I was very happy to read this new item. Yes praying is very important. In Islam it is quite different to other religions - as we pray five times a day and the actual prayer is not just telling God we want. That is known more as dua.
But all religions have prayer in them because we so very much need this time to talk to God.
I was just listening to a lecture today given by Brother Jeffery Lang, and in it he gives a very inspiring message about the importance of prayer - and regular prayer.
I am so very pleased that you were able to come to this realization yourself. Some find it easier than others. I think we all face different challenges.
I have never heard the hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad) that you mentioned. Can you tell me who narrated that?
Lastly would you like my muslim group on here. Inshallah with Ramadan started next week we have some activities planned.
all the best
Dreams
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #878692 by Not Available.
- Open Now!
I also have many articles on Islam if that interests you.
"The khaki cargo pants he is wearing are so baggy I can’t fathom how he walks without falling down." - Are mothers supposed to say such things! lol
The bit about the earrings etc. is very funny. Loved they way you brought that up - light catching it etc. Also nice touch adding how it made you feel.
I the scence between him and his kid sister - now that nearly has me crying! It was beautifully written. I never had a brother, but it is touching to see this relationship. You bring that scence to life. I love the way you add your doubts and question yourself. Your son would have loved to have read that scene (well maybe when he is older and it is a bit more cool to hear such praise )
Suggestions:
I would work on the alignment. I think you have this in on centre which does not look so great in my opinion.
"There is another son," - I thought maybe it would sound better to say "I have another son."
Grammar Points:
I am not sure about this line "his dark brown hair, gelled to the point of almost cracking, also sports blonde highlights" - I thought it read awkwardly and you might consider revising it.
"His Father and I divorced" - I had thought that one does not need to capitalise Father because it is not only a name, but a title/role. Not sure about that. What do you think?
Comments:
I am not a mother but I can understand your disappointment that he didn't go to college. I guess everyone has to find their own way. It is pointless going to college if your heart is not in it.
I thought it was interesting that you wish that your other son was more independent - like your first. I guess everyone has their good points and no one is perfect.
The ending - wow! "Maybe it is time for me to let go of who I had hoped he would be, and love him for who he has become." - Now I am really going to cry!
Great work. Keep it for him to read yeah
Write on!
Dreams
Just adding this to the public review page. In need of donations "Invalid Item"
I am judging the contest and wanted to tell you to check the forum later for the winners list. I hope you continue to speak up for the rights of the unborn child.
Regardng the piece...
It was well written
It used good description and I was able to visualize the scences.
The ending is good, and the piece shows creativity.
I really liked this piece. It worked really well. It flowed well and stayed on topic. I really liked the beginning. I think you hit the nail on the head when you highlight how we are many shades of grey.
"Not quite loss" - thought maybe lost would work better here.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Thanks for sharing such an informative piece. While I avoid most of the above, it is helpful to read your points and advice. I agreed with a lot of what you had to say. I am very put off by the use of SMS, as I am by no paragraph breaks. I can excuse errors in spelling on the most part because my spelling is not perfect either - and thank you for saying that you appreciate that us Brits spell differently. I don't know how many times I have had my 'spelling mistakes' pointed out to me lol...in the end I have been forced to change over to the American spellings, and now this little writer uses a bit of both
I thought the breakdown of this article worked well. It was neat, easy to read and follow. It showed you had put thought into it.
I love it when people say thank you. At first I thought it was strange all these one line e-mails back and fourth, but now those two words mean a lot after working on a review.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) - I would advice people not to use too short a paragraph. I makes for easy reading, but I think the overall appearance and qualiyt of the piece goes down when the reader feels the need to start a new paragraph every third line.
I think using italics to stress points would enhance the item.
I was a bit cautious about the tone you use in this piece. I don't think it would go down too well with newbies. I get the feeling you wrote this after getting fed up with some of the items on here. I don't mind the tone. I have been here a long time to know how things work, I just think Newbies need and deserve a more softly, softly approach. Also on the sbject of Newbies, they might whine in forums...and I actually don't mind that. I usually repond by telling them a few ways to get their work noticed and maybe even reviewing an item of theirs. Sometimes as reviewer it helps to know who wants reviews.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
There were a few points I disagreed with, but overall a very good article. I think everyone will benefit from reading this.
Beauty Framed ~ current bidding price 25,000 GPs in "Invalid Item"
~ A one off framed copy of inspirational poetry. Ideal as a gift.
Donator Becky Simpson
Extract from: Poem "Everybody Everywhere" [E] Framed!
