%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
There is nothing special about me, I'm just like everybody else... |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My name is Noelani. If you can pronounce that you get a cookie. Most folks just call me Noe, let me make that phonetic for you... NO-E. Very easy, but you'd be surprised at how many times I get called "No". It's enough to make me crazy. I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you a few things about myself. A few things you may want to know before you start reading my blog. I'm thirty something. My birthday is 9/11 and I was born in the year of the Snake. I'm a mother, a wife and all that entails...   My son, Malcolm David, was born on December 30, 2006.  I also have four cats.     I work at an animal hospital. I have a large family but am myself an only child. I do not like my Mother-in-Law. I smoke pot, and tobacco, usually together. I've seen my share of shit...  But try not to let it get to me. I'm biased and opinionated. I'm not a fan of Jesus, Religion or Church. I like to think I'm always right, even when I'm talking out my ass. I have a PhD in Bullshitology. Sarcasm is who I am. If you're new to my blog and would like to breeze through "Invalid Item"  , then please be my guest. |
| 8:19 am As the success of yesterday's blog entry has yet to be determined, but the sheer volume of what I aim to accomplish yesterday makes this type/style easier for me to handle, we're going to continue this experiment for another day. I am awake. I am half through a cup of coffee and Malcolm has already had a yogurt and is now dressed. I also have some chicken slow-cooking on the stove-top for tonight's dinner. The to-do list for today is not as long as the one I had for yesterday, but there are more details today, more small things... So I'm about to go check in on my farm in the FFB, finish my coffee and take a hit or two provided by Jodie the magnificent and then mosey on outside for a cigarette. During this time I will be thinking about my course of action for the day. Kitchen, living room, balcony... I also need to bake three cakes. I intend to catch up on my blog reading here as well... This could be an incredibly interesting day. 11:17am Three cakes in the oven, three cakes out of the oven. Almost done with the kitchen counters... This has been a bit different than usual as I've gone through the cupboards and pulled out what I will need tomorrow, and then shoved decorative things like my giant bunny shaped cookie jar into the dark recesses where certain casserole dishes usually live. I've also taken the stuff from the top of the fridge, and shoved it into the cupboard which houses the liquor. The liquor will make its appearance tomorrow when I turn my dining room table into a bar. Malcolm is driving me crazy. I've gotten a bit of a start on the balcony, but because I need to get the cat boxes cleaned before I can clean the balcony I'll be out there cleaning during the hottest part of the day-when the sun is beating directly on to the balcony. Should be exciting. Chris is out of bed and in the shower, my bed is half made. I should get back to that. I've scrounged through the jar of change on the fridge and pulled out enough quarters to do two loads of laundry, I should get to that too... *sigh* Yeah, today is going well so far, but we'll see. By this time yesterday I already had a bunch of stuff crossed off my list!! 1:29 pm The kitchen is done, finished, complete. The cat boxes are clean and in their appointed corners. All that remains is dinner, some more prep work for tomorrow and then, of course, the finishing touches of tomorrow. The balcony is about 1/3 done, I have to do it in chunks so as to give the floor time to dry. We have tile floor on the balcony, looks great and it's easy to keep clean. I do feel like somewhat of an idiot being on my hands and knees outside cleaning the balcony, but nobody can see me so it's all good. I still have to tackle the living room, part of me is waiting to see if I can get Malcolm to go down for a nap in a half an hour. Tons easier to dust the living room while he's asleep and I'm going to put a bunch of knick-knacks into hiding for tomorrow. Not because I'm afraid they'll get broken, just to cut down on clutter. I find that when I leave that kind of shit out it just irritates me that people move it to make room for their drinks. Besides that, all the cell phones and car keys laying around it just gets to be too much. Usually I use the top of the stove as the bar, I put the cutting board on there and line up some shot glasses and other shit to the side, but since I'll be using the stove top all day long tomorrow and the bar will be on the dining room table I'm going to have to ask the ladies to put their purses in my bedroom. I'm sure that little bit will irritate some folks. But such is life. I'm going insane with the ass-busting here. I should go check on the floor on the balcony. I've decided to save the laundry for last. It doesn't matter if I don't get it started until Mal goes to sleep. Still contemplating the possibility of cookies. 3:56 pm Dinner is on its way... all that's left now is to boil the noodles, but the sauce can simmer, don't hurt it. I need to get the cakes out of the pans. I won't frost them until tomorrow. The balcony is done and the only thing I have left to do out there is clean the folding chairs. Easy. When I take out the kitchen garbage, tonight or in the morning, I will need to clean the garbage can. I think that's it. Other than stuff that I can't do until tomorrow and what I've already listed the only thing left is to vacuum the living room... but Malcolm is actually napping. I got two birthday cards today, one from Grandma and Grandpa Kurtz, with it's customary check enclosed. Now I can make my annual purchase from Amazon consisting of House M.D. Season Five and a book. Maybe something else, haven't decided. May just put the rest of the money toward the credit card. I also got a card from the in-laws. Sappy and probably the very last card that any of you, my faithful readers, would choose for me. There's a package in my mailbox too. It's safe to assume that it's another of the gifts I got for Malcolm, perhaps the small stuffed tiger that will peer from the top of his stocking... but perhaps it's something for me. I have no way of knowing because I can't get it out of the mailbox. I put a note in there for the mailman to leave it by my door tomorrow. The door where I pull mail out is smaller than the door that they put mail in by about 1/4 of an inch. I'm sure with a screwdriver I could pry the package out, but that's just silly. I'm gonna go have a cigarette... 4:46 pm I have decided that it is in my best interest to make the Spanish Rice tonight, to pile it all up into a huge casserole dish that we have, cover it and put it in the fridge. Tomorrow I can take it out of the fridge and warm it all up in the oven. This will reduce my stress. Trying to make something I've never made with the whole enchilada ordeal going on at the same time... and in quantity? Yeah... I think not. So I'll probably start up on that not long after dinner... er... Malcolm's bedtime. No way I'm going to get caught in the middle of that with bath time! Laundry? Yeah... It can wait until Saturday, it's just a "nice to have done pre-party" not a "need to have done pre-party" besides... It's early. 7:15 pm Just got off the phone with my dad... He's going to come tomorrow! WooHoo!! He came to my karaoke birthday yesterday, and he's showing up tomorrow when he gets off work!  So I cleaned the chairs. Malcolm and I ate our chicken fetucini alfredo. I have cleaned up the kitchen... Now I just need to clean the windows, clean the garbage can when I take it out later and, of course, make the rice. Malcolm will be going into the tub soon. Don't expect another blog entry tomorrow as I'll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day long-between the boychick, the cooking and the house full of people. I'm excited! I  my birthday.But for those of you on FFB you'll be able to see the birthday pictures when I upload them... in all likelihood on Saturday. The rest of you will have to wait for Saturday to get the play by play. All right... I'm going to go finish catching up on those blogs, deal with the boychick's bath and get the rest of my stuff taken care of. I got a new Bones disc today so it's a toss-up between watching that and playing Animal Crossing at the end of the night... time will tell... time will tell... Until Saturday my faithful readers! I'll log on briefly tomorrow, but no blogging will be done! Adieu! |
| 8:47 am My fingernails are too long, so typing feels funny and is kind of a pain in the ass. I have a lot of things to do today and tomorrow in preparation for my birthday party. My carrots are almost ready for harvest, and my first cup of coffee is almost empty. Malcolm has just announced that he needs a diaper change-we're starting to wait for him to ask us. Not only does this make him more aware of what's going on "down there" but it makes him uncomfortable. The increase in discomfort will, hopefully, bring him to ask to use the potty. We'll see. It could just lead to an increase in horrible diaper rash and the need to buy A&D ointment by the gallon. I shall attend to that, have my first cigarette, harvest my carrots then get busy on the errands I need to run. This could be interesting. I'll keep this blog going throughout the day, and we'll see what happens... 11:49 am I have returned from the "errand phase" of party preparation and am 90% sure that I will not have to do any "last-minute" errands. Of course, this depends entirely on whether or not Chris remembers to pick up the one or two other items that I need at his store. We all know how reliable he can be, so lets not hold our breath. I had planned to start by going to the recycler. But there was an accident or something so I ended up being forced onto SB 101, I got off on the next exit, rolled through town, and we stopped at the library. We carried all 10 of Mal's books to the book drop and he slid them in one at a time. It was great. Then we took a different freeway to the recycler, going around the mess, and did what we had to do there. Basically I needed to get rid of what little stuff there was before the party because I have to clean the balcony and make it "party ready". I got almost ten bucks though, which was more than enough for cat litter... off to Wal-Mart where we got a 30lb bag of cat litter and some donut holes. To the grocery store where I spent $53 on food for the party. Beef, chicken and cheese enchiladas (that's all three kinds, not all three in one enchilada), refried beans and... I'm going to try my hand at Spanish Rice and see what happens. It seems easy, don't think I can fuck it up, but I'm sure I'll find ways to make it better. Now we're home and I cleaned out the fridge, crossed a few things off the to-do list, got a second cup of coffee, gave the monkey his lunch, I threw some bread heels into the oven to make bread crumbs with and I'm going to go have a cigarette... 1:41 pm I just finished cleaning the oven. It was disgusting. This is not something I usually do for a party, but since I'm going to have it on for most of party day I figure it would be nice if it didn't smell like burning food. It was really gross in there. I'm considering ordering catering and telling everyone I cooked and hired authentic Mexicans to serve it. I've also got a load of laundry in the washer, the bathroom is mostly stripped, Malcolm's bedroom is clean, and I bleached all the bath toys. Last night Malcolm pooped in the tub again...  I love this "I know my boundaries so I'm going to push them and test them every chance I get" phase. Couple it with the horrid temper tantrum of unknown origin and extraordinary duration and you have one hell of a pleasant evening. Thankfully Chris got the brunt of it.So now I'm going to go have a cigarette, when the timer beeps I'll fetch the laundry... Then I'm going to tackle the bathroom. I'm actually going to dust the ducky shelves this time and that adds an extra 1/2 hour to a 45 minute task. However, the steadily multiplying dust bunnies are beginning to rival the rubber duckies for dominance. 3:16 pm The bathroom is almost clean, the second load of laundry is in the dryer and Mal is down for a "nap". I still have to tackle the kitchen do a third load of laundry and put everything away. I'm not going all out on the kitchen today, but I haven't done any dishes yet and I really should. I should also figure out what I'm going to make for dinner. Once the last load is out of the dryer I can change my sheets and clean my bedroom... Hmmm... As productive as I've been today I don't think that muffins are completely out of the question. Considering the sheer number of black bananas I have I may also have to make me some banana chocolate chip cookies. There goes the whole idea of not using the oven ever again. Of course making three cakes tomorrow and a ton of enchiladas on Friday means that I'll probably have to clean the oven again on Saturday but... *shrug* I'm getting ahead of myself and giving myself more work to do than I should. I need to concentrate on what I'm doing right now, which is not supposed to be writing in my blog, it's supposed to be finishing up in the bathroom... 