This is a very sweet poem. I like it. I just have a couple of suggestions:
The angry storms of life, just fade away, I suggest that you omit the comma after life, unless you are meaning to address the angry storms to fade away.
Once more it's time for you to be with me, I suggest that you insert a comma after Once more. It would read and sound better that way.
I'm sorry to tell this, but you tatally lost me on this one. If you have time, please do explain this to me. Maybe I'm just missing something major (sorry for that).
I thought it was also rude that the narrator would want to beat an old man with his own stick. I mean, they're, well, old.
Hope you can give me some insight into your story.
I like the way you wrote this poem, and the words you used. The ending works for me, though Iit would also be good if you had ended it in a good note.
The only thing I noticed is the last line of the poem. I suggest that you change Muffled out the cries to Muffle out the cries or Muffled out by the cries.
This is an interesting story. I found some errors though. I hope it will help you edit your work more easily.
-Use Writing ML correctly. It can be accessed easily when you create an item. There's a link to it above whre the body of the text is placed
-Put a space before and after {...} when in between words
-"The streets of Moscow this time of year were never nice..." Substitute were with was
-"The rain and hail assaulted his back, unprotected with lack of a jacket... it had been stolen by them along with his wallet." The {...} was a little inappropriate. It would be better if you rearrange it like this: "The rain and hail assaulted his back which is unprotected because of his lack of jacket. It had been stolen along with his wallet."
-never experienced such violence
-"The memories of his attack came flashing to the front of his eyes as a crack of thunder was released overhead." Omit "to the front of his eyes" and replace it with "back"
-running "behind" him, not "for" him
-Omit to something after praying
Some things I noticed:
-It was stated that the lead character have never been attacked before. Then in the next sentence after that announcement he suddenly remembers an assault he had experienced. This is a major loophole.
-There is no explanation why the attackers assaulted the lead character. It is highly unlikely for a person or a group to attack someone and stab him without any thing to explain their actions. It should be stated why they suddenly assaulted, whether it be because of drugs or grudges.
Suggestions:
-Develope your characters more
-Work on the flow of the story
-Make the story as real as possible. Make it believable.
I like the whole thought of the poem. Though it's confusing if 'Early Stages' is actually part of the poem or you just wrote the title at the top. If it is just a title, I suggest you set it apart a little.
Another suggestion is for you to put punctuation marks. The poem will read more effectively that way.
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! May God bless and be with you and your soon-to-be-husband.
About your vows, I think you could expand on it a little more... like say what sets him apart from all the others and what made you love him. It's also good if you say some things he did for you.
Well, that's all I can come up with right now. But the vow is already good as it is. It's up to you if you make some edits.
Keep writing and God bless!
best wishes,
_Equilibrium
It's an interesting story. You wouldn't really get why the lead character talked to the robber so easily until the end of the story. There were some things I noticed, though.
-It was said that the jewelry store was in the busiest side of town, yet no one noticed the robbery. It was a little unrealistic.
-Another is the term you used when Sharon was talking to the robber: shoplift. It was a little inappropriate. You should consider the word 'steal'.
-It would be more appropriate if you would say it was 'already late at night' instead of just 'it was night'.
-when you use {...} you should put a space before and after it.
The story seemed kind of rushed to me, too. This can be expanded and made into a longer story, with more detail.
This is a really nice piece. I agree with your ideals. It just makes me sad to think that most guys fits the description your brother portrayed in this. It's too low and shallow. I'm glad there's still some guys out there who breaks the mold.
You need to work more on this. You have a fairly good plot --- I can guess as much. But you have to work more on the punctuation marks and the whole flow of the story.
Do not rush the scenes. Sometimes we do that and it makes the story a little confusing and it leaves readers an unsatisfied feeling. You have a good foundation for the story. I say work on it more and don't worry if you don't finish it quickly --- take your time.
The title you picked is interesting, though. But you might want to change the intro into something a bit more clear.
These are just my thoughts. I hope you don't take offense to them and instead will help you with your writing.
I really enjoyed reading this! I laughed about the vampire bit the narrator said when they were still children. This piece is adorable.
The ending came as a surprise for me. I never thought it would be concluded that way, which is good, because I always like it when the endings surprise me.
This is a really helpful piece. I would like to know more about this stuff... so I guess I'll read more about this...
You explained modernism and postmodernism in clear thoughts so it wasn't really hard to understand. You wrote it in a short explanation too so it wasn't boring.
This is an enjoyable piece of writing. I don't believe that there are vampires or anything like that, but I do believe there are demons, angels and other spiritual beings out there.
I found one typo: Her teeth were razor sharp as the sank in.
Instead of "the sank in", it should be "it sank in".
I've tried to writeshort pieces (well, actually it's a story with only a 300 word count), but when I failed to do so I didn't experiment doing much shorter pieces. I think you did good. :)
I enjoyed reading this poem. Though I think it should be "striving" instead of "stiving" in the second to the last verse. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Anyway, I agree that in this world we need money. But I believe that money shouldn't be considered as our master, but as our slave. We can't let our lives revolve in making money.
Sorry for the blurb. But I did enjoyed reading this. :)
As a young child I was really fascinated by other planets, especially Mars. I don't know, but there's something in it that really interested me. Until now I still am, but not as much.
This is a really interesting piece you've written. You've described the surroundings beautifully, and that's good. I noticed some things, though:
~If I 'die' instead of 'died'
~"Time seemed to stop, and still nothing was being said."
it could be
"Time seemed to stop, and still, nothing was said."
That's just what I noticed, but I hope it will help you.
Until now I'm still wondering what they both knew. :)
I guess this isn't finished yet. I was kind of wondering what would happen next.
I like what Tom says in his voice-over's in the beginning. It presents ideas that gets the mind working.
I only rated it 3.5 because the part where it turned out that Tom is gay grossed me out. I'm never for same-sex relationships, but hey, that's just my opinion. If i come across the finished work of this I'll probably read it.
Keep writing and God bless
_Equilibrium
Please try and see "Invalid Item" if you have time
This is a nice story. I appreciated it. I love stories with the woods as its setting. If you're also fond of it, I suggest you read Louis L'amour's books. He's one of my favorite writers, and he's really good. Anyway, I noticed some typo's and other errors in your story. I may not be right in all of them, but I hope you'll take a look at them and help you in some way.
~German Shepperd
~'too' quickly instead of 'to' quickly
~'at' the edge instead of 'on' the edge
~Had time to catch, not time catch
~instead of saying that dead trees 'surrounds' the island, you can say that there are dead trees lying about in the island
~turtle eggs that looked as if instead of looked of it
!Carl 'mind' in the slightest, not minded
~'given', not 'giving' by mother nature
~'whenever', not 'when ever'
~small amount 'of' supplies, not 'to' of supplies
~'too' long instead of 'to' long
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