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76
76
Review of Amber and Sam  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I like this structure a lot. I like the fact it sounds like a dialogue scene in a poem. I thought the structure was unique. I have come across speech in a poem before but not all dialogue before and the half dialogue ones were not as good as this one.

TONE

The tone was one of devotion and very tender. It told a love story with a modern twist to it. The tone suited the structure and theme very well.

SUGGESTIONS

I usually have something to say here but this poem is too perfect to change anything. I really enjoyed reading it. Although, it was about love, there was no heaviness associated to it. The poem was light and fluffy and a pleasure to read.

STYLE

The style suited the poem as well. I liked the short three line stanzas with the last two lines rhyming. It added to the tender and fluffy tones to the poem.

TITLE

The poem was about two lovers called Amber and Sam. The title informed the reader of this. The title, in my opinion, was perfect for this poem.

IMAGE

The picture this poem painted was two lovers very much in love. There is no more to say lol.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This was a wonderful, thought out and well written poem. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The foundation of this poem is solid and I like the way you built the poem up till the end. I also like the way the poet didn't use any punctuation to direct the reader on how to read the poem. They left it up to the reader to put their own spin on it. The structure suited the theme and style very well, in my opinion. I also like the ununiformed lines, different lengths.

TONE

I get a sad tone at the start, the middle has a frustrated tone and the end has a determined tint to it. I like the different tones as they in themselves tell a story.

SUGGESTIONS

The only criticism, and it is more a nit pick than anything else, is the stanza 'I have goals to accomplish, but lets first me establish
I got to have it, lavish', seems a bit false.

STYLE

This style of poem suits the poem and gives it a very rapping vibe. I think the style suits the poem very well.

TITLE

This title made me think. It is very cryptic and I really love it. I had no clue what the poem was about and it added to the very enjoyable poem.

IMAGE

I can see someone who has had a hard time but now it is coming to an end wants to start their life again. I hope all there dreams come true as they deserve it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
78
78
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The foundation of this poem is solid and I like the way you built the poem up till the end. I also like the way the poet didn't use any punctuation to direct the reader on how to read the poem. They left it up to the reader to put their own spin on it. The structure suited the theme and style very well, in my opinion. I also like the ununiformed lines, different lengths.

TONE

I get a sad tone at the start, the middle has a frustrated tone and the end has a determined tint to it. I like the different tones as they in themselves tell a story.

SUGGESTIONS

The only criticism, and it is more a nit pick than anything else, is the stanza 'I have goals to accomplish, but lets first me establish
I got to have it, lavish', seems a bit false.

STYLE

This style of poem suits the poem and gives it a very rapping vibe. I think the style suits the poem very well.

TITLE

This title made me think. It is very cryptic and I really love it. I had no clue what the poem was about and it added to the very enjoyable poem.

IMAGE

I can see someone who has had a hard time but now it is coming to an end wants to start their life again. I hope all there dreams come true as they deserve it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of Black Gargoyles  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I liked the plot and the end hook worked well. In my opinion, for a scary story, it was more tell than show. The character should be frighten at first, after finding out it is only a mask, relief should set in but I didn't feel any emotion at all. The start hook should have pulled me in, and it half worked. There were a few sections I got caught up in the moment but then you lost me again.

SUGGESTIONS

(I was excited at the thought of being able to sleep in the top bunk, which seemed far more adventurous to me.) Don't tell the reader your character was exited, show. (My heart pounded in my chest and my mouth felt like sandpaper at the thought of the top bunk.) Maybe after this first sentence elaborate on it. Mum thought me too small but Dad said I was a young.... See what I mean. Let the reader feel the character from the word go.

(I couldn’t help but feel that my eyes were being slowly drawn towards the bottom bunk as if something was moving in the corner of my eye.) This sounds like you got a shadow or something in your eye. (A cold chill ran down my spine as my eyes were drawn to the bottom bunk as a shape seemed to materialized.)

(It was then that I noticed my door, shut as it had been as I’d fallen asleep.) This doesn't make sense. (I glanced towards my bedroom door and frowned. How could something or someone get in through a shut door?)

BEST PART

This is showing the reader what the character felt. It drew me in and I could feel the character.

