Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/932251-The-Whillikers-Family
by Takumi
Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #932251
A peek into the life of everyone's favorite dowdy hick family, the Whillikers.
The baby was bawlin' fit to bust a lung, so Mamsy stuck a spoon in its mouth to keep it quiet. Just then, a neighbor happened by.

"Wuddle you be doin' like on a fine summer day such's this one?"

"Hello, friend," Mamsy said graciously. "I's just fine, and the same to the likes of yourself, if I may be darin' to say so."

"Thanks mighty. Thass a lumpin' great baby you got there, Mamsy."

"Why, what?" shrieked Mamsy, and noticed the baby again. "Why well why I do say so if it is, myself. Seein' as I done borned it 'n' all." Feelin' durn proud of herself, Mamsy hung up another shirt on the clothesline.

"A's a quiet one, too," the neighbor commented, gettin' ready to go.

"Ah," Mamsy replied wisely, "Thass only cuz I done gone plunked a flippin' big spoon in its mouth, so." She took a hold of the spoon handle and gave it a tug, so she could show the spoon to the neighbor.

But when it came out, it was a fork.

"Land sakes!" hollered Mamsy, trippin' up and down in place. "Somebody call Aunt Lucretia!"

Winnie bowled into the chickenyard hot off the press. "Winnie!" screamed Mamsy, doin' some fancy footwork. "The griddlin' great spoon I plopped in the baby's mouth done gone been turned right so into a hoppin' huge fork! Quick, call Aunt 'Cretia!"

Winnie hightailed it fer the house in a roll of yipperin' dogs, but Popsy got there first, as he'd been down a-diggin' at the garden. He smoked through the screen down like it warn't even there, and tripped head-to-tail over Sally Ann Bean, who was down on her knees scrubbin' at a particular planderous spot on the rug.

"Great grizzlin' gradients!" yiped Popsy as he flatted on the floor.

"Tally-hoo!" shrieked Sally Ann, a-ploppin' on the rug.

"Watch my way, I'm a-comin' on through!" hollered Winnie, makin' it like a racehorse for the tellyphone. She dialed the number as Perky and Pip thundered down the stairs, clearin' the banister by a mile.

"Lord have mercy on my sinner's soul!" boomed the voice of Granny Khebalisicolobolo, who spent most of her time prayin' in the basement.

The house began to shake as Mamsy hoofed it in the back door, tripped over Popsy, and hurtled into the kitchen.

"Heavens to Betsy!" yodeled Mamsy.

"Heavens to Bill!" added Popsy.

"Aunt Lucretia!" shouted Winnie into the phone. "Mamsy's big ol' spoon don gun turned itself into a leapin' large fork! Ain't that just the wappiest thing?"

"No," said Aunt Lucretia, and hung up.
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