And for a moment, just for a brief moment, it seems like she leans her head closer to me.
chapter 1 can be found here:
"My Best Friend (chapter 1/6)"
(this chapter also begins with Chelsea's POV)
I feel so good right about now. I feel... actually I don't feel much. That's why it's so good.
I have been drinking a little. I'm sitting at a bar with some of my friends and we're celebrating, because our exams are finally over. I will be driving to my parents' house tomorrow for the holidays and I won't be back here until the new year begins.
"You wanna bet?"
That can't be good. I've drifted off in my a bit drunken thoughts and I missed what it was that my friends were talking about, but when Mickey offers anyone a bet it can't be good. He always wins. Always. And then he comes up with the most ridiculous punishments to claim his victory. I should know. I once spent a whole day at the university wearing shorts with little yellow ducks on them. I was called Duckie for over a week after that. I guess I should be grateful it din't stick for longer.
"What are you guys betting on?" I decide to ask anyway.
"Mickey thinks he can drink his beer quicker through a straw than I can without a straw," Jason explains and shakes his head. He doesn't believe it's possible, but I tend to think it is. Mickey wouldn't bet on it otherwise. Sometimes I think he's the smartest guy in the world, because he just knows things. Except that he wastes his intelligence on drinking beer and chasing girls.
"I don't think, I know," Mickey shoots back. He gets up, goes to the counter and returns with another two glasses of beer. He puts one of them in front of Jason and the other one in front of himself. He then shows everyone the straw he also grabbed from the counter and puts it inside his drink.
Jason laughs. He's really cute when he laughs and I laugh with him. Just because I'm a bit drunk and because I'm glad I'm surrounded by cute guys.
Jason is Colin's roommate at the dorm and Mickey lives on the same floor. That's how I know them. I've been too busy with my studies to find many friends of my own so sometimes I borrow Colin's friends. They don't seem to mind though. Colin told me that they admire me. They used to be afraid of me because of my brains – Colin's words, not mine – but they have learned that I can be lots of fun when I loosen up – again, Colin's words, not mine.
What's taking Colin so long anyway?
"Of course I'm ready," Jason announces. Both of them turn their eyes on me.
"Go!" I say and they start drinking. Jason seems to do much better than Mickey. He has already emptied half of his glass. It's really funny to watch Mickey though. He's doing his best to quickly suck the beer through his straw. It's really funny. Jason seems to think that too, because all of a sudden he starts laughing. He can have a few chuckles because he's firmly in the lead, but then he starts coughing. It's not a good idea to laugh and drink beer at the same time. He spills some of his beer on the floor and continues to cough. By the time he's fine again, Mickey has finished his beer.
"I cannot believe you!" Jason exclaims.
"The straw thing never fails," Mickey says and looks really smug when saying it. He's got a right to look smug, I think.
Colin finally joins us a few minutes after the drinking competition has ended. He walks up to our table and does that hi-five thing with Mickey and Jason. You know, that guy thing. He then notices two straws hanging out of Jason's nose.
"Dude! Take those out, it's gross!"
"Totally gross," Mickey agrees while laughing.
Jason shoots him an angry look and announces that he can't take them out. He has to wear them for another 27 minutes. And he reminds Colin never to make a bet with Mickey.
Colin laughs after hearing the story and sits down next to me. So he finally notices me. He greets me with a smile and I feel that my cheeks turn a bit red. I can't control things like that when I have been drinking.
"Where's Jasmine?" Mickey asks.
Right. I thought there was something missing. A certain dark haired girl hanging from his arm.
"She's not as lucky as we are, she still has another exam to take so she stayed home to study."
"Right, that's very you, Colin. You only date girls who study a lot. I think it's your influence, Chels," says Jason.
I'm not sure what he means and if it's a good thing, but I just like hearing my name and Colin's name in the same sentence.
"Looks like you guys are way ahead of me." Colin points to the beer glasses and gets up to get himself a drink. I can't help but watch him as he walks to the counter. He turns around and catches my glance. He smiles and I quickly turn my head away.
