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26
26
Review of The Cleaner  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I think this plot is great and it captured my attention from the first word. I like how smooth the story flows and hope you write more and make it into a novel as that will be one book I would love to read.

SUGGESTIONS

Squaring my shoulders and trying not to sigh as birds chirp gaily outside the window, I settle to work. I roll Jimbo (that’s what I’ve decided to call todays stiff) off the chair and onto the expanse of plastic (I had) laid out under the table. (delete) I don't think you need to tell the reader that your character laid it out. Besides, in my opinion, by adding 'had' the writer has changed action into telling and my attention wandered a little.

No matter, I’ve done enough jobs to anticipate such things and (had laid out) just the right length of plastic to catch the wayward droppings. (made sure I cut) In my opinion, something like this is less repetitive as the writer has roughly used the same words earlier in the story. Also, this way, in my opinion, is far more showy.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The writer has done this very well. At the start the character cared more for his business but, by the end, the writer showed he had a heart. I would like to see more growth, if you turn this story into a novel.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and very well written. Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I like the story very much and thought it was told perfectly. I liked the correct usage of the hooks as well. The first one pulled me in and the last one left me contented but also wanting more. This, in my opinion, leaves the door open for the writer to do a sequel, if they so wish.

WHAT WORKED

The way the story was told. Like a conversation than something on paper.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

Sometimes, it was hard to follow and I wanted to know who the voice was. I think, unless the writer is doing another chapter, that needed to be explained. Especially as Gg took pictures of the police as that made me think the voice is bad.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

I thought this was very well written and drew me in straight away.

PLOT

I liked the plot. It was well thought out and very entertaining.

SUGGESTIONS

"Get that thing out of here," (a very expectant mother's almost scream, not quite, but close enough, never mess with a woman in labor.) This sounded a bit off, in my opinion. (a woman in labor screamed.)

"But Babe(," the soon to be dad tried to calm her, clicking on the remote,) "it's a Gg170 Auto-..." (the father-to-be patted her arm) If the speech is interrupted the correct symbol is a hyphen but I do not know how to do that on my computer. I think new computers have this symbol on their keyboard. Also, don't tell the reader how he calmed her down, show them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review of Begin 2  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I like the crisp lines. Their different sizes adds to the tone and suits this poem very well. The way it flows, it is very smooth and not jerky at all as it describes a writer when they start to write a book. I liked the use of the punctuations as well. They are placed where they should be. The poet didn't overuse or under use them.

TONE

The tone is soft and whimsical as it tells about a writer writing a book. The book is blank until the first drop of ink hits the page. It doesn't belong to anyone until the characters declare their ownership. The tone suits the theme of this poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I have none. This poem is written perfectly and to change anything would spoil the poem.

STYLE

The style suits the poem. It suits the theme as well. The free verse lets the story be told and unfold like it should do.

TITLE

The title is a good one but, in my opinion, very ambiguous. It is about a beginning but it doesn't really give one a hint at what. It holds the readers attention. I had to read it twice before I got the idea it was a novelist starting a book.

IMAGE

I see a writer, with pen in hand, poised over a sheet of paper. They take the ink to the paper and start to write.

FINAL THOUGHT

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Arrival  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I like this storyline and loved the end hook but thought the start hook could do with more pull.

SUGGESTIONS

The most excitement we usually got was to listen to scientists banter() with each other about things() that were far beyond us. (,)

The squad and I entered the airlock and tapped the controls to open the (airlock) of the freighter. The (airlock) opened and the inside of the freighter appeared to be pitch dark before us. (it) (hatch) This is very repetitive otherwise. Try not to use the same word so close to each other as, in my opinion, it makes the story sound jerky.

I didn't have to look to know that each of the men set his weapon (for) "stun" at that point. (to)

I (then) signaled the men to advance and PFC Florence, a red headed marine from Texas took point. (delete) In my opinion, this word is redundant.

