For decades, they've listened to Rap. Now, they've come to investigate.
FORBIDDEN TERRAMASSIAN TEXT
When viewed from the lunar surface of Shaka Laka Booms' space colony, except for the green glow of its oceans and prominent blue clouds, Terramass could easily be mistaken for Earth. It has many satellites placed in orbit by life forms other than humans. The orbiters have various racing emblems on them. The number 88 UPS team's emblem is painted on one satellite in particular, a sure copyright infringement, as we zoom in from outer space.
On the planet's surface, we find a well-groomed neighborhood, as if a parallel universe of Earth exists. The exception? A hover craft school bus, full of students, approaches, then coasts in front of the local Military High School, with yellow lights flashing, never stopping. Instead, multiple doors open on both sides of the bus as students flood the air via personal, government issued jet-packs. All except one, a male.
"Victoor! Victoor!" the bus driver checks her rearview mirror as she attempts to wake him. "Victoor Cump, you wake up this instance or you'll miss your vector, Victoor."
A close-up of his forehead down to his top eyelids shows prevalence of (REM); rapid eye movement.
His dream has him on the bridge of a space ship at the outer reaches of a far away galaxy. There are several others who sit at work stations, frantically pressing buttons.
Suddenly, a caped officer enters the bridge from a rear elevator-type door and yells something at the pilot, who is steering the craft, as he approaches the back of the chair of where he sits. "Sedna? How did we end up here?! This area is part of the Oort cloud! Why are we 130 billion kilometers from the Earth's sun. Answer me pilot! Answer meeee!!" He then grabs the pilot's head and turns it to look him eye to eye. "Damn you, LC!! This was our final chance. Why have you done this?! You are Terramassian!!"
LC says nothing. He jerks his head out of the officers hands and continues on a trajectory to crash the ship into Sedna.
Everyone then looks toward the windshield of the bridge to watch as the planet closes in fast. All stand up, salute, then...
"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" yells the officer.
The bus driver blows on the ridiculously loud train-like horn. This startles Victoor awake as he mistakenly activates his jet-pack and is jettisoned out of the bus facing backwards. "Auto piiiloot," he yells.
All doors to the bus close simultaneously as the driver shakes her head in disbelief.
Victoor lands softly at the entrance to the school as the jet-pack turns off.
"Aaw snap, om late." he murmurs as he tugs at the door. "Dangit, stupid hall monitor."
"Where is your swipe hall pass, Cump?" they stand eye to eye.
"Stop calling me by my last name, Kano Mop!"
"Stop saying my name backwards. That's Thoonat Pomonak to you, Pmuc. Now, where is your swipe hall pass?"
"You a straight trip, dweennn." he says as he frantically searches his multitude of pockets. "Well, I thought I had...it...was...I. Jet-pack on!" he yells.
"Damn you, Victoor! Here we go again. Stop!" he yells. "Jet-pack on!"
The two aerial aces swoop through the passageways at blinding speeds. Loose papers fluttering and trash cans tipping as they race through.
"Give it up, Kano Mop!" he teases through the jet-pack's communications feature. "Kano Mop, Kano Mop, Kano Mop."
"Get out of my head, dweeeennn!"
"Doors open, aaaannnnd...YEAH!!" yells Victoor.
The turbulence of the jet-pack slams the door behind him.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH SNAAAAAAAP!! JET-PAACK O!"
sssssSSSSSSBAM! Just as Victoor lands in his assigned seat, all silence is broken.
"I think I broke my noses," Thoonat whimpers from the other side of the door.
The teacher rushes to the door and opens it to spot Thoonat in a dazed stupor. "All stay in your seats." He directs.
Every teacher in that corridor comes to investigate. One teacher waves smelling salt just under his noses. This quickly makes him come to.
"Where...am I? Aaw, dweennn."
"I'll handle this," says his history teacher. "The nurse is not here at present. I'll lay him down in the rear of my class on my extra crash landing cot."
Thirty minutes pass before Thoonat fully awakes from his daze, on time to hear the end of today's lesson concerning, the Forbidden Text.
"Where is it located?" he asks.
The teacher answers as he passes out examples of its whereabouts. "We do not abide by the laws of it anymore. It contains within its pages, ancient Star Maps as well as our brutalities towards other races. It is safely locked away. This very school was once a harsh labor camp. We sit on top of myriads of tunnels."
"This concludes today's lesson. I expect to have a full report by tomorrow."
"Aaaaaww." everyone sighs.
Thoonat walks out of the classroom carefully studying the maps on the handout.
"Intriguing stuff, eh, Thoonat?"
"Yes, it is, Mr. Los Les."
