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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eskay/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
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222 Public Reviews Given
222 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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for entry "Prologue" 
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Fascinating start. I'm definitely gonna read on. Other than the high-impact dialogue (or, rather, more of a monologue, in this part), it's very believable. And that, I think, is the toughest part of science fiction or fantasy. I'm pretty sure you have a bestseller on your hands! All the very best.
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Review of My Husband Steve  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Heh-heh! Did it make Steve madder than he already was about the keys? Nice ditty.
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Review of Sun  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice - simple, easy style...just the usual burden of my song about rhyming. Only a suggestion - perhaps you'd like to think outside the rhyme. But very cheerful piece - like sunshine!
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Review of Jessi  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Fascinating monologue - or, rather, dialogue (with the other 'voice' missing). Did you spell whispered with 'ss' on purpose? If so, it has a very interesting effect. Only thing is it leaves the reader (or at least did me) with many questions - is this part of a series? All the best!
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Review of Cricket Black  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Touching in its simplicity - a long story cut short...tragic but makes one smile in wonder at the gratefulness amid the grief. Thank you for sharing this.
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Wow! What's amazing is - not merely the super-human strength it must have taken to stand by a callous, near-inhuman being - how your character rationally makes sense of it all. It's one of the most compassionate and sensitive (towards oneself and the other) analyses I've read or heard - and so is that person!
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Review of Why me  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Umm...is it anger, is it indignation, is it sadness, or is it resignation? Very direct, very simple and yet very difficult to decode. Thanks for sharing.
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Review of Robert  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
As intriguing as it's moving. Excellent piece. Sounds like a wunderkind with an IQ of 200 or more - but the human contradictions come through very clearly (such as compassion for 'fellow' robots, hope for love from 'humans'). Is that how you meant it to be?
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very inspirational - especially to someone like me who's been pretty much lost in this very interesting maze *Smile*. After staying dormant for months, I'm finally coming alive here and beginning to review. Thank you for the tips.
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Review of life  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting metaphor there with the blanket - our respective mental blankets that we crawl under when we retreat from all that we need to face. Some suggestions though, if you don't mind: Grammar, spell-check, use of words, and the rhyming. Perhaps you could free yourself from the need to rhyme - might read even better. Keep writing!
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Review of CHILD MARRIAGE  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Okey, I'm so moved by this tale - and with such mixed feelings - that I don't really know how to start this review. I'll give it a try - in any case *Smile*.

It's such a humane portrayal of one of the biggest evils of humankind (India, my country, still has cases of child marriage) that it just blew my mind away. What touched me the most was the kindness and open-mindedness of the husband (in that cultural context - since such things are accepted in such cultures, including some Indian societies), and, initially, the co-wives. Although it's hard to believe that a child of 11 could possibly so mature, you have made it almost believable in its surrealism. The conversations are so matter-of-fact they seem quite plausible. A brilliantly woven story - with a heart-breaking end.

The only reason I didn't give you a full 5 is the grammatical errors (which actually don't affect the story much), mixed tense, typos, etc. - although your language overall is quite excellent. Some samples below (suggest you go through it to clean it up):

"He informed her that some league of Muslim spiritualists has come to pray for her." (tense)

“Halimah carried the water to their kitchen, where they store their drinking water. (Opens with a quote mark, but it's no quote. Also see tense)

Halimah is going to be his fourth and last wife. Mallam Isah is a devoted Muslim one that boarders on fanaticism. Apart from being a big farmer in the reckoning of the community members of Daura, he was also an ardent Muslim...(tense)

He had a resounding knowledge of the Quran (it should be sound knowledge)
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! Totally raw - did you use the texting language on purpose, for effect? I'm totally amazed at the way you've conveyed this. You obviously have a lot of talent - and even if times are tough right now - I'm sure it'll blossom in due course. Take care and don't give up - on yourself! Find someone to help you. All the best!
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Review of Sleep  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very, very nice - simply and from the heart, shows the beauty of being truly human. Yearning, yet generous - craving, yet caring. I would suggest you revisit it for punctuation and grammar - also typos. For example in this line:

"My heart smiles and soars and the of thought tomorrow"

I like the way it rhymes and yet you don't seem to be a prisoner to it. Keep writing!
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Review of Moving On  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Excellent piece - guess you've written it just as it flowed. Couldn't see much to edit - though you could probably double-check for a couple of slips here and there and the punctuation. Liked the build-up to the end, especially the lines:

"...you think I'll give in but I know all to well
that you show me heaven then put me through hell..."