As the last cobwebs of sleep withered from my mind, the noise took on a more familiar form. Sometimes the simplest of sounds can be the most unnerving, a cold wind whistling through a tree outside, a neighbor’s footsteps uncomfortably close, or, in this case, the simple sound of bed sheets rustling in the dark.


POINTS

1) Try to refrain from using words like 'was' 'had' 'then' as they are all telling words.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This was a great first draft. With a little work it would be a great story. It has all the right ingredients. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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80
80
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

This was a great plot. It told a story, which some of these short stories, in my opinion, don't. Also, considering how short it was, I could picture the scene. The writer chose a scenario most people are familiar with. They didn't need to describe it as just about everyone has been to a funfair and ridden on a carousal. The plot was clever and well thought out. I felt a cold shiver go down my spine. This was very well written.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't really have any. The only thing I would like, I think, is maybe a collection of these short stories, THE HAUNTED FUNFAIR. Just a suggestion lol.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Although, the characters didn't grow, we still got a sense of them. The puzzled guard, the frightened child, and the distraught parent. For a short story, all the elements were there. Well done on that score.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is one, if not the best, short story of this nature I have ever read. It was entertaining and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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81
81
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

This is a great storyline and I really liked the hooks at the start and end. They worked as they should. The star hook made me want to read more and the end hook concluded the story very well.

SUGGESTIONS

'Death. (I welcome it; it can't come soon enough.) This may seem an unreasonable statement, but when I look back . . .' (can't come soon enough, I welcome it.) Having the word 'it' that close together gives the sentence a repetitive feel.

I struggled with my parents decision to bring a child into their world, even harder (was) accepting what I must do to live. (,) 'Was' is a very telling word and not needed, in my opinion, as your character is telling the story. It is her thoughts and voice we hear and thoughts do not have to be proper sentences. Plus, in my opinion, this sounds more dramatic.

My parents (had) warned me (that) when I reached puberty, it would be a dangerous time for me. It's hard to explain what happened when I saw Jenny's blood. (It was) if something inside me switched on. When I think back now on what happened, it fills me with horror, but at the time it (was) if I stood outside my body, watching the mayhem. Words like 'had' and 'then' have the same effect. They tell rather than show. (delete) (I felt as) (it's as)

It was only a matter of time, and I will rejoice when death finally came to set me free.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I really felt the characteristics of the characters come through. I felt the inexperiences of youth and a resigned mother who's daughter wouldn't listen to her. Vampires are no different to human daughter and mother relationships lol.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


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82
82
Review of I see their eyes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The way this poem is structured is great. I like the fact that the punctuation is lacking as it gives the poem a runaway feel, which suits this poem, and adds to the tension and drama. I like the fact that it has three stanzas rather than being just one long verse as this gives the poem, in my opinion, purpose and body. The structure really suits this poem.

TONE

The tone is terrifying, or that is how I felt when reading it. I liked the dramatic and melecony feel to it as well. It had just enough but not too much which would have made it too heavy going, in my opinion.

SUGGESTIONS

I thin this poem is well written and balanced and can see no way it can be improved on.

STYLE

I like this free style you used. I think any other style would not have done your poem justice. Great choice of style, in my opinion. It gels with the theme and the tone very well.

TITLE

I think the title suits the poem. The title and first sentence tells us what the subject matter is and the rest of the poem unpacks the statement very well.

IMAGE

I see a small hungry child with big eyes scavenging for food. I wish I could say it is just a poem but I watch the news and see the greed of humanity rob children of a life too often.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem on a topic most of us don't want to think about. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Xiea suggested a review for the last story and, being an obliging wizard lol, I complied. This is my opinion and has nothing to do with the contest in the slightest.

FLOW

The flow was pretty good throughout.

PASS THE BATON

The crossovers were good and smoothly done from team member to team member.

STORY TELLING

The story itself was good. I would have liked to see a bit more creativity and imagination but overall, it was very well told.

SUGGESTIONS

(I was fast asleep in my dorm when I was startled awake by a great whooshing gust of wind.) In my opinion, this would feel tighter turned around. (A gust of wind woke me up from a deep slumber.)

Harry whispered back, (sounding a bit annoyed). (Then he) turned to where I (was still lying) in my bed, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes (and wondering what sort of bad dream this was.) This is very telling, in my opinion. (in a gruff voice) (He) (lay) (Am I still asleep?)