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Wow! That was my first reaction. I loved the ending. I really enjoy reading work like this. It is about life - real life. It is not sugar coated nice stuff, but really makes you think.
I was not expecting the ending and in that you did a really good job to create maximum impact.
Regarding the quality of the writing I am very impressed. I found that the piece flowed and rhymed really well. It also stayed on topic which is so rare for rhyming poetry. You actually managed to tell a good story without compromising the flow.
I never thought that homelessness would be something that I would get involved in and take an interest in. Everyone just walks past don't they? I have devouted a few articles in my port on the subject.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
The only real suggestion I have is to perhaps dedicate an extra verse to the homeless issue. It is a huge issue and it would be interesting to read more of your thoughts on it.
What is that about seeing a need? I think it could be interpretated many ways.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
I wasn't going to click the amazon link thinking it was for something else...then I realised that you are published! well done! This is great. And you have so many good reviews of your work.
Write On!
Dreams
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beauty Framed ~ current bidding price 25,000 GPs in "Invalid Item"
~ A one off framed copy of inspirational poetry. Ideal as a gift.
Donator Becky Simpson
Extract from: Poem "Everybody Everywhere" [E] Framed!
How does one r&r such an item? I can not imagine the kind of stress you have been under. It must be very hard for you. How are you coping a year on? Have things got any better?
I liked the way you fit this into a type of story. You don't just relay your whole life story but it fits around a story. I am just sorry that the ending is so real for you.
Drops Of Inspiration ~ Current bidding price 5,600 GPs in "Invalid Item"
~ Inspirational poetry to warm your heart and soothe your soul. Ideal for bookmarks.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
"“These are hard to break into.”
Well, while that is a nice thought, it doesn’t sound very great at that moment!" great line!
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"now the motor is going out on the rear passenger side window" - I didn't know what you meant by this line, but that may just be me.
" I ran register " - run the register?
I think there are times when the story gets over complicated. That can happen when it is a true story and you want to write it like that. I found the part when you lock your things in the car one such an example. I understand that the cars were parked awkwardly and you place your things on the passenger side first, but what I read was a little confusing.
I like the chatty style of your writing. I just think perhaps it is a little too chatty. The story is quite fast paced and a few less details (eg. and if you knew Justin...) would enhance the story in my opinion.
I think writingMl would work better than caps.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't spot any.
Final Words...
I enjoyed this a lot. You tell the story well. Your stories remind me of grandmapenny stories.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
what an ending!
You tell the story well, and from the start this interested me. You set the scene well, and explain characters, conversations etc.
Great line "yet it snapped like a crayon."
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"my boss made the statement that" - It sounds fine, but is on the formal side. I would just say commented.
It was a little confusing what actually happended to the car wash. That part was rather compicated.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
You do seem to get up to some great adventures when at work. I love reading non-fiction and this is great.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
This is a very touching piece. I loved the creative title. I was not sure how you would tie that into the story, but it worked really well.
I hope stories like this may help children deal with their loss, and as grandparents are likely to die in their lifetime this is a very useful tool to aid the grieving process. It may even give some ideas to kids about how to remember their grandparents.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I just thought it a bit odd how the scent would still be there years later.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
Another great read by my fav. children's writer.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I like these lines "I walked into
the traps of life
and all the doors
went slam!" It conveys the trappings in life very well.
I liked verse five, it was so optimistic
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I don't see the connection between the room being empty, and you seeing the light. If this was a real room. Is it windowless or something?
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any typos.
Final Words...
Thanks for donating this to the auction. Verse 5 would make a great extract for a poem. Hope the reviewing is going well.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I liked the sign - very creative
I thought this was an amusing tale and I like reading non-fiction. It is nice to be able to get ideas for our writing from real life.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
Saying "anyway" makes it sound like you have gone off topic.
I thought the bit about the faxes was a little too much information even if did happen in 1991
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
I feel sorry for the guy! I think it was genuine. From being on writing.com I have realised that there are many members who know a lot less about computers than I do. I admire them for their determination to learn something new. There are also many members who know more abou them than I do - to them I say please be very patient with me!
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I liked the way you refer to them as being held hostage. I thought that was very creative.
It sounds like you enjoy travelling. You have been really busy. I love plane flights .
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I didn't get the significance of the dates. Perhaps it is an American/Brit thing. I am guessing you ate the cookies very late.
I think it would be good if you explained who Richard was earlier.
The black out was a big event, and it sounds interesting. Maybe you could write a seperate article discussing that.
