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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Today is hindering tomorrow. I need it to be tomorrow so I can go buy the things I need to buy. I'm anxious that school supplies are going to be picked over already, and that I'll have a hard time finding the things I need. I hope that's not the case. I wrote a list of what I'm getting him. It slightly differs from what they're asking, but all in all, the basics are covered. I'm also planning to purchase from Children's Place again, as they're having a fantastic sale where I can get loads of clothes for the kids for pennies. I was going to wait to buy it next check after this one, but then I saw how much it cost when I looked at my cart today, saw it was way under $100, and decided I'm going to hold off on the ebay purchase and buy the kids their clothes instead. Some things are needed more. Speaking of needs, Ryan got his pants in today. Glad they all fit him. He's growing leaps and bounds. I'm going to measure both the kids in August and see if they've grown over the summer. Last I measured them was in June. One of my best friends did a wonderful thing and bought Ryan the book he needs in order to complete his reading assignment over the summer. Because he's in accelerated language arts, he's required to read two out of six books that the school has chosen and keep a double entry journal about each book. We've been on the waiting list for the book since June 19th, just days after school and this was listed on the school website, and the book has been impossible to get a copy of from the library. When I lamented this to my friends, one of my best friends took it upon herself to buy him the book so he could do his school work. I broke down crying, thanked her up and down. She assured me it was not necessary, as she paid hardly anything for the book (so she says!), but the fact that she did that for us, that means everything. Even if the book didn't cost that much, it's the fact that she went out of her way to get it for us so he could complete his work. Journey got a pen pal letter from her friend Ben today, which she was very excited about. He wrote to her all about the camp he attended. She was at a loss as to what to write to him, so I suggested she tell him about the things she's been doing this summer, such as playing with Dixon, pretending to hold a lemonade stand (I wish we had the things needed to let her hold a REAL lemonade stand!), being a waitress at her Hello Kitty Cafe, and just hanging out. She was disappointed that her letter wasn't nearly as long as Ben's was to her, but I told her it was just as good, and he'll be happy to get it. I had her write his name and address on it, and we will be shipping it off tomorrow. I think he's away visiting family right now, but he'll get it when he returns home. Very few things going on right now. Still need to find out what the band book is that Ryan needs to get for this year. Need to go through the kids' fall things to make sure they fit still or not. Just had Ryan clean out his pants drawer of all his size 12 pants. Time to put in the 14s. I hope he still fits in those when his first band concert comes up.  |
| I'm hoping this shows up. If not, I'll change colors. *EDIT: it didn't. I switched colors.* Anywho... I was getting slightly concerned when I hadn't gotten a call back from Children's National to reschedule Journey for her appointment, so I took it upon myself to call them back and talk to someone. Apparently the guy I was talking to was currently sorting out the list of people that needed to be scheduled, and i was near the bottom of that list, so I would've had to wait till November to get another appointment. Since I called him to ask if I could have another appointment scheduled, he said it was only fair to give me one for sooner since we had been scheduled in June and didn't get it. We have a new appointment, set for September 15th. Journey will be missing part of the school day because of it (and frankly, so will Ryan), but that's okay. This is a (probably) one time thing, and even if she DOES decide to see us more than one time, we can schedule appointments for days that Journey has off instead. Most of me is wondering why I bothered to even call and reschedule...but there's just this nagging little part of me that keeps saying "We have to try, right? She may not be it, but we won't know unless we try...", thus giving into my hopes. I've always come by the motto of "Expect the worst, but hope for the best" in my life. Once again, this motto has risen to the occasion. Most of me is expecting that this doctor won't be any different than the other three we've already seen. I'm almost certain she's not going to give us anything to work with. I mostly feel as though I'm wasting her time, but I just...I have to. I have to do this. If an autism specialist sees my daughter and says she's autistic, why can't other doctors? What does the specialist see that doctors don't? It puzzles me...it frustrates me. How can an educational and a medical diagnosis be so different? I'm worried she'll say I'm wasting her time. I'm worried she'll say that Dr. V was right. I'm worried that she'll barely look at the paperwork, the tons of paperwork I've gathered and procured from every specialist visit, every therapy, every evaluation, her newest IEP goals, her newest IEP, the letter from the specialist, EVERYTHING, and just toss it to the side, only to tell me that the specialist was wrong, and that's only an educational