(It was late at night now. I had set up the tent and organized all my supplies. How we had gotten here, I had no clue. All I remember is Harry, Ron, and the woman whose name I learned was Hermione, grabbing my arms and telling me to close my eyes. Then I felt completely nauseous, but the next second we were squatting on the wet leaves in the middle of a forest. I tried not to think about it too much.) This, in my opinion, could be tighter and more showy. (The night drew in as I took a step back and gazed at my organized supplies in my erected tent. Everything went fuzzy after the group introduced themselves and took my arm. My room disappeared and the forest, with its wet leaves and greenery appeared before my eyes. I pulled away from them and threw up behind a bush.)

"You're kidding." Either I have a better imagination than I realized or I've gone insane (because this dream was crazy.) The reader already knows the writer thinks this is a dream. Here, in my opinion, less is more. (delete)

“Harry!” Hermione (was hesitant). (hesitated)

While still keeping an eye on the direction Harry () in, Hermione said, “Penny, basically a Dementor is a negative force that drains happiness from a person, and a Patronus is a positive force that can protect someone from a Dementor”. (walked)


They heard yelling and screaming from the thicket Harry (had) disappeared into. (delete)

The locket (that) Ron stabbed lay beside Harry, the opening charred and smoking. It (was) rather beautiful for (such) something (that) makes such a terrifying sound. Whatever reason they (had for stabbing it better mean it was safe now). I don’t fancy dying in a world with glowing sticks and hellish monsters. (delete) (looked) (which) (needed to stab it made it safe)
84
84
Review of The Medium  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

PLOT

I like the story and found the middle and the end very entertaining. The thing is, although your end hook was great, the start hook did nothing for me and, if this wasn't a raid, it would have put me off. I tend to finish what I start and I am very glad I did. The start hook, in my opinion, should be short and sweet. There was too much information for me. Get the reader hooked and only then feed them information. I don't say this lightly. Lots of great writers on here have told me this time and time again lol.

SUGGESTIONS

(This was called Obsession.) I would (delete) this. In the next paragraph you have named it. In my opinion, you don't have to keep naming it.

(obsession attachments of) a dead spirit to a living one. (Its attachment to)

Okay, try not to tell the reader stuff but show them. Don't use words like 'was' or 'had' if you can help it as they are very telling words and, if you can condense something, do. I have found from experience, readers do not like to wade through tones of stuff to get to the point. As a writer, I like words, as a reader, I don't lol. I like to get the essence of a story without having to read tones of information to get there.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The main character grew in my eyes. From a character I liked, she became a character who I didn't. I felt an emotion, well, several actually. Well done on that score as, in my opinion, this is really hard to do with a short story. The dialogue was realistic too.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Good story and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


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85
85
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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STRUCTURE

I like the fact it hasn't got any punctuation as it gives he reader the feel of a runaway train and the reader can interrupt how to read the poem without the poets influence. This gives the reader the freedom to put their own spin on the poem.

TONE

The tone, to me, is very calming as it paints a countryside picture with its words. I really liked the way it flowed off the tongue and the gentleness of the tone really touched me. I think the tone really suited the theme and the structure.

SUGGESTIONS

I really have nothing to add. This poem is well written and I really liked it. I think, to change anything would take away the dynamics of the poem.

STYLE

The form, I have never accounted, but will have to read more as I really liked it. The style suited the poem. I always think, with themes like this, a rhyming poem sounds false and forced.

TITLE

The title really suits the poem. It tells the reader what the theme of the poem is all about, which I love.

IMAGE

I see a farm with chickens and crops. A farmer waking to a hard days work by the cockerel. It is a very nice picture.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and tank you for sharing.





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86
86
Review of Crashed Witches  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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PLOT

The plot reminded me of a series years ago called 'moonlight.' It was a detective series but it had the same format. It was fictional but the actor talked to the camera and made it sort of personal and happening in the here and now. I liked the flow and both the start and end hook.

SUGGESTIONS

This is a well written story and I enjoyed reading it. I don't have any suggestions as I liked the way it was written. It read like a nonfiction story, as it stated the facts, and it sounded so read that I had to look out of the window to make sure there were no witches on broomsticks flying by lol.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This does not apply as there are no actual characters in it. Even the narrator is general. This, in my opinion, would apply to everyone and I like the way the writer has done this.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a very good way of telling a story and I liked it very much. It reminded me a little of the witch trials and is very relevant with Halloween around the corner. Very well done. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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87
87
Review of Fighting Death  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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PLOT

I like the plot very much and thought it was very original and relevant as a lot of people love this type of genre. I liked the thought of two grim reapers as well. But, in my opinion, the woman detective didn't act like she should. Even a hard nosed cop would at least sway and, maybe, grab something to steady herself with. Just an observation.