- - -
We are now at Colin's dorm room. We're all more than just a little drunk. It's not just me, Colin, Jason and Mickey anymore. Mickey convinced two girls from the bar to come with us. Apparently they know each other from some philosophy lecture. I doubt it though, just because I doubt Mickey would actually take a philosophy lecture, but maybe I'm wrong. Like I said, he's actually very intelligent.
Or did I say that about Jason? I can't remember anymore, because of all the alcohol. I'm not complaining though. I still feel good. Great, actually.
I have thrown myself on Jason's bed and am now watching the other five sitting on the floor, chatting, laughing. Colin gets up to turn the music up.
All of this is very familiar. We have hung out like this many times before. It's what friends do. Sometimes Mickey and Jason aren't here, they're replaced by Colin's other friends like Alex or Peter, but there's always Colin and me. I'm usually not as drunk though.
I love my apartment, but I kind of miss living in a dorm. It's an important part of a student's life. I may be very much focused on my studies, but I still like a good party every now and then.
Colin doesn't sit back on the floor, he comes to me and lies down next to me. I can feel the heat of his body. We are closer now than we were at my bedroom last Friday. We can be like that when there are other people in the room. We could just as easily lie on top of each other and it wouldn't be weird at all. It would just show how comfortable we are as friends. Everybody expects that from us. But when we're alone...
I'm not sure why that's different. We're still best friends when we're alone in a room, aren't we? Then why are we not as comfortable then? Maybe we're afraid. I know I am.
Mickey looks at us and asks if we want to join them in a game of truth and dare. I can't help but chuckle. Sure, why not? We could do that. All of us are pretty drunk so getting the truth out would be easy. I'd love someone to ask me if I have a crush on someone right now. Or the dare part. Maybe they could have me kissing a certain tall dark haired cutie. Sure, why not!
"No way." My answer sounds more resolute than I expected.
Mickey shrugs and turns back to the others.
I can feel Colin grinning at me. He turns himself around so he's on his back now.
"What is it with you and truth and dare? I don't remember you ever agreeing to play that game."
That's not true. I've played truth and dare on many occasions. Just never when he's around. Speaking of being around... he's even closer to me now. I'm gonna reach out my hand and touch his skin. Well, I'm really not, but I want to.
"I have too many secrets," I try to joke.
It works, because I know he's smiling.
"That's not true. I have known you for many, many years. There are very few things that I don't know about you."
"You think?" I shake my head. "Don't be so sure." I hate to say it though. He's my best friend and he should know everything. I wonder if one day I will tell him everything. One day, when we can look back at this time and laugh about it. I also wonder why best friends and just friends sound so similar. I then turn to face him.
He raises his hand to my face. I stop breathing as he does that. I can feel his fingertips against my skin as he tucks some of my hair behind my ear. From now on, whenever I need my hair to be tucked behind my ear, I'm going to find him. He's just so good at it.
"You're right," he whispers. "I wish you would tell me though."
I wish I could tell him too. Well, why can't I? The others are focused on their game, they can't hear us, it's almost like just the two of us. I could tell him that seeing his face sends a shiver through me every time. I could tell him that I spend half of my time daydreaming about him and about what it would be like if we were together. If there was an 'us'. I could tell him that I love him, because I really, really do.
"There's nothing to tell."
I smile as I say that. I hope he doesn't keep pushing it and he doesn't. He just lies there, so close to me and looks right into my eyes. I don't know why he does that, he shouldn't do that. I want to lean into him and kiss him so much right now. Actually I do lean in, but just a bit. Then I realize what I'm doing and quickly turn away. I hate him for being so cute.
"You guys are on my bed!"
I look up and see Jason standing next to us. I smile at him, I don't know why, I just do. I'm happy, you see. I'm happy while I lie there with Colin so close to me. I feel like we belong together like that.
I hear Colin's voice and I then feel his hands on mine. He pulls me up from Jason's bed. I'm totally capable of walking myself, but I like the idea of him carrying me, so I let him. He puts his arm around my waist and takes me to his bed. I wish we could stay like this forever.