diagnosis, not a medical, and her thought is that this is not it. I am out of my mind worried about this. I build up all this negative hype, so if when we do make it to that office, and she tells me "No", I can look down with tears in my eyes and say "I knew it. I knew she wouldn't", and then, with some hope, try to find another doctor to see if maybe they'll listen instead. I know it's a terrible way to be, to burn yourself down before it even happens and seal tight the small can of hope you have inside you, but this, my friends, is the only way I know how to be. I'm that "other shoe drop" girl. When everything goes right, I worry myself sick that something's going to go wrong. I'm worried that if there's not a hiccup in the plan, or if there's not a little turbulence, or if it comes a little too easily to me, something's wrong, and I will pay dearly for it. I know it sounds super shitty, but when Don and I were dating, I put him through hell to make sure he was the one and he was willing to stick around. I gave him test after test. I gave him all of my emotions, or none of them. I was needy and clingy, and then I shoved him away. I know that sounds absolutely horrible, but I wanted to be sure that he meant what he said, and that he wasn't going to up and ditch me when things got hard. I am one of those people that puts everything I've got into it. All my blood, sweat and tears. And that's a hefty price to pay if it falls flat, or it fails, or it dies. I can't just "expend less energy" on something. I can't. I'm one of those people that either goes into a project full force, or ignore it altogether. I don't half-ass anything. (Except keeping my house organized.) So the problem is, if this comes crashing down, then I've lost everything I gave, and that tears me up. Anyway, enough about that. Now you know some of my innermost workings. Don't say I don't share myself, ha! So anyway, yes. Doctor appointment scheduled. You see my dilemma, but we shall get there and see what happens. Other than giving myself panic attacks over it, I need to let it go, and give myself panic attacks about other things instead. (Did I mention I'm a control freak? All of this stems from my need to control the situation and the outcome. I can't do either of those, so I have to rely on other people...and that makes me panic.) Still unsure of what to do about the meetings. I have two moms that offered to help out best they can, and I appreciate that immensely. I'm just not sure how often that means though. Can we still hold meetings every week? Do I need to find another person in case either one or both can't show up that day? What happens if something comes up? How do I get the girls home if neither of them can be there? *Bangs head against desk* So many unanswered questions. I'm starting to have a love/hate relationship with these after school meetings. I just need one person. One person. *Sigh.* Got Ryan some new pants for the year. Still need to get him some dress khakis and some black dress pants. Still need to get him new dress shoes as well. Still need to get his new band book (which I don't know what it's called or what it looks like anymore, because they took the "Band" section off the school website for some reason...), get school supplies, and wash his gym uniform from last year. Journey is pretty much set. I'm glad at least one of my kids is already figured out. I've had plenty of time to figure out what girl scout things I'm doing. I have planned some badges, even though I'm going to let the girls pick which ones they want to do. I have this great idea to put together the Journey we're going to be doing (aMUSE) with the digital photographer badge, so it can lead us towards our take action project. I think it's a great idea, and it's how I'm planning to do it, so hopefully it turns out well. I also have a council patch that we can work on (with all the details of how to earn it) when it gets to be April-May, when we run out of things to work on. It'll be nice to give them something to do during that time, after everything is done with Thinking Day, and cookie sales, and possibly being done with our reward from cookie sales. We'll see how this goes. |
I was fortunate enough that two moms responded to my plea for help. Both of them work, but they said they can swing it for a few meetings if need be to help out the troop. I'm extremely grateful for them. Shanachie  gave me the great idea to ask a teacher in the school, so I emailed Journey's old special ed teacher, who said she was willing to sit in on the meetings last year if need be, to see if she would be willing again this year, or if she knew anyone in the school that would be willing. Hopefully, with the help of these three ladies, I will find some permanence to help us out. Heard from a couple of people about meeting up, but unfortunately plans didn't work out. We'll hold on for another day and see if something works out, but other than that, not much we can do about it. Other than that, not much else going on. Getting geared up for buying school supplies for Ryan. This year, I'll be sure to ask Ryan what's necessary, and what we can skip. 7th grade lists are much smaller than 6th and 8th, but still, there seems to be quite a few things that aren't necessary. We'll trim down the list and get him what he needs. Hopefully I can find folders that have holes in them; I searched Target's website and couldn't find any. I have a plan though, and I'll see what I can find. Hopefully both Target and Walmart don't sell out of things by the time we