%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  My purging and some other crap - can be funny, most times without trying :-) |
|
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Just to take the crap out of me and put it somewhere else for safekeeping. Gets heavy carrying it around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's me, Summertime 2010. I'm pretty damn happy these days. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And yes.. this is my daughter, Devann Dev   . I am the luckiest Mom in the world. Can't get a new pic ... oh maybe I'll creep FB and steal one from there! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And our little slice of paradise. I still after 'four' years here can't believe how lucky I am. Come on over .. the door's always open ( heehee ) Thanks for stopping by. Cheers Check yourself, or I mean, it out
|
| Okay so gosh all you suckers for punishment who actually want me to blog? Well don't say I didn't warn you on this one .... If I had continued my list last night to number 6, I would have talked about my car. Yup. Dead. Just found out today resurrection will be to the insanely tune of $2000 +. Yup. Mostly my fault I guess - relying on folks who offer to help, trying to penny pinch by not dealing with it in the beginning to save a bit of money, driving it anyway when someone said - oh sure it will be fine, waiting, begging, pleading to get it fixed, then finally breaking down and taking it to any ole shop - too little too late. I have only myself to blame here although I looked around a lot to see if I could put this onto someone else. But I'm all alone on this one. So for the first time in as long as I can remember I had a melt down tonight. I haven't cried like that since my last longer term relationship ended last year. I just couldn't hold myself together even in front of Devann and started crying during dinner. I had to just come in my room and cry for an hour. I'm just at the end of my rope. A couple of things happened today at work too which just added to the financial stress I've been under and I just snapped. My stepmonster called and bless her heart she tries to help but she also drives me nuts. With wanted to get her friend to sell this old 1920 monster of a car that probably gets 2 miles to a gallon and although I appreciate her support, she so goes into overdrive help mode and it almost makes it worse - I cant really explain it without sounding like a completely ungrateful bitch - which I guess I am. She totally begged me to let her tell my brother. He still has that fucking car that he supposedly was giving Devann for her birthday last July - It's still in pieces in his shop and has been there for almost a year now. I told her NO. I can't even say his name without getting hysterical lately and there is NO way I am crawling to him for help. I can't bear to see him or talk to him or somehow be beholden to him after what he has been doing to me for the last 1.5 years. She kept at me until I lost it and started bawling hysterically and she finally backed down and agreed not to say anything to him. She did say she would help me rent a car but even that I didn't want to do. I arranged with one neighbour to take us to town in the morning - we went with them this morning as they drive their daughter to a different school bus at the same time and its close to my work. And tonight and last night we got a ride home from someone I met through work who lives in the marina next door, oddly enough. I can probably get a ride home tomorrow late as another neighbour shows movies in town and he lives up the road. But regardless - my sweet sailing friend just called me to check on me and said I could borrow her car for the next two days. She's painting her kitchen and not going anywhere. So blessings to her. I decided to take her up on her offer. I'll put it out there to my community that I'm in need of a cheap car and see what manifests. Keep the faith. Keep the faith. Keep the faith. That's all I got. Well that and my dear friends.  |
| Okay so I'm so behind in here and in life and in general and I'll never catch up. So Debi Wharton suggested a list of five: 1 - My daughter - I made squash, carrot, ginger soup. Dev hates all three things. I mashed it all together and figured she wouldn't notice  . One small spoonful and a face later, I said, "Come on, just try a little more." Her response: "Maaaaa, if I don't like the first spoonful, I won't like the second more."  