"If you wish to learn about the text more in depth, study this book." He hands him an old faded text book. "This is my pride and joy. I don't make it a habit of showing this to just anybody. You are my best student. Take care of this with your life."
"I will, Mr. Los Les. Have a good day."
"And yourself, Thoonat. Bye-bye."
Just then, three youths, wearing extra large t-shirts and baggy pants, pass by the classroom as they take turns Rapping.
Knife swingin, gun slingin'.
Aint no limit to my rhymes,
Or my, bling blingin'.
Yeah, I hang out at the beach pumpin' weights,
Buffin' up for all the ladies so don't playa hate.
Gotta look good in ma clothes, I figga,
Gotta have muscles if ya wanna pull da trigga.
I shows up kinda late for dis late night party,
Soons I hit the floor, om in between hotties.
Bubble booties bouncin' and bumpin' up on me,
Two green-skinned sistas started dancin' reallllllll...freaky.
"Aaw, aaw. That was dope, yo!" says the third student as he covers his wide grin with his right hand.
"You three, stop that ruckus at once and quietly head for your next class!" Mr. Los Les demands. "And pull up your pants."
"He don't know what time it is, do he?" Replies the tallest of the group.
They laugh and continue on their way. Mr. Los Les shakes his head in disbelief as he re-enters the classroom, closing the door behind himself.
NIGHT OF DISCOVERY
Later...Thoonat makes a late night visit to the school grounds dressed in dark clothing holding the old text book in one hand, and a flash light in the other. He sees no noticeable movement on the school grounds as he scans from a wooded area, so uses this time to make his move.
According to this book, there should be a small utility door near the loading dock. He thinks to himself as he races to his position. Yep, here it is. I can't believe it. Looks like I could easily open this with my tool kit. Ngh, ngh, nnnnnngh. The door pops open with a loud 'cha ching ching'. He closes the door immediately upon entering while crawling in backwards.
Kinda mucky down here. Bet they have a huuuuge water bill. "Aaaaaaaah!" he yells while sliding down at an angle. "Nnngh," he grunts as he lands after squirting from the port. "Aaw, dweeenn. Mr Los Les was friggen right about caves being here." Let me check out this map. The flash light gives out after ten minutes of researching through the book, so he flicks the switch off, and puts the book away. Stupid light.
The silence of the dark, dank catacomb is deafening except for the intermittent drip of water every ten seconds. After 30 minutes of fumbling in the dark, he hears rhythmic beats and chanting resonate throughout the cave.
Guess I have no choice, better follow the sounds.
A flock of Terramassian cave bats swarms him as to protect their colony. Thoonat swings his arms as he desperately makes his escape. The chanting and rhythmic beats are now at their peak.
Good, some light. They hate light. He jogs into a lit up, open area, and hides behind a marble slab, then peeks at where the chanting resonates from. What is this place? Look at the size of those statues. Someone is here, what are they doing here? There has got to be about 30 of them.
Hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe, hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe, hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe...
Two chanters stand up from their kneeling, break prayer, then pace to the front of the group. They then explain about the planet's need for more resources.
Mr. Los Les?
"Hear me out my brothers. The gods are speaking loudly to us."
"Hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe." They chant in unison.
"The clouds of impending doom have arrived as written in our ancestral text. Our oceans have turned green. And, a planet has emerged from the cosmos that sends unwelcomed messages of change to our youth by way of their satellites. A sign I tell you. A sign that this planet...is dying!"
Aaw man, I've never seen Mr. Los Les raise his voice before. But, here he is, ranting and raving. Look at his eyes, they look...spooky. What's that orange glow all about? Must be a trick.
Just as he thinks that, the book begins to warm up and vibrate.
"What the," he reaches for the book. "It's glowing the same color as Mr. Los Les's eyes. And, it's friggan hot." He says as he drops it onto the floor. It opens to a certain page upon impact.
It reads...'When the time is near, the ancient one will enlighten us, and the stone statue's toe will illuminate'.
"The book...it beckons those ancestors who must carry out the mission of our Terramassian lore. Those who read its contents, are obliged to its orders. It is gathering us all, and we accept our responsibilities to it. It, is the way, of the Terramassian."
Hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe, hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe...
An ominous expression comes over Thoonat's face as he reaches down for the glowing, extremely warm, ancient text book. Now possessed, he slowly paces to the kneeling chanters...and joins them as they pray at the glowing toes of a large stone statue of their fore fathers.
Hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe, hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe, hum, hum, Reek Toe, Reek Toe...
Eyes glowing orange, Thoonat Pomonak is the loudest of the bunch.
THE NEW WORLD
Ten years later...a sonic boom is heard from a distance as a shooting star streaks through Earth's upper atmosphere over Los Angeles at the stroke of midnight. Or...so it seems.