get our free check in next week. Then we'll have all his school supplies, and be done with it. I need to buy Ryan all new pants as well; he grew out of a size 12 and into a size 14. Journey is good on clothes, and though I keep finding cute stuff I want to get her, I swore I wouldn't get her anymore clothes, because she's not lacking in any means. She has a need for some long sleeve shirts, but other than that, she's set. Ryan could use some long sleeve shirts, some new pants, some band shoes...he's growing leaps and bounds. Stupid puberty, making him hit growth spurts. Makes clothing and feeding and whatnot way more expensive. I miss the days when my kids were little and stayed in the same size for a couple of years. That's not even an option anymore for Ryan, as as soon as he grows into large, he grows into extra large months later. He's basically renting clothes. I have to turn around and buy him a whole new wardrobe, when just last year, I had to buy him a whole new wardrobe then. I need to find a place that rents out clothes LOL. At least Children's Place has his size in clothes, and has great sales. Once he gets too big for Children's Place, we're going to go Old Navy with their sales, and stick with that from there. *Sigh.* It's tough when kids grow so fast. Not looking forward to when Journey finally grows out of size medium. Hopefully that will be awhile; it's still kind of big on her, and she just grew into it. Let's hope we can get this all figured out. |
| My anxiety is high right now. I'm not even going to tell you how high. But I am going to let you know, I've kept up a word document for the last three nights, rambling and rambling, to relieve some of this pressure. Does it help? Somewhat. I want a sounding board without the task of solutions. I know what needs to be done. I just can't do it because I haven't gotten and input yet. And yet again, I'm stuck with people who just do not care. And I'm tired of it. So let me get you caught up with what I'm rambling about today (well, for the last three days anyway). Things have been very quiet this summer, and by quiet, I mean extremely quiet. Like, no one has offered to meet us at the park quiet. This is rare. Usually at least one of her friends is calling for a play date, but nothing so far. Not one word. I emailed her friend's mom, who just happens to be my second adult for our girl scout meetings, to see if her daughter would be interested in a play date. No answer. Then, I remember she said that she rarely ever checks her email, so I decide to text her and see if I can get an answer that way. She emails me back after she gets my text, because she has a few other things to tell me other than a play date. She breaks the news to me. She can no longer be my second adult at the meetings. And this is where I start panicking. All the other parents of the girls in my troop work. The appeal of my troop is that it meets immediately after school, and the girls go home to whatever other activities/homework/dinner, etc. they have after that. Easy peasy, an activity out of the way. Well this has now been shot to hell, because she was the only parent I had that wasn't currently working that could sit in on the meetings. Everyone else works, except for one other, who cannot do it because her daughter is in STEM, and she has to rush get her off the bus to our meeting, and then rush to get her son taken care of, and then rush to get her son and daughter to swimming. She's EXTREMELY busy, and there is no time for her to sit in on a meeting when she's got so much she has to do. I don't blame her, and I don't fault her. In fact, I don't fault anyone on this. Shit happens, people get jobs, people move away, people change things in life. I cannot control what happens with other people. As much as I want to, I just can't. I've finally, after 34 years, have figured this out, and have by the grace of God learned to let it go. But when there are things I CAN control... Oh lord. So I'm anxious, I put out the word to my adults, on both Facebook and our website. Nothing, Not one answer. Not one email. And look, I know it's summer, and people are busy, I get that, I really do, okay? I am not a patient person. When I'm faced with a problem and I need input, I want it taken care of immediately. I know that doesn't mesh well with other people's time frames. I get it. But the things I can control, I can't do anything about right now, because I'm not getting any input. I am most willing to change the time, or the day, or both the time and day of the meetings. Once we figure out what would work best for us, I would be able to contact the secretary of the school to let her know that we would need a different time/day/both for meeting, and could we please still use the school for this? I can't get an answer from her until I contact her on this, and I can't contact her on this until I get input from the parents of which times and days would be best for them. Once again, I'm left with people that don't want to sign up for things, with people that don't want to answer back. The whole "It's not my problem" scenario. I HATE that. It IS your problem, it's ALL our problem, because without your help and input, your daughter is not going to have a girl scout experience to go to. I cannot hold meetings without a second adult, it's that simple. I cannot stress this enough, but it seems that no amount of stressing leads to them actually realizing, acknowledging and taking action about this. I feel as if I always have to force their hands, and I don't know what's going to work for them or not. Should I sit there and tell them "We're having meetings on Tuesday nights from 6:30-7:45 from here on out. If you can make it, see you then. If you can't, too bad." I mean, I could do that...I'm seriously, honestly TEMPTED to do that. What with their lack of interest in what goes on with these girls and our meetings, I'm really contemplating this as the best option. Ugh. *Sigh.