What a nice thing to write for your children. The pictures are an excellent touch. All the pictures are nice, the dog with the sad eyes made me laugh, but the one that catches my fancy, of course, is the buttercups and 'Daizys'
The last picture of the children all asleep together in one bed could be your own kids (if you added one)
Good job with this poem. You describe love pretty well.
Your rhyme is good and so is the rhythm except in one spot. It is the last line of the third verse. To my ear it would flow a little smoother like this.
"They're of that with whom you are smitten."
I like the way you write. I have read your mother, Meg and your two brothers Braddock and Boom. You all are good at it, yet each has their own style. It's nice to have you and part of your family with us.
This is wonderful, I want to know that the treasure is. Sounds like a watch to me. I have been corresponding with your mother. She is a wonder! She told me about you, Geno and now another brother has joined the site, BOOM. I am now going to read Geno's poem and see what he has to say.
Oh, I hate bugs! Especially spiders. I like a person who can make a poem out of even the mundane and yucky things in life. And you rhyme!
I will mention your Mum once more, but in future reviews I will try to review on your own merit and not compare you to her. Your writing does remind me of hers. At least in this one. I will look forward to reading more of your work.
Well, this is the second of your poems I've read. First of all congratulations! Your Mum is very proud of all her children and grandchildren. I'm sure she is estatic over this 'switch in direction' for you.
You did a good job with the rhyming. Just curious, what is whinging? I don't understand that word. Maybe it is an Australian expression.
Hello Welcome to Writing.Com. I have been corresponding with your mother for several days. I am so glad you are here. Your Mum is a wonderful person. Her style of poetry strikes my fancy. I live in Michigan in the United States and she, of course, lives in Australia, yet I feel a bond with her.
You did a good job with this poem. In the last verse, you need to capitalize the word 'I'. Being one for strict rhyme, I think if, in the last line you would the final words to'each brother, it would go with mother very well. But that is just the way I am. This is a good poem without that change.
Nice to have you here along with your mother and brothers. Nancy
Thanks for sharing this informative article. I am searching for explanations of the different terms and forms of writing. I want to use them properly.
You included wonderful examples of both prose and poetry. While prose provides good imagery, the exquisite beauty that is possible in poetry is what caresses my soul. You provided that beauty with your poem.
I read the song you wrote today. It tells a sad story, but lets us know it was God who saved your lives.
There are some mistakes I am going to help you fix that would improve the rating of it.
There are some lines that you need to capitalize the first word for. lines 3, 13, and 14.
In line 3 you forgot the the letter 'r' in the word brother.
You misspelled the word 'chorus'
The word 'god' should start with a capital letter.
Line 7 you misspelled the word 'sparkled'
Line 10 'badge' is misspelled, 'introduced' is misspelled, 'her self' should be one word, 'officer'
is misspelled and the name 'hershey' should be capitalized.
Line 12 the word 'the' should be 'that'
line 15 there should be an apostrophe in the word 'it's' because it's a contraction for it is,
line 17 you have a space in the word 'stoo d'
I am not criticising your work. You did a good job with the song and the words. I'm just trying to help you with the grammar.
You have an excellent writing style. You pour your heart out with every word.
Welcome to Writing.com. In your Bio you mentioned that you weren't sure if your writing was any good. It is!
I am sorry that you have had such pain in your life, but writing helps with that. My life hasn't had as much sorrow as yours, but your writing helps me to understand and empathize with you.
I have read several of your items and will comment on them individually.
Funny how sometimes only the bad seems to stand out in our mind. You are correct. If we just look at the total picture, we will see it's not as bad as we thought.
As usual you have used excellent rhyme and rhythm. Short but full of good truth.
What a good way to get rid of those childhood trolls that plague us. We could use that method for the adulthood trolls also.
I think you and your daughter should write a story about the trolls life after you left him behind, I know this story started my creative juices stirring.
It's good to have you here at Writing.com. I like reading new authors.
This piece reminds me of my favorite refuge. Mine is in a woods also. But I don't have stream to sit by.
I think this is good but would be great with a little more imagery. Maybe by describing the sound of the water on the rocks, or how the light shining through the trees illuminates natures treasures on the ground.
Thanks for setting my poetic mind in motion. Nancy
Hello, this touches my heart. After having seen the titles of some of your other poems, I can understand the need to write this one.
You have come to the right person to help you through the sad times. God is the ultimate helper.
Here is a suggestion. In the second verse, you use the word 'back' in the first line and it is repeated in the second line. I think the verse would read a little smoother if you edited it out of the second line, and it wouldn't change the meaning either.
I like the sentiment of the last lines. It sounds like you are ready to get on with life.
'Once again~
Let my life be mine~'
Hello, this is a clever little recipe for happiness. We are always looking for that magic which will cause happiness to appear. How blind can we be! We live in the midst of it and half the time, don't even realize it's there.
Hello, this is the second poem of yours I have read.
It is evident you have a deep love for your children and feel the frustration of not being able to make everything go 'right' for them. You are looking to the perfect source for the strength needed to do what you can.
Speaking of strength, you misspelled that word a couple times in your poem. You also need a comma after the word Lord, as you are getting His attention to speak to Him.
I'm glad you found WDC. Sometimes it helps to write out what is inside, so we can get a better look at what to do about the problems.
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com. Glad to have you in the family.
This poem is wonderful. That word is hard to use when it is about how children are affected by divorce, but you did a good job of expressing the feelings. How lucky for Jacob that he can come to your 'sanctuary'.
I love your last verse:
"To see him make it to the top,
Not much could make me gladder.
'cause through the years, I've been here,
Building Jacob's ladder."
I'm keeping Jacob in my thoughts and prayers, Nancy
You started this Celtish tale, asking if you should keep going or stop. I WANT MORE! My own Celtish blood awakens something in my soul when I hear tales of this type.
Hello Leona, I see you are new to the site. Welcome to the family.
You present a good message; comparing finding God in life's darkness to God bringing life and light with creation.
The title is misspelled in the beginning section(not the body of the work). I also think punctuation would make the piece: flow smoother, and be easier to read.
Keep writing with Him in mind. Nancy
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