Inside the bridge of a space ship are ten aliens, all of whom are seated and managing multi-colored control panels that control the ship.
Although sitting, all look to be about 6 foot 5. Their faces are flat with snake-like green eyes. Various tattoos decorate the tips of their double noses.
"Place inserts accordingly, the oxygen content here is higher than expected," instructs their leader. "Place them deeply."
There are two seats at the forward most part of the bridge. The seat to the left hosts the pilot of the ship. The seat to the right supports the weight of what seems to be the leader of the bunch. Around his neck is a black collar that is complimented by penny sized emblems of various shapes, and are two toned in colors of purple and gold. He is occupied with some sort of readout and presses sporadic buttons each time they beep, buzz and ping.
Each alien sports black dreadlocks. The leader and pilot are blonde. Everyone's ears are covered.
"Uhhhn, uhhhn, uhhhn, reek toe raaaaaa!" One of the aliens in back screams in pain from the inserts as blood begins to trickle down the nostrils of his right nose. He reaches below for a panel under his workstation and finds a dark green cloth to control the bleeding.
"Take it like a Dweeeeen!" his superior yells from the front.
They are scantily clothed. A thick, black utility belt running diagonally across their built up chests, has an impressive compliment of various weapons.
A dark-blue backpack rides high behind their heads, likened to the padding of an NFL Line-Backer, and runs halfway down their backs.
The chairs they sit in are contoured to host the curvature of their backs and equipment.
"First mate, intercom on." orders the leader.
"Sire, we've reached our destination," says the hulking, green-skinned leader, who's race is known as Terramassians, a race of chameleons. "The atmosphere here is a bit warmer than we are used to, as this planet is third from its sun."
The alien leader had been asleep in his chambers. His massive arms are stretched towards the headboard and under his pillows as he takes full advantage of the comfort of his bed. A bit startled by the intercom, his alien sleep toy falls to the floor as he responds through a much needed yawn.
"Thank you, Captain Pomonak for hailing me. You will be rewarded handsomely for your tireless efforts."
"Thank you, Sire," Captain Pomonak begins to smile, revealing a massive amount of teeth too numerous to count. He stands up, raises his right fist to heart level, gives two loud pounds to his chest, brings his arm down to his side and quickly reseats himself.
"Did you locate the landing spot? Don't want this mission to be compromised." Sire Los Les has the look in his eyes of crazed desire. "Are the readouts showing this planet's resources? Give me that broadcast station again. You know, the one with the Rappers on it."
"Sire, there are many stations broadcasting Rappers. How do you expect for me to figure out which is on your mind?" He inquires sarcastically as he smirks.
The other aliens begin to muse at Pomonak's sarcasm and turn their heads his way.
"Pomonak, this new untested weapon of mine, would you like to see me try it out for the first time?!" Sire Los Les screams over the intercom as he breaks the serenity of the bridge area. "Intercom off!"
All eyes remain on Pomonak and musing as his goofy smirk slowly disappears. The crew gives a collective laugh.
"I hope your childish snickering is because of your relief that the journey to this galaxy is finally over!" Pomonak yells.
He then walks over to inspect his horde of warriors from head to toe. As he looks over the last one, he clearly hears two of his subordinates near the navigation panel snickering Sir Los Les's last two words that were yelled over the intercom.
"There are many riches to attain here, and I assure you that you two will not live to see it!" Captain Pomonak yells as he approaches the two snickering warriors. "I am Captain, and you'll not dis' me. Not on my watch."
The two hulking warriors stand up, lose their smirks, salute the Captain in unison and then yell, "Yes Captain." They remain standing with their right fists against their chests as the Captain paces back and forth in front of them. They dare not move.
"I always demand the utmost respect from everyone of you here," the Captain begins, "that goes without saying because you've had the best Terramass training possible, and are the elite of the bunch, I know, I've trained you. Now, calm down and continue to pay attention to detail."
"Yes, Captain!" the two warriors yell in unison as the Captain salutes them back. They bring down their salutes and hastily reseat themselves.
The Captain paces slowly towards the front of the bridge, and looks down upon the brightly lit acreage of Los Angeles.
The new world, he thinks to himself, then regains his smirk.
Captain Pomonak gives the order to play some Old School Rap over the intercom, preferred mostly by his superior because there is no violence involved in its lyrics. The music, with its heavy bass and melodic beats, is aired for about one hour until...
"Zzzzzzooooonnnnn, Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa." The music is abruptly interrupted by the intercom's alert system with a message from Sire Los Les.
"Captain Pomonak, please report at once to Conflagration Station 2."
"Yes, Sire." He faces the navigator's station. "You, here, now," referring to the injured navigator. "It's almost time to engage the locals here, Lieutenant Commander Cump."