Clever girl she is. 2 - My health - bad and bad. Covered in excema - thank god not the itchy kind. It's an internal reaction related to stress and diet. So I'm off wheat, dairy, soy and of course all the stuff I don't eat anyway. What's left you ask? Hence the soup  . I have a horrendous cold/flu thingy that has me completely exhausted and today even dizzy. Yup and I feel sorry for myself big time.3 - My work - the one blinding shiny light in my life. Incredible. Busy. Amazing. Fun, Tiring but the most fulfilling work I've ever done. Too much to tell - but all good and more good and *shakes her head* quite astounding. Thank God. 4 - My love life - some cycles are just damn pissy and meant to repeat themselves enough times to either make us completely insane, make us finally just bend to their will, or somehow create enough strength inside to be able to withstand, grow, and move on. I'm just in the midst of another cycle of finding my needs not being met and having to decide - do I lower my needs or say fuck it and dust off and start again. I'm too sick and tired to even care at this moment. 5 - My life in general - my stress level has peaked at an all time high. A lot is suffering, my health being the first most urgent sign that something has to change. I am taking a severely drastic measure to rectify my current financial situation (no I am not becoming a stripper - although .. nah, have to get rid of this unsightly excema first) Six months ago this was not even an option, but drastic times cause for drastic measures. After letting go of all ego I think in the long run it will end up okay - just emotionally completely draining and will have some long term repercussions. I do know that maintaining a relationship with my brother after this will no longer be possible. I know all about forgiving and forgetting and all that crap - but stealing $ from me has just been the straw. I will forgive him in my own heart and for my own health, but that doesn't mean he has to be a part of my life any longer. I'm so done. So there you go - kind of a cheat list of 5. I have missed this place and think it could be part of the reason I've sunk so low lately. Because I haven't been reaching out and getting the love and support that I've so come to appreciate here. I can't say how long I'll be around as my energy level has been taxed. But I do hang out and read folks to keep up even if I haven't been commenting much. Be well, happy and I will be too |
Debi Wharton called me this morning on the road. She was down taking care of her daughter and grandbaby when she got a call that Eric Wharton  was rushed to emergency.Let's all just keep them both in our minds and hearts .. both for Eric and for Debi who is frantically driving back home (wont be there til midnight tonight) that she arrives there safely. I'll post more when I hear more. |
| A couple of days ago when I blogged about the dog rescue, I found out about something that disturbed me greatly. Devann used to work at the shelter where I returned the dog and I ended up chatting with the gal who worked there after the dog was picked up. I had seen a piece of paper on the kitchen counter a few days earlier - it was some kind of assignment for school and there was a part where Devann had written about being fired from work and how that made her feel. I had wondered about that and was not sure how to bring it up with Dev, so when I went to the shelter, I asked the gal there - did Dev get fired or laid off as she had told me. Turns out she did get fired. She had neglected to show up for work and had not called in either. This happened at least 2 times ... maybe 3. She was the only employee on Sundays so I guess when her boss (not the gal I talked to) would finally figure out Dev was a no-show, she would have to go out to the kennels, feed and walk the dogs, clean up etc. Normally about a four hour job on a Sunday. Now this gal works all week and Sunday is her only day off. So I can only imagine how pissed she would have been when Dev didn't show up. I sort of remember those days and Dev told me at the time that she had received a call telling her to not to come as there was not enough work - which turned out to be a complete lie. I was so disappointed and quite mortified to be honest. The gal was really great about it really. She said oh well you know how teenagers are and how her son at 31 was still a lazy ass ... etcetc. But for me, I don't want anyone to say those things about Devann ... I have higher standards than that and it really broke my heart to think all the values that I try to instill in her go in one ear and out the other. I meant to blog about it earlier and solicit the oh so wise WDC advice before proceeding but I forgot about it until earlier tonight. I was going to go through the whole .. you're grounded route - but I just have such little faith in that nonsense, so I didn't even bother going with all that. Instead, I got through the weekend, let her have her friends over for a great sleepover last night. Made everyone amazing butterscotch chip pancakes this morning, chauffeured them around and all in all had a good weekend. But tonight, I had to say something. I told her the whole story and she admitted it. I gave a big schpeal on responsibility, work ethics, reliability, how she has