SUGGESTIONS

I am not sure what to suggest to make this better as scripts are not really my thing. I find them very detached but yours really entertained me and I enjoyed reading it. I loved the way the characters came to life and was enthralled with the whole concept and the way this is written. I would say one thing, maybe set the scene a bit better. Maybe, set the scene better in the park and in the office. I know scripts might not need to do this as they usually end up as plays but I would have liked to see a little more description to emerge myself into the script.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This is done to perfection, I think.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great first act. Stay safe and thank you for sharing.


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88
88
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

This is a great story but I found it very rushed and very telling. I love crime and murder, what that says about me god knows lol, but your story seemed to start well and got my mouth watering, but fell a bit flat after the beginning. It was too telling, in places and rushed in others. If this was for a contest and you had to write it as Flash Fiction I fully understand why it had to be rushed but it did remind me of an escalator lol. Love the plot, though.

SUGGESTIONS

The whole town is invited to the events. Detective Hall, was just about to "close shop" for the day and leave a skeleton crew on to answer phones and 911 (him) if an emergency arrives, then, suddenly his phone rings ... (DELETE)

Detective John Hall drove over to Elmer Jones’s place to find out why Elmer’s neighbor, Joyce Root, became so excited (about; on) (. On)

Walking into (police headquarters), Detective Hall ushered Todd to the holding cell, and proceeded to his office where he jotted down the serial number on the gun before sending it to forensics. He (then) counted the money and recorded the sum before packaging it to take over to evidence; afterwards, he drove over to Casey’s Bar and Grill to question the bartender on duty. (the station) Otherwise it sounds repetitive, in my opinion. (delete) This word is not needed, in my opinion. Otherwise it sounds like a list or teenage girls dialogue lol.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS

Again, I didn't really get any feel for the characters, although, I think I have read about your Detective Hall before. He sounded familiar but I could be wrong. Would have liked to feel the characters more.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really liked the outline and loved the end as it would be something my mutt would do lol. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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89
89
Review of The Solemn Vow  
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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STRUCTURE

The structure suited the poem and theme. The fact their was very little punctuation added to the poems essence and it had a runaway feel to it. The more I read the more I could feel a burning inside my soul. Through to the way it was written, I felt every word and every word was needed. For a long poem, it didn't waffle and it was to the point. It was very well written and composed, in my opinion.

TONE

The tone sounded angry to me. The more I read the more I felt the rage and anger of the poet. I also felt darkness surrounding the poem and a certain sadness at the outcome of the action.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any. This poem is written perfectly and I can't see a way to make it better than it is. It starts slow but, with each line, it builds and builds until the climax where the reader is left feeling for-filed.

STYLE

This AABB rhyming style poem works very well with this kind of theme, in my opinion. I felt myself flow with the beat and thought of Shakespeare and the way he builds up his plays until the end. The style suits the theme and structure of this poem.

TITLE

I didn't understand the title until the end. After reading the poem, I thought the title suited the poem very well.

IMAGE

I can see two lovers making a pact to kill themselves like Romeo and Juliet.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing.


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90
90
Review of On Giving Reviews  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

THE OUTLINE

The introduction paragraph was concise and tight. It told the reader what to expect and the topic of the essay. It informed the reader of its content and explained the different points before unpacking them under the subheadings of the essay. Readers could understand and, if the chose to, scroll down and read only the parts that applied to them.

MAIN IDEAS

The main ideas were set out as sub headings, which mapped the essay out nicely. Under each heading, the writer split each part into categories, which helped the reader, even further, with the negotiation of the essay.I liked the way this essay was set out. I tend to review books but am always looking for ways, not only for my review genre, to improve my skills as a reviewer. The way this essay was set out compelled me to read all of it and not just the book parts.

