Found your item randomly. As with all reviews, take what I say with a grain of salt.
It's actually an excellent little story, despite its brevity and lack of action.
It's clear, flows well. No typos. I did find one technicality: You're talking about one girl, but ask the question "Why are they. . ." Shouldn't it be "Why is she..."
Found this under friendship.
I loved it. It's so picturesque. I could see the mud on her clothes and hear her laughing with the other children. What a wonderful childhood. Mother Nature provides plenty of toys and activities. The poet's warm feelings for this child comes through clearly.
Great job.
Hi,
Found this under "Foreign". Fascinating and important. I wasn't aware of some of the geography you pointed out concerning their navy. It's a little bit short. Perhaps you could add just a few items of interest, say expand on the Indian navy, besides the submarine fleet. Maybe just one sentence to give authority to your first statement about the Chinese, like how do you know this?
Very important data.
Spelling and grammar are just fine.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Just a random review. I find no technical errors, like spelling or punctuation.
You tell a lot in a short paragraph; a lot of emotion comes through.
Sometimes people are like that. You capture a real life experience very well. We can't predict a person's behavior, and they don't always turn out to be what we want. It was a good experience but it's over.
'Develop these ideas some more in future writings.
Pumpkin
1 How beautiful! And what a different perspective. You combined prose and poetry. Very nice for the reader.
I realize it's a contest, and it is probably too late to make changes. In the second paragraph before the poem, you wrote "it's speed". There should be no apostrophe. And a grammar stickler would tell you not to end a sentence with "of" in the next paragraph. It still makes sense if you just drop the of.
I hope you fare very well in the writer's cramp.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Hi,
Found this under finance. Haven't noticed you in a while. Good to find this piece.
It has a nice format. Colors add a lot to it.
I read somewhere recently that having a lot of money or the shiny things it buys is not the big deal. But not having money restricts your creativity and productivity. The lack of money limits your charity and may even make you a burden to someone else. Having money is a good thing because you will be able to share, take care of your family, and be charitable. How we get the money must be honorable, too.
You do a nice job of breaking up tithes, offerings, savings, and management. Your spelling and grammar are very good. I find no technical flaws. However, I did notice a lot of very long sentences. If you're writing down to an audience who might really need this info, you may need shorter complete sentences to keep them involved.
Found this under "Fashion" while browsing through genres.
I loved it. Bouncy and upbeat, he told a great story. Follow your dream despite the naysayers, work at it, and indeed, you will be more than just beautiful hair. You told your story with humor.
The only technical point I found was the next to last line. It should be misled. It may not be spelled like head, but it rhymes.
Hi,
Found you randomly under Emotional genre. Please take these words as an attempt to be helpful, and not as criticism. There are always multiple ways to write things.
First, check your title. Did you mean to type "Not Your. . ." instead of "you"?
Please don't be insulted. I copied your story and made some suggested changes to it. It's repetitive in places. Some of the commas I changed to semi-colons.
I have a pie that is a pie like no other. I am in like Bipolar mode so I must go big or go home. This pie has a lot of big flavors in it.
You will need to mix up the following ingredients and put in as little or as much as you want: Boxed pudding any kind or flavor you want; cream cheese any kind or flavor you want but I say buy the good stuff; Vanilla wafers; Cappuccino, hot chocolate mix buy whatever you want but just buy the good stuff. If you're broke you can but the cheap stuff; it will work also. You can use heavy cream, milk, and or coffee creamer use, what you got used what you like,.
Lastly 2-3 bananas medium to large. You will also need a graham cracker pie crust. Cherries fresh , canned, or frozen to put on the top if you wish also put the juice on top with some of the whipped cream (optional) if you want to top the pie with some. Don't like cherries or can't have them use strawberries or something and that fruits juice. I eye-ball everything if you are making a big pie use less of everything. if you make a big one use, less stuff
Mix all the ingredients together into a blender or mixer but not the cherries, wafers, whipped cream they go on the top of the pie at the end. The pie should be thick, rich, smooth, and creamy if it's not, it's wrong to add something to it to thicken it up. If it's lumpy keep blending, not creamy enough add more fruit or cream cheese. Put the mix in the pie crust and put it in the fridge for like 5-6 hours to a day.