5:04 pm Wanna know how I stay so slim? Never sit still for longer than twenty minutes, until the end of the day that is. Subsist solely on a box of donut holes. 5:15 pm Two loads of laundry are folded and put away. I have finished my bedroom. I still have a few things to do in the kitchen, I just brought the last load of laundry up the stairs and put out some spaghetti sauce to thaw for Malcolm's dinner. I decided to cast a couple of candles, since I can, and currently have a coffee pot full of molten wax, sitting inside a pot with some boiling water in it sitting on my stove top. Malcolm is a pretty princess. We saw the neighbor's baby today-cute!  Yesterday I got two packages in the mail. One was the shark I had ordered for Malcolm's birthday. It will be his third plastic shark and now we will have a whole family of sharks instead of just a mommy and a baby. I also got my birthday present from Chris! He's funny... he orders my birthday present and has it sent here in my name instead of his, so I almost always get to open it early. I'm not complaining, it's just silly. Today the mailman dropped off another big box in front of my door. One of Malcolm's Christmas presents. I'm pretty sure I know what's in it, but I haven't opened it yet as I need him to be in bed and naptime? Yeah, that was a joke. So I'm going to go have a cigarette and then get started on the shit I need to do here in the kitchen. I've been busy today. 5:36 pm Weird... Nothing I click on FuckingFacebook works... I guess this is a sign... 7:05 pm Malcolm is fed, watching TV and playing with his cars and his dinosaurs. Everything on my to-do list can be crossed off except "laundry" because I still have one load to fold and put away. The last section of kitchen floor is drying and the cat boxes are outside waiting to be scooped. I'm currently planting my second-to-last crop of blackberries on FarmVille. As soon as crops are done, and floors are dry and the kitchen is put back together I'm going to have another cigarette and throw someone into the tub. I'll fold the laundry after he goes to bed and then decide if I want to make muffins or play AC. In which case I'll probably play AC until it's time to harvest my crops and then make muffins. But I'm getting ahead of myself. My candle is coming alone nicely. Although it is a hideous shade of purplish greyish black... *shrug* Oh well. 7:16 pm I just leveled up to "Lord of the Plow" How fucking funny is that? 8:49 pm So Malcolm is in bed and I have three donut holes left. Seriously, this is what I have eaten today. Not that I'm complaining, just stating the facts. I'm going to turn on some music and fold the last bit of laundry before I head out and have a cigarette... That candle is still in the process of being created... This shit takes forever. Guess I won't get two made, but at least I'll get one done. 9:28 pm The laundry is put away. The candle is finished... and the episode of Eureka that didn't get recorded because of the power outage oughta be available on syfy or however the fuck they're spelling it these days... so I'm gonna go that. |
| I heard something, a child singing and dancing... I opened my eyes and it was dark, I looked at the clock and the digital display read 5:30. I said, "Oh fuck no Malcolm, go back to bed!" Then I rolled over. Chris got out of bed and ushered Malcolm back to his room, telling him it was too early and that he had to play in his room. Mal wanted to be in the living room, but Chris was insistent. I said something about waiting until the sun came up but was unconscious again before Chris returned to bed. 8:15 my eyes snapped open. My alarm hadn't gone off, but this is the time I usually wake up for work. My internal clock is still functioning. This is good. I got up and looked around-everyone was asleep. I fumed a bit. I got ready for work, about 50% sure that we were open today... I walked into the kitchen and got my coffee going, booted up the computer... I pulled down a bowl for my cereal and then realized... there is no milk. Not only does the fact that my husband gets to sleep irritate me, but the fact that he knew we were almost out of milk when he went to work and didn't bring home a fresh gallon just pissed me off. I almost lost it. Instead I logged on to FuckingFacebook and harvested the few sunflowers that were ready to go. I planted some more sunflowers, put on my shoes, did my hair, checked on Malcolm-sleeping deeply-and then went downstairs and got into the car. I drove the 4.1 miles to work and had a cigarette on the way. As I approached the clinic I realized that Anna's car was not there... hope... I get into the turn lane and I see that the doc's care is not there... hope... I see Andrew's car, but the clinic is dark... I pull into the parking lot and see that Andrew is inside his car, putting on his seat belt and starting the engine. A huge smile spreads across my face as I ease through the parking lot and out the other side. Andrew had just finished rounds and I got to go home. I drove the 4.1 miles back home and discovered a house full of sleeping mammals. Sitting in front of the computer I did a few more things on FFB, and now I'm here to tell you all of my morning-which started out so bad, but has turned out to be "not so bad". Now for something to make you laugh, something truly pathetic... something to make you wonder just what kind of person Noe is... you may never read my blog again after this. Yesterday my anger was intense. If I so much as stepped on a piece of cat litter steam would come out of my ears and sparks would fly from my eyes. In a desperate attempt to combat this anger I went into my bedroom and pulled my drawer out of the microwave stand that is used as a TV stand. In this drawer are all sorts of cool things. Malcolm's tattoos reside here, my dad's last pack of smokes, the arch supports I need for dress shoes, my seldom used book light, Biscuit's collar, my cat George's collar, the hooks for hanging up the Serenity ornaments (we like to have them on their stands, but we have the hooks just in case), my giant Altoids tin to hold these things, a small container that holds the hands, heads and other small pieces of some of my DragonBall figurines that have multiple heads and hands, there is also the butane for the five butane lighters, the giant rolling machine and papers that go with it, the tins I use to store my medicine, my grinder, the small boxes where my "paraphernalia" is