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126
126
Review of Crystal's Charms  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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PLOT

The plot was very dark but I liked it. The start hook really reeled me in and made me want to read more and the end hook left me satisfied if not thoughtful. The way the story was told was very entertaining and, even though it was only short, I liked the way it was detailed.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't really have any. I would have liked to get a feel for the characters more but that is preference and not the way it was written. I also realise this is flash fiction and you are limited to how many words are allowed.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I didn't see any apart from the main character. They developed from a well person into a sick and drugged up person. I got a slight emotion from her. I think, considering how short this piece is, it was very well written and developed.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This s a very good story and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing.


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127
127
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

OUTLINE

The outline is good. It gives the reader a clear cut view of what the essays about. I like the introduction as it was very tight and, with these type of essays I find, writers tend to ramble a bit.

MAIN IDEAS

The main ideas were relevant and well sourced. The only thing I would say is maybe subtitles would help tighten the body up a little.

SUGGESTIONS

Upon that ship, only one officer survived the Captian() Charles Butler McVay III who served 29 years in the US Navy. Dedicated his life to serving his country.(,)

'Which later McVay III found out that it was to make the bomb dropped on Nagasaki'. This does not make sense and is too jumbled, in my opinion. 'Mcvay's mission:drop the bomb on Nagasaki.'

'Now, being that no officer survived the sinking except McVay III had apparently not known of Conway’s actions.' Again, jumbled. 'Mcvay did not know any of this.'

'To think that if the Navy had given them an escort would the USS Indianapolis been destroyed.' Again, very loose. 'Would The USS Indianapolis have been destroyed with an escort?'

The Japanese even thought that it was wrong that we (did don’t) come to the aid of our fellow man sooner. (didn't)

HOOK

The start hook drew me in and worked very well and the end hook, although left with food for thought, sent me away satisfied.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Very well written and thank you for sharing.


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128
128
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THIS IS A MEMBER TO MEMBER RAID REVIEW

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The structural content is sound. I like the directional way you write. I like the prompt tools you give the reader to read your poems. Some poems you read, in my opinion, confuse. The reader has no way of knowing what the poem is about and how to read it but, with you, there is no such concept. I like the structure of your poetry.

TONE

The tone is sexual but comfort. I think the tone suits the poem rather well. There is a tenderness and warmth emitting from the poem and a softness in the words.

SUGGESTIONS

Again, the poem is rather repetitive.

STYLE

This freestyle/blank verse type of style does fit the words rather well. I like this kind because there are very little rules and it gives the poet a lot more scope when, in my opinion, the poetry is of the emotional nature.

TITLE

Again, the title rather suits the poem. It tells the reader what the poem is about while evoking the question, why? Who takes your breath away? How do they accomplish it? The reader wants to read the poem to find out.

IMAGE

I see someone lying in bed with a wish for their loved one to come to them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Another great poem and thank you for sharing.


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129
129
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THIS IS A MEMBER TO MEMBER RAID REVIEW

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The punctuation on most of the lines gives the reader an indication of how the poet wants the reader to read their work. I like the fact that the reader has this direction. Some poets leave it upto the reader how they read the poem and in some cases this is better but, in my opinion, certain poems can get misinterpreted that way. This poem gives the reader the tools to read and understand the poet as well as the poem, which I liked.

TONE

I feel the love and tenderness of someone who has lost someone close to them. There is sadness but also joy at meeting them in the first place and no regrets. The tone suits the words and I felt both sadness and joy when I read this poem. The more different emotions a poet can make a reader feel, in my opinion, is a sign of a good poet.

SUGGESTIONS

Again, the only suggestion I can give is to maybe not repeat words so much.

STYLE

The style suits the poem. Also I like the fact it is all one poem with no line breaks or in verses. This really helped with the tone and the emotions. Very well orchestrated.

TITLE

Again, the title fits the poem. I think it lets the reader know the poet is going to write with emotion about someone close to them.

IMAGE

I see a figure crying at a graveside with a broken heart but there is a ray of light as an image of their smiling face pops into their head. Certain people are only here for a short time but they make our lives better for being in it, even if it is only for a day.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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130
130
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THIS IS A MEMBER TO MEMBER RAID REVIEW

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The punctuation on each line gives the poem the dramatic feel to it. The repeated last sentence,' I see the tears she shed,' gives the poem a faded ending, which I like. The first stanza explains the poem and the verses afterwards unpack and explain the last line. This is a very well thought out and well written poem.

TONE

The tone is sadness. The poet can see their beloved country at war. The poem is about the ones we lose to the tragedy of war. I also get depression and desperation as well. The unanswered question, is it worth it? For however many wars we fight, nothing changes. I can feel a hopelessness also within the poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't really have any. This poem made me feel and a good poet always leaves the reader thinking, in my opinion. I thought. If I was going to suggest anything maybe the overuse of 'freedom' in the first verse would be it. Maybe change the second freedom to 'way of life' or world/country...


STYLE

I like this freestyle of poetry. These type of emotion poems, in my opinion, are better suited to blank or freestyle poetry, in my opinion. It gives the poet a certain freedom to say it from the heart.

TITLE

The title is a good one. It sort of tells us what the poem is about but not all. It makes the reader want to read the poem and find out who is in tears.

IMAGE

I see men and women marching off to war. There loved ones waving them off with fear in their eyes, will they ever see them again?

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a very vivid poem and thank you for sharing.


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131
131
Review of Still Standing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THIS IS A MEMBER TO MEMBER RAID REVIEW

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STRUCTURE

This structure suits the poem. The full stop after every line makes the structure sound sharp. The lines are not just lines of a poem but statements and morals to live by. Each line is as important as the next and every word is a must.

TONE

The tone is very direct like a auctioneer slamming their hammer down on the final bid. This is not just a poem but a way of life to the poet. It is sharp and to the point, which I liked.

SUGGESTIONS

If I was going to give any advice it would be make it longer if you can. But that is more preference and has nothing to do with the written word. It is very well written.

STYLE

This freestyle poetry is really the best form to use in these statement poems, in my opinion. They hold the importance of the message which another style may loose, in my opinion.

TITLE

The title suits the theme of the poem. It shows the poet still standing after being trodden on and pushed down. Very well done.

IMAGE

I see a person who has been hurt and betrayed fight back. I see the determination on their face and in their words and the true grit they possess.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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132
132
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
THIS IS A MEMBER TO MEMBER RAID REVIEW

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

The plot is a good one but, and this is just my opinion, might be better suited to a play. I also think you should hint strongly that the characters see themselves on the screen or they get transported into the screen or they are actors... It is very confusing otherwise.

SUGGESTION

'The Bendin family gathered in front of the Video Monitor in their Living Area, but it’s Jaimis who spoke. “I know that I say this ever week, but you should be used to it by now. Once a week we set aside one night to watch a Moving Images Video together. Each week one of us picks which one we will watch... “I can only die once – or can I?”'This, in my opinion, is very rambling and a bit long for a short story. Maybe cut it down a little and put the action tag after instead of before the dialogue. '"We all know how this works. We watch a moving video together and, each week, we take turns to choose," Jamis spoke as the Bendin family gathered in their living room area. "This week it's Karena's turn."
The room groaned and Jamis laughed.
"We all know what that will mean, first love never dies." Scari whispered.
"Well, I can't help loving love stories. At least it's better than blood and horror." She drew her knees towards her chest and hugged them. "That line, 'I told you not to go there,' gives me goosebumps...' See the way it draws drama into the writing and you kept the information but, in my opinion, the reader will be entertained and want to read on.


Jaimes and Karena (had been hold) hands from across the table in the Eating Area. (held) Try to refrain from using passive words like 'had' 'was' and too many 'ing' words. It makes the writing very telling.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This is a short story and I didn't expect to see much of this. It is very hard to get a character in such a short space of time but I did expect to feel something. I could not relate to any of them. That's why I think this would be better as a play because you can then tell the audience what they are feeling.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I think this is a great first draft but needs work. Thank you for sharing.


