Chasing The Thrill

A short article about why people lie to loved ones.

Why People Lie to Their Partners About Flirty Conversations, Even When They're Already Loved

In a world hyper-connected by notifications and low-effort messages, temptation doesn't always come in the form of an affair. Sometimes, it's just a “Hey stranger” in the DMs, and a heart that skips, not because of love, but because of validation.

Many people in committed relationships, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, find themselves engaging in flirty conversations with others, only to lie or hide the truth from their partner. The betrayal isn't physical, it's emotional. And it’s far more common than most are willing to admit.

So why does someone who’s already receiving love, attention, and affection from their partner still crave it from someone else?

The answer isn’t always about dissatisfaction.
It’s about thrill.
It’s about ego.
It’s about the part of us that still wants to be chased, even if we’ve already been caught.



The Psychology of the Thrill

When someone flirts with you, especially as an adult in a long-term relationship, it activates something primal, a sense of novelty and desirability. It says: You’re still magnetic.
And in the monotony of everyday life. Chores, deadlines, kids, bills, that spark can feel intoxicating.

We often confuse security with stagnation.
Being loved unconditionally can start to feel like being seen through.
And so, when a stranger says,
"You look amazing in that photo",
even though your partner tells you that every day,
you still feel a rush.

Because it’s new.
Because it’s unexpected.
Because it's thrilling



The Lies We Tell Ourselves and Our Partners

Most people who do this will say, "I didn’t cheat."
And technically, they’re right.
There was no physical betrayal.
Just a few messages. A few compliments. A few little lies.

But emotional betrayal stings in its own way.
The lie isn’t just what they did, it’s why.
Because when you keep returning to someone outside your relationship for emotional attention, what you’re really saying is, This person makes me feel something I’m not getting here.

Even if your partner is giving you that,
you just might not be able to feel it anymore.


Why Good Partners Still Wander Emotionally

Here’s the hardest truth,
You can have the most loving, attentive, attractive, loyal partner…
and still crave the high of external attention.

Does it mean you're a bad person?
But it does mean something inside you is still chasing a version of yourself that feels more alive when you’re being pursued and not safe.

That’s the root of it,
We want to feel who we are when they look at us like that.

The thrill isn’t always about infidelity, it’s about identity.



Is It Harmless, Or a Warning Sign?

Some justify it, "It’s just words."
Others hide it entirely deleting messages, changing names in their contacts, or making sure their phone is face down on the table. Or even not giving access to their phone and changing passwords and not being open any sharing anymore.

But if it’s harmless why hide it?

The moment you feel the need to conceal, you’re acknowledging that a line has been crossed. If not the line of physical betrayal, but certainly the one of honesty, trust, and emotional intimacy.

And once that line is crossed, rebuilding trust can be harder than repairing a physical affair. Because your partner isn’t just mourning the flirtation, they’re mourning the fact that you needed someone else to feel good about yourself.



So What Can Be Done?

Talk about it, Even if it’s uncomfortable. Admit what you’re craving. Be honest with your partner about the desire for validation, even if it didn’t come from them.

Look inward, Ask yourself why attention from others feels more powerful than love from someone who already sees you fully. Is it insecurity? Boredom? Fear of aging? Ego?

Reconnect intentionally, Spark doesn't survive without effort. Bring back the chase even within the relationship. Flirt with each other. Compliment each other like strangers. Surprise each other. Even if you have children it is not an excuse to let them flame go out. If you want work make it or ask your self why are you in a relationship if you are not willing to make the effort.

Choose growth over guilt, Feeling tempted doesn’t make you a failure. But hiding it repeatedly becomes a pattern.




At the end of the day, you don’t need to be loved by everyone, just deeply seen by someone.

And if that someone is already right beside you,
don’t risk losing them just to feel wanted by someone who only knows your highlight reel.

Be open and honest, tell your partner if someone is flirting. Better telling your partner then hiding it, because once it's found out and it was hidden it opens the book of questions.

Attention fades.
But trust once broken doesn’t always come back.