This was an unusual poem but I really liked it! The best part I thought was the last two lines! I mean the rest was good but the last two lines had a unch! keep up the deep thinking and put it on paper just like you have now. I can see it all come together! Leila
This story held me throughout the whole piece. If the spelling and gramar had been checked I would have rated this a 5 for content and hitting close to home on the subject of abuse. It's a sad thing but it happens. Below is what I found needs to becorrected:
"Hey Brenn, do you have any idea what mommy wants?" Brennan is my 6 year old little brother, one of the seven reasons, I'm still living in this hell whole. (whole) should be "hole
there, and after awhile, you can adopt them( the word "and" should be deleted.
I said with a new found courage, i had to be strong, stay alive for my family, even though Christopher walked out. (Capitalize the "I")
"I'm alright, Cameron, It will be okay." He murmured, trying to hide the pain obvious pn his face.( "pn" should be "pain" A typo I think.)
This poem kind of reaches out and grabs a reader and I truly enjoyed it! I think that you need help with punctuation, and spelling that would help anyone reading this and further improve the entire piece. To me this area slowed down the flow a lot and it made the writing more difficult. Your capitalization needs work also but don't give up! The writing itself as far as depth, compassion and a true feeling shines through!!!Thank-you for allowing me to review this. Leila
Hello! It's me, reviewing your poetry: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
What was enjoyable and exceptional:
This poem once again speaks from your heart and is backed up with experience.
Content, What you've conveyed to me::
I think you need a hug for putting into words what you have been through and survived to help others.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
No improvements needed
Encouragement:
Your writings are helpful to others trying to reach out of the maze that drugs drag them into. You never will fully know who you help but if youcan even help one person its worth it!
Keep writing! You have a way with words!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
Hello! It's me, reviewing your poetry: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
What was enjoyable and exceptional:
This poem tells me its about getting more out spoken and breaking free.
Content, What you've conveyed to me::
This reminds me of me before I broke out of my shell.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
Your spelling needs spellcheck. For instance in the first stanza, 4th line you have bt and I think you forgot to use the letter u in it. It could be just a typo also.
then in the fourth stanza you have opiniond and I think it should be opinions?
I wonder if you left out the word "but" in a few instances, since it seems to be repeatadly used in your whole poem which makes the whole poem ramble instead of having a smooth flow.
These are just a few suggestions and its your poem so take them for what their worth to you.
Encouragement:
Keep writing! You have a way with words!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
Hello! It's me, reviewing your poetry: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
What was enjoyable and exceptional:
I have read a lot of poems on evil but yours kind of came across differently in the way you had it portrayed. Not just one verse the same lenght but several and the last part I really liked!
Content, What you've conveyed to me::
That evil is out there lurking everywhere and its easy to be drawn in.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
The sentence below does not sound right, maybe phrased differently. Right now it sounds like a word or two is missing....Maybe it should be "and the evil will be the end of us all". Could you have forgotten the word, "of"?
and evil will be the end us all
Encouragement:
Keep writing! You have a way with words!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
I enjoyed the freshness of the subject. It was different!
Content, What you've conveyed to me::
That you were there for your sister.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
Maybe a little help with your punctuation.
Encouragement:
I can see that you have a very good way of expressing things and just need to work a little on the punctuation. I enjoyed skimming through your port so keep up the good work!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
I could identify with this feeling because I think at times we all deal with feeling forgotton.
Content overall;
It's a real shame to feeling forgotton and I think when a person goes through this they need to be with others even if you need to go out and mingle with some you don't know. Sometimes just walking helps to ease these feelings.
Grammar/Spelling
No grammar errors that I could spot
Does The story come together?
Yes it blended well through out.
Does the story hold your interest all the way through or does it bog down somewhere?
It held my interest.
Would you recommend this piece to another reader?
I think this touches the heart of all of us at certain times.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
I see no room for improvements
Encouragement:
This poem seems to be a rage against tme marching on. I have felt the same way but you put into words what I can not! Keep writing from the heart. It shows through!
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
This piece was so reverent and I enjoyed it immensely! I would have rated it a five except a few words in it were extra, maybe typos? It held me enthralled though and you are a good descriptive writer. keep up your writing and dreaming and you'll go far. I just feel it! Blessings leila
Does The story come together?
Everything came together perfectlyand I had no trouble with reading this. I liked it and it held my interest all the way.
Does the story hold your interest all the way through or does it bog down somewhere?
Would you recommend this piece to another reader?
I would recommend this poem to anyone.
Any changes that might need to be done?
No changes at all. For a new writer you did a tremendous writing and I'm anxious to read more of your work.
I have never had to give up one of my children but I can imagine it would haunt a person especially with the compassion and love I feel that are portayed in this poem.
Improvements if you so wish, implement only what you think will enhance your piece:
It seems to be great and I see no room for improvements except a few of the lines appears stilted at times. I think the flow is off i some palces.
Encouragement:
Keep on writing and putting down your feelings from the heart.
I have enjoyed my time with you and visiting your port. Thank-you for letting me critique your poem! Write on!
That is so beautiful I cried! Please keep on writing as it helps others heal too. You have a wonderful way with words that touch the heart and soul. I shall have to visit your port soon and see what else you have in there that is interesting. I'm sure I'll find a lot to keep busy! Blessings Leila
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What was enjoyable and exceptional: