Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
I think in the first verses you could do away with the word"Even" and "So".and maybe change the wording a little in that last sentence, same verse.Maybe use:"At the darkness before my eyes" The flow might be better but its up to you.
Encouragement:You have a knack for descriptive phrases that blend well together. I think just reading it as if you saw it for the first time would help. Try and put yourself in a readers mind. Not as the one who wrote it, that helps me at times.
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
First Impression:
This article caught my eye because of personal reasons.It hit close to home because of being a sibling out of 14 we were often bullied for being poor and it bothered me terribly in school.
Plot Thoughts
This sounds like the younger years and flowed along smoothly.
Errors
No errors that I could find.
My Favorite Part
I guess where you finally realized that you had did the same thing to someone else earlier and it was no fun to have to face yourself. No matter, bullying just plain hurts but at least you are a better person for admitting it. Some never look back and see that.
SuggestionsNo improvements needed!
Write On! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Being able to give or take constructive criticism with grace is a measure of a person's growth in maturity.
What was enjoyable and exceptional:The poem terrified me in all its brutal honesty! Your descriptions were great!
Content, What you've conveyed to me::What a person would be thinking at that time.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
"In his chaotic and gloomy despair,as he races" To me that sentence needs to "The mans gloomy despair becuse otherwise its kind of confusing the way its stated now.
Encouragement:This is really good except the one thing I mentioned.
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
***This review is being given as a part of the Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and feel free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing!***
Summarize the Chapter or Short Story~
I really enjoyed the story and the more I got into the better it got.
Discuss the plot.
Believe it or not the plot was excellent and i would love to read more.
Discuss the description in the story.
Your descriptions are great
Discuss the characters.
The characters were believable and fit in nicely with the plot.
Discuss the dialogue and grammar in the piece.
The dialogue was good but the grammar in several spots need correction. Example:
Third sentence first paragraph: Spelling of concious is worng, should be conscious.
Second paragraph: the word homeworld should be two words.
Tenth paragraph: the anger clearly relected in his tone and voice { the word relected should be reflected.
From my point of view~Excellent story that I dearly enjoyed but in checking for mistakes I apologize my word processor corrected some of the spellings automatically. Thats the first time that has ever happened and I was careful to make sure it didn't anymore so some of your mistakes in spelling were corrected and I didn't get a chance to mark them for you. Please forgive me for not noticing what it was doing earlier.
First Impression:
This plot was very interesting in that one does wonder what would really happen in a case like this. Too live thru it would be bad but to imagine it and read about it is awesome. Good subject!
Plot Thoughts:
I loved the plot like I said above. Very interesting!
Errors; This sentence needs to be elaborated on more than it is.{The despair part and the reasons for rioting etc.}
*arrow*You knew a plant had it when it looked like it was dying, and you knew for sure when it died within a few days later. Despair spread quickly, and most cities on the planet were subject to rioting, looting, and general unrest.
My Favorite Part;
His emotions, he was sure, had paralleled most others’ for the majority of this rollercoaster ride. Disinterest in early reports turned to fanatical obsession; soon Marty was out watering his lawn, performing soil tests, and even brushing down the trees in his yard, and he saw many neighbors doing the same, all to no avail. Obsession turned to despair as every plant died off one by one, only to be replaced by the short lived flame of intense hope which spread around the world at the discovery of that one last dogwood. Now all that remained was a sad emptiness, a sense of loss so profound as to be beyond words. I really like this part because you described his feelings in detail and his surroundings.
SuggestionsMore detail would work, I think. Some of it you leave us to imagine and I like each scene detailed so I can be there while its happening.
Write On! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Being able to give or take constructive criticism with grace is a measure of a person's growth in maturity.
What was enjoyable and exceptional:I liked the title and the idea of this poem. It kind of drew me in!
Content, What you've conveyed to me::The husband is reflecting back on meeting his wife which is awesome!
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:I have no understanding of the diff. types of poetry so can add nothing to that side of it. But I can say I liked it all around. The flow kind of threw me off but yet again maybe its that type of poem and id supposed to be that way.
Encouragement:You appear to be an excellent writer with words and know your diff. types of poetry. Keep writing!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
I really think this story hasplenty of merit and if you would go further with it it would be awesome to read!