stored, a stamper pad, a mouse pad... and I think that's about it. I took everything out of the drawer, threw a few random, why do I have this items away. I was careful to shake everything very gently as I removed it from the drawer. When the drawer was empty I went into the bathroom and got my tweezers... I painstakingly went over the bottom of the drawer, picking out bits of pot and depositing them into an open tin. When I finished I got a rag and cleaned out the drawer then put everything back inside. Usually I don't clean this drawer so thoroughly. I know there is spillage into this drawer and when I do clean the drawer I simply leave the spillage. You see... I knew this day would come. Of course I called Catherine so she could get her laugh on. I got enough to keep me sane for about five hours. The equivalent of two hits at the tip of a cigarette. The afternoon/evening was good. It was very good. I enjoyed playing with my son, I enjoyed not caring about the random pieces of cat litter that found the bottom of my foot, I enjoyed not wanting to kill the chihuahua down the street because it's owners lock it outside where it barks all day long. I enjoyed feeling human. Alas, it did not last. So now I wait for my birthday... and hope like hell that someone remembered what to get me. My plans for the day consist of the following... ... ... ... ... fold laundry ... ... ... ... It's kind of nice having a day like this... Hmmm... We're all together as a family today, which is as close to a day off as either Chris or I get. I should balance my checkbook and get out of my work clothes so I can wear them tomorrow. A cigarette sounds good too. I have enough coffee rocketing through my system that the "go back to bed if the clinic is closed" plan is shot out of the water... but I can take a nap this afternoon. Maybe I'll take a close look at my to-do list and see if there's anything there I can take care of. Hmm... The possibilities are... possible. |
| Once again I was awoken before the clock said 8:00. This is getting seriously old. Every day I tell Malcolm not to come into my room until he hears my alarm, every day he says, "Okay Mommy, I'm sorry." But then he turns around and wakes my ass up the next day between seven and seven thirty. I didn't even bother to set my alarm last night, I knew better. Tomorrow I go to work, I can sleep until eight tomorrow. If Malcolm comes into my room and wakes me up then I will do to Chris what he has been doing to me all week long. I'll nudge him, grumble and complain, then roll over and go back to sleep. The nudge, coupled with the complaining grumble pisses me off more than anything. It's even worse than getting woken up at the ass-crack of dawn every day. He knows how fucking tired and angry I am... and he has to make the fact that every morning I have a toddler banging on my night stand and a cat rubbing all over my fucking head that much worse with his shitty attitude. Sometimes I want to sucker punch the SOB, kick him in the nuts and leave him the ground to cry. Today I have very few plans. I'm going to get a few random things done, some laundry... I need to get prepared for my two days at work and the two days when jack shit will be done around here. Seriously, jack shit. A couple weeks ago I was complaining about how every Wednesday I have to spend half my morning picking up two days worth of filth and clutter. Chris said that he tried not to make a mess... I didn't respond. The thought that ripped through my head was; trying not to make a mess and not cleaning up the messes that are made are two completely different things. But explaining that to my husband would be like explaining trigonometry to my cat. An exercise in futility. So although I could sit here whining about shit all day long, or I could sit here and zone out to FuckingFacebook all day I think I'm going to go have a cigarette and then start getting shit done. If I get everything done by naptime then perhaps I can use that time to watch a movie and finish the Halloween needlepoint that Ellen started about three years ago, and then never finished. That girl, like her parents, never finishes anything. *sigh* |
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] I have been extremely... unproductive this last week. Perhaps you could even go so far as to say the last two weeks. Part of it is the heat, I recognize that. Part of it is the lack of medication. Yes. I am more productive when I am stoned. Why? Because when I'm stoned I'm not fucking pissed off all the time. The simple fact that I'm more productive and less angry when I have a certain level of THC running through my system may be hard for some people to believe. I know that my husband didn't believe it until he saw the truth for his own eyes. Now, I'm not walking around with my head in the clouds, my pupils dilated and a stupid ass grin on my face all the time. In fact, usually I'm not even technically high. One hit ever 60-90 minutes is all I need to keep the levels stable. I have these pain killers that Ellen gave me. They give most people that "high" feeling, but not me. I take them and it's just like taking aspirin, except that unlike aspirin these will actually take the pain away. Rather handy. They can make me dreadfully tired though. If I'm getting enough sleep they don't make me drowsy, if I'm not getting enough sleep they will knock me the fuck out. It's weird. I didn't take any yesterday because I was so tired, nor did I take one this morning. But I napped when Malcolm did and when we woke up the pain was severe so I went ahead an took one. I'm manageable now. It would have zapped me down to a 6 if I had taken it the moment I felt the pain begin to intensify-but I was asleep so now I'm at my average of 7.5-8. I would just about kill for some fucking pot right now. I have not smoked any in... *counts on fingers* nine days. The end of today will make it 10 days. I'm tempted to see if I can get my hands on some over the next few days. I don't know how I'm going to get everything done for my birthday party otherwise. The excitement will only take me so far... It sucks, it sucks rather hard. Right now Malcolm is playing with the new toys he got at the toy store this morning. He got a zebra and a bag of sea creatures. This kid is all about the animals. Give him a bag filled with random plastic animals and he's happy. If he has a big one and a small one he has a mommy and a baby, the zebra and the lobster went to the park an the sharks are hanging out with the Little People on the crane. Yesterday we had tigers in a bus. I keep asking him what he wants for dinner and he keeps telling me he just wants to play. *shrug* It's almost seven. I figure one more cigarette and then I'll cobble something together. I defrosted meat for dinner but I seriously needed that nap so I didn't have time to make dinner, that and it's just too hot to turn on the fucking oven... I'll do it after the sun goes down and then Chris can have a hot dinner when he gets home. I'm seriously considering ordering a pizza, but I did that last week... or was that the week before... let me check... 2 weeks ago on the nose. Perhaps it's due, I can make casserole tomorrow... I'll have a cigarette and see what I think. Look at this! I gave you two blog entries in one day. How fucking cool am I? |
