I think with some work this poem would be excellent! You do need punctuation and some structure maybe in your sentences. Bythat I mean some seem to long. But I am a novice too so you do it the way you see fit. I can only suggest. I like the wording you use and you are good atdescriptions. Keep writing!
I really liked the poem itself but where you said," The plump pillow of my heart" just didn't sit well with me. I have no idea it just did not sound right. Then " Droplets of words" hit me the same way. Try " sweet whisper" instead. Just an idea but it is your poem.
I cried as I read your story! My brother is developmentally disabled and I have a granddaughter who has autism. It was hard growing up with my brother until each of us learned to watch out and be protective of those less fortuante than us. My dad used to take a switch and taught us that lesson at an early age!
This really has the makings of an excellent book but you will have a winner.On the sentence, " it should say "take" instead of "bring". Thats about all that I can find but the story does catch my attention. Keep up your writing and someday soon I'll be reading one of your books.
This poem would have been perfect except for the separation of Be cause in the 6th line from the bottom. I think it deserves a five rating for its depth and compassion that it shows. Keep writing and of course its your own poem so its yourchoice how you word it.
I really liked this poem but had to read it through at least twice to get the full benefit of it. It was quite deep for me to catch onto it the first time aroud. But maybe it was meant to be that way. I did enjoy it and that is saying a lot especially since I write light poetry.
This is so close to being perfect! All you need is to straighten out your punctuation and in the third stanza where you have " and it has seemed to have faded away" you should consider putting in, "it seems to have faded away". Of course this is just one opinion and its your choice. I just think it flows so much better. This could be a classic.
This would be an excellent piece of poetry if you would change the "ill" To I'll. I really like this poetry and think you are very talented. Keep up the writing and going forward. I'll look for more of yourwork!
I have to commend you being able to write and capture the feeling of one left behind after a person commits suicide. It shows deep feelings that I can identify with. A close girlfriend of mine comited suicide.
Please keep writing as you are excellent in writing and touch deep compassionate places in people. Thats what writers do.
This poem has a lot of potential to being published if you correct a few minor things. For instance the sentencesneed to be worded a little better than theyare. They kind of run together. Or they don't go alongwith the sentence before in a nice even flow. For instance; If old barns could talk
what would they say?
They hold my memories
of happier days.
Don't get me wrong, this is only my suggestion. I just wanted to let you know there is a ot of great possibilties for your poem to be on the number #1 list. Keep writing!
I loved this article, especially when you admitted that you were the biggest culprit! No one very seldom these days will come out and acknowledge they just might be in the wrong though lately some have been coming forward! Anyway, you did an excellent job of keeping my attention through out the entire articles!
This poem is excellent as far as decriptions go, butit needs a little structure. Then it would be perfect! I see an aspiring author, YOU, on the horizon! Really a little work and you would have a masterpiece! Keep up the good writing and I'll be back to review more of your work!
Your poem was very expressive and I read it through twice to get the full benefit. You are an aspiring author and I will be reading more of your poems. Keep up the good writing and you will go far.
I think this poem had too many questions and did a lot of jumping around. It could be really good as it shows about half way through. You are a very discriptive writer and I like your style. Just concentrate more on your structure in the sentences and you'll be a great author someday.
The poem was good but it kind of rambled on longer as I kept on reading. Maybe if you shorten some of your sentences up? I did like the subject and your descriptions did it justice. I think you have the makings of a good writer and if you structure your poems it should be fine.
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