed and leave. She wasn't going to risk that. “I KNOW you want this…! It’s written all over your face! I can FEEL it! I’m NOT letting you run away… Not THIS time!” She pressed her body against his, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her logic was trying to get to her. “It shouldn’t be this difficult, you know. You shouldn’t have to force the issue. Let’s not forget that he IS looking out for you!”
It wasn’t fair. Not only was she battling wills with Bill, but with her own “common sense.” Bill was stubborn, she’d conceded that point. On THIS occasion, she HAD to be more stubborn. Her desire made a stand against her logic. “I don’t WANT protection. I don’t NEED protection! My mind is made up! I HAVE TO try!”
Bill had begun to kiss her back. This WAS what he wanted, but he wanted so much more. He always felt safe with Anna, always felt that she understood him on a level that no one else did. He felt comfortable with her, felt connected to her. That wasn’t something to run away from, was it? But, what if she wasn’t prepared to give him what he wanted? What if she turned out to be another in a string of people that didn’t love him enough? Then again, what if she didn’t, thoroughly surprising him along the way?
She felt him relax. He wasn’t fighting her any more. Most importantly, he was kissing her back. He never comprehended the power that his kisses held over her. She tried to explain it to him, but she knew that he didn’t get it. His eyes and his kiss. It was no wonder she’d fallen for him years ago. She stopped listening to the voice in her head and started listening more to her heart. She let herself get lost in the kiss, pouring everything that she had into it. If he didn’t know how she felt by being told, he was going to know by being shown.
She parted her lips, then slid her tongue against his bottom lip. She parted his lips with her tongue, then sucked on his top lip. She sucked on his bottom lip, then nibbled on it briefly.
Their tongues began to dance together. She grabbed his hands and extended their arms out to the sides, their kisses becoming more playful, yet more passionate. She knew how much he loved kissing. Of course, she thought it fortunate that they were both very good at it. Soon, their tongues were probing each other’s mouths. He’d tried to move his arms, but she wouldn’t allow it.
“Keep them right where they are,” she whispered huskily between kisses. She untucked his shirt from his pants and began unbuttoning it. He was wearing a tank top underneath it. “Figures,” she thought to herself as she untucked it as well. He moved his arms. “Un-unh!” She put his arms back out to his sides, then began running her fingernails up and down his chest. She pulled both arms up, taking his tank and his shirt with them. She looked him in the eye and winked before tossing his shirts behind the couch and plunging in for another kiss.
She felt his hands rest on each hip as he sat up. She sat straight up, panting as he pulled her sweatshirt up over her head. She pulled her arms down out of the sleeves. Then, Bill’s impish side kicked in. He left her sweatshirt covering her head. Taking advantage of her surprise, he pushed her off him. She could hear him stand up. She also heard him chuckling.
“Why, you…!” She ripped her sweatshirt off her head and leaped off the couch, nearly in a fighting stance. Bill was standing before her, a smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Her heart fluttered. “You DO realize that that was an act of war, right?!”
Bill said nothing. Just nodded and winked at her.
“You also realize that you’re in enemy territory, right?”
Bill, obviously enjoying himself, nodded. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I hope you remembered that I don’t fight fair.” This was something that she missed. They “fought” all of the time back then. Of course, the stakes were far higher now. When she said that it was war, she meant it. She was battling for the right to have her soulmate let her into his heart. She knew that she had his heart… Now, she needed the key to unlock it. She was taking a gamble. She was hoping that the way to get that key was to unlock his passion in a way that she’d never gotten to do so before. She wanted his passion… ALL of it. She’d realized a long time ago that she wanted his very essence. It wouldn’t be enough to have his body, although, her mind constructed many ways to do so. It wouldn’t be enough to just be in his life… She wanted to EXPERIENCE his life. Tonight was about convincing him that he needed to let her in. It was far more about convincing him of her need to be let in.
Bill chuckled to himself, watching Anna standing there, topless. Of course, he was trying not to show the fact that he was chickening out by starting this “fight.” As much as he wanted Anna, as much as he wanted to feel that intimacy, feel that connection, he was afraid to do so.
His doubts stepped in once again. “What if I’m not good enough?” He was never one to let anyone have the last say on whether or not he had the capability of doing something. But, his doubts spoke more about his desire to be loved than they did about his actual sexual prowess. He knew that she loved him. He could see it in her smile, see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch. “But what if she doesn’t love me enough?”
Anna must have sensed that the moment was slipping, because she charged, coming around his right side. Bill ran to his left, then literally leaped over the couch.
“Hey, no fair!” Anna stood there, her fists on her hips, a fake scowl on her face.
“You ain’t the only one that plays dirty.” Bill grinned as she charged at him again. Never good at doing “juke” moves, Bill tripped and fell facedown on the floor. He turned over onto his back, but before he could attempt to get up, Anna was straddling him once again.