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133
133
Review of Christmas  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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STRUCTURE

The structure suits the poem. I also like the way punctuation was used. The last and first stanzas stopping on an exclamation mark and the second stanza having a full stop. I like the fact the poem was rather like a runaway train with its brakes only applied at the end.

Tone

The element had a very feel good factor vibe to it and I enjoyed the way it made me feel. It is a question of why can't the human race keep that feeling all year round and, I for one, hope one day that will happen. I thought the tone fitted with the words rather well.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't really have anything to say about making it better. It is like the three bears porridge, not to long, not too short, but just right.

STYLE

The style also suits the poem. This blank verse style is the best choice, in my opinion, to covey a message and feeling. A rhyming style would take some of the message away and sound false, I think.

TITLE

The title does fit the poem as the title and theme are the same. I think 'CHRISTMAS WISH/HOPE' maybe would match the poem better but that is just my opinion and preference.

IMAGE

I see a man wishing for a better life or a child kneeling by his bed praying and wishing the feeling of christmas would come everyday.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really liked this poem and thought the message was a good one. Thank you for sharing.


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134
134
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The structure suits this poem and the punctuation on each line adds to the humour. The ununiformed lines also add to the Senager title lol. Teenagers hate anything like uniforms and rules lol.

TONE

The tone is very comical and I found the poem delightful. It is written very tongue in cheek, which I loved and related too. The line about walking into a room and not knowing why is my life lol.

SUGGESTIONS

This poem is perfectly written and I have nothing to add that will make it any better.

STYLE

This type of poem is, in my opinion, a thought poem and a feeling poem. Any other style other than free would have diminished that fact. I think the style suited the poem very well.

TITLE

The title also suits the poem. The poem is about growing old and the title tells the reader that is the theme of the poem.

IMAGE

I can see an experience person with pink hair and leather jeans. They have piercings and tattoos all over their body and wearing a t-shirt with the slogan, we don't need no sanatisiun lol.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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135
135
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

The story plot was fundamentally good but it needed more drama and feeling. I found it a bit jerky to start with and very telling. I thought the end was a nice twist, though. The moral being, if your time is up there is nothing you can do.

SUGGESTIONS

I glanced toward the railroad (track). A segment gleamed in the darkness, lit by a sliver of light from The Tavern’s only window. “Too dangerous. How about a cab?” In my opinion, too repetitive. There is no need to repeat the word tracks here. The reader will be able to work out the coupling on their own. (delete)

Charlie took the rail, (disappearing into the darkness). This is very telling. Show how he disappeared... (the darkness swallowed him up.)

A bright dot appeared, (creating a silhouette of Charlie’s stooped form.) “Charlie! Get off the track! Train!” Again, very telling. (Charlie's stooped silhouette form in its beam.) This, also in my opinion, dramatises the story.

Charlie belly-laughed. “‘Damn near died’ ain’t the same as dead!” (I smiled. Crazy old fart.) Different person speaking, should be on a seperate line.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This needs work. I didn't get a feel for any of the characters. I know Charlie was a drunk but I was told that, not shown. What about the person he was with? There was no indication she was also a drunk.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Nice first draft and a potentially good story. Thank you for sharing.


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136
136
Review of My Journal #2  
for entry "State Fair Time" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OUTLINE

This is my first blog review lol. I thought the outline or premise for this blog was very good. I recently moved to the country and this will be my first country fair this year. I thought the blog was written very well. The first line told the reader what the blog entailed.

MAIN IDEAS

The main topic seemed to be food and what was on offer at the fair. I love hot dogs when I go. Nothing tastes better than a hotdog with fried onions and a mixture of mustard and ketchup.

SUGGESTIONS

A blog is like a diary, I presume but I would still add what you would do there. Answer your own questions, as it were. What rides do you go on? Where and what would you do?

THE HOOK

You made my mouth water when you talked about all the food and, through your narration, I could visualize everything which made me hungry lol. Well orchestrated.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a great and well written blog entry and thank you for sharing.
137
137
Review of I am Sham  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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STRUCTURE

The little punctuation in this poem suits it. The pauses and full stops let the words fade when they need to fade and stop when they need to stop. It is a very well written poem.