heard me freak out when one of my lifeguards wouldn't show at the pool and I would have to cover and work late and how that would upset the whole family ... blahblahblah ... She said sorry .. I said I didn't want that. I talked about karma and about just being a better person tomorrow than today. I said I didn't rescue the damn dog to get a pat on the back or to be nice, I did it because it was the right thing to do. Just like doing a good job is the right thing to do. She listened for a bit. I could feel her angst. Getting busted is a terrible thing. So I rambled on til I felt her little self just shutting down. She left my room without a good night or doing the dishes - which I mentioned how I did all the dishes from her sleepover and cleaned up and they left the last of the dishes in the sink and was that fair ... but she didn't do them anyway. sigh... so I'll just take my own advice and go to sleep now and tomorrow I'll try to be just a bit better of a person than I was today. And onwards we go. Have a good week all .. thanks for listening. bugzy |
That's my brother's favorite line ... okay, not that I am mentioning my brother in here cause I'm so mad at him I could  .. but anyway. I actually don't like that line and whenever 'he' mentions it I dispute him... until now!So - the story .. ahem... I am on my way home (late) as someone came into the office when I had the door open and keys in hand but wanted to buy some stuff and I'll do just about anything for a sale .... so that took 20minutes then she didn't have any money so I gave her the stuff - she's gunna mail a cheque .. think she will? she will... anyway, I was on my way home, stopped for gas. Had to buy the real expensive crap 'cause the dude who was nice enough to look at my car (why did I get a dude you ask? Where is my brother, you ask? Who was coming up here to look at my car how many times, you ask?) Anyway, this dude first of all - yesterday comes to my work - nice guy, husband of one my friends through work - takes a look, putts around, provides a satisfactory diagnosis, says he'll get the part, instructs me to go get a $8 bottle of fuel injector cleany stuff and buy the MOST expensive gas, fill'er up and then drive really, really fast on the highway!  I can see it now ... sorry officer, my mechanic TOLD me to anyway - I never got to that part .... later that evening when it was time to go home, I get in the car, loaded up, stuff, child, dog, put my foot on the gas pedal ... zip... nada .. zilch. Car starts spanky good, but the pedal doesn't work. I had big boots on, so I thought hmmm... I crawl around, put my hand on the pedal and it just goes ... plop... down to the floor. sigh.... unload car, child, dog, call friend, no answer .... fast forward one hour, finally get hold of friend, friend calls husband .... slow forward one hour.... friend's husband returns, feeling very, very, very bad! He slinks over, hooks up some wire thingy .. presto ... off we go. But I've digressed ... tonight, go to finally get the MOST expensive gas, and there is a very sad, very cold, very old dog sitting beside the pump. sigh.... I call Dev to get the # for the shelter she used to work at ... she wasn't immediately helpful (more on this next blog ) ... I call, it's 4:58pm they close at 5:00pm, she sighs... no we don't take dogs from THAT area (translate .. first nations reserve land) but she ..sighs...again ... okay, bring him here.Load dog, zip over ... I still drive VERY fast, just 'cause ... get there and I say to myself ... hmmm lots of snow in this parking lot, perhaps I shouldn't park right here (more on that later) Here's Echo ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I get there, the gal checks for a tatoo - yup, and even though she was late (had to be home before 6pm to get a call from a vet) she calls someone and has them check the #. Turns out the dog had been reported missing earlier that day ... and had also ended up there last week and last month .. each time walking further and further from home. She called the folks, was getting their address ... I said I'd deliver ... Echo.. home, so she could leave. As she's writing the addy, up drives two people ... who are??? ... you guessed it .. Echo's mom and dad .. yup! So everyone was sooooo happy, crying, wagging, jumping, whining.... and the dog was too! Yup.. warm fuzzies. So I go back to my car ... jump in, drive away .. oooops .. that's a big NO... I spin away.... sigh Twenty minutes later, two snow shovels and an ice picky thing and help of the gal in the shelter .. again ... and then, I got out. phewf. Yup ... no good dead goes unpunished ... there's two examples for yah. Maybe I will call my brother after all nahhhhh okay .. gotta dash .. movie night at the neighbours. Gotta go have a drink for fleckgirl's birthday just 'cause I said I would! cheerios bugzy |