Lieutenant Commander Cump stands up, then salutes and waits for his Captain's return. All of a sudden, his color gradually turns gray.
"What's the problem, LC?" he inquires as he approaches. "LC?"
"Captain, I...I...I." LC grimaces while holding his stomach. "Sir, may I be excused?"
"Did you not hear me hailed over the intercom? Our destiny has begun. First, you bloodied a nose, now you hold me up, why? I'm annoyed easily!" The Captain begins to change from green to a dim orange. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
Sniff...sniff, sniff...sniff, sniff, sniff. Everyone places their hands over their one available nose, including the pilot.
"Damn it...you nervous again?"
"What is...who is piloting this ship!?" Sire Los Les yells.
"Just a bit of turbulence, Sire." Captain Pomonak consoles. "Everything is under control. We seem to have run into a bit of...a solar wind storm. Auto-pilot," he whispers to the pilot.
His attention then turns to LC. LC remains at attention awaiting the Captain's return. "Get the spray and don't you ever do that again in my compartment."
"Yes sir, LC...I mean, Captain." LC is a bundle of nerves. He has seen how the Captain has dealt with subordinates who upset him. "It must've of been..."
"Something you ate." Captain Pomonak returns the salute.
LC reaches under his workstation and pulls out a can of flowery air spray.
Just then, LC notices the Captain's complexion turn red as he reaches for his utility belt.
"Ohhhhh," LC drops the aerosol can and races for the restroom.
"Anyone else eat something that they shouldn't have!?" His right hand pats his utility belt.
"Sir, no sir!" the crew yells.
"Pilot, regain control of this ship before I bust down your rank to cleaning restrooms."
The pilot regains control of the ship as he wipes his watery eyes. The others blow their noses into their hands.
"I want odor...I meant order, when I return." He picks up the aerosol can, sprays one last time, shakes the can, then sprays the corridor as he leaves the bridge.
"Yes sir," everyone coughs.
"Chirp, chirp." The doorchime to the Conflagration Station for flight plans, sounds. Inside are twelve connected chairs, in rows of fours, facing a metallic podium. Behind the podium stands Sire Los Les. The two officers exchange salutes.
"Come. Have a seat, Captain. What have you found out about this place?"
Sire Los Les stands about 6 foot 7, and muscular. His facial features are the same as everyone else's. His dread-locks, tied in a pony tail. He has a battle scar going down his right cheek, and two on his right forearm. Still wearing his nighty, a logo in the center of his chest reads, 'Where's The Beef'.
"Sire, their deep space probes used to survey this galaxy have worked well as beacons, and has led us directly to them. They have nothing here that can detect our ship, and they have plenty of fuel and food here for the taking. We should have few disruptions."
"Is the crew ready to engage these life-forms?"
"They are a bit laxed and in need of refresher training because of our long journey."
"Any suggestions, Captain?"
"Yes, Sire. The Navigator has spotted a temple, of some sort, hidden deep within a very large mass. I believe this area is called...China."
"Holy ground, Captain?"
"Perhaps, but the beings from this planet practice war from there on a daily basis."
"Seems they may know we're coming." Sire Los Les began to rub his chin as though in deep thought. "Go to this place, we shall pit their warriors against ours at first day light. Use all available weapons."
"We'll need no weapons, Sire."
"Our main mission, to find out why the rappers are putting violence into their lyrics, will commence after this refresher training."
"Oh, and one other thing, Captain."
"Your position as Captain, it is an honorable one. Through our many missions together, I've felt honored to have you serve with me, and still do to this day. I have but one personal request, away from the mission at hand."
"Anything for his greatness. All things honored." Captain Pomonak smiles his biggest smile.
"Wash your caca tootle before your subordinates make you the butt of their jokes."
Captain Pomonak goes on the defense. "Sire...LC...but..."
"Yes, clean that, you smell awful. Get it together." Sire Los Les begins to change colors from green to orange. "I notice everything."
Captain Pomonak quickly salutes, and then is returned.
"As you wish, Sire." He then leaves and heads for his quarters to freshen up.
SHAOLIN MONKS MONASTERY
Panning down from a clear blue sky is a side shot of the majestic, Songshan Shaolin Temple, located on the western slope of the Songshan in China, where Shaolin martial arts originated. There are many manicured trees and shrubberies surrounding the monastery. The sound of hundreds of Shaolin Monks practicing Kung-Fu is heard coming from behind its walls.
Inside, on the monastery grounds, every student is dressed in all white with only their tanned, right shoulders exposed. At present, they are punching, kicking and hopping in place as the instructor in front of them directs their every move.
Serenely, the dark blue spaceship lands behind the unsuspecting teacher. However...the students have stopped their training.