Great job - keep it up!
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the way you have conveyed emotion without going overboard - except a bit perhaps in a couple of lines. However, if you don't mind my saying so, I think the need to rhyme words seems to override your freedom of expression. In any case, I'm glad I read it. Thank you for sharing this.
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Review of A Wise Father  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very touching story - and very well told. But perhaps Greg ought not to have shared the story with his father - since he hadn't been treated any different. And it might make his father wonder whether he'd done enough. Just a thought - but I guess it was also about sharing a moving moment. Happy 2012!
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Review of Pain  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Ouch - would I be right in thinking you've been going through a pretty tough patch? When you say 'compare', do you mean pain is no match for love? 'Coz they're very different emotions - although love can be pretty painful *Smile*. Also 'overwhelm' is one word - suggest reviewing it for typos. And perhaps try to go beyond stating the obvious. All the very best for 2012!
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Umm...feeling all over - did you originally write it in another language? May I suggest that (as a self-confessed, but recovering, rhymer *Smile*) perhaps you could think of poetry without coupling words - only feelings, with which you clearly seem to be brimming over. Since your strength is emotion, you might wish to focus on bringing that out - rather than get hamstrung by the need to pair words. All the very best.
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Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
One word, Tom - Wow! Having read 'The Sound', which was pretty good, this comes across as a masterpiece in the genre of really chilling sci-fi (or even futurology *Smile*). This is a book by itself - have you gotten it published or do you plan to? I particularly connected with your central character in his earlier years - being pretty much socially invisible and equally inept myself. Couldn't find anything wrong with it - brilliantly told right down to the bleak (yet positive) finale. You totally rock with this one!

*Confettiv*  HAPPY 2012 to YOU!  *Confettiv*




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Review of Do Not Go Gently  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Wowie! This one gave me the heeby-jeebies *Smile*...very well-written, starts with the unknown, then fear of the known, takes you into a comfort zone and then - zap! Superb little story. Just one question - when you say the little girl has white hair it's a bit confusing. Do you mean as in a platinum blonde way? Glad I read this piece.

*Confettiv*  HAPPY 2012 to YOU!  *Confettiv*
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Review of The Sound  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great read! Kafka-esque in some ways. I liked the eerie undercurrent - juxtaposed with the almost casual and chatty telling - that runs through all the way that keeps one guessing what next?! One also feels sorry for the poor kid fresh out of college and with a luck no one would want - but I'd have thought your protagonist was smarter than he actually acts. In any case, it kept me hooked. All the very best.
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Review of I Am Not a Hero  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You've literally squeezed a book into a short story! Fascinating fantasy as the backdrop for a heart-breaking tale of human frailty. And the very real (and perhaps universal) fear of facing whatever one must face in the next world if one doesn't face up to one's fears in this one. No quibbles - except perhaps one question (which I have for all fantasies): if there's so much magic, why are real world kind of weapons needed? *Smile*
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Review of The Encounter  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Fascinating tale of a mute love. Looks like you've been to India too, in your travels. Just a couple of things that I would like to bring up: Some editing might help, not just for typos/errors but also to tighten it a bit. However, that's merely my opinion (that it could be somewhat shorter). Also, while the girl's character is fleshed out very well, the Greek soldier seemed a bit two-dimensional to me. In any case, a very good read. Happy new year.
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Review of How To Be  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Ummm...I find your thoughts interesting, certainly. However. I think you have let the rhyming run your expression - which, in my opinion - takes away from the flow of thought. This is evident (to me) in the lines:

"My disposition then hastens to its utmost height"

and

"Though this time of cheer, will later be set clear
I shall hold this time dear, for later there is fear"

The piece though does show you as a true seeker of meaning. May you find it.
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Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hmm...very interesting...is this somewhat biographical of someone you know/knew very well? I like how you focus on the thought and let the rhyming take care (or not) of itself. Just one suggestion, though: In the line "But I guess your love wasn't as strong as my bottle of whiskey", I would think the 'bottle of' is superfluous. All the best!
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