| Getting ripped out of my sleep around seven every morning is having a wonderful result when it comes to remembering my dreams. The one I had last night/this morning is particularly fun and it features our very own Lisa and her husband, Eric. It was my birthday, for some reason everyone was meeting at a hotel, no, the party was actually at a hotel. It appears as though I decided to rent a room in order to keep the mess out of my house and make someone else clean it up. But at the same time the hotel room was my living room. I love that about dreams, how they mix up locations, it's cool. So I opened the door to the hotel room and the literal sea of people behind me started filtering in. One of these people was Eric, as he passed I grabbed his arm and said, "Hey dude, I'm hella glad you made it! Lisa with you?" He smiled and nodded (BTW-Eric has a great smile, perfectly rendered in my dream). He gestured behind him, toward the mass of humanity and although he didn't say anything I definitely got the impression that he was not worried because she was right behind him. I looked, but I couldn't see her. I saw everyone else I knew, but not Lisa. Flash forward. Another thing I love about dreams, that flash forward. The hotel room/my living room is huge, it's so huge that every single person I know fits. Everyone is hanging out and having a good time. Chris and I are sitting on the floor at the coffee table playing a card game with Lisa and Eric. We all have a beer and the bong is on the table. I told both Lisa and Eric that they didn't have to smoke, but that Chris and I were going to. They nodded and said it was cool and we started sifting through our hands of cards. Everyone was drinking except Lisa, her beer was full. I packed a green bowl and asked Lisa if she was going to drink her beer or stare at it. She glared at me, then turned back to her cards. The game started, neither Chris nor I touched the bong but we finished our beers so he went and got us fresh ones. I looked back over at Lisa and she was sinking, pulling in to herself. The beer was half empty. I shrugged and looked back at my cards. I looked up when Chris came back with the beer and Lisa's shoulders were pulled way up, her head down, her chin tucked into her chest and she was staring down. The beer was empty. I took my turn then looked at Lisa, who was next, and her shoulders/back was hunched and she was literally withdrawing into herself. I looked at Eric, confused, he flashed that smile like nothing was wrong. I looked at the bong and it wasn't green. Every time I turned around Lisa was drinking or smoking. Being very careful not to let me see. She kept pulling further and further into herself each time. Eric just kept smiling. I don't know why, but I thought it was funny. Malcolm's penchant for waking me up around seven in the morning every day is really getting old. He comes into the bedroom and wants to crawl under the covers with me for a few minutes before I get up. I actually like this because getting to wrap my arms around him and inhale that lovely little boy smell that is so inherently Malcolm before I'm fully awake, being able to wake up slowly with my boy... It's nice. It doesn't always work that way, but when it does, it's nice. Today he woke up at 6:45 and within two minutes was in my bed with his cold feet. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. After about 20 minutes I'd had enough. He had moved his head a little too quickly in the wrong direction and I caught his forehead in my right temple. I wouldn't say it gave me a headache, but my head certainly aches in that location. I tried turning around, putting my back to him, to see if I could catch a few more zzzzz's... but then I got repeated kidney shots, he stole the covers and got noisier. At one point he woke up Chris! So we got out of bed and here I am, making a blog entry. I've gotten lazy about that, but at least I'm keeping up with all the blogs I read. I may not comment, but I read them.Last night was the full moon. Malcolm got to stay up late and around eight we went outside to see it. We ran up and down the street, laughed and chased each other. We found a snail and checked it out. I told him that he could only touch the shell and that he had to be gentle because we didn't want to hurt it. He said he wanted to eat it, so I told him I'd take him to a french restaurant.  When he gets older I'll teach him about salt and snails, and the other fun things you can do to torture bugs. Don't you worry about that! He particularly liked the snail's face and when I picked it up he got worried about how the face disappeared. It was cute. He picked it up himself, and put it down very gently. Next time you see a snail stop for a minute, get down to its level and take a close look. Unless you have kids it's probably fair to say that you haven't gotten down to a snail's level in a lot of years. Do it. It's good for you, and they're cute in a slimy sorta way. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] |