“Well, look at that,” she taunted. “Looks like I’ve got a prisoner. I think it’s time to lock you up.” She kissed him, then stood up, offering her hand. “What to do for punishment…?” She winked as he grabbed her hand, then stood up. He hadn’t planned on tripping. Just like him to get caught that easily. Not that he minded getting caught.
“Too fast, girl! You’re going too fast!” Anna’s conscience continued to work on her. “My mind’s made up. My time… OUR time… Is NOW. I can see it on his face… He’s trying to ‘protect’ us. Do you realize how much I HATE that?! Do you realize how much it hurts to watch him do that to himself? I love him… I want to take his pain away.”
She led him upstairs, to her bedroom. She freely admitted to herself that she was being more than just a tad forward. Although, Bill was trying to back away, she didn’t fail to notice that he wasn’t resisting as much as he could have. That was definitely a step in the right direction. She sat down at the foot of the bed, then moved over slightly to her left, patting the bed beside her with her right hand. She looked into his eyes. Those deep, brown eyes. She was putty in his hands, yet he refused to realize that. One look into those eyes was all that it took. His presence had caught her attention. His personality had captured her interest. His eyes stole her heart. His kiss sealed the deal.
She could see the trepidation in his eyes. She was fully aware that he knew what she saw when she looked into his eyes. She could see the silent battle that his logic and his desire were having behind those eyes. In the past, she’d witness his bravado firsthand. He’d push the envelope as far as he felt comfortable, then he would suddenly back away. She didn’t understand it until they discussed the heartache that he’d suffered. The sorrow in his eyes as he told the tale, the pain in his voice… She saw a side of him that he refused to acknowledge to anyone else. Now, he was struggling to make that part of himself retreat. She couldn’t… Wouldn’t allow that.
Anna wanted Bill. ALL of Bill. The longer she watched the war going on behind those eyes, the more intense her desire for him became. She was going to show him that what they had was real, that it was genuine and that it wasn’t something to run from. It was time to step in and help his desire beat back his doubts. “Here goes everything,” she thought with a deep sigh as she began to kiss him again.
Bill was becoming tense. He wasn’t sure that this was something that he should go through with, even though, he desperately wanted to lose himself in the moment. Long ago, he and Anna argued about the cons of denying yourself what you really wanted. She tried to speak to his heart, but he was only listening with his head. Listening to his heart always resulted in some type of pain. It was one thing, if he were the only one suffering from that pain. It was an entirely different story altogether to drag someone else along for the ride. It was better to deny his desires… To deny his emotions… Than to put someone else through misery.
Anna obviously felt the tension, because she pulled away and looked him in the eyes. Tears were welling up as she stared into his eyes in silence.
“Anna,” Bill began, only to have Anna put her right index finger against his lips.
“Bill, you’ve GOT to let it go. You’ve GOT to trust me. I’m not here to hurt you. I love you, Bill. I love you with everything that I am. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.” Bill looked down, the loud “Thump-thump! Thump-thump!” of his own heart highly audible in his head. Anna placed a finger underneath his chin, raising his head so that she could look into his face again. “Bill, PLEASE,” she whispered. “Trust me.”
Anna kissed him firmly, but gently. “Please tell me he actually listened this time,” she thought to herself. In all of her life, she’d never wanted anything as badly as she wanted Bill right now. She needed him to see her love for him. She needed that more than she’d dared to admit to herself. Far more importantly, she needed him to realize that he needed her too. She needed him to stop “protecting” himself. She needed… They needed him to overcome his past so that they could move into the future together.
Anna’s heart ached for him. She poured her very essence into her kiss. She felt Bill’s hands cradle her face. She felt his confidence grow with each press of his lips against hers. A tear traveled down her cheek as that feeling that she’d waited for so long to capture as her own strengthened. Bill was letting himself go. “But, will he go as far as we need him to?”
Their tongues danced about wildly as he lowered her on the bed. Anna had passed up being simply aroused a LONG time ago. She shuddered as Bill straddled her, tried to contain herself as her orgasm forced her to pull him down on top of her, hugging him tightly. His kiss. She held him tightly, kissing him incessantly as she waited for her orgasm to subside. She unwrapped her arms from around him, then pushed up on his chest. With a smile, he looked her in the face, waiting for her cue. She slid up higher on the bed, so that they could both be more comfortable. A lusty smile on her face, she motioned for Bill to join her.
Bill got on all fours at the foot of the bed and winked at her. He’d felt her orgasm. She didn’t care. What she did care about was the fact that he was gloating about it. Anna rolled her eyes as she shook her head. “NOW, he decides to get cocky,” she thought. “Excuse me, sir,” she began, “but I do believe that you’ve forgotten that YOU are MY prisoner.” Bill slinked his way up the bed, hovering over her. That playful glint was in his eyes.
She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pulled him down on top of her once again. She could feel the passion in his kiss. She could feel the electricity of his fingernails as they slid up and down her sides, feel the heat of him as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her hunger for him increased with each kiss. She shivered as he began to grind her, a low moan escaped from her. He lifted his head up to look at her, a smirk on his face. She tried to kiss him, but he lifted his head higher.