| I know fleckgirl is gunna tweak when she sees that I've blogged again - but I need a good addiction right now to distract me from other withdrawals I'm going through and blogging is relatively harmless ... well okay ... maybe not, but comparatively speaking anyway! I really just wanted to share this link. I don't usually post links but one of my board members sent this to me today and it's from a friend of hers. He went to Butchart Gardens which is a spectacular place ... gardens of course .. and when I saw these pictures, it made me feel so much better about the snow ... they are absolutely incredible. So I thought I'd share with those of you who are also dealing with too much of this crappy white stuff and see if it doesn't make you go ... ahhhhhhhh. http://www.jamesfernandes.com/photos/2008/butchartlights/ so now you can go ahhhhhhh too bugz ohhh I can tell you something else okay ?? Back to the office today finally and when I got in and checked the mail we had received a donation for $100!!! That made me  It was from some dudes in a small town over who had seen our website and were really impressed with the work we do, so they wanted to make a small Christmas donation to support us ... now doesn't THAT make you go ahhhhhhh??I'll say! |
| It was ANOTHER snow day So ... did I do office work from home you ask? HELL NO !! So what did I do you ask? Let's see ... hmmm I went back to sleep til 10am. Then I shoveled snow Then I had tea with my neighbour - oh I did check work emails and phone messages and umm started to write the media release. Oh then I went into town (shhhhh) with my neighbour cause she has four wheel drive. We went shopping and were 40 minutes in the 'self check-out' line and had the whole HUGE line up behind us in hysterics as we proceeded to completely 'whack off' the whole damn supposedly faster, simplier process! PIcked up beer and pizza (since this was officially a snow day and NOT a real work day, diet day now starts tomorrow !! ) So NOW I am hankering down and doing some work!phewf ... these snow days are tiring. Maybe I'll just go to sleep now! bugzy |
| I don't really even have anything to blog about really ... just felt like it. Oh well and because I guess I'm procrastinating finishing an article that's due ... tomorrow! Have you ever interviewed someone for a story and been completely blown away by all they say and talk for hours! Then when you get back to write the piece you realize there is not really much there? No??? .. hmm.. well neither had I until now. Great guy... fascinating to chat to really. Quite inspiring, great energy, very uplifting conversation, we think exactly the same on so many topics and just hit it off amazingly well (don't get any ideas there you folks - he is the partner of a dear girlfriend of mine - although I am going to ask if he has any cute, single friends! ) .. but I'm in a real slump here. I can't quite get his essence onto the page and into a story that folks will want to read .... sigh... oh well. I'll try again in a few minutes here. It always comes together.So tomorrow (baring another snow day, which is quite probable as snow is pelting down, very wet, very mushy, very slippery and our town has run out of money for plowing!) ... anyway, tomorrow should be my first day back in the office after a two week break. I did practically NO work all the time I was home, except answer emails and pick up phone messages. I did NOT write any grants so might have to let a couple go, did NOT review the Food Charter document which is due like .. last year! , did NOT prepare for the two new folks starting work tomorrow, did NOT write the media release for our fundraiser on the 24th, did NOT write thank you letters to donors, did NOT do ANYTHING! that needed doing.BUT I DID, relax and watch tons of movies, I did go canoeing a few times, I did hang out with my greatest neighbour Rosie a lot, I did lots of yoga, I did spend endless hours in my PJs, I did do a budget  , I did do a meal plan etc for next week, I did ALL the laundry, I did defrost my water pipes at least 6 times and I did shovel the most snow in my LIFE!, I did hang with Dev a bit .. well as much as she would let me anyway, I did read a LOT of blogs, and I did enjoy just NOT going to the office!!!Gosh - how exciting a life I lead eh? But other than the budget and $ stress of usual, it was a great time off. It would have been nice to have had some extra money to just go shopping or to the movies or something but at least I totally love being in my amazing little home, so I don't mind not going anywhere else. I'm going to hit the ground running this week though to pay for my lazy ass sins, but it was worth it. I hope you all have a great week ahead. Cheers bugzy |