TONE

The tone is very melancholy and dramatic. It suits the poem and I loved all the drops and rises in my voice when I read it out loud.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't really have any. The poem is well written and emotional. I do love the ending and think it is a fitting one for this delightful poem.

STYLE

This mixture of blank and free verse also suit the poem very well. It is a very emotional poem and, in my opinion, rhyming would not have made such an impact.

TITLE

The title tells the story and the poem pushes the point. I think both poem and title gell very well together.

IMAGE

I see a woman in an arranged marriage saddened by the thought of not being able to make a choice. A husband that doesn't see the real her and doesn't want to. I see her pain and suffering on all levels.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and than you for sharing.


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138
138
Review of Smoulder  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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STRUCTURE

The structure is very sound and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the line sizes and the short sharp way the reader was prompted to read the poem. The structural way this poem was written really suited this poem.

TONE

I get frustration from this poem and anger but found it really hard to ascertain the correct tone. Maybe it was the way it was written. The poem,in my opinion, was random words linked by the letter 'S' and the words themselves. I did like it though.

SUGGESTIONS

Funny, I don't have any lol. I should as,in my opinion, the poem is made up of words and no sentences but the way it is written conjures up a picture and it suits the poem. It is, as if, the poet is building up to something.

STYLE

The style is unusual too but, again, it seems to gel with the poem. Every line is the same length, roughly, until the end, which is short and sharp. This makes me think of two curves meeting at a point.

TITLE

The title suits this poem as I feel the poem is smoldering within the words used.

IMAGE

I imagine a fire, raging and firefighters hosing it and the flames getting smaller until they go out.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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139
139
Review of Unicorn Legend  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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PLOT

I liked the storyline and thought it a good contest entry. I really got into it more at the middle and end though, found the start a bit slow.

SUGGESTIONS

'I walk along a trail, (seeking a place suitable to relax into my yoga routine, stunned by the beauty around me.) Gethdale is a remarkable town. Semi-new to the area, I have yet to see nearly half of what it has to offer. I stand on a flat region (surrounding me with) crystalline, colorful stones(. I) look out and see a field covered with tall grass and wildflowers. There is a small river to the North. It's a gorgeous day, the sky clear and the temperature warm against my skin. I take a deep breath, (allowing) air to fill my lungs and slowly exhale, (releasing any tension with the breath.) This is the spot, I decide. I place my yoga mat on the ground to start meditating. Inhale, two, three, four, hold. Exhale, two, three, four. Instantaneously, I can feel my body submitting to the meditative state, which is pure relaxation. Inhale, two, three... The high pitched (ringing) of my cell phone disrupts any peace felt, causing even the birds to fly away chirping.' This is very telling and a bit flat, in my opinion, for a start hook. ' (My eyes dart left to right as they seek for the perfect yoga routine spot.) Show the reader the character is looking, don't tell them. ( surrounded by) The reader knows the character is surrounded. There is no need to over explain. (and) Too many 'I'S' make the story jerky, in my opinion. When writing in the first person, I usually see if I can change them into commas where I can. (allow) (as, with that breathe, tension leaves my body.) (ring)

Show that the character is annoyed.

(I tutt and press the green phone icon button on my cell phone.) In my opinion, doing it this way there is no need for the speech tags if you put this action tag before the dialogue.

"Hello," I answer, annoyed for not turning off my phone.

"Hazel, what are you doing?" (questions Jessie.) (her best friend asks.)

"I was walking through the woods and kept hearing something but it was so light and faint, I assumed it was a small animal. I didn't see anything at first." Jessie (is rambling at this point, speaking quickly, her words beginning to jumble together,) "but then I fell over a branch because I was nervous and moving too fast and that's when I saw it..." (Jessie rambles.)

