Chalk Dust & Broomsticks, Chapter 9

It is Harvest Time at the school & Shirley is about to teach the new Headteacher a lesson.

Chapter 9 - The Harvest Festival

The Harvest Festival arrangements were in place for the beginning of October. Althea had spent the last three weeks interviewing her new staff, managing to upset nearly everyone. They'd returned to their classrooms in tears, terrified their skills wouldn't be adequate for the incoming "shake-up."

One of those affected was Shirley. She'd been coldly informed that Althea wanted a "full-time, efficient P.A." Shirley had been hoping that she and Dora could work something out together. The library had always fascinated Shirley and she thought that with a couple more hours a day she could encompass work in the library to good effect. Dora wanted more time in the office and she was good with the parents and visitors, having a more chatty nature. Together they would be able to cover the front of school and with all the expertise and experience they had gained over a combined twenty-six years; they would surely be a tour-de-force. Althea had dismissed that idea immediately.

Shirley typed the Harvest Festival invitations. This year's theme was Nursery Rhymes. The children would dress up and perform, aiming to delight the parents and show thankfulness for the harvest. Georgie Baker was Humpty Dumpty, Leon Ballantyne was Little Jack Horner standing by the plums, and Melissa Brown was the Queen of Hearts amidst a pile of jam tarts and Jaffa cakes.

The main display was on the hall platform: a colourful green and white deckchair beneath a large garden parasol, lovingly arranged by Mrs. Van Gogh, the art teacher. Althea herself, the storytelling expert, was going to sit on the deckchair and, with the children's help, recite some of the most well-loved rhymes. It was the perfect stage.

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The Night of the Sweep

The night before the Harvest Festival was due to take place, the sky was dominated by a full, glorious harvest moon. Shirley looked out of her cottage window. The enormous golden orb hung low, casting a powerful light over the fields.

"Just right," Shirley murmured, a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Just perfect."

A magnificent barn owl winked at her knowingly from its perch in a tree nearby. She smiled back and turned to the rows of exquisite glass bottles in her large upstairs room. They had chilling, interesting names like "dragon's blood," "devil's claw," and "ointment of crushed snake." From a small glass tank, she carefully removed a tiny house spider.

"This one should do well enough," she said, placing the creature gently on a silver tray.


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Political Worries

Meanwhile, the Governing Body of Primrose Primary was meeting, already expressing doubts about their new Head Teacher.

"She came highly recommended," insisted Mrs. Catchpole, the Chairman, defensively.

"But she's upset most of the staff and she's only been here a few weeks!" Captain Waverley shot back. "You can't run a tight ship with a mutinous crew."

Mrs. Catchpole frowned. She was more worried than she let on. She only remained in charge, despite being nearly seventy, because she was a personal friend of many influential officers at the Education Office, and she knew enough of their little secrets to keep them in line. She hoped she wouldn't have to use that leverage on Althea, but as the staff mood darkened, she began to fear they might have a mutiny on their hands.

Back in her cottage, Shirley completed her work by the light of the enormous moon. She looked at the tiny spider resting on the tray, now infused with apowerful, concentrated energy. Tomorrow, Althea would sit on that deckchair, ready to tell her stories.

And tomorrow, she will receive Shirley's final contribution to the Harvest.

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The Harvest Festival Day arrived. The hall was ready, adorned with a vast array of colourful, global produce, with the golden harvest loaf from Sally Lewes's granddad, a baker, in pride of place. A large basket of bananas sat conspicuously beside the green and white striped deckchair on the dais.

The hall quickly filled. Children filed in and sat cross-legged on the floor; parents took seats in the back. Althea, wearing a ridiculous, huge array of colourful fruits, a hat straight out of the Carmen Miranda film Road to Rio, led the young actors to the platform. Murmurs of admiration for the intricate costumes filled the hall.

The Governing Body was seated in the V.I.P. seats at the side of the stage. Mrs. Catchpole, seeing the smooth start, began to relax. Perhaps things would be all right after all, she thought.

The children finished singing "All Things Bright and Beautiful," and Althea, surrounded by fruit, began to recite the Nursery Rhymes.

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet," she and Jennifer Riley (aged six) recited in unison.

Suddenly, Captain Waverley, who always spoke loudly thanks to his hearing aid, went white as snow. Sweat droplets appeared on his brow, and his hands began to shake. He stood up, knocking his walking stick to the floor with a loud THUMP, attracting the attention of everyone. His right arm lifted, pointing incredulously toward the bananas.

A large, black, hairy Tarantula spider pulled itself free of the fruit and began to make its way up the side of the deckchair. It was clearly intent on reaching the fruitful, ridiculous headgear of the Head Teacher.

"I wonder where that came from," mused Shirley, sitting innocently among the staff. Wonder indeed.


The Collapse

Now, for those of you with arachnophobia (an irrational fear of spiders), you might feel a pang of sympathy for Althea. Don't. Althea is a Jekyll and Hyde character who has taken pleasure in distressing the staff. Her inconsistency, charming and complimentary one day, critical and stormy the next, made her a true terror.

You might be wondering how the Tarantula came to be in the bananas. You are probably also wondering if the spider found its way into that absurd Road to Rio fruit hat. For the answers, look no further than Shirley, the part-time school secretary who lives in a cozy cottage in Woodend and keeps three black cats and a large broomstick.

Shirley hid the corner of her mouth with her hand as she watched the scary spider make its way up Althea's arm. She knew the creature had been perfectly prepared the night before with a special drop of ointment of crushed snake to make it quick, visible, and utterly single-minded.

Enough is enough, she thought.

She clicked her fingers.

The deckchair collapsed with a ripping sound. Althea toppled backward, the fruit hat flying from her head. The spider was thrown into the air. Children screamed, running out of the hall as chaos reigned supreme.

As quick as lightning, Shirley ran behind the dais to help the Headteacher to her feet. As she did so, she dropped her open handbag directly next to Althea's overturned hat. The spider, disoriented but obeying the scent of the pheromones inside the bag, climbed quickly into the dark leather interior.

Althea looked terrified, her face pale beneath her bronze skin.

"You were splendid!" Shirley whispered, not to the Head Teacher, but in the direction of the handbag.

That'll teach you, Shirley thought, adjusting her navy suit. That's your lesson for the day!