* So I asked for advice or to get the possible word out to my SU that I needed a second adult. I got some great advice back, and I would love to put it in motion, if I could ever get a hold of the parents. One of the things that was suggested to me was to give it time, and when August comes around, put it out there again. I get it, not everyone is thinking about girl scout stuff right now. It's summer, school's out, there are other things going on. But dammit, this is a pressing matter. This is HUGE. This could mean having a troop, or not having anything. That's how big this is, and I feel like, no matter what I do, it cannot be stressed enough to these parents, that just don't seem to care. I'm tempted to just keep bugging them until they answer me. That's the only way I ever get things done with them. And it drives me up a wall. I have to force them to donate things to the bridging ceremony. I have to force them to sign up to donate snack. Now I have to force them to tell me which nights would work best for them. Seriously, this whole "I pick the time/day/place and you either come or too bad" scenario is just looking better and better. I am so tired of having to force people to care. Okay, rant over. Anxiety high. Slight anger. Major disappointment. Waiting time commences... |
| Summer just seems to be flying by. Tomorrow is Independence Day, and it feels like it came by so fast. I can't believe July is already here. Soon it'll be the middle of the month. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that or not. We have two free paychecks coming this month, pending anything happening *knock on wood*. I have big plans for this paycheck, including school supplies for Ryan (including his new band book for this year, and some new dress shoes for band), family pictures (because we haven't taken any since 4 years ago), Girl Scout pictures for Journey (I'm still debating this though, as I might wait until next year to do what I'm thinking of doing), and....well, that's about it. Those are my major to-do's with money. Hopefully we can get everything taken care of. Since we haven't done much this summer, I signed the kids up for a STEM activity at the local library. I'm hoping they get to play with prisms, as it's supposed to be an activity about spectroscopes. so I hope they have fun. Journey loves science, so she was very interested in this. Ryan seemed interested as well, though mildly. I say, if it gets them off the electronics and provides them with something both fun and educational, I'm all for it. We haven't been able to have many meet ups or play dates as of late. So far, we've only met with one of Journey's friends, and haven't heard from any others. It's been a very low key summer so far. Slowly but surely, all my girl scout things are getting put together. I fixed our webpage to reflect our current status, as well as created new sign ups for snack duty, and advised parents that I will be cleaning out members that are no longer in our troop as of August. I have a total of 8 girls in my troop, which I had when we first started Brownies. I added two more in the middle of the first year, and a third at the beginning of the second. I might be adding some by the start of this year, but I doubt it. When I talked to my SU organizer, she advised that they don't usually get girls that start as Juniors entering Girl Scouts. They usually get them as Daisies and Brownies. I'm fine with that, 8 girls is a nice, even number, and that rounds out well for if I need to do any pairing work with the girls. Gladly, the one girl that I thought was leaving my troop is actually returning, so now we can do her relatives' country of Ireland for our Thinking Day project this year. Next year, we're doing Venezuela. Also, I spoke with the secretary at the school who sets up where we meet and when, and she put in everything for us. So far, everything is looking good. I have some badges to start off with, I have the page set, I have Thinking Day set, I have the meetings set up...everything is moving along quite nicely. Looks like we'll be ready for our first troop meeting in September. Other than that, not much else going on. The sleeping in is quite nice. I hope I don't get used to it. The school time is changing for Journey this coming year, from the start time being 8:40am to the start time being 9 am instead. It's possible that I could sleep in till 8, but then the alarm would be set incorrectly for Don to get up. Maybe I'll just keep getting up at 7:45, who knows. Ryan's body's idea of sleeping in is 8:25 every morning this summer. I guess it's sleeping in, considering he has to get up at 6:25 every morning for school. I don't know why they switched the elementary school time, except maybe because of the new elementary school opening, and they need the buses to go there first and then go to ours second. I don't see why there needs to be that many buses to go to the new school anyway, as most of the kids that are going to the new school live in the neighborhood that it's built in. We have more kids from the other town coming to our school than they do, so we do need those buses. Who knows though? I don't know much of what's going on over there, I'm more focused on what's going on over here. That being beside the point... 47 more days till school starts. 51 days till Journey's birthday (less than 2 months!) 50 days to her party. Sometime near the end of the month, I'm going to send out her birthday party invitation. Hopefully we get some guests here! Oh, and that's another thing I need the money from the free checks for, I have to pay for 5 more guests for Sweet Frog, just in case we get all these people showing up. I don't want to have to cough up over $100 on the day for 5 more guests. We'll see what the future holds. |