"For centuries, unless there was threat of invasion, training here has never ceased. We have many rules to abide by here, I thought this was clear to you all." The instructor is very displeased at what was happening before him. Suddenly, his eyes shift to the left as he turns to face the rippled abdomen of a 6 foot 5 alien warrior, then gazes upward in slow-motion to find its face.
"I seek training," the hulking creature says in fluent Chinese as he bends down, eye to eye with the instructor.
The instructor raises his right hand just under his chin as if giving a prayer, then bows. "Creature, this is a holy place. Please leave at once."
The sound of a beating gong resonates as four more instructors rush to the side of their brother, accompanied by thirty students, all holding the classic wooden staff, known as a bo. All bow as the main instructor speaks softly.
"This is the Songshan Shaolin Temple, a holy place. We learn Chinese culture, morality and self-discipline here. Those are the teachings of Buddha." All stand tall in unison.
"I seek training and plunder in the name of Rap; those are the teachings of Sire Los Les," and then the hulking green mass begins to smile as a syrupy substance drains down his bottom lip, and onto the ground.
"Only servants of Buddha train here, leave at once to avoid his wrath."
"Haaa, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaa!" In the classic laugh of an old Kung-Fu movie, the warrior attempts the first blow, but is blocked by several bo's from hitting the instructor.
"Humannn!! You need many to fight your fight. I seek your best warrior. Fight like a dweeeeennn!"
"Creature, you were just spared the wrath of this Temple. Be warned, there is no third strike policy here. Buddha's name be praised."
Back flip, back flip, back flip. The intruder then stands in a ready stance.
"You have disrespected all that is sacred here, prepare to face your punishment."
The students then hastily surrounds the warrior
as he remains motionless in his stance.
Two come in with bo's cocked over their heads, then swing downward.
Both bo's are struck and broken in half. The two look at their weapons, then run back into the crowd.
Four come in from all sides with weapons pointed and hit their intended target.
He grimaces a bit, but grabs the bo from the forward-most defender. As everyone watches, he twirls the bo about as if he'd received training from the monastery. As he swings it around his body, overhead, and then returns to the front, six more defenders rush in to attack.
Each defender's attempt at a strike is met and blocked.
Suddenly, all the warriors from the craft rush out and are individually encircled, as do white blood cells surrounding invading bacteria.
As the battle goes on, students begin holding their bruised faces, legs, and stomachs in pain. A few lay unconscious as blood trickles from their wounds.
"Huuuumaaaaaaan!" yells the lead warrior. LC put on a grand performance. "If these are your best, then, this Temple will become our homebase."
With that said, all fighting ceases as the moaning monks file into their original ranks.
"They are giving in, Terramass training is unbeatable, come, my brothers, stand by my side as we rejoice in victory." LC and his horde stand proud.
"Sir, I don't think they are giving in," warns the first mate.
The monks all seat themselves with legs folded.
"Creatures, you have chosen your fate. Your visit to this Holy Shrine is unwelcome." The voice says from behind.
The horde turns to face two older Monks who are bowing, and praying for forgiveness from Buddha for what they are about to partake in. They are bald, tanned, and wear orange. The horde then surrounds them.
"It is not necessary for you two to pray to us. You have taken defeat honorably." LC's spokesmanship is top notch.
"Green behemoth, I am in no way praying to you. I am praying for you." Abbott looks up at the giants as his right hand remains in a prayer stance.
LC lunges at the priests. Within ten seconds, the horde is disarmed, then dropped to the ground, holding their chests. The Abbotts remain in their last stances executed, right arms overhead, left hands with two fingers together and pointed, all the while standing on one leg.
"What is that trickery of yours?" LC asks while grimacing in pain.
"You have been touched by Buddha's finger. Now prepare, to face the rest of his vengeance." Abbott calmly warns.
The horde quickly disperses, as they do not wish to face anything else that Buddha has to show to them. LC helps his first mate up to his feet.
The whole Temple cheers as the spaceship lifts up, then speeds off full thrusters. For some strange reason, the ship almost loses control.
"L Ceeeeeeeeeeee," Pomonak yells, "get the sprayyyyyyy!!!"
The two Abbotts face their students. All have composed themselves, and bow to the Abbotts as peace is restored. The Abbotts bow in return.
PLAN 'A' FAILED
As the alien craft soars towards the US at sonic speeds, all three Conflagration Stations are filled with crew members who's attention is focused on big HDTV screens. All are now aware that the life forms on this planet are worthy opponents who fight well, without the use of fatal weapons. Sire Los Les wears a lime green 1970's suit, matching pimp cape, wide brim hat complete with wide white stripe and tall yellow feather. His afro wig is half covered by the hat. The crew members seem used to his nostalgic episodes.