SUGGESTIONS

'Was it (a) hard to stay engaged because the main character was too unlikable?' (delete)

I think the essay would have stood out a lot more if the headings and sub headings were in a different colour. I think new members that review should read this and they would absorb it better if it was more colorful. A friend of mine used red ink to fill in a job application. She not only got an interview, although she wasn't nearly as qualified as the other applicants, but the job as well because the boss actually read her CV. He said she stood out.

THE HOOK

The hook intrigued me. I really was drawn in by it. I tend not to review essays for a couple of reasons. The main one is, they can be a bit tedious and boring, not to mention over opinionated. I found this one, however, to be interesting and balanced.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really liked this essay and I have learned so much from it. As I said before, I do review the basic genres on here and I don't care, really, what I review as long as I can do it justice but, some members, send me signatures, contests, and blogs. I haven't a clue how to review them. Maybe do a sequel to this and include them. Thank you for sharing and stay safe. I hope this review was helpful. Please tell me how I can improve on this template.


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91
91
Review of Accountability  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

OUTLINE

The outline of the essay was very good. I can relate as I suffer from Borderline personality disorder and see many similarities in your description of your illness. I think the first few sentences outlined the topic of this essay. They were tight and very precise as they explained what the essay was about.

MAIN IDEAS

There was only one topic in this essay and it was your metal illness. You explained your feelings well, far better than I could, and I know how hard it must have been to write. It is also a topic we should discuss as a nation but seldom do.

SUGGESTIONS

I was mentally ill due to bi-polar (I) disorder and then became addicted to the medications used to treat my illness. I was lost in active addiction for over 35 years. Believe me when I say it's like a living death. (delete)

THE HOOKS

The start and end hooks on this essay were pretty good. The start hook told me what the essay would be about but left me intrigued to want to read on while the end hook ended with a conclusion and didn't leave the reader scathing there head and feeling discontented.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great job on this essay and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


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92
92
for entry "Chapter 1" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I like the plot. It seems like a very good story.

SUGGESTIONS

In a large house on top of a hill, surrounded by many other houses, some larger than his own, though most are smaller, a man yawns and stretches as he gets (up from) bed. (out of) In my opinion, it sounds tighter this way.

(However, many) humans are last rate citizens, with most being at the bottom of the food chain.

(But John, however,) is not like most humans, in fact he is only part human.

However, in any shape or form, (John was a force to be reckoned with.)

There is no need to keep writing 'however and I would keep his name out of it until the end. This, in my opinion, makes the story more tense and dramatic. (Many) (He) (no one messed with John.) Also, I would make this one paragraph as a new topic equals a new paragraph and, as far as I can tell, this is all about how your main character looks.

(Of course, John always had the perfect, legitimate, and therefore, legal excuse, that the student was his “Pet” or slave.) You over use this phase as well. My opinion is, once you establish this fact, don't refer to it again as it makes the story very sluggish and, as this is the first chapter, you want your reader to be captivated enough to move on and read the rest. ( He could show, any one who asked, the legitimate papers for his student pets and slaves.)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I couldn't get a feel for the characters and would have liked to learn more about there personalities. But that could be the fact it is only the first chapter.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Good first draft. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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93
93
Review of Life of Hershey  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I like this plot and found it very moving and sad. I liked the way it was written as well. For a short story, I felt more emotion than some books I've read. Well done.

SUGGESTIONS

'I am in a dark place. I hear muffled speaking outside. I do not know where I am. I was taken from the bag last night. I think I am alone. No, I am not. A sock or glove tells me to move over.'

For a start hook, this should be tighter, in my opinion. I found this very loose and jumbled. I know this is a first person story, but there are too many 'I's' in this one sentence and through out the story. Over usage of words, in my opinion, makes the story stutter and jerk. I find, in stories like these the simplest way, if you can, is to replace some of the 'I's' with comma.

'I open my eyes to the sound of muffled voices. The darkness engulfs me as the voices seem to becoming from outside my confined space. Where am I? The last thing I remember is being taken from the bag last night. Am I alone? I stretch my leg and touch something warm and prickly.

Italics are used as inner thought and it gives licence for a writer to use and over use words, in my opinion. Some call it lazy but I think it is a useful tool. This also, in my opinion, builds the tension and feels tighter on the tongue. Also, he is a cookie. He was only born last night. How would he know what a sock or glove feels like?