Soon the interior of the cargo bay was flooded in red lighting as the (lighting) cut in. (beam)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I didn't really get a feel for the characters. I think this is a difficult task to do on such a short story, though. The scene was very realistic.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This was a good story but a bit too telling, for me, and not enough showing. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of A Devil of a Fox  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I like the plot very much, although, I have never seen the programme either. I think it would have been better if you left the introduction out as it was a bit confusing but that is just my opinion. I enjoyed reading the story and hope you finish it.

SUGGESTIONS

Things change however, when an actress, who previously worked at "The Scorcher" as a singer is murdered in front of him, and he encounters Lola Lepis, a female rabbit officer, who, unlike everyone else, is not only resistant to his powers of persuasion, but is able () brush off his charms. (to)

Rayos leaped on top of Fraya, trying to stop the bullets from hitting her, but he watched in horror as some still managed (to hit her, including in her face.) This, in my opinion is very repetitive. (to make contact with her body and face.)

The fox threw (threw) the glass, shattering it against the wall. (delete)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS

It is hard to comment on this due to it being fan fiction and maybe that is why I never got a feel for any of them. I would have liked to get a picture of their characteristics and flavor.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a good story and I hope you get to finish it. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
31
31
Review of The Jesters' Lie  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I like the foundation of this poem. All the lines are roughly the same size and each line has some sort of punctuation. This gives the reader tips on where to pause, fade, and stop. It all gives the poem a very uniformed look and feel.

TONE

The tone is sad at first as the jester weeps about his illness and death. About halfway through it begins to feel hopeful and he is no longer scared of his demise but welcomes it.

SUGGESTIONS

I have none as, to change anything would spoil the beat and meaning of a very powerful poem about belief and faith.

STYLE

The rhymes and half-rhymes suit this poem very well.

TITLE

The title suits the poem. It tells the reader what the poem is about without giving to much away.

IMAGE

I see a broken man that finds faith and love in his hour of need.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem. Thank you for sharing and have a great Thursday.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Needs work.

WHAT WORKED

Your opening paragraph.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

The voice.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

This peaked my interest as you set the scene perfectly.

PLOT

This was very well thought out and I liked the storyline.

SUGGESTIONS

Richard: I daresay that he might have gone towards the riverside(, isn't he?) Don't need the last bit. (delete)

Donald: Right, as a plant-enthusiast, he might have visited (over there) to study the characteristics of plants. (delete)

Richard: Then let's move towards the wharf to ferret out (evidence if any we could?) This is clumsy, in my opinion. (any evidence.)

Richard and Donald come over to the riverbank to have a (butcher's.) I am not sure what voice you are using. You write like in olden times but then use words like (butchers) which is more modern and cockney slang. This does not sound realistic in the voice you are using. You need to choose one voice and stick to it otherwise you will confuse the reader.

Richard: How could I tell? You know that we (due) are on the same mission now. (two)

Donald: Shall we (intimate the cops) about the issue then? Again, the voice is all wrong. The way you portray your two characters is different from the voice you use. (call the cops) would probably sound better, in my opinion, if that is the voice you choose.

Father: Is everything (hunky-dory?) Totally unrealistic. Reverends do not use this kind of language. They tend to be more refined. (alright)

Father: Dear children, my house is close to the church and I have been living there for (the yonks). But to (your) surprise, this is the first time I (am visiting) this place! Again, unrealistic. (since I was a young child) (my) (have visited)

On hearing his cry, Donald and Richard wake up jerking (and speed up towards him to take the) hold of his arm. Again, jerky. (, and run towards him. They each take one of his hands.)

Donald: (Shocked) Where he might have gone then? This is an emotion and, if this is a script, should be in brackets.

(Would I ever end this problem?) In a trembling voice, says this to himself and goes to church again to meet the priest. (Donald: (voice trembled) Will this problem ever end?/ Goes to church to see priest.)

Father: I am (brassed) off on hearing this! Again, priest would not say this. (upset)

Usually, with a work like this, I don't review. But I promised and, even though I am late and apologize for that, I keep my promises.

I suggest you reread this story, maybe get a friend to read it as well before reposting it. There are too many inconsistencies, one being the voice, for reviewers to review. The good ones will not bother and the bad ones will take your gp points and tell you it is great.

