I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I thought it was unusual and nice the way you wrote this for your child. If you ever had a son would you call him Frank?
'My stubborness led to me constantly insisting it was my way or the highway' - love that phrase.
I thought this letter was interesting and very honest. It is hard to accept ourselves but like you have highlighted, there are many people who want to remind you of your good qualities. I am glad you have been able to shine in your new hobbies.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
'I was also quite emotional, but in the sense of always' - I think this reads better without the but.
'Perhaps the only thing I can say I approve is that from the time I was born, I was intelligent and had a keen mind.' - I thought this wasn't expressed clearly. Do you mean that the one thing good in your life?
'and this often place a tax on my mind' - should it be places?
You only really addressed Frank once in this piece and I think if you were going to stick with this letter format that it would be good to bring him into the picture more.
Typos/Corrections
' also became a lot more critical and opinionated.' - typo
'two hobbies that eanred me recognition ' - typo.
Final Words...
I think the letter style is such a cute way of discussing your ideas and your life.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
This is an interesting poll. I voted and I see that the two top results are quite differing. One saying that they would go to the extent of meeting people socially and the other choosing caution.
I think polls like this are very relevant to the community. On-line safety is very important and I find it a bit worrying that so many people would interact socially with people they met on the internet. But a good poll sometimes comes up with surprising results.
I think your poll options have given enough choices and you have not revealed what you would do which is always good as it helps people make up their own minds.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
Maybe it is cultural and religious differences but I find it worrying that some would think of pursuing relationships on-line. I also think that real friendships cannot be made on-line. I have met some lovely people and have been using the net for years, but I still think face to face is better and more real.
I know this is only a poll but I would have liked to have seen a follow up on these ideas. Sometimes people say take the poll and then click to another article. You could then offer your own opinion. Also you could add links to internet safety etc. I think that would be really useful.
I would also be interested in knowing if there was an age factor in how people voted. Are older people more careful? Should we be worried about our kids? Would be interesting to know.
Final Words...
A good poll offers lots of food for thought and this certainly has. Hope you are enjoying the convention.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
A very emotional piece. I felt the pain in it. It was almost like I could hear you speak through the pain and tears. Very moving.
Many will be able to relate to the needs expressed in this piece and my heart goes out to you. We all deserve to have people to take care of us and I hope you find that too.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I was left a bit puzzled by your opening. Are you saying that you open up because people say that they will take care of you, and with the walls down you are left high and dry?
Naturally this is a very personal piece and I am not suggesting you change anything. But if you were thinking about it I would like to know more about what is the everything you hold dear. I think it is the missing link in the piece.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I love coming and reading something refrshingly different and I certainly found that here. I see this happen a lot. Princess Diana's funeral was one very famous example of public grieving in this way. Even the people that had something bad to say about her! With the bombings in London numerous shrines have been created around the city.
I like your attention to detail. I can see you are a very talented writer. I understand your need not to be caught up in all the materialistic side of life. I see it all the time. People are forced to give cards and expensive gifts for this and that silly celebration (of course they don't see it as silly but most don't know the meaning behind these events), and sadly it is the same with death. It is another occassion that has lost its meaning.
With Princess Diane's funeral so much money was spent on flowers and for what? No one benefited except perhaps the person laying the flowers. In many cultures even death has become this big expensive event. People morn the person at a one month anniversary, a 6 month one and then so on.
When someone dies, grief come at anytime, all the time. No one needs to be rich to grieve.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I felt you offered some reasons for not wanting a shrine but did not go far enough. I personally think shrines are a bad idea on religious grounds. I appreciate that with such tragedy in the world that people need to grieve, but what happened to religion in this grieving process.
I believe we should not glorify the dead. No shine or celebrity status. It might lead to people worshiping that person in a fashion rather than God. When someone dies should people be visiting the mosque or church, or the site where they died?
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I looked at the title and wanted to me taught something so I clicked to read. I had to really think what you were trying to say but I think I might have got it. Are you saying that we need to value the day, what life has to offer, because like the raindrop, today can't be put into a jar and appreciated tomorrow?