The hot shower (water) feels incredible against my skin. (delete)

ADVICE

1) Try not to use too many 'ing' words together as it makes the story telling and not showing. Some use them as actions like walking, swimming ect but I try not to use any as it takes, in my opinion, some of the guts away from the story.

2) Refrain from using 'was' 'had' ect as they are very telling words and, in some cases not needed.

and

3) even in first person stories too many 'I'S' in one paragraph makes the writing sound jerky. Someone told me there should be no more than three in each paragraph depending on its length.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Although the story was quite long, there was no real development. I didn't feel empathy for the main character but a sadness that she didn't believe her friend. If a friend of mine told me a story like that I would listen and not jump to the conclusion my friend was mad. It was important to her friend and that should have been her main concern.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Good story and thank you for sharing.


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140
140
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


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PLOT

The plot was very good but a bit telling in places and very hard to follow in others.

This is only my opinion. Do not take offence but I tend to give honest reviews. So, if you happen to be sensitive and you don't like honest, no fluff reviews, please delete now lol.

SUGGESTIONS

'Since I'd sent Stella to the big house three months earlier for snuffing out her twin sister, business had been slow. I needed a new case and I found it in a package on the middle of my desk.' This is very telling and, in my opinion, a start hook should grab the reader like the bait on a fishing rod.

'I gave the gift the up-and-down. I wasn't so jingle-brained from my one-man Christmas party at the gin mill to blindly open the offering. I wasn't a sucker, after all.'

'Pulling out my bean shooter, I used the muzzle to flip over the tag.'

This is very telling and, in my opinion, a start hook should grab the reader like the bait on a fishing rod. 'The parcel sat on my desk as I eyed it up and down. Since Stacy snuffed her twin sister three months ago, I needed a new case. I pulled my pea shooter out of my holster and, with the muzzle lifted the tag. It looked innocent enough, but best not to take unnecessary chances.'

'(Flattening) out the wrinkles(, I) read the cryptic note:' (I flattened) (and)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This story was too short for any character development to take place. It would have been nice to get the feel of 'Dick' but the story just didn't give the writer any scope for this.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Good story and thank you for sharing.


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141
141
Review of Winter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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STRUCTURE

The structure is sound and I like the fact that the lines are not uniformed as it gives the poem a dramatic, written from the heart feal which suits the poem very well, in my opinion. I also liked the little enjambment used as it makes the poem feal free and the reader can read the poem without distracting.

TONE

The tone is very depressing. It is about someone who people/society has turned their back on and there is a depressing tone to it. I thought the tone very melancholy and wondered if the husband of the poem had left her or died. This is a very sad poem and I feel for the poet and am sorry for her loss.

SUGGESTIONS

I have none. To change this poem would be like changing someones heartfelt feelings and no one has the right to do that. The poem is perfect because it is written from the heart.

STYLE

This freestyle poem suits the material and theme very well. Any other style would not have worked so well.

TITLE

The title is a bit misleading but I can understand why you chose it. The coldness around the poet's heart felt like the icicles of a frosty winter morning but when I read the title I thought the poem was about the season. Just an observation not a criticism.

IMAGE

I see a woman who, for whatever reason has lost her soul mate trying to fill the void and friends, as is so the case, being there at the start but fading into the background when they get fed up.

FINAL THOUGHT

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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142
142
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


STRUCTURE

The structural format of this poem suits the style very well. The full stop and commas are in the right places as are the question marks. The full stops give the poem a sharp feel and a matter of fact way about it. The poem really suits this type of structural poem very well.

TONE

The tone of this poem is one of fact. It is telling the reader what the greatest gift to a soldier is: gratitude. In my opinion, the greatest gift to the armed forces is, never forget. Never forget the men and women who have sacrificed their lives so we can live ours. I am not only talking about the people in service but the women who have lost children and the children who have lost parents. I think they are the unsung hero's in every war.

SUGGESTIONS

I think this poem is perfect. I would not change a thing.

STYLE

This free verse style poem really suits the poem. It gives the poet freedom to portray their feelings in this great poem.

TITLE

The title and poem suit each other very well. The title tells the reader what to expect from the poem and the poem delivers the title.