| I had a dream last night. We had moved into my mom's house, which was a possibility there for awhile as many of you know. Although it was my mom's house the rooms were bigger and a lot of our furniture was there. Malcolm and I were home alone and I had plans to clean that day. So I got started on my cleaning while he played. Since there was a TV in the bedroom that Chris and I were sleeping in I decided to start there, the room was much bigger than it is in reality and it was a strange combination of my current bedroom, the way the room looks now and the way the room looked 17 years ago when I was in high school and it was my room. I turned on the TV and Eureka came on, so I watched an entire episode while cleaning the bedroom. I finished and ran the vacuum then passed out on the bed. When I woke up (in my dream) I had a moment of panic. Where was Malcolm? I had slept for hours!!! I had so much to do and I had slept through most of the day. My son had been running around unsupervised for a long time and I was having a panic attack. I ran from the bedroom, down the hall and into the dining room. The entire house was bigger, and the way that it was decorated was a cross between now and 17 years ago. I went through the dining room and into the family room and found my mom and Malcolm fast asleep on the couch. My mom opened her eyes and smiled, told me that he had been playing quietly and she'd gotten home early, not long after I'd fallen asleep. I had panicked for no reason. I then proceeded to tell her how horrible I felt for sleeping so long, as well as for not getting anything done. I'd had so much to do that day, and had so much to do the next day, I had no idea how I was going to get it all done. She just looked at me and said, "You'll get it done honey, don't worry." Then I was awoken by the sound of a small wooden cat hitting the nightstand. As I opened my eyes the little wooden cat bounced onto the bed and landed by my shoulder. Malcolm said, "Oh no! The kitty fell!" Samson started rubbing on me and my day began an hour earlier than I had intended it should. |
| Today my cousin Stephen turns 31. I need to remember to call him, but I won't, because I never remember to call people on their birthdays. Sometimes I remember a text or Email, but most of the time I forget. I think about folks on their birthdays though... and I hope that's enough. Yesterday was hell. Yesterday was an awful, awful day that I would really like to forget. So I'll immortalize it. The morning went fairly well. Malcolm and I had a good time, we played, we sang, we were happy. Risa, my SIL was due to come over and Malcolm was excited. Around noon I popped in The Phantom Tollbooth and settled down to watch it with Mal. It's a great movie, based on an even better book. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid and was looking forward to watching it again. The movie is out of circulation and only available for insane prices on Ebay in VHS format. However, Tom was able to find it and download a copy onto DVD for me. The quality is pretty good and other than a few moments of static in the first six minutes of the film the rest was perfect. However, I fell asleep right before my favorite part. Malcolm woke me up when the movie ended and I turned on regular TV then went right back to sleep. Its been a long time since I've "pulled a Chris" and slept on the couch-but I was so exhausted I simply couldn't stay awake. Around 3:20 Malcolm woke me up again... the electricity had gone out. It has been in the nineties here lately. This means that my apartment becomes an oven. Not only has it been hot, but its been muggy and just gross. I've hated it. Couple this with the lack of an AC and poor insulation and you get one hell of a hot apartment. I don't like to leave my apartment on hot days because I need to stay home and keep an eye on my cats, particularly Biscuit. As he is overweight and black he is at high risk for heat stroke. Luckily the cats are smart and do what they can to stay as cool as possible. Risa made it over, eventually... She flew up from SD so she doesn't have a car and is at the mercy of her parents. My in-laws are relatively selfish people. They won't babysit when we need them to, demand our time when it's the most inconvenient and are just bastards about a lot of things. They think we should Malcolm into day care (which we can't afford) so that I can work more hours. Never mind the fact that I don't want to work more hours. My MIL even had the gall to do "research" on day care facilities in Palo Alto and choose on herself. Let's not take into consideration the fact that putting Malcolm into day care in Palo Alto makes no sense. It's out of the way. We live in Sunnyvale, I work in Sunnyvale and Chris works in San Jose-we don't travel north-toward PA unless we're going to see them or going to SF. Most of the time we go south or east. Besides, there are two count them two Montessori schools within walking distance of our apartment. I want to put Malcolm into one of those schools... In a year. Not now, but in a year. I want him to be mine for as long as I can, he will "belong" to his friends soon enough, let's not hasten this. Enough about that. Risa did manage to get a ride over to come and suffer with us for a couple of hours. During that time we walked to the liquor store, which also had no power, and got some ice cream. Malcolm and I ate it on the way home so it wouldn't melt anymore than it already had. As Mal was incredibly sticky I turned on the spiget downstairs and cleaned him up... he got very wet but loved hanging out in his wet clothes because they kept him cool. The shitty thing about the power being out is that although my laptop functioned I had no internet. The modem/router are powered by electricity. Even if I had plugged in the phone line and used the internal modem (I was smart and got a laptop with an internal modem, even though Chris told me it was "stupid". By the time I had changed the settings and gotten things going I would have had about an hour or an hour-and-a-half of battery life left. These 2 hour battery lives are stupid-you can't even watch a freakin' movie. Anyway... I called PG&E and the recording said that it was "damaged equipment" and that work crews were on site. There were about six square blocks without power; homes and businesses. Most of the homes were shit-tastic apartments like mine. My neighbor told me to get into the pool. Uh... don't own a suit, and I'm not going to climb into a swimming pool that is full of fucking people. I don't like being in crowded pools-it makes me incredibly nervous. I don't even really like to swim anyway. I did when I was a kid, until my former step-sister tried to fucking drown me. Now I get very nervous if there are too many people in the water, or if someone gets too close. Also those splashing, dunking games that kids play just freak me out and cause panic attacks. The electricity finally came back on at ten after six. I almost cheered. By this point I was covered in a sheen of sweat, dust and cat hair. There was hardly a breeze to speak of and although we hung out on the balcony a bit while Risa was here because it was a little cooler and we were more likely to actually feel the few pitiful breezes... but as it was the time of day when the sun is beating down on that side of the house we were trading the "breeze" for sunlight beating down on our poor little heads. Luckily the avocado tree provides shade for about half the balcony. I ended