"Plan 'A' was a failure," Sire Los Les didn't sound too concerned, "but the day isn't over yet. LC has brought to my attention that these...humans, are a force to be reckoned with. Our plan is to infiltrate the areas marked on this chart." Sire Los Les points at targets within South-Central Los Angeles with a brown, wooden cane, topped off by a golden emblem. "I feel we'll have more success with plan 'B'. LC, I'm sorry to hear about your eyes. That was dirty pool for them to throw wood chips at you and your men. They have no honor. Youd've easily defeated them if it weren't for that."
LC smiles uncomfortably and shrugs his shoulders. "It was saw dust to be specific, Sire."
"Indeed, LC. Captain Pomonak, after you've established a command post within the city, relay everyone's position to me."
"Yes, Sire." The Captain salutes. "I've spotted an area to do your bidding from, Sire. It's called Griffith Observatory, according to their Map Quest system."
"Map Quest, Captain?" Sire Los Les inquires.
"Yes, Sire. It basically points a finger directly at any landmark of your hearts desires. A virtual gold mine for rogue agents, such as us, and anyone else who'd lose their head if it weren't attached." He then faces LC.
LC puckers his lips as if to whistle while rolling his eyes.
"Great work, Captain. As soon as we land, I want this operation to commence immediately. This meeting's adjourned."
"Yes, Sire. All salute!" yells the Captain.
Sire Los Les returns their salutes and utilizes his cane as he pimp walks out of the room. Captain Pomonak then takes the podium.
"As soon as we land, you will all be given coordinates. Go to them and investigate anyone who you suspect is, or knows of, a Rapper. Report back to me of all encounters. That is all."
"All salute," yells LC as everyone stands at attention.
Captain Pomonak checks over his horde. "Make sure you all have your fuel cells for your back units locked and loaded. Can't fly without them." He then returns their salutes.
"Landing in five minutes, all prepare for landing." The firstmate announces.
"Okay, now go to the cargo area and secure yourselves."
"Yes sir!" all reply in unison.
Five minutes has elapsed and the landing goes without a hitch. As soon as the rear cargo bay door opens, the sky turns green with warriors, some snickering, some grunting.
"Plan 'B' lookin' goooood." Captain Pomonak is having a Kodak moment.
WHAT SET CHOO FROM?
'Tat boom!..., ting ta ting..., tat boom!..., ting ta ting ting..., tat boom!, ting ta ting..., tat boom!, ting ta ting ting...
Everyone within a 300 foot radius hears the heavy bass pumping out through the trunk of the green metallic, 68' Chevy Impala low rider's speakers.
Oh yeah, homeboy...
Dis be dat rap...
Keepin' grip on my nine,
Might have ta cap.
Livin' in da streets is hard,
Down where om frum.
Don't hate da playa,
Hate da game...let the music pump.
Tat boom!, ting ta ting..., tat boom!, ting ta ting ting...
The driver of the car wants to attract as much attention to himself as possible. He drives through the hood playing the number one single, 'Gangsta's Party'. At every stop light, he activates the hydraulics to make the car bounce before dropping flat to the ground. Just as he makes a right turn onto Avalon Boulevard from Imperial Highway, he spots four of his homeboys and a homegirl, then blows the horn as he parks next to the curb. All are wearing extra large white t-shirts and baggy jeans.
"Fellas...jump in." He insists. "Whatchall up to?" N-cap inquires.
"Nuthin', man. Whatchoo wont us to be up to?" Ice-Slap says. He is always ready to pounce. If a job needs to be done, he's who you'd call. If there is no job to be done, he is who you'd call. If a party is thrown, he's who you'd call. Just don't call him too late, his Momma won't like that.
"We knew it was you comin' round the corner, man." P-Nutty says. Got his nickname not because he is a loose cannon, and not because he could go crazy at a moments notice. It is because his mother packs his lunch for him everyday. "Here man, want a sandwhich? Peanut butter and jelly."
"Yo, aaw snap, thanks man, thanks man, thanks man, thanks man, thanks man, whatchoo know good." The lunch bag is ripped open as everyone empties it out in record time. "Tell ya moms thanks," said Ice Slap.
"Mannnn, y'all took all of 'em." P-Nutty crumples up the bag and tosses it at Ice Slap.
"Did you want one?" Tay-Tay inquires sarcastically. Cute in the face and a bit on the plump side, she got her name because her real name is too confusing for anyone to remember.
"You see, you aint funny Tealyashatanniqua." P-Nutty knows that by him calling her by her name irritates her.
"Aaaah, ha, haaa," Ice-Slap laughes, "called her Tealyaka. Heh heh, haaaa."
SMACK WALLOP!! Tay-Tay pops Ice-Slap with opened palms. His irritating laugh at others embarrassement often ended with this same result.