IMAGE

I see a coffin wrapped in a flag. A soldier folds up the flag and hands it to a tall youngster. He takes it and salutes. He smiles, turns, and walks back to a woman in black sat in one of the seats around the coffin. She bows her head and takes the flag, holding it to her breast as she sobs.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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143
143
Review of JUSTIFIED  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


STRUCTURE

These kinds of poems are full of structure and they should be. This poem is about a dead beat dad and has, and forfiles, the structural part of the poem. The first letter of every line, read horizontally, spells the word, JUSTIFIED, and follows the rules of a acrostic poem. The punctuation gives the reader the visual cues on how the poet wishes their poem to be read. The structure fits the poem very well.

TONE

The tone is what I call a two-voice poem. The child is accusing the father, first voice, but there is another voice. The father is making excuses. These type of poems tell a story and the tone is accusing the father of never being there but there is also the father pleading with the daughter to understand.

SUGGESTIONS

I think there is more to say. Maybe for an emotional piece like this the style might be wrong. My father was like this as well and, if I ever wrote about him or my mum, I don't think I could ever finish lol.

STYLE

The poem, for what it is, does suit the poem but I think a blank verse or a free verse might suit it better.

TITLE

The title suits the poem as the poem is all about justification of a father to their child.

IMAGE

I see a child waiting for her father to come home. She is fed, clothed and has a good home but the one thing she lacks is love and affection and time from her father.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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144
144
Review of The Emigrant  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I like the storyline and thought it very up-to-date. The start hook, didn't grab me but the end hook made me want to find out more while satisfying me and not leaving me discontented.The start hook needed a bit more action, in my opinion, but that is me. You know what I am like lol. Action, Action, Action lol.

SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions. My preference would be a bit more emotion but the story did make me feel. The character was also very nicely rounded and I felt allsorts of emotion towards him. I felt anger at his cheating, comfort at his remorse, and sadness at his decision to go on a suicide mission. The story had me at the edge of my seat, although it is not the type of story I usually like. It is a scene rather than a story. I know this is for a contest but I would like the character to progress, maybe find out if he made it and what happened afterwards.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The character was very well rounded and I felt a lot of pain and remorse with him. He was a cheat but not a bad man. I liked him but my friend says I go for bad men lol, maybe that is why I like him lol.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great scene and character. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.


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145
145
Review of My mother !  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


STRUCTURE

The structure suits the poem. The lines are roughly the same size and the punctuation is only used where it is needed. The poem is formatted correctly and shows the reader how the poet wants their poem read.

TONE

The poem is one of love and remorse. The love of the poet for her mother but the remorse of the poet that her mother cannot feel what she is feeling and cannot get the lessons she learnt from her mother. The tone suits the poem.

SUGGESTIONS

If I happen to () born again, (be)

STYLE

This free verse style suits the poems essence and makes the poem work. A part from blank verse, I think any other style would not show the emotion this poem needs.

TITLE

The title, 'MY MOTHER' tells the reader what the poem is about. The whole poem is based on the poets mother and there is no surprises due to the title.

IMAGE

The image I get is of a woman who wishes her mother had the same experiences she had. It is a poem about closeness, family, and relationships.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a really well written poem and thank you for sharing.


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146
146
Review of Trial  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


PLOT

The storyline is really good and I enjoyed the start hook, as it made me compelled to read the rest of the story. The end hook left me contented but thoughtful. It was a well thought out story and I enjoyed reading it.

SUGGESTIONS

'It began. They screamed and shrieked, grunted and groaned. Bones snapped, blood spilled. When it was done, only one remained: Rowan.' There is no reason to explain to the reader the fight has begun as the story, so far has lead the reader to that conclusion already. 'They circled each other before Rowan spang onto his components back and bit his neck. Rowan stood over the lifeless body.'

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This tends to be harder when the story is so short as, in my opinion, the reader cannot connect with the characters. Although, saying that, I did get a feel for Rowan, however slight.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing.


