I wrote this right before a suicide attempt..
|As I sit here at my desk, tears run down my face
as images of my past play in my mind. How I wish I could turn back time and stop what I am about to do. I know you are probably saying "Why?" or "She could have done something else." I am writing you this so you will know...
For years I wanted to be loved by you, Mom, but I never received it. I tried as much as I could for you to take notice of me, but my actions fell on death ears and blind eyes.
For years I wanted to be accepted by you, Dad, but all I got was how much better someone else was other than me. Instead of hearing things I did right you only played on all the things I did wrong.
When I went to talk to either of you, tell you the thoughts going on in my head you pushed me away, told me I was being stupid. But to me, not being here felt so right. not having to be able to hurt anymore. Not having to cry every night wondering why the two people who are suppose to have unconditinal love for me let me down at my most time of need.
I feel I have done you a favor. You don't have me to upset you anymore. I am not around for you to yell at anymore. I am not here for you to feel the disappointment I made you feel for not being what you wanted in a daughter. So instead of crying over my unexpected death, rejoice it.
After all, you never really wanted me here anyways, right?