I could picture "Ole Man Smyrl" sitting in that saloon at the card table. The way this is written I can almost "hear" a snarl in your voice as you discribe what is happening in this poem. The main charactor takes no Sh-- from anyone.
This stanza was my favorit:
Boot Hill holds many a soul,
Ole Man Smyrl did in,
'Cause he didn't abide cheatin',
'Specially on him.
The poem tells a story and has moral lesson in there as well. I could picture the two charactors speaking and could see where the outcome of the poem lead. The rhyming scheme was difficult for me to read as the lines that rhymed did not end the sentence, the sentence actually ened as the beginning the the next line and I found that hard when reading this poem. The author seems to be working too hard to fit rhyming words into it for a poem. This poem may work better as a short story, it has potential.
I loved just the "good 'ole" feeling this poem gave me as I read along. I could picture each stanza and being a city gal, I could still get a great image of a cowboys life. The rhthym was pretty good, it kind of bounced along which made the reader feel like they were out on the range, the only problem I had was with the rhyming scheme, I'm not sure what formular was being used and it made it a little difficult to read, but, all in all I did enjoy the ride.
First thank you for reviewing my poem: "First Kiss"
An interesitng choice of items to write about. I liked how you discribed each one and why it was so meaningful. I liked stanza six as I too had a wallet that was like gold to me and kept it until it feel apart. Your poem is an easy poem to follow and read along, the only critique that I can see is that it seems to switch rythms from the first couple of stanzas to the last three, so they seemed a little choppy to me.
So your pencil takes you on many adventures, good for you, that is what reading did for me. Your peom took me to a very nice place of sand and hills and caves to explore. This was a nice feel good poem for a summer's day.
Very nice, I could "see" the pictures that your paintbox had "colored" for me. Very vivid imagery going on in this poem and it also had a very easy flow to it as each scene was discribed.
When we don't know what to write, sometimes the most fun poems are created. I like that you write what you are feeling and what makes "you" you. Your rhythm is smooth in most places, the rhymes are easy. The only stanza that did not fit in as well as the others was stanza 5 at least not for me. Your last stanza the rhyming is not as smooth I can't see the rhyme in "Fun and Poem." But I did enjoy reading your work and thought it was a fun poem filled with nice ideas.
Loved it. LIked the rhythm it was easy and the rhymes flowed just as sweetly. I could feel the passion and watermelon took on a whole 'nother meaning to me.
I can see where you want this poem to go, it's a lesson peom, telling a story of the game of bowling. Some of the lines are a little rocky in the rhythm of this poem and some of the rhymes seem a little bit foreced in order to get the lines to rhyme.
I enjoyed the opening stanza and your last stanza you tell the reader to enjoy the game for what is worth not too play just to impress someone.
I know absolutely nothing about archery, except for the wonderful old movies of Robin Hood, your poem kept me reading. I wanted to see and feel that arrow hit the white mark. I like how you call it a "clean crime, no blood, only a small neat hole." I like how this is a sport with a weapon that does not need a "victim" unless you count the pierced white paper. I also like the line where you say it "seems like someone has hit the slow on the VCR. Waiting for the final results can seem like the world has gone into slow motion. Nicely written.
I like the dramatic feel to this poem. Some of the lines rhyme better than others, I'm not quite sure of the rhyming pattern that is being used as sometimes it is the second and third line and sometimes it is every other line. That being said I like where this is going and would like to see it made bigger and worked on just a little to make it read smoother.
I don't know anything about architecture, but, I love to look at diffrent cities skylines because building do attract my attention. Your piece brings a nice picutre to the reader, with a little touch of a history lesson. Some of your lines were a little choppy, the sentices were shorter in some places leading the reader to lose rythm in the piece. On the other hand the descriptions used were easy to read and follow it is hard to put life into steel and glass, but, you didn't do a bad job.
Ah the lazy days of Summer, here in New England they never seem long enough. Your poem has a dreamy effect on the reader. I was picturing the diffrent events you mention in your piece and they brought back some great Summer time memories. Your piece had a nice easy rhythm and the rhymes were not forced, they worked with the theme of the piece.
I liked that you "could" have been a lady, but, still maintained some "wicked" thoughts. Sometimes a coy smile on a lady lips can hide a multitude of life's enjoyments. Nice work.
This poem just says so much. I can picture the author sitting there in the poetry reading class wanting to be a part of it, yet, afraid the their work isn't good enough to share. This poem has an easy rhythm almost a quiet tone to it, like it is whispering to the reader. I'm glad I heard the whisper!
Although the poem is a little choppy in Rhythm and rhyme, the meaning is pretty clear, that History may seem boring it is meant to teach us something of our past, be it good or bad.
Very upliifting and hopeful poem. So many poems are about abuse or destruction or are just plain sad. I liked this line as it brings such hope:
Yes! A new day begun...
bringing joys of forgotten pleasures
Nice work.
Good rhythm, can feel the author's absolute delight over main topic. Can easily see that the author would willingly do almost anything for those beans!!
Nice lesson learned in this poem, "be cafeul what you wish for" . Your poem was not consistant in it's rhyming pattern, in many places it is the second and fourth lines then the patten stops in about the fifth stanza on. Still I enjoyed the story the poem was telling.
Very, very, nicely done, the rhythm was spot on and your poem was a joy to read. I loved how you tied everything in I especially enjoyed this whole section:
If I'm "Sailing To Yesterday" or "Coming Home" from "Tomorrow",
"Brief Encounters" with "Emotions" - "My Tears Are Not Sorrow".
"A Friend's Worth" is measured "Through good times and Bad",
And I "CHERISH" all "Friendships" that I've ever had.
What a great way to say "thank you" to WDC.
I am rating this a 3.5 not for the content, but for the spelling and grammar that needs to be worked on. The content is a good one, you have a story to tell and you try to show the pain the woman has at being betrayed by her neighbors and the fear she has of loosing her life so young. In line 3 I think you mean : "FOR" the Bishop. As those she CARED for, and healed, and loved. Turn away, saying SHE IS a devil, a demon, and a killer. She CRIES out when .
These errors can cause the reader to stumble as they are reading your work.
It is a great effort and I like story poems, so please keep writing and working on them.
Maria, I find myself returning time and time again to your site, your poems are so inspiring for me. This one is no execption. I LOVE this section of the bible and have always loved the words spoken in it. Thank you for your interpretaion, it was lovely.
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