| I meant to write on Ryan's 12th birthday, about how big he's gotten, and how I feel so much like time has passed me by. I keep meeting all these people my age, with firstborns as old as Journey, and they're quite surprised to know I have a 12 year old as well. I can't believe hos fast time has gone by. I feel like it was just yesterday that we moved here, and Ryan was a 2 year old, precocious and adorable. He was a star, making friends with everyone he met. His personality was sparkling, and he was so easy to love. Now he's got a wry sense of humor, and he can be quite funny. He likes to have things a certain way, but I try to make him more flexible. I find him quite hilarious and easy to relate to at this age-then again, he talks to me quite often. I'm appreciative of that fact. I know that (almost) teenage boys feel ruffled from their families and bristle up when asked to chat, but he talks to me all the time, and I'm thrilled about that. I've always let him know that he is my shining star, and I love him more than all the stars in the sky. He was the son I always prayed for, and he came to me in every way that I hoped for. I signed up Journey two pen pals this summer. One is her friend Ben that will be moving on to a new school next year. As he's away at summer camp and visiting family, he's going to write Journey, and Journey can write him back. I also got her a girl scout pen pal from Minnesota named Lindsey, who is going to be 9 in July, much like Journey will be 9 in August. They're both first year Juniors, so this should be very fun and interesting! Perhaps they can share their bridging ceremony experiences together, and talk about what it's been like to be Brownies. I bought a book of stamps, for both Journey to write her new pen pals, and also for my selling of extra girl scout fun patches that I have. So far, I've sold 4 of 16, so 1/4th. Hopefully some more people will be interested and buy some more. I'm taking all the funds and putting them back in my troop's account. Don had a tummy bug for a couple of days, and I feel like he passed the remnants of it to me. I hope this doesn't last long, and I hope I'll be okay. So far, summer is going by well. Really fast, but well! |
| I received a call today from Children's National letting me know that our appointment with the new developmental pediatrician has been postponed for another day. This is kind of good news/bad news. The bad news is, we have to wait even longer just to get another appointment, and who knows when that will be or if we'll have the money we need to do it. The good news is, Ryan now has his birthday day back, and we can go out to lunch with the money I saved to go on the road trip to Rockville. I've asked Don for the car that day, and I'll take Ryan and Journey out that day. In a way, I'm sort of relieved, now I can breathe without feeling anxiety stab me in the side. On the other hand, I know it's a naggling worry in the back of my mind right now. When will we get to this appointment? What is she going to say? Sometime in the near future, we will find out. Summer has been a meld of days, just flying by. I can't believe this will be the last weekend of June. I can't believe July is coming up on us in a week. I wish time would slow down a little more. I feel like I'm not even going to be able to savor having the kids home with me. All too soon, August will be here, and they'll be going back to school, and I'll be lonely once again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the sleeping in is nice, but what's nicer is waking up to kids saying "Hey mom, we had breakfast, can we play this game please?" All too soon, I'm back to waking up at 7:40 in the morning, getting Journey ready for school and sending her off. I told Don the real reason why I sleep so much during the time that he's at work and the kids are at school. It's not so much that I'm tired as it is that I'm lonely, bored, want to pass time, want to use less resources, want to curb myself from eating or drinking, and find it's more of a coping mechanism. Don then asked me if I was depressed. I didn't know how to answer him without bursting into tears. "I don't know, maybe...I can't tell," I admitted. Honestly, I can't. After I had Ryan, I had post-partum depression for 16 months after he was born. It wasn't until we moved and I realized how big he was getting, and how I was going to be okay raising him, that the clouds lifted and I realized I had been drowning all that time. I feel like, since my bipolar diagnosis, my default mode is depression. I always seem to be there, or get there at the drop of a hat. It's almost as if there's always the underlining of depression in my mood, with other moods on top of it. Smaller moods, moods that come and go. But depression is the the big currant that everything overlaps. That's the best way I can describe it. So other than that...not much else going on. I'm trying to enjoy every day I have with the kids. We have enough groceries to last them right now. We'll see how July turns out to be, and then we only have 2 weeks in August that we have to do breakfast and lunches until they're back at school eating breakfast and lunch there instead. All we can do is budget and plan accordingly as best we can with what we've got. I'm keeping a look out for Ryan's school supply list this year. We have two free paychecks in July-one of them I'd like to use to get family pictures and pictures of Journey with her Girl Scout vests/sash, and the other I'd like to use to get Ryan's school supplies. This year, I'm not going to fall for that "5 separate binders" nonsense, I'm getting him a messenger bag/binder. I'll get him coordinating folders, plenty of paper, pens and pencils, he can use the highlighters he used last year, and whatever little extras he needs. I'm not falling for that millions of binders and folders BS again. Journey, very luckily, gets school supply kits from her school, so everything she needs is in the kit, and we don't have to worry about going to the store and getting a whole bunch of things. Half the time, the kit is cheaper than trying to get everything scrounged together from the stores. I wish middle schools had kits too. Ahhh well. |
| Yesterday was Ryan's birthday dinner. He invited three friends, but only one was able to show up. He also invited Jen and her oldest two, and I think all in all, even though there were only 8 of us, a good time was had. Ryan's best friend James is hilarious, he had us all rolling with his jokes. Jen's two were there to answer, so it was a lot of fun. Jen's daughter Kayleigh invited Ryan to her birthday day, so when that happens, we'll all drive down to Jen's place and we'll hang out awhile while Ryan gets to go with them and have fun. I'm so glad he got invited, we haven't been invited to one of Jen's older kids' parties in a while. Ryan got enough in Game Stop gift cards that we could help him purchase a new game for the Wii U, Splatoon. So far, Ryan's enjoying it. He's also got and is getting eshop cards so he can purchase downloadable content for his Wii U games. All in all, I'd say a good birthday for Ryan. 12 looks promising for him. Dunno how I feel about 12 yet for him though. I can't believe he's that old already. It seems like just yesterday he was two. He's grown so fast. As today is Father's Day, Don is going to a DC United game for it. I hope he enjoys it. I've squirreled away some money for this, as well as for our trip to Rockville for Journey's developmental pediatrician appointment. Hopefully we can stop and get some lunch on our way back. I'm super nervous about the appointment. I fear that she's going to tell us the same things that the first two told us. I hope she would have more sense to know the difference of signs that girls have than boys, and that kids can have altogether. It really gets me that Dr. V said she tests too well to be autistic. Like autistic people aren't smart? I wouldn't even be pushing for this diagnosis if it wasn't for what we were given at her IEP meeting. If they had said "She's not autistic", I wouldn't be pushing for a medical diagnosis. I would just leave it as is. Because they gave that to us, I want to get it in medical terms and see if they agree with it or not. Dr. V was so adamant that he didn't agree with it, but again, I don't think he did things the way he was supposed to. The CARS test is a written form supposed to be filled out by parents and therapists alike, and match them up with the answers to see what you get. It is NOT a test that you can give in under 5 minutes while staring at my daughter. Again, not thrilled that medical professionals spend 10 minutes with my daughter and make astute assumptions. I hope this one is different, but I can't see how she will be, when we're given the same one hour appointment, and no time for her to really get to know Journey. I fear we may be getting the same answers, just in a different location now. I don't know what this means. I don't know if it means if we don't get a medical diagnosis, they take her off her IEP, or what the case may be. This is why I hope for the medical diagnosis. Something to back me up so they can't say "Well, we gave this diagnosis to her, but without a medical one, we can take it away". I don't want that. I don't think she could be where she is without the help of an IEP. Not to say she's not capable, because she is, somewhat, but she needs that extra one on one attention, to help her get to where she needs to be. As her mother, I know what I see and what I feel she needs. The only other people I'm getting input from are her teachers, and the special ed department. Other than that, I know what works best for my daughter. *Sigh.* I hope Ryan has a happy birthday that day, even though we'll be spending most of it on the road. I know it's not how he wanted to spend his birthday, but hopefully we get some answers out of it. If not, it's back to square one, and I will seriously contemplate if I'm going to waste more time trying to get medical professionals to see what's going on or not. |