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS

I felt the cookies uncertainty straight away. And, through out the story I could feel the main character and what they felt through your words. You showed me what he felt and didn't tell me. Well done for that as well. A lot of short stories tell you what the character feels and, in my opinion, a reader wants to be shown. They want to travel through the story, feel what the character feels and be captivated by the character. I did that in your story.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a very well thought out story and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


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94
94
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" !*Delight*


PLOT

The story line was great. It was told very sensually and sexily. I thought the plot was very thought out although, I was a bit disappointing by the end. I thought their would be a twist like they were poisoned or enchanted lol. Guess, that's my dark mind for you. It was very well written.

SUGGESTIONS

('She looked down at the box on the table. She knew it was a gift of chocolate from an admirer, but not in the usual heart-shaped red box. This small square container, just large enough to hold six candies, was made of polished silver.) Her warm fingers caressed the cold design of roses raised in relief from the background of leaves. Using the tassel hanging from it, she slowly opened and removed the cover to reveal the contents of the box.'

This, to me, is very telling for a start hook. It didn't pull me in as, in my opinion, a start hook should. The over use of the word 'was' didn't help.

(She stared at the small square, silver polished contain on the table and frowned. She guessed it contained six candle chocolates from an admirer, but who?)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I got her feel straight away by your words. I think, telling the reader she was greedy and selfish wasn't needed as you showed the reader this through out the story.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a great story. The only thing that let it down for me was the start hook and the end hook left too many questions unanswered. That would be alright if it had a part 2 or was in a novel but not when it is a stand-a-lone story, in my opinion. Great job, though. I didn't think a story about a box of chocolates could be so entertaining lol. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.



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95
95
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" !*Delight*

PLOT

I liked this story and loved the happy ending. The story, only in parts, seemed a bit telling but that didn't spoil the humor or entertaining factor of the story at all as, where it fell flat, the rest of the story gave it a lift.

SUGGESTIONS

'The cake was perfect.

Creamy and sweet and studded on the top and sides with fresh strawberries, Danion Frobisher’s first attempt at a strawberry shortcake was a total success. He even managed to get it into the cake carrier without incident, and the cover fit over the cake like a crowning glory.'

This, in my opinion for a start hook, is very telling.

'The cake looked perfect with its creamy, sweet and studded on the top and sides strawberries. Damion Frobisher puffed out his chest and smiled at his first attempt strawberry cake. He picked it up, carefully, and balanced it on one hand while the other opened the carrier. He placed it in the bag and sighed. The cover fitted over the cake like a crowning glory.'

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This was very well executed. Most short stories tend to leave the reader empty in this respect. I tend not to get a feel for the main character at all. Your main character popped. I felt his loss and his uncertainty as well as his insecurity and his joy. Well done.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing. It would have been perfect but, for me, the start hook let it down and it was a bit telling in places. Stay safe.


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96
96
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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THE OUTLINE

The outline is tight and precise. It does not ramble on and move from the point. It tells a opinion and sticks to the point. I don't review many essays but, I would say, the formula for this essays outline is very well written.

MAIN IDEAS

There is only one topic but two sides, 'is there a hell or not?' The writer told us she was putting the for argument forward but she acknowledged the against argument as well. It was a bit one sided but, the question wasn't exactly, 'is there a hell or not? but, 'does she believe in hell? I think she put her point of view across very well. This is a very well constructed essay.

SUGGESTIONS

My only criticism, and this is a preference rather than taking anything away from the writing, is maybe have sub headings. This, for me, would have been easier on the eye. I must admit, I don't read religious stuff. I am also a Christian but I just believe lol. I don't go to church or read the bible but I try and be kind and generous to my fellow human beings.

THE HOOK

I did love your hook. You pulled me in from the start with all the questions and made me want to read on.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a great and well written essay. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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97
97
Review of Moon Over Water  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



STRUCTURE

I like the shape of the poem. The way it starts with a sentence and ends with one powerful word. I also like the way it builds until the end and the way it looks, like an upside down pyramid. I like the picture with it and the way it runs away with you, when read. I liked the feel and non intrusive way it sounded as well.

TONE

The tone made me feel relaxed and at peace with the world, which is hard at the moment with the riots and pandemic, so thank you for that. The tone really suited the theme of this poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any. This poem was just the right size. It wasn't too small that it didn't get its point across or to big so it rambled on. It was just the right size, for me.

STYLE

This free style really suited the form of this poem and, I think, poems with this form suit this style better.