up staying up until one watching a movie. An incredibly bizarre movie that didn't completely make sense... it was strange, kind of stupid and really made me wonder about Dwayne Johnson's agent. Personally, I'd fire the bastard. Only about 1/3 or 1/4 of the man's movies are any good. The rest of the movies this guy ends up in make me long for the day when he would do the "people's elbow" and slam people in the WWF, back before the World Wildlife Foundation had a fit and made them change their name to the WWE. Southland Tales was disturbing, confusing and... although it was directed by the same fella who directed Donnie Darko at least Darko made sense and has value as a film that can be watched multiple times. About a quarter to one I set out my clothes for today and gathered up my jammies. I had changed my sheets and was looking forward to a nice lukewarm shower so I could wash all the sweat and grime off my body. I grabbed my toothbrush and squoze a dab of toothpaste into my mouth, yes, I put the toothpaste on my tongue and not my toothbrush. It's a strange habit I picked up from my Aunt Zoe and as a result Chris and I use separate tubes of toothpaste. I stuck my toothbrush under the faucet and a trickle of water came out as the pipes groaned. Water poured out of the handle, like a washer was in need of replacement, but barely anything came out of the actual tap. I figured, Fuck, I have plans tomorrow and now I have to call my landlord and tell him that my bathroom faucet doesn't work, then sit around and wait for him to come replace it. So I stuck my toothbrush into my mouth and turned toward the tub. I turned the handle and got nothing. I almost exploded. I went into the kitchen and pulled on the handle... nothing but groaning pipes. I started brushing my teeth furiously and told Chris what happened while I opened the door to see if there was a notice on my door that nobody had noticed. You see... Chris had gotten home around 11:00 and had rinsed off his dinner dishes so I knew that the water problem had happened within the last two hours. Nothing on my door. I walked out a bit and looked toward the street, and the water pipe that is right in front of the complex, no lights-no work crew. We don't pay water or garbage, it's figured into our rent. We pay our rent on time. If our landlord were going to turn off our water he would have to give us notice first. I knew it wasn't that... I was livid. If it had been any other day I would have taken it in stride, gotten a little miffed but dealt with it and moved on. But after being without power for three hours the only thing I wanted was a shower. I just wanted a fucking shower. I was gross. I was sticky and I stunk. Chris went downstairs and turned on the spiget on the side of the building. Water came pouring out of it. Don't know if any other apartments were without water as most folks were asleep. I cleaned myself with baby wipes. So at least I felt a little better, and I didn't stink anymore. I went to bed pissed off. I hate going to bed pissed off. Woke up at a quarter after six this morning and got my coffee and Mal's milk before waking him up. The water was back, I know this because when I crawled out of bed Chris was taking a shower. I was jealous. When I woke up Mal it was adorable. He opened his eyes to my face right in his face, and I was smiling a big old smile. Talk about role reversal here. He saw that, smiled and laughed. He loved it. We dropped Chris off at work and headed home. I've taken care of a couple of things, including my much needed shower, but nothing major. We're going to head to my mom's in a half an hour or so and spend some time there. Then we're going to pick up Chris at work and come home. Tonight we're having dinner with Chris' parents and Risa. I haven't seen or spent time with Chris' parents in like... 6 weeks. Doesn't bother me. Tonight is going to be hell. At least I'll get a free meal and a free beer... I just wish we didn't have to go to this particular pizza parlor when there is one that is so much better just a couple blocks up the street. It has a better atmosphere too. But... the MIL just adores thin crust pizza so Amici's it is. In fact, the entire seven months that they're in AZ she bitches about how there is no Amici's there and how much she craves it. Personally I think it's over priced... Why would I spend over twenty bucks on a pizza with a crust that isn't much thicker than the cardboard of a cereal box, that never has enough toppings when I can go up the street and get a real pizza... thin crust, thick crust and everything in between; with plenty of toppings that will actually fill me up! Whatever. If she's not happy then she makes the rest of us miserable. The one time that we went out to dinner and I was given the choice of where to go she did nothing but bitch. At least when I don't want to eat at the place that she chooses I can keep it to myself and pretend like I'm having a grand time and enjoying the food immensely. So other than FuckingFacebook-the black hole of the internet... I have nothing else going on. I do have to do a couple of loads of laundry today, but I'm going to save that for after we all get home for dinner. It's better to deal with that when the sun is down, or near enough, and it's a bit cooler. Besides, I want my mommy. Yes. I'm almost 32 and I want my mommy. Sometimes I just need to see her, hear her and smell her. The smell of my mother is comforting to me, the smell of her house, her perfume, her laundry detergent... when she buys Mal clothes she pre-washes them for me. I will stand there and sniff them for a couple of minutes before putting them away. When Mal wears them for the first time he sniffs them and says, "Smells like Grandma!" It's fucking adorable. I'll try not to slack off so much. But you might have to bribe me with cookies... I want cookies!!! It's too fucking hot to make them. Lisa! Send me your rain!