| I love New Year's Day. It's a chance for me to take a deep breath, let go of any past year's yuck, feel like I can start anything again from the beginning. Well usually after I get over my hangover (today was no exception) Today, my thoughts keep coming back to my ole favorite saying: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." I find myself repeating my same patterns over and over and over again, expecting different results. So today, I looked a few areas of my life where I'm frustrated and took a few deep breaths and just decided I'm going to try something different. What have I got to lose? Nothing the way I see it, and a lot to gain! Here's to different approaches and astounding results! Abundance, abundance, abundance. Cheers bugzy |
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." Goethe That's my wish for you all as we head into another new year and another opportunity to do all we can and all we dream. bugzy |
| I've eaten WAY too much turkey and shoveled WAY too much snow today and drank WAY too much wine - but can't go to sleep without a quick Merry Christmas Blog to all my wonderfully, amazing friends on here ... and heck to those who are not even my friends ... yet. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season doing whatever makes your heart sing. I have a really good feeling about 2009 ... so I'm putting it out there for all of you. Here's my new blog pic which I'm too tired to put up. And I need a new one of Dev too .. so that's on it's way. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blessings, love, and hugs to you all, Thank you for all you've brought into my life bugzy |
| I didn't sleep much last night at all. It hasn't stopped snowing since yesterday and during the night snow falls of my roof and crashes into the ocean and honestly it sounds like Armageddon! I had visions of water seeping into my room, so kept getting up to check how low we were in the water. Finally today during the day, all the neighbours were out shoveling each other's houses off. Here's one neighbour on top of his house. His house is very low in the water and listed very badly. It was scary watching him and the house move around when he was walking on there. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Later on, this guy and another neighbour cleared my roof. I was down about 4 inches, which is not very good considering I am already too low already. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** See Dev peaking out the window! She didn't come out to shovel But did play a song aptly named 'Snow!' I am just in to warm up and then I'm going to try to dig out my car. Apparently ones parked on top of the road like I did are under quite a drift. The roads are in really bad shape. See in this part of the country there traditionally hasn't been much snow, so there are not enough snow plows or $ for this type of weather. But seems it's gotten worse since I've been here three winters now, and no end in sight. I'm glad at least it wasn't like last year when one of our neighbour's started to sink and we had to call the firemen. Ok .. well that part was fun but having no power and freezing outside all night trying to save that house was no fun!The good news is that I just get all happy inside when our community pulls together and makes sure everyone is safe, and dry and still afloat. They are a good bunch of people when they are not whining and complaining about nonsense. It's still a beautiful place to live. The water is so pristine and the snow over on the island is just stunning. But I'll just stay inside my cozy house and look from in here. I'm okay not to go out again for awhile. Hope you all stay dry and warm!! bugzy |
| I just had a surprise call from my son, Drew. I know I don't talk about him much, but I just think he is the most amazing son anyone could ever have. He's starting his second year teaching English in Korea, he's engaged to a very adorable young Canadian gal he met there and I just feel so blessed whenever I think about how great both my kids are. Drew and I had some tough times when he was little. He went to live with his dad when he was 11 (we divorced when he was 4) and it truly broke my heart when that happened and it has been something that I have never fully recovered from. We've since worked at understanding and loving each other and he diligently came to visit every other weekend for years and we, for the most part, have had a good relationship considering the challenges. Here is a note he just sent to me after we chatted on the phone. His plan is to move here to BC (his dad and wife live in Ontario and are gunna SHIT when they find out this plan! when they're done in Korea next year, and then save some money and 'we' are all going to move to Costa Rica. Plans change daily around here, so I'm not banking on it, but I have wanted to move back there since I moved back to Canada when I was 15 and I really think this might be the time. I have almost moved there twice, but it hasn't worked out. I can 'see' this happening but even if it doesn't, it is nice to revisit dreams