TITLE

This title really suits the poem. The title tells the reader what to expect and the poem doesn't disappoint. It is a poem about the moon over the water and nothing more.

IMAGE

I see two lovers sitting on a beach and looking out to see as the moon rises and overshadows the water.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.


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98
98
Review of Imagination  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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STRUCTURE

The foundation is sound and really suits the theme of the poem. The dialogue makes the poem stand out as it is like a love story being played out before my very eyes and reminds me of a play rather than a poem. I like, due to the punctuation, the way the reader is directed to pause and stop in places the poet wants them to.

TONE

The tone is full of lust and love. He wants her but can wait as they have all the time in the world. The tone suits the theme and the structure very well, in my opinion.

SUGGESTIONS

'“You can fill mine if I let you, but you can't have me.”' This line, in my opinion, doesn't fit. It throws the rhyming sequence out of sink and makes the reader stutter. My concentration was broken when I read this line as it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem.

STYLE

The style suited the theme very well. The rhyming sequence made the poem feel very heartfelt and personal and suited the tone perfectly.

TITLE

The title threw me a bit as I don't get it. Was she imagining a lover? or the way she wanted her love to behave? In my opinion, maybe make that clearer.

IMAGE

I see two young people who are very much in love, lying on the grass, in each others arms.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a well written poem and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.



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99
99
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

This is a funny one to review. There is no plot per say but, in a strange way, there is. I like how the storyline emerses, not only from the title, but the few words written as well. A woman is, i presume, invited upto a mans bedroom and given a drink which is spiked. She is having a great time until he admits that fact. Pity it was a contest as it sounds like an interesting story in the making.

SUGGESTIONS

My only suggestion is, maybe, after the contest expand on it. As I said before, it sounds interesting. Maybe, she could have switched the glasses and his is the one that is drugged. Sorry, my mind is very dark lol.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I get more feeling for your characters in this short story than some long winded stories give me. The man is evil and the woman naive. I feel, this is a blind date and the woman was taken in by his charm and a bit flattered he wanted her.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a great story and I loved the way it made me want to run with it. I enjoyed reading it and hope you do expand on it. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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100
100
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

The storyline was really sweet and, for a children's story, the hooks were well written. I personally liked the end hook but wasn't too impressed with the start as it didn't have a very good pull for me.

SUGGESTIONS

Nanny said. (That made me think of a way to use the extra strawberries. So, I asked Nanny?) FIRST POINT: 'I asked Nanny,' does not need a question mark as it is not a question. SECOND POINT: I would (delete) as the next sentence is the question and all that is needed.

(Then,) Nanny walked and I ran (outside) to the garden.(delete) FIRST POINT: the word 'then,' is not needed. The sentence means the same with or without it and, in my opinion, sounds better without it. Words like 'then' and 'when' do not push the story along but, in my opinion, hinders the process. SECOND POINT: the reader knows you are inside and they can ascertain the garden would be outside. I would leave either garden or outside out of this sentence.

I painted a big red strawberry with green leaves on my board and Nanny painted the words (“Fresh Strawberries” on the other board.) Unless the speech marks represent dialogue, they shouldn't be used. The only time they can be used if the writer is making her character quote someone else. For example: "I told her it was dangerous, but Sally said 'you only live twice.'" (British grammar is the other way.) (fresh strawberries on hers in capital letters.)

“Now while the paint is drying we need to pick and clean the strawberries(." Said Nanny.)
(Then she brought out three large buckets to put the strawberries in while we picked.) FIRST POINT: 'said Nanny' is part of the speech. It is a speech tag and, therefore, part of the dialogue. (," said Nanny.) SECOND POINT: the next sentence should follow on as its content is the same subject as the first sentence. A paragraph should only start when the topic changes or the character does. (She brought out three large buckets for the strawberries we picked.)

I don't think I have ever seen such big strawberries before(." Said) Mrs. Brannon as the red juice dripped from her mouth. Good thing we have plenty of napkins. (," said)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

This is hard in any short story but even harder if this is a memory. I think the dialogue was realistic and the only characteristics I got were, he was very energetic. I would have loved to find out if he was hyper or just a normal boy at whatever age he was. See, even if you said his age, kids and adults could relate but the reader was just given his sex and nothing more.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a good story but could be a great story but it needs a bit of work. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


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