Happy eating y'all!
I tried to address the format issues only, not substance. Sounds like one heck of a pie. We'll all be over after the pandemic goes away!
Found this under educational.
Yes, I agree with you. Door to door is the pits even without a pandemic. It takes a special person to do it, and I'm not that special.
Tree guys go door to door. They tell you things wrong with your trees that you don't even know, and they need to be taken care of today or it's doomsday for your home. I've only seen one with a mask.
Sorry about the contract. When you're in a hurry to work, you sometimes jump into something not right for you.
It does look like you need to capitalize "thank" just like you did YOU JESUS.
It's interesting that your complaint is in a poem with a recurring refrain, almost like a Psalm.
Found your poem under cultural. My reaction is simply that of a casual reader. Please take no offense.
It was very interesting and very graphic. Your words paint a clear picture.
I saw no misspelling or other errors.
I did notice the uneven rhyming. The first two lines didn't rhyme, which was okay; I thought maybe it would be free verse. Then every two lines rhyme until we get to the bottom. Then three lines don't rhyme, the next two do rhyme, then no rhyme again. I guess it didn't catch me until I got to rough, and I wondered was it supposed to rhyme with something and I misread it? Because it rhymed through the bulk of it, I expected it to keep doing that all the way. Maybe if you just worked on the last three lines to get something that rhymes with rough, since it's in the title, the rest could be overlooked. Just a suggestion.
What attracted me to this was your colorful coer photo.
Very interesting content. Well written, no errors. Good job.
I recommend a book called Life After Google. I struggled through the talk about math (it's been a long time since school) and enjoyed the history part. But about half way through I knew it was over my head. You might get a lot more out of it.
pumpkin
I found this under the genre "crime".
It's a nice summary of your starting out on a new venture. It could be broken up a bit, maybe into two paragraphs. One could be about you and your background and hopes. One could be about the research and the proposed topic.
An occasional comma would help. "Once I sit down the words" needs a comma after down. I thought you were trying to set once you set down the words, so a comma would indicate a new thought.
It looks a bit crammed in, so breaking it up and adding a comma where necessary will help break it up.
Best of luck to you. Hope you really enjoy working on it.
I found this under Contest Entry.
I find no flaws, grammatically, spelling, etc.
It has a nice visual appeal. Rhyme and rhythm flow nicely. Stanzas are consistent.
This is a very nice tribute to horses. It makes them sound timeless, admired, and mystical.
Well done poem.
A review from Children's genre.
I would leave the L's as this is obviously Nathan's memory, not original speech. I take it the name Nafan Orange stuck, and didn't change as the two boys get older.
It is cute. It demonstrates family affection over a span of time. I have no suggestions for improvements, but found it light-hearted. I did find mention of October as abrupt and didn't know how it fit in, but that's just me.
Great work
This is meant to be suggestive only and is not meant to offend. Religious poetry is difficult and takes a little bravery these days.
Very timely. You present the facts and keep it simple. I like that you left it off at the cross and the people are still sad. They didn't know Sunday was coming, so leaving the reader in that moment is good.
Technically, it wasn't exactly 2020 years ago. By a miscalculation, they thought he was born in 0 and based the calendar on that, but now scholars believe he was born 4 BC. He died at 33. So depending on whether you start with 0 or minus 4, it would have been about 1984 to 1987 years ago. So you don't want to be that specific, and you want your poem to be readable 30 years from now, not limited to this time.
Your rhyme was good. I know that fear and deer rhyme, but deer is a new image for this occasion. He is usually presented as the innocent "lamb", the normal sacrificial animal. If you could rework those two lines, your poem would be perfect. It's good now; it gets the point across, but it could be better with traditional imagery.