of old and smile and wonder.Anyway ... here's his note .... mom, i miss you bad like it hurts me that you havent met andrea you are going to love her and I know I lived with dad and lisa longer etc but I do to be honest miss dad, but of all the people in my life i want you to meet andrea the most and i honsetly miss you the most. I know we had some tough times, but money aside, you are the person who has been there for me the most, even if you couldnt help me financially etc, you have had my back more than anyone I know. I miss you so much and I love you more. I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Love you momma Drew I am smiling right down to my cold, little frozen toes. What better Christmas gift can any mom want? Aren't I the luckiest? May all of you receive something so bless-ed this year too. bugzy |
| Work wise anyway (not much excitement on the home front! but that's okay ... sometimes work news is way more fun!!) I just received a note on facebook - what a riot - a gal I work with - sort of - she's the ED of the Canadian Mental Health Association here in town and I used her organization to run a grant application through (complicated) but anyway she was working from home, as am I due to a wicked snow/ice storm here last night (but we still have water!!!) and she didn't have my #, so she added me to her friends and then wrote me on facebook to call her. (is that totally a long and screwed up sentence or what ... kinda how my brain is working these days) I did - and it turns out we just received approval for another grant that I submitted back in August!!! This is extraordinary news because this funder had sent out a letter earlier saying that due to the economic downturn they would probably not be honouring any funding requests this year. This is great news - we can hire another part time person and it helps pay part of my salary too for another year. I am starting to get worried now that if all the grants I have out are honoured we may have too much work than we can possibly handle. I have three more I am writing right now, and I am seriously thinking of giving one or two a pass ... rains it pours eh? or in our case, snows, it blizzards!! It's all good news and nice to hear some in these hard days. Keep your ears and eyes open for the good news around yourselves too - hope you have some!! *hugs* bugz |
| Serves me right ... secretly snickering behind the backs of you guys who got dumped on recently. I was sitting all high and mighty up here relishing the fact that I live in God's country - very much forgetting last winter and the 'almost' sinking event fraught with hysteria and 20 dashingly cute firemen. This was last night ... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** and this was this morning ... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** EWWWWWWWW. Have I said lately how much I don't care for snow? It's lovely to look at from inside a warm - well okay in my case semi-warm house ... but .... I really do hex my poor memory as the annual requirement of leaving the tap running to drip, and of course only remembered upon waking to jump in the shower ... ummm.... not gunna happen. Three hours, a neighbour's heat gun, several pipe wrenches, a crowbar, a very scary hooky thing, and two obligingly cute marine dudes later and we have a make shift new water system. The ice did some very creative things to my metal hose connectors which is cool looking but not conducive to the flow of water INTO my house. But we're all good for now. Snow day it is again - canceled Christmas dinner with the stepmonster and brother from hell, so I'm a happy camper as I'll soon be all snuggled up, hot chocolate and an endless array of movies to download. As soon as I get warmed up with a HOT shower!! brrrr - still can't quite feel my toes! Everything is pretty much shut down around here, so no working in the office tomorrow and I'm a happy camper about that! All is good as long as we remain with power (Friday we were powerless most of the day!) it's all good here. Keep warm, happy and always remember that everything happens as it should - so I am so not going to complain about another lazy day! *hugs to you all* bugz |