He's got a soft and a comfortable king size bed. It's taking up half of the dorm room, but that's besides the point right now. I've spent many nights there sleeping next to him. He never lets me go home alone after partying. He says he'd worry too much knowing I was out in the dark.
Tonight worries me a bit though, because I have been drinking. What if I can't keep my hands to myself tonight. That would be really embarrassing.
Mickey announces that he and the two girls are gonna go check out what Eric from the second floor is doing. He also says that the rest of us are really boring if we're gonna go to sleep now.
"I'm fine with being boring," Colin shoots back, "because I have a beautiful girl sleeping with me tonight." There is a big grin on his face when he says that. Both Mickey and Jason chuckle. It's a good thing that the room is relatively dark at this point so they can't see I've all of a sudden turned pale and stopped breathing. I mean... he didn't really say that, did he?
"Poor Jasmine," Mickey grins. "If it wasn't Chelsea you're talking about, she really should dump you!"
Did you see that? Me and Colin are friends. We can sleep together. We can do absolutely anything together and there's no worry! We're best friends, you see!
I hate Mickey right now. Well, I don't really hate him, it's more like I hate this situation. Maybe I should tell Colin I don't want to be friends with him anymore. That would be pretty funny, I think. Well, not really.
Colin hands me one of his T-shirts. Jason turns the lights off and crawls into his bed. He mutters something about feeling sick.
I do my best to get out of my clothes and put the T-shirt on. It's really difficult as it's dark and I'm drunk. I then lie down at Colin's bed. As my eyes get used to the dark I can see Colin's figure beside me.
Remember I said I felt good earlier tonight? I didn't know what I was talking about. Now I feel good. Now I feel great.
I wrap my arms around one of his pillows and take a deep breath. The pillow smells like Colin.
"Good night, Colin," I whisper, close my eyes and almost instantly fall asleep.
* * * * * * *
I feel a bit bad right now. I really should have stayed with Jasmine tonight. She has an exam in two days and she stayed home to study. I should have stayed there with her, just to support her and maybe rub her back when she gets tired of studying, but I left to hang out with my other friends.
Though maybe it was the right thing to do. She can study in peace now.
Yet, I still feel a bit bad.
I enter the bar and see my friends sitting at one of the tables. I head over and greet the guys. Jason looks different today. Oh yeah, there are two straws hanging from his nose!
"Dude! Take those out, it's gross!" I tell him and Mickey agrees with me.
I then learn that Jason made a bet with Mickey – something that nobody should do – and lost. Obviously.
I then turn my attention to the beautiful girl who's also sitting at the table. Seeing Chelsea makes my bad mood go away and I can't help but smile. She looks really cute tonight, her cheeks are so soft and pink and her eyes are brighter than usually.
Mickey's voice reminds me that there are more people around us and I turn to him and Jason.
"She's not as lucky as we are, she still has another exam to take so she stayed home to study."
"Right, that's very you, Colin. You only date girls who study a lot. I think it's your influence, Chels," Jason says.
You have no idea, Jase. No idea!
"Looks like you guys are way ahead of me." I want to be in that mood that they are so I get up to get myself a drink. I can't help but glance at Chelsea as I walk to the counter, but she quickly turns her head away.
- - -
We're at mine and Jason's dorm room now. I'm sitting on the floor, my back against the door, and look at the others around me. Jason and Mickey are chatting to these two girls that came back with us. One of them is really pretty. She reminds me of Jasmine. Speaking of Jasmine, where's Chelsea?
She's lying on Jason's bed. I don't know why she didn't go to my bed, but it doesn't matter. I wish I could see her face, but I can't. I also wish this music was louder. I love this track. So I go and turn the volume up. I don't return to my earlier spot, but go to Chelsea. I lie down next to her and suddenly I feel like I'm not in my room anymore. We're somewhere else. Just the two of us. Me and Chelsea.
"You guys wanna join us in a game of truth and dare?"