I rated this the way I did is because I think you write well, but the story didn't capture me. I think maybe your writing is suited to another genre other than comedy.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
Congrats on the awardicon.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I liked the use of the quotes in the piece. They were very interesting and created both a great introduction and ending.
It was very moving to read what you said about your daughter's reaction.
You have highligted an important issue about those that die as soldiers being remembered but the rest not given the same attention.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"Why did a royal battle have to be waged to a accord this decorated soldier a full military funereal?" - I think this could be explained further.
I think it would be better if you made it clear early on who Bobby was.
I was against this war. I am sorry for your loss. It is a great loss. I do think that as a piece of writing though perhaps you could explain the bigger picture. Perhaps difficult to do under the circumstances..but what about the Iraqi civilians?
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
I hope you enjoy this really cool site Also maybe writing about your loss will help you deal with it.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think a lot of readers will be able to identify with it.
I totally understand why you value this community so much. I am the same. With socities needs changing, places like this are becoming more important. I would not have thought so before, but since being here and enjoying the benefits my perspective has changed.
This was a touching ending. I am glad you found this home .
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"Visits with friends became phone calls" - perhaps say turned to phone...
"I have made some very good friends, some who have since left the original reviewing group, in fact the group no longer exists, but who are still close friends." - a rather long and sllightly disjointed sentence.
"limit my exposure to certain things" - maybe expand on what these things are. I think talking more about your experiences away from writing.com would help us understand and appreciate more how much this place means to you. You have made a great start, but expanding the points a little about how it made you feel for example, and a few brief examples about the friends you can no longer spend time with etc. would enhance this piece, in my opinion.
Typos/Corrections
No typos.
Final Words...
A touching piece.
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. Fancy some shopping? Some great items to take home in here "Invalid Item"
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Again I love the description is this piece. I really feel like I know this old lady
Growing up I had elderly neighbours and reading this reminds me of them. It is nice to have special memories like this and to use everyday life events as a topic for your writing. It makes very interesting reading.
The touch of dialogue works well in this piece.
I was surprised to read that you tried your hand at cooking. Most young people don't. It seems that the lady inspired you to do a lot. Did you visit your other neighbuors, or was Mabel special?
Your touching story highlights well the plight of the elderly. It is sad that they are left so alone, and that they suffer so much.
This was a really sweet story
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
You said that she grew the trees. I am thinking that once apple trees have been planted , they kind of take care of themselves. Unless she kept planting more trees then I wouldn't say she grew them, but rather she had them. It just sounds better I think.
You mention the word grew twice in close succession.
The beginning of the second paragraph kind of backtracks. You have already mentioned that she was sick without going into much detail and then you abruptly add it again here. I am thinking that maybe this would read better if you don't mention she was sick in the opening. Just discuss your relationship and wait to mention that point.
You mention your age a few times. It would be good if you were a little more specific. Were you in your teens? It helps us to create a visual picture. Perhaps also mention what you looked liked and what you wore when you went to pick apples.
What was special about the birthday pie?
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
As you can see I have written my review as if this was a work of non-fiction. Now I read your note at the top twice lol so I don't know how I made that mistake.
But I think it is credit to the author that I made that mistake. If a piece sounds like it is non-fiction that means you have a very believable story here. It is very touching and I really enjoyed reading it. I think to improve it you could add more details. What did the mother think of the visits? What did the house look like? What was it like after she died, who moved in? Just ideas
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
You write "at me with beady, creepy little eyes" - It is the first hint of tension in the piece. Every good story needs some drama and I am curious to know what is going on.
I liked the descriptions in this piece. You set the scene well. The reader knows exactly where you are. We can see and smell the same things.
I loved the ending. It contrasted well with the rest of the piece which was very sad. I would have liked to have seen a longer ending only because I enjoyed reading it so much
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I thought the opening could do with a little work. It is very short and it rhymes. I think it is not really the effect you are trying to create in a story. Perhaps work on the layout so the opening is more detailed.
I know what you mean here "I’ve never been looked at like that except for that time" but do you think it might read better if you said something like "It was the first and last time anyone ever looked at me like that."
You write "I ran toward her but before I got close enough my stepmother slammed the door." I know you must have been running toward her and the door, but maybe in the context of the story it would read better if you said you ran toward the door? I say this because the way it is written it seems like you were running up to her for a hug or something, which I don't think was the case.
You mention lane way several times in a short space of time. Perhaps try and work on that.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any.
Final Words...