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147
147
Review of My Journal #2  
for entry "A fruitful week" 
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am glad your book is doing well. As for people reading it and giving it away, my outlook is, the ones that buy it from a charity might love it so much that, when your next book comes out, they will snap it up lol. More readers means greater sales on the next one, in my opinion. It doesn't matter how they got the first book as long as they buy the next book from a proper book shop.
148
148
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

The plot needs work. The hooks were alright. The end hook needs to be final unless you intend to make it a book as it left me with unanswered questions and very dissatisfied.

SUGGESTIONS

Reinora adjusts her tattered uniform as she gets off the cluttered floor in Command Central. (She shakes and wobbles a little as she started walking around that oval room. Seeing her Co-Commander trapped under a large metal beam, she made her way over to him.) This is telling and repetitive. (Her legs wobble and her hands tremble as she struggles around the oval room. She spots her Co-commander trapped under some deprie and staggers to his side. to his )

Hevoin (starts coming around) just as Reinora gets to him. (With some help of Reinora pushing the beam off of him, she gets him into a seated position. Hevoin can’t stop shaking a little.) Again, telling. Try and avoid using so many 'ing' ending words in close succession. (groans and opens his eyes) (Reinora, with Hevion's help, pushes the beam off him and helps him to sit. Her hands shake.)

(After looking at the large viewscreen in front of them with a large spaceship on it, Hevoin looks at Reinora in shock.) “The Yanims just attacked.” Again, telling. (The crew stare at a large viewscreen and, in the distance spot a dot. Hevion magnifies it and they realise it is a large spaceship.)

(Reinora started looking at the viewscreen too.) “I’m not surprised. The Yanims are well known to come out of Hidden Space and attack someone without warning.” Again, telling and repetitive. There are more words to explain 'looking' try a thesaurus. (Reinora scrutinises the image too.)

(Looking around, Reinora sighs.) “Command Central looks like a SpaceStorm hit it. What about the rest of our spaceship?” (Reinora's eyes dart from left to right and she sighs.)

“It’s because it is my fault. I was the one in command of our ship at the time of the attack. It isn’t just me, though. The rest of my crew that’s still alive blame me too.() (")

(She looks at Ginie laying on a flat metal floating board. Seeing the wires that are connecting Ginie to several machines makes Reinora shake her head sadly.) Ginie glances at Reinora with a lot of pain on her face. She quickly turns her head away from Reinora. Her pain now looks like hatred. Again, telling and repetitive. (Ginie lay on a flat floating board. Wires connected her to several machines , her face drained of colour. Rrnoir hides her face in her hands.)

(Glancing) over at the observation room that she could barely see from where she is, Reinora sees a healthcare professional just before he comes out a sliding entrance. (She glances)

Reinora looks at Jakun too. He doesn’t have any wires on him, but there are a few machines (hovering) around him. Jakun slowly cocks his head in Reinora’s direction. The pain on his face can barely be seen by the Healthcare Professional and Reinora as he immediately snaps his head back (to where it was). (DELETE) To much information and not needed.

“A million credits for everyone injured or dead isn’t the Redemption Judgement the Judgement Council gave me.” Reinora (is looking) at another male Healthcare Professional. “You aren’t the only one who thought that was my Judgement.”(glances)

Reinora (starts looking at) Varinni who looks about the same as Jakun. (eyes wander to)

Suddenly, Arren (starts shaking.) His head, arms, and legs are flying rapidly(. Threating) to tear the wires from his body. A few wires (do start coming out, but those wires are wavering from the machines around him. When his head flops toward Reinora who is looking at him through the clear wall, it stops shaking.) (begins to shake) (and threaten) (a few wires break free, his head flops towards Reinora, and his body remains still.)

Reinora glances at another male Healthcare Professional (standing) next to her. (stood)

(This time a male voice is screaming through an entrance that slides open.) A million credit cubes come flying out of it. Reinora ducks to avoid getting hit by them. (A male voice screams.) No need for anything else at this point, in my opinion.

Reinora (starts picking) up her credit cubes. (picks)

(Mumbling softly, Reinora walks up toward a small two-level residence.) (Renoir mutters under her breath as she makes her way to the small two-level residence.)