“Sorry. I’ve got another idea in mind.”
He lowered himself, showering her neck with kisses. As his mouth traveled to the connection between her left earlobe and her jaw, he began to nibble. Anna bucked, her body reacting to another orgasm. “God,” she thought, “I should NEVER have told him about that spot!” She almost snatched his head away from her neck, kissed him hard. She slid her hands down to his waist, fumbled furiously to loosen his belt. He was cheating, and they both knew it. “Two can play THAT game,” she thought as she unzipped his jeans.
She motioned for Bill to lift up, pushed his pants down as far as she could with her hands, then slid them off of him with her feet. She firmly wrapped her right hand around his shaft, her lust for him fueling the firmness of her kisses. She had to let go, because he’d started attacking her neck again. Bill lifted himself up slightly, slid down the bed a bit, then slid his tongue down her chest. He showered her with kisses briefly before exploring her right breast with his tongue. He caressed her left breast, idly drawing circles around her nipple with his index finger. She breathed heavily, scratching the back of his head as she experienced the beginnings of another orgasm.
“You’re so full of shit,” she thought towards him as he sucked her nipple into his mouth, holding it between his teeth. “I can already tell that you’re far better sexually than you’ve EVER insinuated. ‘I don’t think I’m good enough,’ my ass!” She moaned as he sucked hard on her right nipple while gently pinching her left. “Keep that up, and you’re gonna get raped,” she thought.
Bill switched gears. There was no reason to leave any body parts unattended, especially if said body parts have a mate. Knowing that he was pleasing Anna was an even greater aphrodesiac for him. She didn’t realize just how much pleasure he’d get out of seeing how his touch affected her. He showered her left breast with kisses, gently kneaded her right breast, listened to her muffled moans and watched goose bumps rise on her arms. It was an experience to totally get enthralled by. He was hooked. He wanted more. He held her nipple between his teeth, let the tip of his tongue dart across the top of her nipple. He watched as she tried to control herself, tried to keep another orgasm at bay. Opting to drag it out, Bill stopped what he was doing, changing his mode of attack.
He showered her sides and her stomach with kisses, while letting his fingertips slide up and down both inner thighs. Continuing to lower himself, he followed with a trail of kisses, watching as Anna bit down on her lower lip, reveling in the way that her body moved. He watched as she gripped the sheets, moaning. He smiled.
In his mind, Bill chatted with himself. “You do realize that, if we do this, there’s no turning back?” He noticed that Anna was looking him in the face, smiling. “You know, Anna” he began, “you’re beautiful.”
Now, it was Anna’s turn to be cocky. “You’re just saying that ‘cuz you’re hoping to get some.”
“No… You really ARE beautiful.”
Anna knew that Bill was speaking from the heart. She could see it in his eyes.
“I love the way your eyes sparkle when you smile. I love the way that you look at me when we talk. I love the concern that you show when something touches you. I’ve been drawn to these aspects of you since we first met.”
Anna blushed. Tears started streaming down her face. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear that? Do you realize how badly I’ve wanted YOU to say that to me?” She puckered her lips and held her arms out toward him. Bill raised his left eyebrow and smiled. Anna bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “No more teasing. Come here and kiss me.” Anna wanted him. She’d literally waited for years to have this. At one point, she thought that she’d lost the opportunity. “Destiny is what you make it,” she thought as they kissed.
Anna grabbed his shaft once again, guiding him where she wanted him to be. She’d decided that she’d waited… They had waited long enough. She wrapped her arm around his waist and tried to pull him inside her. Bill resisted. She looked him in the eyes and got lost in them once again. She wrapped her legs around his waist and tightened her grip, forcing him further inside her. “Bill… Make love to me.” Bill regarded her, uncertainty on his face.
“Are you-” Bill was stopped by a kiss.
Anna’s body arched, reacting to the jolt of Bill allowing himself to grant her wish. They both stayed still, each getting used to the feel of the other. Anna smiled at him, fumbled for his hands. Their fingers intertwined, she put her arms over her head. Using her legs, she began moving him. “Well,” she grinned, “are you gonna make love to me, or am I gonna have to force the issue?”
There was that look again. “Challenge.” Bill winked. “What am I gonna do with you?”
Anna rolled her eyes, a fake exasperated expression on her face. “Bill, there’s nobody else in this world like you.” She began to move. This time, Bill followed her lead. “And nobody else in this world gets me riled up like you do.”
This was their turning point. This was how their life together began. All too often, we don’t realize what we could have because we get in our own way. We let our hopes, our desires, our aspirations die because we don’t feel that we deserve them, or worse… We’re afraid to actually have what we really want out of life. Anna refused to let fear and doubts keep her from having what her heart told her she deserved. She found her passion and refused to let it get away. In so doing, she saved the love of her life… And found that that passion continues to grow.