Also, if this is a script, make the acts smaller. Big chapters, like these, work in books because you can add action scenes. I found it very tedious with just dialogue and nothing happening. I think that is why scenes in plays are short. You need something to keep the readers concentration. If, after all this, you want me to review it again, do the corrections and send it back.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The story is sound. It just needs work. Thank you for sharing and take care.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of A Minos Mistake  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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STRUCTURE

I like the way it is formatted and the different sized lines. I also like the way it sounds, like a disgruntled worker. The structure with its exclamation mark at the end of the first verse and its question mark at the end of its second verse, does give it a very humorous feel to it.

TONE

The tone is very comical and I couldn't help but giggle when I read it. I loved the tongue-in-cheek attitude that seeped off this poem. It was very well written and the concept was very well thought out.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any. This poem is perfect just the way it is. It paints a picture in my head and I needed a good laugh.

STYLE

This blank verse style suited the theme of the poem very well.

TITLE

The title suited the poem. It made me want to find out what the poem was about with out being so absurd that I think that don't make sense.

IMAGE

I get, in my minds eye, a little yellow man who is grumbling to anyone that will listen that he built something epic but all his bosses care about is a little mistake. Being in a family who doesn't let you forget your mistakes, I know how he feels lol.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Take care.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of The Price of Fame  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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STRUCTURE

I like the way these poems have been structured and the format, one after the other, display. They certainly have the structure of limericks. The only trouble I have with these types of poems is the sameo sameo feel they seem to have but that has nothing to do with your writing.

TONE

The tone is funny, which is what a limerick is, so I believe. The tone is really good and falls in line of what a good limerick sounds like.

SUGGESTIONS

The only one I had a bit of a problem with was the last one as, in my opinion, it sounded forced.

STYLE

As I've said I think limericks are funny and I enjoy the odd one or two but they are really not my favorite form of poetry as they all seem to start and sound the same.

TITLE

The title suited the poems. I didn't read the notes, unfortunately lol. The title tells the reader what the poems are about without saying too much.

IMAGE

You actually paint a very good picture in each poem. I can see the people in the poem come alive.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Really well written limericks and thank you for sharing. Take care.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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WORDPLAY AND IMARGARY

I love the way you used the words. You painted a picture and I felt like I was there as well. It was both entertaining and funny and I couldn't stop giggling all the way through.

LANGUAGE AND REPRENSENTATION

I love that descriptive language used and the way you represented Fable was so sweet. The pictures added to the story. Bandit doesn't like upsetting me either and it does take a lot for me to be angry with him but, when I am, boy does he know it. That is when I get his favorite toy placed on my lap lol.

SUGGESTIONS

The bill's I had been working on while eating (was) everywhere. (were)

I don't have any suggestions for the piece as I think it is perfect just the way it is but for the allergies, have you tried pinion. I am not sure you can get it there and it is supposed to be for human allergies but our vets recommend it and it seems to work. As for fable... Well, she is beautiful and a lady lol. Besides, having a dog is like having a three year old all the time. When Bandit thinks I am too busy on my computer and not paying enough attention to him, he jumps on my lap lol.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked everything. The pictures were great and the story was very well written. I liked the hint of humor and the tongue-in-cheek tone of the piece as well.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Nothing. I loved it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great piece, my friend, and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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36
36
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

This is a great plot on an old story and I liked the way you made your main character one of the ladies at the ball rather than the prince or Cinderella as it gave this old fairy tale a new lease on life.

SUGGESTIONS

(Care of the plants in the garden was only one of Tansy’s daily chores, yet it was her favorite. Any opportunity to spend time in the garden tending her plants was splendid. Cook had patiently taught Tansy the names and special uses for each of the plants. With the whole court depending on the medicinal herbs, as well as the seasonings made from the cooking herbs, Cook was strict as she quizzed Tansy over and over about each plant which grew in the kitchen garden. Tansy had grown to love working with the herbs.) This, in my opinion, is very telling. Don't tell the reader how much pleasure and how splendid your main character found the garden, show them. Also, words like 'was' and 'had' tend to be telling words, in my opinion, and over using a word like .cook,' in my opinion, tends to make the paragraph sound rough. Maybe... (Tansy's chores varied but, as she loved plants, the garden became her favorite. Cook quizzed her every day about what the plants did and she would sit on a high chair and absorb all the information gleefully. The garden gave her a warm glow inside that started in her stomach and consumed her whole body.) This shows the reader and has all the information needed, in my opinion, to move the story forward.