(Reinora places her hand on the entrance to that residence, and a beeping sound begins. The entrance slides open. It closes immediately.) (The door beeps as she runs her hand over the small panel embedded into the wall and the door slides open. She walks through and the door shut behind her.)

Reinora (looks confused.) “I still don’t understand. Why do you need me to do that?” (wiped her hands on the bottom part of her uniform and frowned.)

(A different image appears on the large monitor every few seconds that Reinora in looking up at.) Doesn't make sense. (The images on the monitor changes every few seconds.) The reader already knows she is looking at it.

Reinora sits in a one chair small room (staring) at an image on a large monitor. She taps something on a mini monitor (she’s holding) just as that image is replaced by another one. (and stares) (,in her right hand,)

(Peeking around) a large tree Reinora counts two uniformed Yanims on both sides of a large opening of a mountain. Reinora looks down the left side of that mountain and sees two more pairs of armed Yanims walking in one direction while another two walk in the other one. It looks like I was right about this being where the Yanims’ new weapon against us is at. (She peeks)

(After peeking) around the right side of her tree (Reinora can see) the same situation happening on that side of the mountain too. Reinora flattens herself against her tree. She looks down at her two hand weapons (she’s holding. Tipping her weapons on their sides she sees both weapons show their energy levels are almost to the top of them.) (pokes her head) (and sees) (in her hands and tipps them on their side to see how much energy they had. Good, they are practically full.)

(After stepping) over the dead Yanims Reinora stops before she gets to the end of that tunnel. Reinora cocks her head to hear if anyone else coming her way. She doesn’t hear anything. So, she peeks around that corner. Reinora quickly pulls her head as she flattens herself against that jagged tunnel wall. (She stepped)

(Just then Reinora cocks her head behind her as she starts hearing explosions.) (A big boom made Renoir jump and she cocked her head to one side.)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I think, in a story like this, I should have felt your main characters remorse but I felt nothing. I was told the crew hated her but I didn't feel the hate at all. The dialogue and characters seem realistic.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a good first draft. With a little work, it will make a great story. Thank you for sharing.


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149
149
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The structure suits the poem and the continued poem with no verse breaks also suit the poem. I like the way there is very little in the way of punctuations but do think that some of your statements would be better as questions. Just my opinion.

TONE

The tone suits the poem also. It is a questioning tone, a 'I want answers,' tone. I like the tone of this poem.

SUGGESTIONS

Are you so careless to spell it wrong (?) In my opinion, it sounds better.
I also think it needs tightening up a little and it is too repetitive in some places. Again, only my opinion.

STYLE

This blank verse way the poet has written the poem also suits it. This poem is filled with raw emotion that only, in my opinion, a blank or freestyle form can dramatis.

TITLE

Again, the title suits the poem. The title makes the reader sit up and take notice but also have an inkling as to what the poem is about.

IMAGE

I see a woman questioning her ability. Asking questions and looking within herself for the answers.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a solid poem and thank you for sharing.


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150
150
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The structure is sound and suits the poem. The four lined stanzas do this poem justice and I enjoyed the fact there were no punctuation marks until the full stop at the end of each verse. This gave the poem a faster structure which is like the heart beating faster as the ghost of all hallow day walks into the house. Very nicely done.

TONE

The tone was very tongue in cheek and comical. The 'poet' telling the story is funny as she is the scrooge of Halloween and, after the ghost comes in and shows her the error of her ways she changes. I liked that bit and thought it was a very well told story in a poem and suited the theme.

STYLE

The style suits the poem as well. It had a limerick feel to it and the style matched the comical nature of the poem very well.

TITLE

I think the title suits the poem as well. It told the reader what the poem was about while making the reader want to read on and find out more.

IMAGE

The image I got was a woman curled up with a good book is disturbed by, at the time, what she thinks is a child. She is rude and the kid informs her he is a ghost. She is scared and complies with the ghosts instructions. He must have been a very well brought up ghost because he thanked her.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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