Non-fiction is hard to write when you are so closely involved in the subject. This is a very moving piece and I am touched by the childhood memory. It is very sad and I feel for the young girl. It is a relief to read that she got home safely and had a mother who loved her. That is priceless. I can not believe that no one came out to look for, and of course as a young child in that situation there was nothing to do but make the best of it. You did the right thing by going home. I hope you have happier memories of the time spent with your mother.
I loved the way you captured the whole event. This was a very interesting account. I am glad you had such a nice time and it sounds like you met some really nice people, which doesn't surprise me because this site is like that.
You tell the story very well, with all the highs and the lows. It was very nicely done. Almost as if we were there with you.
I try and make my reviews both helpful and enjoyable. I hope you enjoy this review!
What I like about this item...
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I really like this system. It is great when new features pop up on the site.
The system works really well. I have placed a few items on the list and I have had several reviews everyday! The advantage of this system is that work that sometimes it is difficult to get exposoure for is now being read. I have placed religious articles on the list, and I would recommend people putting novel chapters (and specialist items) on the list. The benefits are seen almost immediately.
The advantage of this over the sponsored area, is that your gps go directly to getting reviews .
Another benefit of this system is that when you are running low on gps you just hit the dollar sign at the top and find a list of items that will pay for your review. It really takes the hardwork out of searching for items that pay for reviews.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"Auto-Reward Gift Points Item Settings Documentation" - I am not sure about this title, I think it means more to you than to the average user.
This item uses several colors and I think the blue and black format work best. I can see why you have changed it for the Q&A section, but the layout of that is clear enough without adding the pink.
You ask the question Are Auto-Reward GPs given for public reviews? Just add ...and private reviews, and by doing that you can get rid of one unnessary question.
I would love to see a system where it is easy to keep track of the items you are paying people to review. It would make it so much easier. It would be good if this item worked like the sponsored area, where you simply type in the item ID and you can change rates, and add and delete items. I find is tiresome having to edit each item when I want to pay to get reviews.
I am a little disappointed that reviews only need to be 250 Characters to qualify for the automatic award. I think it would be nice if reviewers judged the gp reward and wrote their review accordingly. That is what I try and do. I have seen items being rewarded up to 1,000 gps and I think it would be an insult to the author if I only sent them a 250 character review. Saying that it is up to the reviewers to use the system properly.
Typos/Corrections
I found none!
Final Words...
A really cool system. It is a shame that some choose to abuse it. I am glad though that this is dealt with swiftly. It is a credit to the site because it shows that you support the members that support the site. It is also does not stop members from using what is a very valuable tool.
I try and make my reviews both helpful and enjoyable. I hope you enjoy this review!
What I like about this item...
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I liked the header and footer.
This is a very touching story. I love reading about real life events and this was such a special event for - not without its dramas (which makes it an even better read!).
I am glad everything turned out well. I don't believe in all these supersition nonsense, so there was no reason to ever be in doubt.
It is touching to read how you get on so well with your daughter.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I would take the center off this.
I would categories this better so that ppl can pick it up in the search engine.
If I was to improve this piece I would say add more details. This is a HUGE event in your life, and you could add more dialogue, thoughts, feelings and descriptions. I think this would interest the reader greatly. This is quite a short piece and there is huge scope for making it longer.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Writing to organisations is a great way to get your voice heard and to practice your writing skills
You write a very strong argument here and I don't think whoever read this could ignore it. You were very forceful with your words, yet direct to and to the point. You did not exagerated the issue (which in the heat of the moment some might do).
I am sad to read this. It sounds like a great injustice has been done.
Suggestions on areas to improve
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"Never gave him a chance to defend himself, ask questions or explain himself..Maybe it should read 'You never'...or 'They never'...
"and for all it stands. I thought it would better written 'and all it stands for.'
"I will never, ever be a part of the American Cancer Society again
Typos/Corrections
I didn't spot any
Final Words...
I know this was written for a different audience but as it was posted here I would have liked to have had more background to this. The details about Isaac's dismal are sketchy. I would have liked to have known more. Did you ever find out why this happened? Also what came of your letter...did you get a response?
On another note Isaac sounds like an interesting character. Someone you might like to write a seperate article about.
I try and make my reviews both helpful and enjoyable. I hope you enjoy this review!
What I like about this item...
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
"You're making this very hard for us!" he laughed. "He's coming to Open Mic Night because I'm going to ask SMs to marry me!" AHHHH what a moment!
The more I read of this story the more I enjoyed it. Of course I have read many different versions of the story but it was nice to read yours.