| Another quick and seemingly silly update. I've got a cold ... achuuuuu ... and totally my own fault. I worked three 17 hour days in a row, no sleep, lots of germy kiddies when I was Santa's helper on the weekend .. (super super fun, even with no sleep), and lots of other woe is me nonsense. But I just finished another grant application tonight finally for a whoppin $60,000 that I'm sending to the potential funder tomorrow and the City gave us $500 today! wahoo!!! Rent for one more month covered (phewf) Lots of good $ on the horizon for work anyway - so that's a good thing. It's hopping busy but that part is all good. My rest of my life is in the toilet - isn't that the way? Work goes well, the rest is shit and visa versa. But that's okay. I'm going to take a week off at Christmas ... hmm... should tell someone I suppose ... nah. I'll just put a sign on the office door .. gone !!! Don't bug me! Dev wants me to take time off - can you say road trips!! We are probably gunna do our own little Christmas thing this year. Stepmonster will be in Arizona, not talking to my brother (again!! groan) so the homeless dinner thingy will be fun then maybe if it's just nice out, we will go up island for a day or two. Dunno ... going to relax that's for sure. Dev doesn't want a tree which makes me kinda sad - maybe we will just get a small one ... seems like a bit of a waste. Gosh we are so not in the spirit .. tough when the $ isn't there. Well we are happy, warm and safe. So that's the most important part. Okay ... gotta pop some more vitamin C and get to sleep here. Long day ahead. Just want to say hi to you all and I know.....but feel I must apologize again for being blog awol. Take good care til I can come around soon bugzy |
| Hey - it's been a while since I've written one of these and this one will be short! I went to a regular 'movie' night a few weeks back. There's a sweet ole guy who runs the Citizen's Coalition and they run political and controversial movies on Thursday nights and I try to go and have taken Dev to a few. Well the last one was on the assassination of JFK and his brother Bobby and the conspiracies behind them... wow... crazy stuff! Anyway, Devann got kinda hooked up on that, and decided to write a speech about for her English speech assignment. She wrote a very cool speech as a story from the point of view of a reporter witnessing the assassination of JFK. She nailed it - 5 minutes long and her final sentence was ...."If a picture is worth a thousand words - what does it mean when the picture has been altered?" I thought that last line was brilliant. Anyway - she won first in her class and Friday will be presenting to the whole school! Yup.. that's my girl! bugz ps.. the usual - sorry I haven't been around or even replying to emails excuses - busier than snot but good news ... we got one more grant and had a super duper meeting with another funder today who told me he has lots of money to give and loves my project idea ... so grant writing here I go again! But I feel good about this one too!! okay.. back to it ... hugs to you all!!! |
| Okay okay - DDWearsmeout told me to up date my blog and you all know me - always do what I'm told I do wish all my dear friends a very happy thanksgiving. I'm grateful today for being a part of such a great community here, for the Christmas lights in the trees outside my office - yes it's still a bit dark outside and they look beautiful! I'm grateful for for countless things - the list is so long, it's almost embarrassing. I wish you all a lovely few days - hopefully to just have time with your friends and families and just to forget about all the struggles for a little while and celebrate the goodness. Be well and happy! bugzy ps.. and eat lots and lots of turkey!! Oh and sweet potatoes, and mashed potatoes, and stuffing, and gravy and hey ... anyone got an extra bedroom - I'm hungry!! |
I paddle briskly, ignoring the wind and the ache in my muscles. I breathe deeply with each stroke bringing resolve to letting go, Of a tossing, sleepless night and an early start of writing, When I’d rather have been sleeping ~ and dreaming of this. The salty air fills my lungs with its crispness and the slight chill, Feels tingly against my skin, making my cheeks alive. My hands grip the paddle, ignoring the stiffness of my fingers, And the stinging in my palms with which comes a remembrance ~ it’s been too long. The sun shares its beauty, never forgetting how to shine, even after days of rain. For the first time, I hear the distinct music of a creek flowing secretly into my cove, And I smile, realizing this pristine place is not mine alone. Nature has revealed her magic again and is just sharing it ~ with me as well. The last of the golden leaves paints a hazy, impressionist picture, Against a brilliant blue sky, reflecting in the still water. It’s like receiving a gift times two, looking up and seeing, A second crisper, more brilliant version high above me ~ teasingly out of reach. Two bald eagles dance and swirl through the tall trees again and again, Following an intricacy of pattern and steps known only to them, like secret lovers. They swoop down low, never stopping to glance curiously at the gal, And her old green canoe ~ desperately in need of a power wash! I feel blessed again and know there is a higher power, Who looks over us all and leads our way, through joy and struggle. And once again, with patience, I’m reminded to keep my eyes open, My heart pure, my intentions loving, and all that I dream ~ will be mine. Hope today held some magic for you all bugzy |
