romance from a different perspective: locked behind bars. Nothing dirty.
|From a window: The world goes by; cloven into four parts by white beams and a tricky substance separating me from the world, yet visibly, provides no barrier. Outside, past my wall of glass, past my line of vision a forest stretches out, the leaves of the trees pulsing with the wind. Outside my window the world is alive. Outside my window people and creatures are divided into four. Life goes on outside my window and I sit still. I become the landscape, and blend with the everlasting forest. The sea it moves. The sea of my emotions is more vast than the ever-stretching horizon. It is beautiful outside my window, people below move through the paths of peace and reach out to touch the stars. Fire, wind, water and earth. These are really the components that make up my window; the fire of passion, the windy, wistful minds of those below, the flowing water that is life to all that drink, and the strong and steady earth that upholds all of God’s creations. But love is what it is al about, the state of being in love. Loving and being loved in return. So much is given, so much received, yet still there is none for me.
So I sits, and I thinks. And other times…I just sits.
But all the time I watches and I learns. But still none is there to give to poor little me. Reach out and touch. Yet the invisible barrier is impenetrable.
Two people meet, their lips touch, their chemistry clicks, and soon she wears a ring on her finger. No concrete slabs, no grey or black, everything is natural outside my window. Yet still I am not satisfied. The state of loving one so much that you would do anything for them. Sometimes I reach out and touch. I feel the stars, the thoughts of those who dare to think. I see what they think. The squares they think inside. From above it is all so clear. My sight has no limits yet one is prone to love and to be shunned. Save but for that instant when I catch the smell of her on the breeze, I feel something crack, something like all the waters in a dam building up and breaking the wall. When I touch her thoughts delicately, she becomes visible outside my window, because she is like me, maybe she is me. Maybe she is my strength and weakness, my thoughts for tomorrow.
She loves the world, yet the world has no love for her. She is like me, a cord of yarn, forgotten about under the armchair, while granny stitches away at the tapestry of life. But now the two lost cords have found each other under the chair, and they have no way of becoming one or to be seen and threaded into one, or even to merge to make a tapestry of their own, for the window still stands.
But now there is a different light in the window, and the bars are gone. The light is love, and has driven away the bars of sadness. But three words still remain unspoken. The password to the window, the guard against my life, my love. I want to love her, yet nothing happens, nothing at all. She smiles not, I smile not. The barrier remains. The world fades away and she cries so it rains, and the people desert the streets, leaving the world desolate. I reach out to touch her, to lay a comforting arm around her shoulders, but all my hands feel spread out flat against the glass, is the coldness and the hardness of the transparent barrier; the bane of my existence. Three words it takes, three words out of the entire language and I cannot speak them. My tongue does not comprehend, it stumbles and cannot form them. Time passes by, nothing seems to matter anymore. The end draws near, the curtains about to shut on my window and close the show of my life, me being the star of the show. She waves good bye and disappears into the distance and fog outside my window. Floating, she goes as I have both hands and nose pressed up against the window pane. The unbreakable window pane. The colour draining from my face, tears prickling behind my eyes. They cannot see past my window, they cannot see through the mist. “No! Don’t go!” I yell.
“Why?” comes a faint reply on the breeze.
“Because… because…” I can’t find the heart to say the three words of life. “Because you just can’t.”
“Why?” again from the not so dark but gloomy mist, frothing outside my window, tumbling over in the currents of wind through the sky.
“Because,” (desperate times call for desperate measures) “I love you.”
Suddenly the world cleared, my confinement disappeared and the window shattered and the spell was broken. The fog cleared and colour returned, the world was in full image, vibrantly alive, swaying in the breeze, colourful and outstanding. Such aesthetic value I had never seen. But that didn’t matter and I didn’t notice it because I could not see past the object of my beholding and consequently my deepest desire I have ever known had suddenly melted away because that desire was standing in front of me. The wind tossing her hair playfully and making her beauty and grace even more profound. The features on her face so delicate and perfect. Her polished and refined poise I could find no fault with as she glided towards me. My eye would not see anything but her which was no concern of mine. She radiated a glow that blotted out all other images and even outdid the sun’s rays in its splendour. It surrounded us in a protective layer of light akin to that of God’s golden light. Emanating not only from her I then realised, but from myself also. Enveloping us, our passion for one another protected us from all things evil and in that instant fused our souls together as one for this was a relationship that was meant to be. Because, standing in front of me was she, my soul mate, my other half, my life, a perfect me. When she arrived at her destination 2 inches from my being she said, “And I will never go, because I love you too.”
Sometimes I look back and reflect. I think about those lonely days, without the smell of her rose-scented hair on the breeze. And then compare it with now. Love is in my life and love IS my life. And to think that all of this happened outside my window, so close yet so distant. But I am not confined behind an invisible glass wall anymore and there is no other window now apart from my window of life and love which I share with the one true thing that I ever wanted, my family who are people that love me.
The love of which is alike to none other but the sweetest paradise known to mortal kind and immortal. I remember so clearly the minute I first saw her, I mean truly saw her, without the cover of the glass, without the detraction from her beauty by the glass, I knew that that moment would be ours and ours alone forevermore. Then her pink lips touched mine, our chemistry clicked, and now she wears a ring on her finger and the perfect child now lies in his bed, unconfined by bars or glass, comprehending the patterns of hanging objects, floating and twirling their circular cycles. The product of our love is destined to remain with us yet not entirely. He is God’s child and lives and will continue to live in a world of fantasy and books. But now I am content and the resolution of love found is almost unbearably sweet. I desire nothing now. I am ready to die content, but not just yet.
And we, my family, the three, will always be cords of yarn tied together to form our own tapestry of life, and that will never be ripped. But most of all we will always have each other inside our perfect lives and perfect worlds.