Plot Thoughts;
The plot is good and keeps me riveted.
Errors;
You have quite a few grammar errors and spelling errors which need correcting that stops the flow of the story itself. That is one reason I rated it low. I think with a little work and revising it would be an awesome read. Please think on revising it!
My Favorite Part;
My best part was when she found out she had switched places with a ghost!
Suggestions
Update by fixing the grammar and spelling words to make the piece flow easier.
Write On! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Being able to give or take constructive criticism with grace is a measure of a person's growth in maturity.
I liked the
story and thought it was rather well writtian.
Plot Thoughts
The plot was good and your descriptive phrases were great.
Errors
The only errors I saw was maybe a little punctuation and some spelling. Maybe if you use spellcheck you could straighten them out
My Favorite Part
She was furious. Heels clicked on tiles as she strode rapidly through the house. Heading for the storeroom she grabbed the pickaxe. Incensed, she marched down the driveway, crossing the road before heaving the thing into the gorge. She watched it bouncing end over end.
I thought the above part was quite humorous!
SuggestionsUse spellcheck! Otherwise it was very good!
Write On! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Being able to give or take constructive criticism with grace is a measure of a person's growth in maturity.
What was enjoyable and exceptional:
Most of the flow was excellent and I could tell it speaks from the heart. Very nicely done!
Content, What you've conveyed to me::To me it sounds like that special first love before things crop up or reality crashes in.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
I'm not sure but this line is the only one that seems to mess up the flow. I tried it several ways but this one causes me to stumble.
"Your smiles seem to make me weak".
Encouragement:Keep up the good writing!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
First Impression:
This story created an interest to me because you put it in reality form. Just like what would happen in a regular persons day in relationships. Good work!
Plot Thoughts;
I liked the plot! Kept my interest peaked as to what the guy would answer.
Errors
I saw no errors other than I did wonder if an apple would really fly up with enough force when mowed over or just be cut up into pieces.
My Favorite Part
I think the answers he gave her her was my best part. Very believable!
Suggestionsnone
Write On! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Being able to give or take constructive criticism with grace is a measure of a person's growth in maturity.
What was enjoyable and exceptional:I enjoyed your sonnet even though I'm not experienced enough to know the different forms like sonnet. But I really liked the message it gave, right to the point!
Content, What you've conveyed to me:It had me reading it over twice and each time I would get a different slant on it. Very good!
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
Some of your words had me stumbling over the flow but maybe thats the way sonnets are? Like. "I knew not then when"....
Encouragement:You are an awesome writer since you write deeply and have a good description of things.
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
What was enjoyable and exceptional:
I really read this over twice to get the feeling for it and I liked it, the more I read it! It had to have been very hard to write.
Content, What you've conveyed to me:
The poem itself was exceptional and I liked the flow of it. Its a very deep thought provoking piece!
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
Your spelling needs work. An example "beautiful" is spelled wrong in your poem as is "wrestling" and "disappears". When the spelling is off it messes up the flow of a piece at times.
Encouragement:
I think you have the ability to really go far with your writing, if you'll concentrate on using a spell checker. Your poem is really an awesome piece of work that I know I could not have writtian! Write on!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
This poem makes a reader identify with the writers pain. Which of course is a good thing! The sentence "Just like a knife" kind of through off the flow for me. Maybe another sentence? Its up to you and its just my own opinion but otherwise it really is a very good poem and has a lot of potential!
This was a very good write for a very touching subject. You handled it with grace though, far better than I ever could trying to pur grief down on paper. Some of the sentences repeat theirselves and you might want to think of rewriting a few of those. For instance: " You are all family who have lost two very loving people of your family" Why not just leave off the last part "of your family" when you have it allready in the first part of that sentence? Just an idea to play with. Thanks for sharing this! Leila
This poem is relly good as to having a moral to it and Ithink it has excellent potential. Some of the flow is off center though if you want to work on that. That is just my opinion and I am certainly not a profeesional. Otherwise my opinion in you have a winner here with a little more work getting the flow together. Leila
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What was enjoyable and exceptional:
First Impression:
Plot Thoughts
Errors
Suggestions