Tansy’s eyes (had) followed as the prince lead another girl toward the waiting couples and joined the dance. (delete)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I would have liked to see the character grow more and to see what she was feeling. The prince dancing with her, for example, was a great way for the reader to connect with her... 'He took her in his arms and she felt her heart thud as they twirled around the room...

FINAL THOUGHTS

This was a good take on an old classic and I thought it was very well written. Thank you for sharing and take care.


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37
37
Review of Superbowl 2012  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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THE OUTLINE

I don't usually do these blog/photograph pieces as I don't really know how to review them and I don't have a template for them. I have used my essay template but I looked for a story or poem to review and it seems I have reviewed them all.

This, if I am not mistaken is a letter about the super bowl to your dad who is no longer with us. I got the idea straight away and I guess that is the outline of sorts. So, the outline was very well constructed.

MAIN IDEAS

This was also very well planned out and the picture gave us a good visual as I take it that is your dad watching the super bowl.

SUGGESTONS

To be fair, I wouldn't know where to start if I was writing this lol. I think it is entertaining to find out about people hence, it was right up my alley and I enjoyed reading it. As for suggesting something, I don't think it needs any.

THE HOOK

Well, I continued to read it. I guess that means the hook works.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I was well out of my comfort zone on this one. I hope this review is alright. I would love a few templates on signatures and photograph pieces so I know what to look for. If you could give me some pointers, I would appreciate it. Thank you for sharing and take care.
38
38
Review of Zombie Acitvists  
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Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I think the structure suits the poem. The uniformed lines really make the poem and the red font looks like blood on the page. I enjoyed reading this poem and thought it was very well written. The lack of punctuation went well with the theme as well. I think this was a very good thought out poem. The words painted a very vivid picture.

TONE

The tone was mixed. I am not sure if it was a funny poem or a spine tingling one but I found it funny and matter-of-fact. It rang like a story about zombies rampaging the street, eating brains. The last line made me giggle about the zombies eating dull brains. I thought that was funny and my favorite line of the poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any, although, if I have to give it a one star, I feel like I should otherwise it does not seem right or fair but who am I to argue with the poet lol.

STYLE

The style suited the poem as well. Any other style would not have suited this kind of poem.

TITLE

The title informed the reader this poem was about zombies. It left the reader wanting to read the poem and unpack the title. The title was a good title for this poem.

IMAGE

I see a pale faced zombie chomping down on a human head and sucking out their brains.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and it pains me giving it a one but if that is your wish... Thank you for sharing and take care.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review of Swollen heart  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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STRUCTURE

The structure is sound and I like the way the lines are different sizes. They symbolize how a heart works, in my opinion. Feelings are not uniformed and, the lines show this by not been uniformed. I also like the no punctuation as this, in my opinion, symbolizes the thought process. These visual things, in my opinion, make the words stand out.

TONE

The tone is one of sadness and heartbreak and I felt every word. My heart goes out to the poet. I also can relate to a lot of the words in this poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I have none. To change anything would be to sully the essence and soul of the poem, in my opinion.

STYLE

The style suits the theme and structure of this poem. Any other style would have diminished the poem and the words, in my opinion.

TITLE

The title suited the poem very well.

IMAGE

I can see someone in pain and feel their suffering. My hear goes out to the poet and hope they feel better now.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a well written poem from the heart. Thank you for sharing and keep safe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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PLOT

Great storyline. Very believable.

SUGGESTIONS

(Because of that day, I honestly could not see how it was such a gift.) This, in my opinion, is very jumbled and telling. (The idea my singing could be a gift puzzled me.)