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| I blog. At least some of the time. Not nearly as often as I used to. But yes, I blog. Monday and Tuesday... my days off... I'm seriously contemplating a few things in regards to my job. It all depends on Chris... let me begin by telling you what happened. Each day, when I came home for lunch the moment I opened the door Malcolm hollered, "Mommy's home!" and came running out of his bedroom to give me a hug. Each day he told me he was hungry, he was thirsty and that he had a poopy diaper. I answered each of these declarations with, "Tell you daddy." The moment I walked in the door the sound of the door opening, coupled with Malcolm's enthusiastic greeting woke Chris up. For you see, he was sleeping on the couch. Each day the dishes were piled in the sink... the dishes from the previous night's dinner. Not only that but for two days I got to drive a trash can around. I refused to clean the car on principle. On Sunday I will be telling Chris that he needs to clean out the car, because if he doesn't, if he makes me drive a fucking trash can to and from work then all the car keys will miraculously disappear and he can get a fucking bus schedule. I am sick to death of the filth that gathers in my home on the days that I am working. In just two days this place gets so dirty it actually blows my mind. The man does nothing while I am at work. Nothing. I intend to give him a choice. A.) Get your act together and be a fucking parent. I am just as tired as he is, yet I can work two eight hour shifts outside of the home and then spend five days a week taking care of Malcolm, the housework and everything else that entails. The least he can do is the dishes, and the sweeping of the kitchen floor. B.) If he can't handle it then I can quit my job and he can work two jobs so that I can stay home with Malcolm seven days a week. C.) I can request, and probably receive, more hours. I work close enough to home that taking the bus will not be a big deal for me and if I am working more hours I should be able to afford to put Malcolm into day care on the days that I am working. This could go one of two ways... It will either start a fight, which would be stupid... I mean, FUCK, I'm just as tired as he is so he really has no room to complain. The reason he stays up so late at night is Tribal Wars and TV. It's not like he's out late working, or doing things around the house, he's just fucking around. He could also start throwing promises at me. How he'll do better and he'll be more of a help around the house and blah, blah, blah. I've heard it before, and to be honest with you I don't want to hear it anymore. Ever since Malcolm was born Chris has been going on and on about how he'll be more of a help to me, be more considerate of me and the work I do, etc... But he never acts on these promises. He never does what he says he's going to do. I want to see it, not hear it. I'm sick of it. I'm so fucking sick of it the threat of quitting my job (which makes me happy) and making him work two jobs to support us (which would not be necessary had he not fucked up and gotten fired from Walgreens) may be enough to get his ass in gear. After work on Monday I headed over to Ellen's and helped her move a few things to her folk's house. We were both pretty miserable, my knees were acting up and she has another migraine. But we managed to get her old bedroom cleared out; three bags of garbage, a huge box of stuff for Goodwill and a shitload of stuff was put onto a counter in the hallway or shoved into the bathroom or guest room. The carpet cleaners are coming today... Yesterday we cleared a few things out of her brother's old bedroom and painted a wall. We would have gotten more done but I had to be home by nine. Why did I have to be home by nine? The idiocy of others is interfering with my life. This is the second Tuesday in a row that the same person's idiocy has interfered with me. You see, Chris closes his store on Sunday night. As a result of this he takes home the keys. His manager needs those keys so he can close the store on Tuesday night. Instead of giving Chris his own set of keys he calls Chris and has him drive 12 miles out to the store, and then 12 miles home in order to drop off the keys. We are not reimbursed for the gas. Last week Chris took me back to work at the end of my lunch hour and then came and picked me up after work... He was 15 minutes late. This week I had to leave Ellen's early so that I could get home in enough time for Chris to drive all the way out to his store in order to drop off the keys before the store closed. After Ellen's parents were nice enough to buy me dinner I had to grab my food and run. So not cool. Chris asked his manager when he would get his own keys, the answer was... after the remodel. WTF? So we get to play this game for another couple of months? Uh... No. There needs to be another way to do this. So today I'm getting some laundry done and re-claiming my home. I'm just about done. Mr. Sleepy-Fuck has to be at work in an hour and is still in bed. I'm fucking exhausted and have been up for a little over four hours. The sense of fairness and ability to compromise in this relationship is staggeringly inaccurate. |
| I'm exhausted. I'm in so much pain I want to lop my leg off just above the knee with a fucking butcher knife. So let's start hassling me about whether or not I can help someone move one week from today. Let's start a conversation, via text, that would be better handled via a phone call. My husband works retail. He gets his schedule one week at a time. Every Saturday he gets his schedule for the following week. Since he works Wednesday through Sunday this means that we don't know what shift he will be working on Sunday until, literally, the day before he works it. We handle this by not making plans for Sunday. Easy. But now it's 20 questions about something I have no control over. Why doesn't, "I won't know until Saturday, I'm sorry, but I'll do my best." work? I'll tell you. Because one other person canceled last minute, last weekend, because something came up. Is it my fault that something which should be relatively easy is turning into something so fucking complicated I feel like I need a god-damned PhD in advanced mathematics to figure it out? Shoot me. Did I mention that I'm in incredible pain here? Yes. Excruciating. I want to scream. I'm nauseous (I hate spelling that word) and all I want to do is sleep. I need to sleep... I lay down on the couch and close my eyes and get toddler hands slapping my boobs, drool all over my face and "mommymommymommy" in my fucking ear. I mean in my fucking ear as his lips are pressed right up to it. Now let's say that we have a friend who has some private and relatively important news that they need/want to share with me and will be Emailing me. Two days ago they said this. Nothing in my inbox. Stress? Anger? Yes. Too fucking much. I'm so glad tomorrow is Monday. I will get to spend the next two days dealing with things other than the same old bullshit. I won't get to escape from the pain, but I will get to escape from just about everything else. I'm going to go into the bedroom, hold a pillow over my face and scream until I turn purple and pass out. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