Best wishes for a joyful Easter. Keep working in this genre. You have done a better job than many who attempt religious themes.
Very cute. Very funny. He was having a bad case of anxiety. You told a nice story in a flash!
I find no technical errors. It's very hard to comment on flash fiction, but you did a nice job.
Pumpkin
Hi,
You give an excellent description. I have known both women and men who could have fitted into that circumstance. I have mixed feelings, however. I'd like to see them have a roof over their heads and a meal, but their life choices have brought them to this point. I'm more likely to feel sorry for the homeless person who has a part-time job, or just can't pay the rent on time, but are drug-free and sober. I have volunteered at homeless shelters, and the drunk is disruptive and upsets the other tenants.
My mother-in-law was a skinny old alcoholic, but she had a house and groceries. She had an inflated idea of what she used to be, and played lots of pity parties to anyone who would listen. The dialog here made me think of her. She felt like she was a victim of life. All the problems she had were someone else's fault.
Sentiment aside, your poem was good. You paint a clear picture. Sometimes, poetry is most successful when it arouses discussion.
From Read and Review
Certainly Grace Kelly captured te imagination. She was tylish, elegant and poised as you pointed out. Her philanthropy is not as well known. Thank you for brining that out. Starting off with a quote from her was a good idea.
Your poem is good and does indeed honor her.
Pumpkin
You came up randomly.
It seems a little run together, maybe because there is so much told in so little space. Maybe you could put a line between paragraphs or do some visual thing to make it less dense.
It is a cute story. I have met some older TV celebrities where women were gushing all over them with their wives present. The wives had gotten used to it and weren't bothered. But I wondered if it was difficult at first or if some fans were more worrisome than others.
The only flaw I found was the use of "I" when it should have been me. Take a picture of me, therefore, take a picture of herself and me. Still an object of the preposition even with someone else thrown in after the preposition.
Disclaimer-Please don't take offense at my comments. Only giving you something to think about. I do not like being critical, and certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Poetry is highly personal.
It seems very interesting. I'm not sure sun light shouldn't be one word. On a second read, I found a problem in the first stanza. Structurally, the saucer is none too spry, tired and dry. The third line should probably start with "I", as in 'I spied a saucer in the sky'. I didn't get the 40 days part. Why 40? Maybe just 'all my days'.
Otherwise, a clever and unusual poem. Seems like a terrible nightmare.
pumpkin
A very nice, nostalgic poem. It is biographical, indeed. The avocado trees sort of limit the possible locations. Sounds like a great place to visit.
No technical difficulties. One stanza didn't have the same rhyme scheme.
Amusing, very pleasant to read.
Pumpkin
I have no criticism of spelling, punctuation or grammar. Good job.
It is a good story, but you made an important point. The eye witnesses didn't tell much. The legend may be embellished or it may be spot on. It's nice to think that they observed a spell of quiet and had a brief reprieve from the nightmare.
Pumpkin
A random review.
Is this an original poem? Are Tinker and Judi Van Gorder one and the same?
It's an interesting poetic form with a clear rhyme scheme. "Hand in my back" seems to me like an innovative expression of divine guidance, a fresh look at it.
Very good poem, easy to read.
Hi, this came up under Read and Review. I liked your imagery and word choices. The poem is visually interesting.
I noticed the same number of lines each stanza, the rhyme only on lines 8 and 10. I noticed the number of syllables per line differed from verse to verse, yet you still managed to make the lines look a similar length in each verse That's very good control.
you stuck to the subject quite nicely.
I enjoyed it.
On Read and Review
This paints a lovely picture. The form is interesting. You used all your required words smoothly. I find no errors or misspellings. I haven't seen "solace" used as a verb before, but in poetry we do take some liberties.
Enjoyable.
Pumpkin
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