Her shoulders shook with great sobs. Each of her tears created a pool of deep sorrow somewhere in my soul. (It was like her grief was my grief). I could not take my eyes off of her. Again, telling. Also, he is feeling her emotions but I don't feel the emotional pull I should. (Her grief ripped at my heart, her sorrow tore my sole apart, and her pain crippled me)

The Queen nodded (revealing no emotion,) Don't tell the reader she had no emotion, show them. (, her eyes cold and hard. Her face void of emotion.) Also, the tag before the dialogue is action hence, full stop. If it were a speech tag, then it would be a comma.

The whole story needs to show the emotion more, in my opinion.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I saw some but would have liked to see more. In my opinion, the reader needs to have an emotional link to the main characters. Whether they hate them or love them, they have to have that link. I could not get a feel at all for anyone.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is the foundation of a good story. It just needs a little work. Thank you for sharing and take care.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review of A Child's Story  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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PLOT

I like the way the story flows and the plot is a good one. I like stories like this, so you won me already. It was a very thought out storyline.

SUGGESTIONS

You see I am a reader(. I "read" this energy.) This seems very repetitive and jerky, in my opinion. (, of energy.) Then maybe explain or unpack that statement. (Everyone has electricity coursing through their body but, when that person dies, that energy intensifies and it is that power I can read.) Or something like that. In my opinion, this is short and sweet.

The officer (had the test ran). This is very telling, in my opinion. (ran the test.)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Being a very short story and the fact it is a first person story, in my opinion, makes it hard to develop characters but I did see character growth and characteristics scattered here and there. Very well done.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing. Take care.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of Nonna's Story  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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PLOT

The plot is great and the writing is very dramatic, which I love. I liked how the beginning hook pulled me in and the body built up to the end.


SUGGESTIONS

I felt (that the past had waited) patiently for me; I came here to learn the truth. This, in my opinion, is very telling. Maybe, (the past waited patiently for me.)

With her eyes still focused on the (photograph) she said in a faraway voice. This, in my opinion, is very repetitive. Maybe, (picture) would sound better in the second instance.

("I knelt and bowed my head and asked God to forgive me for the request I was about to make. I looked up into the sky and began my prayer." She looked at me as tears fell from her puffy, red eyes. "I prayed that God would look upon my mother with love.

"And then I prayed to God for my mother's death."

She made the sign of the cross as her body shook with sobs.) As the same person is talking, this should be on the same line.

We sat quietly for a few minutes before she (sat) up and wiped her eyes. (straightened)

I shuddered with the realization of what my aunt (had) just told me. My grandmother's house (had burned) with her children inside. They were unharmed, but without proof, (she was sent) to an asylum because (her) neighbors accused her of setting the fire. She remained there until her death. Until her daughter's prayer. This, in my opinion is very telling. To make it more dramatic from my point of view either change some words or put it in italics ie inner thoughts. (delete) (burned,) (they sent) (the)

I looked up the hill to the charred remains of the house (that had) burned so long ago, its black timbers like old, crooked fingers pointing to the heavens. (burnt)

After traveling six-thousand-miles, I (had) finally learned the truth. I sighed and fought back tears. (delete)

(My journey (had ended and now my heart ached.) This is telling, in my opinion. maybe, (With the end of my journey the heartache began.)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I love the way you built the character and I felt her presence straight away. I would have liked her to grow more, if I'm honest but this is a short story and I know it is tough to do if one has a word limit.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

The plot is a good one. The only thing I would say is, the part where she finds out the man in the photograpgh might be her grandfather and the reporters are happy for her to go to this strange guys house alone, is not realistic. The only way that would work is if the two girls character would do anything for the story but you have shown they would not. If that was me I would at least argue and offer to go with her.

SUGGESTIONS

"Maybe today will be a good news day," Emma sighed. " I want to report on something unusual instead of murders or robberies." (Emma sighed). (delete) Not needed as we know who is talking.

(They got up to pay the cashier. As they walked out of the restaurant, Emma (remembered).

"I need to get a book of stamps at the post office across the street. Meet you back at work."

Hurrying along Maxwell Street, Emma paused midstride when spotting something waving in the breeze.

She turned it over to find three children dressed in older style of clothing. Checking the date, she wondered who had lost it, then dialed Rhonda for help.

