A piece written at the height of despair: mine and a friends. Things could be worse.
|My worst fear is my reality. I'm in a room, surrounded by people, but I'm all alone. I scream but no one can hear me. And they don't care. They're too busy with their own lives, and have absolutely no time for me. I feel alone and incomplete. No one will help me, and I can't breathe. I am small and weak. I fear that this so-called life will never end. I don't know how to stop it. I think it will never end.
I'm cold, and I feel tired. I am alone. My parents think they're unable; they don't even try to speak to me anymore. My room has become my tomb, and an ambiance of death is around me. I am alone in this gloomy hole. There is nothing that will keep out the dark. My spirit is weak; I don't think I want to go on. In fact, I know I don't. Anything would be better than this life. I can see my family now. I don't think that I've seen them together since Grammy passed away. Their ridding in a car, but it's not ours. I think that it's a black Buick, but it seems a little fuzzy. My sister isn't screaming at me, in fact she acts as though I'm not even sitting next to her. She seems sad, everyone does. I see a beautiful field to my left it looks like a cemetery. We must be visiting Grammy today. But I don't know why. We only visit her on her birthday, and we did that last spring. I can't keep up with my family they walk too fast. I try to run to Mother, to ask her what's going on, but I can't. I feel alone. The pastor from our church is here, and I can hear him say, "Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust." But who is buried here? I can hear Father comforting Mother, while my sister sobs in grief. But who is buried here? I scream so loud that I think even God can hear my cries, "Who is here?" I am alone. Last night I had a terrible dream, of death and my family's grief. I don't know why such a thing would happen to them. They're terrific, and loving and kind. Why would someone hurt them like that, how could they be so cruel? It's quiet inside my house. I must be alone. Mom must be out shopping with Sis, and Dad should be at work, but their not. They went to a funeral today, to go and bury their son. They left me alone again. I wish I could say, "I'm sorry!" But that would be impossible. My worst fear is my reality today. I'm in a room, surrounded by people, but I'm all alone. I scream but no one can hear me. And they don't care. They're too busy with their own lives, and have absolutely no time for me. I feel alone and incomplete. No one will help me, and I can't breathe. I am small and weak. I fear that this so-called life will never end. I don't know how to stop it. I think it will never end. I am alone. Forever. *If you or anyone you know has had or is having thoughts about suicide, you are not alone, and there are people out there who care and can help. Please tell someone if you are hurting, and let them help, that's what friends are for.