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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/858241-The-Horny-Dollar-Bill
Rated: 18+ · Fiction · Comedy · #858241
He came to hump someone. Anyone. EVERYONE.
WRATH OF THE HORNY-DOLLAR

Sandy Jemekenson was just sitting on the bench in the shopping mall, waiting for her daughter to get done looking (or doing more than looking) at the teenage-clothing store. Sitting down, looking at her shopping bags and their content. Suddenly, coming from the bottom of the bench, a Dollar bill jumped up to her back...With a smile on its face. It crawled up to her face...And then it was blast-off time for him.
She walked out of the mall with green sticky stuff that was starting to harden all over her face.

Jimmy Hoffa was at a restaurant one day long ago, eating a meal by himself. Suddenly, a Dollar bill jumped out of his steak in a swift motion, and crawled to his face...A smile was on its face. What happened afterwards...Was wrong.
Jimmy Hoffa died from caughing to death, due to some green sticky stuff clogging up his throat...

Ken Jackson drove in his car. He made a right turn when suddenly a Dollar bill jumped out of the steering wheel. Ken's eyes were blinded due to the Dollar bill sticking to his face...A smile existed on the Dollar's face...
Ken died due to what seemed like a bruised face, cause of death broken face bones due to some sort of excessive forcing...

And so one day Canjun the Calice was walking down the streets of New York City, enjoying the scenery. Walking a good twenty feet in front of him, in his direction, was a Dollar bill...With a smile on his face.

The Dollar jumped, trying to reach Canjun's face, when Canjun swiftly pulled out a MAC-10, pushed the safety off, and blasted the f***ing Dollar to pieces. BAM! BAM! BAM!

The Dollar was ripped to pieces. A smile was still on its face when the police recovered the body. What was most puzzling to them is why there was a massive spreading of gooey sticky green substance everywhere near the body of the Dollar.... The Police Lab later found out that the substance came from the Dollar's testicles...

How gross.

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/858241-The-Horny-Dollar-Bill