She brought the paper into the house, phoned The Daily Star that she'd be an hour late before settling down in front of her computer with her morning cup of coffee to check out the rest of the missing photos.) This is all the same topic and should be in the same paragraph. (slapped her forehead with the palm of her left hand) This shows her remembering.

That afternoon, (Rhonda had a young lady visitor). Words like 'had' are very telling. Maybe, (a young lady visited Rhonda)

("That's great news! Everything is coming together, and I can't wait to meet her," (Emma said).

"All in good time," (Rhonda said).

"Thank you for keeping me in the loop," (Emma said). This is very repetitive, in my opinion. Maybe use action tags instead and as there are only two characters in this scene, as long as the reader knows who is speaking, leave one out. (Emma clapped her hands) Put this before the dialogue. (Rhonda laughed) (delete)

I tried so many times to talk (to) her out of it and then moving in with that boy, I knew she was making a mistake. (delete)

Emily Morris, Alfred's sister, arrived at (that) time as Emma and Rhonda, who were right behind her. (the same time)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

You have shown all your characters as caring individuals. They are very realistic, for the most part.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great story and thank you for sharing.


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44
44
Review of stolen Moments  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I like the way the lines are roughly the same size and each stanza consists of four lines. I thought the structure suited the poem very well and found this nearly uniformed structure very calming. I like the directional punctuation used as well as it shows the reader what way the poet wants them to read their poem. It gives them instructions on where to pause and where to stop abruptly.

TONE

The tone also suited the poem. It was tender but fugitive, soft but secretive, and very shy. I love the way the tone builds up to a declaration of love.

SUGGESTIONS

The only thing I would suggest is, the second verse. The other two are written in a AABB style where as, in my opinion, the second verses last lines don't tally as well. In my opinion, this throws the poem off slightly but, this is only my opinion.

STYLE

I think the style suits the poem as well. This rhyming style made the poem sound softer and more in mode with a love poem than a harder style might have.

TITLE

The title also suits the poem. It gives you a taster of the theme of the poem without overstating it.

IMAGE

I can see two kids behind the bike shed sharing a special moment and a kiss.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great love poem and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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45
45
Review of Father  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

WORD PLAY AND IMAGARY

The words danced on the page as you described your dad so much that I got a feel for him straight away. You made him come alive by showing the reader how strong and loving he was. You captured his essence in your words and painted a picture of a man who came through the hardships of life better and stronger than before. His love for you vibrates throughout this piece and, even in death, his concern is you and not himself.

LANGUAGE AND REPRESENTATION

The language used suited this piece of writing as it showed his characteristics very clearly. Your representation of him brought out and showed the goodness in his heart. I love the way I got to see and know the man through your eyes by the language used. I also like the underuse of similes and metaphors. The language not only showed how much he cared for you and other people but how much other people and you cared for him.

SUGGESTIONS

I have none. This piece is from the heart and, not only can we see him as a loving father, we see you as a devoted daughter.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the end best as it sums up the relationship between you and your dad very well.

WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE

Nothing. I loved everything.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I am sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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46
46
Review of Summer Splendor  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

The foundation this poem was built on really suits the theme of the poem. I enjoyed the sing-song beat as it was very uplifting. I liked the way each line came to an abrupt stop. This suited the theme very well as well. The different sized lines gave the poem a really laid back feel to it which suited the poem rather well.

TONE

The tone was a happy one and it made me smile. It reminded me that Summer was just around the corner and this painful cold will soon be gone. I thought the tone really suited the poem very well. The theme, tone, and structure seems to gel together perfectly.

SUGGESTIONS

I think this poem is perfect just the way it is and, to change anything, would take away the dynamics of the poem and it won't gel as well as it does.

STYLE

The style suits the poem as, I think, it is a poem without rules. The style reminds me of Summer. Summer, for me, was end of school and rules. It was freedom. I think that is what the poem represents: freedom.

TITLE

The title suits this poem. The poem is about Summer and how great it is as stated in the title. It gives the reader just the right amount of information as to the context of the theme without telling the reader the ins and outs of it.