| Today is the last day of school, and as usual, I will be sobbing. I don't know why it hits me so hard. I know that last year was a different case, as Ryan had a continuation. This year is just a normal year, yet I always seem to be caught crying. Every time I watch those buses go around the parking lot, and those teachers blow bubbles, I just sob. It's the end of the year, an end of another chapter. I've grown quite fond of the teachers at this point, so having to go on without them is a little upsetting. I've loved all of Journey's teachers thus far (and two of them happened to be the teachers Ryan had before), but I really am very appreciative of her teacher this year. She is a wonderful woman, who understands children with special needs more than any other teacher I've seen. She communicated with me consistently to let me know how Journey was doing, and when I had questions, she would conference with me to discuss it. I sincerely believe she made this Journey's best year at LES yet. Next year and 5th grade have a lot to live up to. I'm going to miss her terribly. I hope that, even though all these teachers are moving around with the upcoming year, that she will still be there, and we can visit her when Open House comes up in August. Journey came home with a beautiful handmade book, chronicling her year in 3rd grade. There were works that she did in the class, reports she made, stories she wrote, and best of all, physical pictures of her during the school year. I cried when I saw this book. It is a treasure to me. I will always be grateful for it, and I'm so thrilled that her teacher helped encase this year for me. Another wonderful memory guide that I'll cherish. Ryan's year is finally at a close. His math grade wasn't so hot at the end of the marking period, but after it was averaged, he ended up with a B. I hope that's enough to get him into accelerated math next year as well. I know this year's math class was tough, but I really believe that it gave him a taste of what real life is like; no make ups, no do overs, just put your best effort forth, study hard, use time wisely, and be accountable and responsible for your work. It was a hard lesson to learn this year, but an important one. I commend his teacher for teaching him that. It'll be of good use when he gets older. All in all, the kids last report cards are excellent. All A's and B's, for both of them. Journey bombed her county assessment final in P.E., so I'm not sure how she pulled off a B in that subject for marking period 4, but I'm grateful that she did. I'm very proud of both of them. They did a fantastic job this year. And though Ryan didn't get all A's like he had the two years prior in elementary school, for his first year grappling with the changes of middle school, I'm pretty pleased with how it went. And for Journey, I'm ecstatic with how it went for her. I didn't know she had it in her to be an A/B student. I was so worried she'd fall behind and not be able to pull off good grades in 3rd grade, because she struggled so much in 2nd. She didn't start getting letter grades until this year, and she blew me away. The medicine has helped her greatly. I do not for one second take the way the medicine has helped for granted. She's done a fabulous job on it, and she works very hard to get the grades that she gets. I couldn't be more proud of her! We now look towards 62 days of summer. Sleeping in (for the most part), hanging out, hopefully setting up hang out times with friends, and just enjoying each others company. All too soon, August 18th will come, and Open House will be here, getting ready to give the kids over to new teachers, with all new school supplies, and all new things. |
| Yesterday was our bridging ceremony. It was extremely hot out, but we made it work, as we were in the shade most of the day. I got emotional reading my speech, and hugging Bailey and Alyssa, who are moving on from our troop. 8 out of 11 of my girls showed up yesterday, which is a pretty good turn out. I'm so proud of them! They did a fantastic job, and I'm glad to get pictures of all of them (thanks to Ryan and his handy camera work) as they walked across the bridge. Very symbolic, very heartfelt. I gave each of them a hug as they walked over the bridge and received their Junior vest/sash. They were all very sweet to me, which I appreciated. I love those girls so much! Bailey confessed to me that Sophia never really cared for Girl Scouts. I can't say I found it shocking, as she kind of gives off the vibe that she'd rather not be there. Bailey's parents are hoping to find a new troop for her where her new school is going to be, which I hope they do. I sent an email out to the county membership specialist to try and get a hold of that particular SU to see if they know of any Junior troops in that area that are willing to take her in. Alyssa expressed that she wanted to come back to my troop, and didn't want another troop if it wasn't going to be ours. I hugged her so tight when she said that. She's going to the new school next year, so I don't know what time they let out, but I suggested that if they let out the same time we do, perhaps it's possible to bring her to the school to come to the meetings again. Her mom and I decided to talk about it more over the summer. I would love it if Alyssa could come back. She loves being in the troop, she's so vibrant and full of life, she really is one of my favorite parts of the troop. (All my girls are, but I love Alyssa's enthusiasm!) All in all, I wish my girls all the best. Journey needs to give Sophia, Alyssa and Aoife their things that they either didn't get or forgot. Oh! And my girl Aoife is coming back to our troop next year! I'm so thrilled! We're very excited to have her again! It was a beautiful ceremony. I'm thrilled we got to have it. I can't wait to see what Juniors next year brings! |
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