"You forgot that it was me that gave you that name, huh?" Tay-Tay reminds him.
"You lucky I don't hit broads," says Ice-Slap, "You got the right one today."
Tay-Tay puts her left hand up in his face. "Talk to the hand, chump."
"That was a loud slap, man." said Big Pimpin. Got his name not because he's a playa. Not because allll the ladies want him. It is because, "dang girl, you hit like a man."
SMACKY SMACK!! Tay-Tay also named him. " I'm always in the mood to handle my business when it come to you two morons. Y'all two just don't shut up."
Ice-Slap and Big-Pimpin furiously attempts to rub the sting of the slaps off their faces.
"Yo, y'all chill." Big-Chill got his name because of his ability to keep the group together. "I remember back when we was all kids, hanging out at the playground, swingin' and slidin'."
"Those was fun times." said Tay-Tay. "I remember when all o' y'all used to take turns pushin' me on the swings."
"Tay?" Big Chill inquires.
"I would say, higher, higher." Tay-Tay was deep into her reflection of the past.
"Come on, Tay." Big-Chill's attempt to stop the future is to no avail.
"Then, Ice-Slap and Big-Pimpin would get behind me at the same time and push me. Higher, higher, higher." Tay-Tay then looks over at Ice Slap and then Big-Pimpin. "Until I went flying off the swing and onto the sand after the rain caked it in."
"Yeah, you got tore up, Haaa, haaa." Ice-Slap and Big-Pimpin says at the same time and then laughes.
Smack, Smack!! "Y'all brought that on yourselves." Tay-Tay says after dishing out her volley of stings. Just after making that statement, the lyrics to Gangsta's Party is heard. "Yeah, turn that up, that's my favorite part."
You think I'm playin around when I wave my nine,
But I aint.
My piece is loaded with bullets, at all times,
Some of y'all makin' me frown,
Yeah, I run this town.
And when y'all seee meee come yo wayyyyyyy.
Ya gonna get smacked downnnnn.
"Heyyyy, that is my part." Tay-Tay bobs her head and waves her hands to the music. "Oh that song is beast!"
Just then, the roof of the car begins to concave inwards as a syrupy substance drools down the middle of the windshield.
"What the...my car, my car!" cries N-Cap. "Somebody's gonna pay fo that."
Everyone jumps out of the car to take a look at the roof of the vehicle. There is LC on the roof with his back turned to them, re-adjusting his flight pack harness.
"Yo, man, look what you did to my car, fool! N-Cap immediately reaches behind his back for his gun. "You ignoring me, punk?"
LC rolls his eyes as he reports in to Captain Pomonak. "Yeah, mhmm, mhmmmmm, mhm, mhm. Thank you Captain. Yes they are out of the vehicle. Well, I sort of made a rough landing...sort of on top of their vehicle. Heh heh. Yes sir, I will."
"He just gonna dis' us like that and not even turn around!" Tay-Tay is very irritated. "This fool must don't know who he messin' wit."
LC faces the crew, "My Captain wants me to apologize for rudeness."
"Oh snap!" everyone yells at the same time.
"As you request." The music to the crumpled car continued to play, so LC does what comes natural, he snaps his fingers to the beat as he does The Robot.
"Oh, you got jokes, don't you homeboy?" Ice-Slap asks as he steps forward.
"Oh, heh, heh. Homeboy. It is an honor to be called that." LC responds.
"You just aint gettin this are you homes?" Big-Pimpin inquires. "You gone have to pay for this or give up somethin. I suggest you pay up, or lose your life."
"I thought I was yo homeboy, homes. Y'all straight trippin up in dis piece. Here I am chillin witchall and whatchall do? Dis me...straight up, yo."
Just after LC makes that statement, the cars windshield cracks.
"Oh, you just gone mock us, huh homeboy?" N-Cap is as furious as he could get. He then waves his gun at LC. "Om bout to blast, homey." He then forms his free hand into a 'W' and yells, Wes syyyde!"
LC realizes that there is a weapon pointed at him, so he quickly activates a shield that engulfes his body, then formes his fingers into an 'F'. "Far syyyde!" LC yells.
"Far whaaaaat?" Everyone says in unison.
They all then scan LC's features very carefully.
"Yo, man, look at his two noses.' says N-Cap.
"Look at his skin, man." says Ice-Slap.
"Oh snap, he's changing colors and sh...oh snap!" cries Big-Pimpin.
"Mmmmm, he sho got some big feet," Tay-Tay notices as she pops a bubble with her bubble gum.
LC winks his left eye at Tay-Tay, then blows her a kiss. "What up, boo?"
She begins to act coy and puckers her lips as if to kiss at him. "Heyyyyy."