IMAGE

I see barbeques and beaches stuffed with people drinking and having a good time. I see the sun beating down and the sea being like a hot bath. I see kids eating ice-cream and paddling. Sandcastles and deck chairs all over the place and blow up animals and boats littering the water.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Take care.


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47
47
Review of My African Gray  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I liked the four line verses as they suited the theme of this poem. The commas to show the reader when to pause and the full stops to direct the reader when to stop, worked very well as well. It made the poem sound more comical which suited the style of the poem very well.

TONE

The tone was very comical and it did make me laugh. I keep telling my family I want a parrot so I can have an intelligent conversation lol but they are not really on board. I thought the tone really suited the style and structure.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any as I think this is perfect just the way it is. To change it would mess with its essence and that would be disastrous.

STYLE

The style really suits the poem as well.

TITLE

The tile suits the theme of the poem. It tells the reader the subject of the poem.

IMAGE

I see a bird perched on a perch loving life. She sounds great.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is a great poem and thank you for sharing. Have a great day.


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48
48
Review of Born to Die  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

STRUCTURE

I like the two line verses as they suit the theme of the poem. The comma at the end of each first line makes the reader pause, which adds to its dramatic effect. This way of writing does suit the poem rather well.

TONE

The tone is a sad one but an insightful one as well. It reminds me of that song, 'seasons in the sun'. That song always brings a tear to my eye and this poem had the same affect. I think the tone really suits the theme and the structure of this poem.

SUGGESTIONS

I don't have any. This poem is perfect and to change it would take away the power of the words and emotion, in my opinion.

STYLE

The style suits the theme and tone as well. The rhyming gives the poem a soft and tender sound. I think the style is well thought out and the best, for this kind of poem.

TITLE

The title suits the poem as well. I like the way the poet has used the last sentence as the title. This, to me, is a very thought provoking poem and it touched my heart.

IMAGE

I see a man who has been deployed to a war infested country sitting down, in the few minutes he has before his transport arrives, to write a letter to his loved ones telling them not to grieve.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great poem and thank you for sharing. Have a great day.



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49
49
Review of A Box of Weeds  
for entry "Goodbye, Jayjay" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I loved the storyline and thought it was very well thought out. For a short story, I got the feel of the characters and the emotion of the piece. I liked the way you took the reader on a journey of emotions. We started off feeling sad because someone had lost a pet. The writer built this emotion, in the reader, until we reached a feverish pitch and then we find out it's a kid and they lost a lizard. I thought the ending was very funny.

SUGGESTIONS

I have nothing to add. This flash fiction is one of the best I have written and I loved it because it was a full story. Some short stories, in my opinion, leave the reader wanting more but yours left me content.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

You captured your main character perfectly and showed how kids can be fickle and bounce back. I thought you showed the child's characteristics very well. The child is heartbroken but after the burial and refreshments he gets over his pain and looks to the future. We do not give children as much credit as they deserve when it comes to this ability, I think.

FINAL THOUGHT

Great story and thank you so much for sharing. Have a great day.


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50
50
Review of Chapter 1  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I think this is a well written first chapter. I could feel the character and the dialogue was realistic.

WHAT WORKED

The interaction of the characters was very realistic. How they communicated and acted around each other was nicely done.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

Some actions told more than showed the reader. I also think it lacked description of the setting.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

This hooked me and made me want to read more.

PLOT

It was very original and I liked the plot a lot.

SUGGESTIONS

A searing knife of light (broke) his eyelids when Jon tried to lift them. They felt as heavy as a thousand nails and crunched in the creases with the accumulation of sand. (filtered through) In my opinion, this sounds better. I think of broken as it needs mending.

Jon attempted to (lift his eyelids) once more and found the light in the room to be less intense than just a few seconds ago when he tried before. (open his eyes) In my opinion, the eyelid thing is too repetitive.

Also, the doctor has asked your character if they can use their first name. The only way they would go back to calling them Mr. would be if they objected to it.

Words like 'had' and 'was' make the story very telling and words like 'then' are very list orientated, in my opinion. If it is a list of actions, in my opinion, commas are better. If it is just two actions 'and' will do.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Great first draft and thank you for sharing.


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