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This is my blog about random thoughts and writing. |
| This blog is about my current life, struggling with bipolar disorder, also random everyday thoughts and trying to work through writer's block. |
It all began with my apendic. I was about o burst and I was in the emergency room. They were going to take it out. I was there a loongtime, It burst and they stil did nothing and Iwas screamingwith pain. That was there first mistke delying surjery. LaI was there from Nov 15 to Nov 30- I was glad Igot out that day ecause memmbership for writing.com ended onNov 30 .During that time in the hopital thestaplesgot infected and they put a drain thing on I had to carry with me, One week i threew up so much they put tube up my nose to my stomach and grreen stuff cameout i didn't eat for a week. They cgave me blood thiners but I developed bloood clots mostly in the legs it is painful and Istill deal the pain andcan't walk very far with it hurting and getting tired. On night I had chest pain and the nurse told me it was gas and shegave me heat pack itold again and again my chest hurt they kept sayingitwas gas. I was sent home. Some reason a i had a fever orsomething and I went back tohjosptial and they told me my lung had collaspedd. I then hasd a plural fusion or whatver its caled. they also did dome thinga stint or something so the blod clots didin't go to my lungs. i now take blood thinner and get it tested evvery wek to make surethe levels re right. I'm trying to ger in pain magment because i don't havea doctor ight now. I have an apt. ths week with new doctor. hopeeverythng goes well. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Its been so long since I wrote in here. Ive had no contact with L. my boyfriend of 8 years in many months, something I never thought would happen. I havnt taken a college class in a long time either. I had delusions really bad and was manic and they put me on chonzipine and now I;m better but I have to have blood tests for it biweekly. I now go to a mental health day program 3 days a week. At first I hated it but everyone is nice there. I havent written much. I still write 3 pages (Morning Pages) a day, a journal, it helps clear my head. I almost didint have enought money to pay for my membership and I got worried because I diidn''t want to lose all worked for in here. I have poems I coule submit but all my poems are scattered n unorganized and I can't make myself write. I don't know if its depression or what- I cant get out of my own way. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This Thsnksgiving I am grateful for: that I have enough food; my family, that my parents let me live with them. my medicine, my dayprogram, my therapist, memories of my grandmother, that I have 3 cats and a brittny spanial Ralphie, for tv, my mp3 player, that my negative relationship with louis after 8 years; chopsticks, my collection of luncboxes, my owl and elephant collection. And I am grateful each day despite all the fears. |
| I go to day program for my mental illness. I just started. Its kind of boring. But it keeps me up during the day. I think I have something wrong with my hands. I can't read my handwriting and I can't type well. And its not from any lack of experience. Its more of a problem for other people, but its often upsetting when I can't read back what I wrote. My clonzapine helps a lot but I hate the blood tests every week. I still get allergy shots too. I've been reading alot recently the Midnight Disease. I had to go to a day program because my family and I argue, esp. about me just living there. hey want me to get into residential program, which would be around less people but I live my family and they take your SSI check. I like to be alone so I don't even know if I'd had a roomate. I am too old to live at home. I lost my apt. last Oct. |
| Its been hard. I have lot of problems with my medication regimine. The pharmacy is weird what they will fill on day to the next. I started The ARtist's Way again. This will be the 3rd thime. I gota book callded writer's way but its more difficult to keep up for me. They put me on prozac which I havmn't taken in years. So I hope it works this time. Iwrote a 100 word enrty for a contst about obsessions. It seemed so short like just a prose piece. Thee only time I write short things is by accidient. |
| I have terrible luckl. Bad things keep happening to me. A major problem came up today. I just can't let it sink into my head. My parents said everyone in the family has bad luck. I didn't do anything that wasn;'t pro=voked and I have no memroy of it.Besides that I've been slacking on my writing as usual. Just the same daily prompr=ts I always do make my minmal wruiting. |
| I've been depressed lately.I can't think of one thing to make me feel better when it happens. I've adjusted to the sedating medicine but I hate being awake if I'm just going to be miserable. I entered another story to Alice's Curiosity shop. The prompts there really interested me into writing. I hate having to get blood tests eery week for the clonzapine. My moments of motivation to write are long then they leave. I do alot of promts since I'm in a block of my own. I wrote two other stories based on the Alice's curiosity store but you can only enter two. I don't know if I fully spell checked and enntered my last one right. Since I've been out of the hospital everything has been back and forth. |
| I saw my psychiatrist and she put me on clonzipine it has knocked me out. I slept for a whole day. It has severe side effects. doesn't mix well with other drugs and I have to haveblood tests every week. Wasn't there something else she could put me on? How can I do anything like this? |
I just tried to sell my book Could Have Been (A Faerie Tale) on Amazon.com. I don't know if it will go through. I'm not good at promoting my book or selling it. I see psychiatrist todayu which is good. The book was originally published on PublishAmerica so it didn'tget much notice.And no it's not a children's book of poems. Most ofthem were written when I was younger than now. I'm 30 now.
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| I have been up for two days except for one hour which seemed like five. I don't know what is causing this. I've been wrting more but its not that great. They put me on more sedating medicine so I should be tired.-Brandi |
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