You tell the story very well. I really loved your style. I was completely engrossed.
You have a nice balance of description and dialogue and add touches of thoughts and emotions. It makes for a very absorbing read.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"I wasn't told about the plan of engagement until weeks later after StoryMaster had asked StoryMistress's father if he could marry her." I thought this opening line was quite awkwardly structured.
I would also start this piece differently. At the moment it seems the reader has joined you mid conversation. A little more background would be good. Perhaps something about who is who. Or start by setting the scene.
I thought this line was akwardly phrased "Being that SMs and I are very close every day of the year" Do you mean to say that you are close as in your relationship, or close in that you spend a lot of time together?
"I looked over at Denise" You might like to mention that Denise is SM's mother so we can easily connect the two bits of info.
The layout could do with a little improving.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any
Final Words...
I am sure this convention has brought back memories of the last. This time you can sit back and enjoy it without the butterflies in your stomach.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
"The blackness of the deed swirls around me in the fog." Very poetic. I liked this line!
Great ending! It was very fitting. I was wondering where this story was going and I was surprised and pleased by the ending. Asking for forgiveness can enable one to move on in their life. I find it very beneficial to say I am sorry when I have done something wrong. Guilt eats up at you. You have covered a very important point in this piece.
I like the emotion in this piece. Realistic characters are the complex ones.
Suggestions on areas to improve
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
The opening line didn't grab my attention. It is rather flat.
Mentioning of the same phrase about the fog and day is quite boring. It does not add much to the item. I would try taking a different direction instead.
"The jail guards bring me places Did you not mean 'takes you places'?
I would work on the layout of this piece. The paragraph structure is all over the place.
Typos/Corrections
I didn't find any typos
Final Words...
I liked the story and what it represented. But I felt that it could have been developed further.
I would have liked to have read more about the background to the crime, the victims etc.
You mentioned that he went to counselling. Perhaps you can narrate what they discussed. I think the reader needs to be shown more about Tomas, what he was like before and who he had become.
Amazing what you can create in so few words! You transported me into a very different world.
I try and make my reviews both helpful and enjoyable. I hope you enjoy this review!
What I like about this item...
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I could answer the age question more easily if someone asked me how old my body was todayA fantastic point! Well said!
Once I got to grips with the meaning of this essay I really liked what I was reading. It is very insightful about the ageing process.
I loved the relationshiop you formed between wrinkles and stories. Very interesting. It is also great to see things in such a positive fashion.
I loved the ending. Upbeat and humours. Great touch!
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"For one thing today I don't feel as old as I probably look. And yesterday I didn't look as old as I really felt. I had to read this sentence a few times to understand the meaning. I would consider trying to revise it because it is such a crucial part of the opening.
Here is how I would revise it }"For one thing today I don't feel as old as I look. And yesterday I didn't look as old as I really felt.
This might add great clarity to your words.
I think the layout of this piece could really do with some work.
This piece is rather short and I have two suggestions about that..one is make it longer You have sooooo much more you could add to this piece.
What are your thoughts on ageing? How does society see the old? Does this all bother you? What about talking about fashion and vanity and keeping up with the younger generation. These are all angles you could explore.
With such a short piece I think you fell into the trap of repeating yourself a little. I would look over this and try and change a few words around. You can say the same thing, but it doesn't have to sound the same
Typos/Corrections
I didn't spot any
Final Words...
I love reading items like this. They are a window into the authors life. Fascinating stuff.
Write On!
Dreams
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"The khaki cargo pants he is wearing are so baggy I can’t fathom how he walks without falling down." - 
Are mothers supposed to say such things! lol
the scence between him and his kid sister - now that nearly has me crying! It was beautifully written. I never had a brother, but it is touching to see this relationship. You bring that scence to life. I love the way you add your doubts and question yourself. Your son would have loved to have read that scene (well maybe when he is older and it is a bit more cool to hear such praise 
)
Suggestions... 
Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) - I would advice people not to use too short a paragraph. I makes for easy reading, but I think the overall appearance and qualiyt of the piece goes down when the reader feels the need to start a new paragraph every third line.
Typos/Corrections 
I didn't find any.
There were a few points I disagreed with, but overall a very good article. I think everyone will benefit from reading this. 
Suggestions on areas to improve 
I know this was written for a different audience but as it was posted here I would have liked to have had more background to this. The details about Isaac's dismal are sketchy. I would have liked to have known more. Did you ever find out why this happened? Also what came of your letter...did you get a response?