Once again it's Mickey's voice that pulls me back on the ground. I'm starting to dislike his voice, you know. Chelsea seems to have a different feeling, because she's chuckling.
"No way," she answers for the both of us. I'm glad she says no, because that means we don't have to move. We can keep lying here like this. Together. Here I am, drifting away again. I bet Mickey's gonna say something any second now and I'm gonna dislike his voice even more. There is one voice that I love, though.
"What is it with you and truth and dare? I don't remember you ever agreeing to play that game," I ask just to hear that voice.
"I have too many secrets," she replies.
I want to know them all. I mean I know she's joking, but nothing would make me happier than to know every little secret about her. Things that nobody else knows. That would make me special for her. I like the thought of that and I smile.
"That's not true. I have known you for many, many years. There are very few things that I don't know about you," I say as I try to hold on to that feeling.
She shakes her head.
"Don't be so sure."
The special feeling is gone.
"You're right," I whisper sadly. "I wish you would tell me though." That last part wasn't supposed to be said out loud, but I can't take it back anymore.
She turns her head to face me. I can see right into her deep blue eyes. I've got lost there so many times. I can't hold myself back anymore. I just have to touch her. She stiffens as I reach my hand and tuck some of her hair behind her ear. I wish she would be more comfortable with me touching her, because I want to do it much more often.
"There's nothing to tell."
She smiles as she says that, but I feel like my action has made her shut herself down from me. I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. I just got lost in those eyes again. And for a moment, just for a brief moment, it seems like she leans her head closer to me. I'm imaging it, aren't I? Of course I am. That can happen when you just want something so much.
"You guys are on my bed!"
It's Jason. He's here to claim his bed back. He has a nice comfy bed too, you know, so to prevent Chelsea from saying she'll sleep there tonight, I take her by her hands and pull her up from Jason's bed. Even though I'm still not sure if I scared her by overstepping the boundaries, I'm not ready to let her go. Plus it's too late to let her go outside alone. So I take her to my bed. She leans her body into mine as we walk across the room. It's very encouraging and I feel comfortable enough to put my arm around her waist.
I don't think we've been clinging onto each other like this before. It's probably all that alcohol we drank.
Mickey asks us to join him and the two girls at Eric's room, but I don't want to go anywhere. Neither does Jason, because he's feeling sick. Mickey then says that we're boring.
"I'm fine with being boring," I tell him, "because I have a beautiful girl sleeping with me tonight."
I know Chelsea won't be insulted by me saying things like that, but I grin just in case she took it seriously.
"Poor Jasmine," Mickey grins back. "If it wasn't Chelsea you're talking about, she really should dump you!"
Oh you're so wrong, Mickey. Chelsea is exactly the reason she should dump me. Mickey and Jason would never understand that though. You know how there are some people who are not dating, but you can see from their every move and hear from their every word that they should be together? Apparently me and Chelsea are not like that. Mickey once told me that he doesn't know two people who are more different than the two of us. We would be so wrong for each other.
I hate Mickey when he's right. Though he's not always. Just like he wasn't right about what he just said about Jasmine dumping me.
I quickly get a T-shirt from my closet and hand it to Chelsea. It's a good thing Jason turns the lights off, because now I don't have to fight myself to keep me from looking at Chelsea as she takes off her clothes and puts on my T-shirt.
Both of us climb into my bed. We've slept together like this many times before, but every time it feels special. There is nothing I want more right now than to be able to touch her, to kiss her, to make love to her.
But I can't.
I watch her as she wraps her arms around one of the pillows. She does it very gently. I can only imagine what it would be like if she wrapped her arms around me. I listen to her breathing which gets deeper with every second. She falls asleep right away. I look at her for a while and then quietly whisper her name. She doesn't answer. I call her once more, just to make sure she really is sleeping. I need her to be asleep when I'm gonna say what I'm about to say.
No answer, just the sound of her breathing.
"I love you, Chelsea," I whisper and finally close my eyes.
I hope she didn't hear me.