| Gosh look at that calendar - what a dismal showing, I'm lucky to get in here once a week. I'm fairly overwhelmed at the moment and won't bother going through a to-do list in here, because it will make you all exhausted and I don't need reminding on all the things on my plate right now! But I must write about my meeting with Mr Publisher yesterday. I instantly liked them both. He is the publisher dude but his wife is the graphic artist who designs the cover art and I'm sure does lots of other things. We met at their home in Victoria and I worked it out so I was down there for a work meeting as well, (which was amazing!! I am sooo pumped about work - we got approval today for a $50,000 Grant so we are IN business til at least July 2009!!! wahooooooo) so that was good. I had an hour to kill (which is so funny to say .. you'll get this in a second) between meetings, so I wanted to drive to somewhere that I could hack into the internet .. I know, I know.... But I ended up going down a road that led me right to the ocean (by accident .. or not!) where there was a huge breakwall and a park. So I drove there, parked my car, grabbed my sandwich, and just spent the next hour walking along the ocean in the brilliant sunshine that was so hot, my jeans were getting toasted. It was an absolutely stunning day, and the water just sparkled like I'd never seen. I was feeling so blessed to be gifted that hour to just walk and then sit and revel in the beauty of it all!And during that time, I thought in my mind, oh I have an hour to kill - but then I so switched that up to say ... wow, how lucky I was to get that gift of an hour to spend like that. Well okay and I could get a signal on my blackberry so I can't lie and say I wasn't answering a few work emails while I was being mesmerized by nature and all that crap! Anyway, so I go up to the dude's house/office and they had tea waiting and we just sat and chatted ... for over 2 1/2 hours!! I talked all about my book, my journey so far, my writing, and so much more. He was a great listener and said all the right things and asked all the right questions. It's way too much to get into, but we really connected. He told me a few things and gave me some feedback that was bang on with what I felt and I'm unbelievably encouraged and inspired to get this story out there. I love the way he uses the analogy for these books - he says we are not writers, we are storytellers. The grammar and all that, although is important, it's the story and how we tell it that makes the book come alive. I like that .. I am going to call myself a storyteller instead of a writer from now on. And my sister's story is going to be shared and I'm very happy about that. So to clarify, he is not a traditional book publisher. He used to be and he is a 'storyteller' as well and has published a few books. He runs this business as a collaborational effort. So, yes there is a fee for me, which is very daunting to say the least and I told him that. But I really do like his philosophy. Traditional old-style publishing house are going belly up all over the place. And so are magazines and book stores. And we all have heard the horror stories of published authors who are getting $1.25 per book sold. In this company, you pay $2,800 plus an additional fee for editing - but we might work that out, since I've already paid $1000 to have it edited once (but now I'm so not happy with the job she did.. but oh well). But you do get 80% of all revenue of books sold through his means (in print, online, ebooks, chapters, indigo etcetc) and 100% of all sales made by myself. He does all the layout, design, cover, ISBN and all that stuff and markets through blahblahblah. So after a fair amount of research, in the longer term it's much more profitable. He only takes 2 books a month and he wants to take mine. So I just need to come up with the $, but here again lies an interesting twist. I think I may be able to barter some of that. He talked about needing a book editor and if I can help with a few books (I shake my head and thank 'fate' that I spent a good year editing books ... synchronicity?!) And he hooked me up with a new author who lives in my town and asked if I would help them promote their book since I am such a media queen these days .. oh yah! So I might be able to help them out in exchange as well. So.... big breath. He wants a minimum of $1300 to start. I have $800 I've just received from one of my writing gigs and that was earmarked to pay bills ... but gulp, I am thinking it needs to be put toward my book. Well I know it needs to be put toward my book. I'm seeing March 2009; seven years since my sister died and my book was started. I think that's the right time. I'm feeling elation, but even deeper than that, I'm feeling .... some sort of deep inner peace. It's time. bugzy ps... anyone wanna pre-order a copy? |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