"Tay-Tay, cut it out." N-Cap insists as he lightly elbows her arm.
"He got frikken cat eyes and crap." Big-Chill observes. "Let's not panic, he's just an alien."
"Aliennnnn!" they all yell as they exit the scene as fast as they can, all except N-Cap.
"Mannn, you come all the way from Mars just to crunch my car up? Naw dawg, you gots ta pay fo dat!" He then points his gun's barrel at LC, then begins firing rounds.
"Captain, things aren't looking too good here. Yes, he is firing his weapon. It wasn't something I said to him, sir. No sir, I'm not nervous at all to have done that and haven't eaten as of yet. Yes, sir, LC out."
"I just shot my gun at you, why are you still standing, homes?" N-Cap inquires. "And, if you a alien, how come you was just speakin' slang?"
LC seems to ponder the questions asked, smiles, then answers honestly. "We are here to investigate Rap music. Years ago on my planet, we started receiving transmissions from your galaxy. Thanks to your people's deep space probes, we followed the transmissions of every successive probe that has been sent out."
"Why did y'all come all the way from Mars just to mess with Rappers?" asks N-Cap.
"That's an easy question," LC begins, "My people are tribal and have danced to music with heavy, rhythmic beats for centuries. The initial transmissions that we have received, had loads of useful scientific data about this planet, which, by the way, could easily be used against humanity if intercepted by the wrong clan of our tribe. Put it this way. The vessel containing my crew is full of warriors who could easily overcome this planet. All airwave transmissions from your planet have made their way to us through satellite relay transmissions. Our mission is not one of world domination, however. It is one of concern."
"Concern, fo what?"
"Rap, it has gone from a music of concern for its people, to a music of gluttenous rebellion. The straw that broke the camel's back was when Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls were killed over being the best Bling-Blingers this world has ever known." LC begins to weep and holds his head down. "Sadly, the young ones from this planet are eating up the hype that your music industry here has set for them."
"What's that got to do with your planet, son?"
"Everything! The youth of our planet have turned rebellious, unheard of because we are normally a very religious race. The new wave of music has been detrimental in the decline of respect and care for fellow Terramassians."
"So, why should I care about some green-skinned two nose fools from Mars?" N-Cap remarks.
"Okay, my brotha, let's put it this way. My race knows the exact location of this planet...it's no where near the other way around. The bling-bling selfishness that your race crave is nothing compared to the cravings of Terramassian's. Our ancestors named us Terramassians because Terra means territory. Mass means planet."
"Yeah, so, I never liked learning that Biology stuff anyway!" N-Cap exclaims.
LC stares directly into N-Caps eyes without blinking, "Put it this way. Those words put together mean, we take planets. Music is power on my planet. We live by it, and obey it. We've come this far to search for the truth so that we can return back to our planet to reveal our findings.
"And, what is yo findings, man?"
"Your race is one of greed and gluttony...there's a lot of bling-blinging going on around here." LC weeps a bit more. "Your race...this planet...will be over run by future generations of Terramassians."
"How do you know dat?"
"The youth have begun searching our old testaments. The old testaments are teachings of world domination. Maybe the only minute problem with that is...this planet is the only world worth taking...so far. The deep probes that your race has sent out..."
"Whoa, hold up partna...slow your roll." N-Cap interrupts. "My race sent nothin'. A whole nother race did that, man!"
"You are mistaken, there is but only one race here. Soon, though, there will be another. That race will be...Terramassian." With that said, LC turns off his protective armor, presses a button, and then hovers above the caved-in roof of the crumpled car.
"You a straight trip, man. That's some deeeep..." N-Cap begins as he put away his gun.
"Yes, human, I know." LC interrupts. "You know, your Government funded program, SETI is right about the universe."
"Who set what?" N-Cap shows confusion as he scratches his head.
"SETI stands for, Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence." LC blurts out. "The answer is yes, we are out there."
"Well, I see that." N-Cap replies. "Ya know, I noticed you cryin a little, what's that all about?"
LC faces away for a few seconds, then once again, faces N-Cap. "Our ancestors attempted to destroy your race centuries ago...back when my race was barbaric, Terramassian true to form. Your people were always geniuses and figured out a way to escape our wrath by hiding away into deep space. But, your race search for us not knowing their history. Legend has it that you one noses guided two comets here to cool down the planet as well as form its oceans, but only needed to use one."
"So, that's what happened to the dinosaurs. What happened to the other comet, man?" asks N-Cap.
"It orbits this solar system every 76 years. I believe it is called...Halley's Comet. Oh, and we are not from Mars." With that said, LC speeds off.
N-Cap's hair is gray from the shocking revelation. He then looks inside of his car just as the driver's side air-bag deploys. "Damn, man. Damn!"