That is the message I got from this piece and with some examination I found it a fascinating statement.
I love the beautiful, vibrant image with this piece.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
Like I said I had to think quite deeply to see the meaning in this piece and maybe others saw a different meaning. That is part of the beauty of poetry, right?
I didn't agree with the opening. I was expecting something more substantial. Many people find it difficult to live and roses aren't going to get them up in the morning. That is just my opinion about the opening and how some people might read it.
I didn't understand the ending. I felt it had a deeper meaning and I would like to have understood that.
Final Words...
Thanks for making me think! You are right in that we need to appreciate what we have. God has given us so many blessings it just takes us to seem them.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I loved this! It was so funny, sweet and sad. I was really touched by the emotion in it.
You tell a great story. I liked the way you built it up. So many people just say every little detail without adding any flavour. I could really picture the whole scene as you added great detail. I love knowing what people are wearing, thinking etc.
I felt so sorry for you when you were sick and I am glad he was sympathetic. I have no idea how he knew you were that ill. I think you were really brave and did well to get through it.
What I loved about this piece the most was how real you seemed. You created a character that everyone could relate to. This is what real life is all about. I love reading about real people. It is so refreshing to see the good, the bad and the funny. You might have found it funny and embarrassing, but I believe your character shines through. People don't pity you or look at you funny, but can easily relate to you and think wow! she is really cool. I hate it when people just look at the shell and not what is inside. Your writing really tells a story about looking deeper.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
At first I had no idea what this meant "enfermo" I think I finally figured it out that it meant sick. Oh and I did spanish at school lol. I think it would be good if that was translated.
Final Words...
I really enjoyed this piece. I hope you continue to shine whatever light you dance in.
This is a really heartbreaking read. Again you have used the short sharp approach to touch the heart.
I think it would have been better to stick to one theme (probably loneliness) in this piece. You mentioned fear near the end and the two emotions are quite different and I was lefting wanting to know more. It didn't seem complete then.
Suggestions...
There is a huge space at the end of the piece that you could delete.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
My attention was grabbed by your title. This is a really cute little item. I am not in the mood to write much (well I thought I wasn't) but I will bookmark this.
I really think it is a fab collection of prompts and I was certainly interested in a few. I liked the first one instantly, and the one about the silence. That is two I can remember vividly. Oh I also thought writing about an opposing view would be very interesting. I don't think I could do it for something I feel really passionately about such as pro-life. But on other issues that would be interesting to see. I think any author that tries that would come away learning something.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I felt your prompts concentrated heavily on smells and I didn't find those inspiring at all. Not my kind of thing. I am sure some people will find that interesting. But you have provided other prompts to suit every author.
Final Words...
Will you be adding to this or is this the final collection. I was thinking that this would be great for a contest. Or even for friends on here to try out the same prompt and read each others. I am sure it is something for us pirate reviewers to think about when we have more time.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
The opening line was interesting and immediately got my attention. Well so did the title. I like creative titles that that.
'Overall, there are three kinds of husbands: messy, organized, and downright obsessive.'
sniff-test! you will have me in stiches soon
I love the humour in this piece. I think both sexes can have a laugh over this. It is quite entertaining.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
'Just as a person’s desk is an analogy of her mind so a man’s closet is an analogy of his attitude towards life.' - I was just wondering if perhaps it would be more meaningful to stick to one gender or not be specific.
For example 'Just as a woman’s desk is an analogy of her mind so a man’s closet is an analogy of his attitude towards life.' - Now there is a complete different meaning to the sentence.
Or 'Just as a person’s desk is an analogy of their mind so a man’s closet is an analogy of his attitude towards life.'
I just think that three variations say different things about men and women and comparing them. Sorry if I didn't explain myself very well. What I wanted to know is, is a man's desk an analogy of their mind? Sorry that was the point I was trying to make with the examples. Finally got that out
I think it is quite difficult to conclude comedy items. Perhaps the reader expects to much, but I felt a little disappointed at the neat conclusion. I think it was obvious which kind of person would be easiest to live with and I would have liked to have seen another punch line. I guess that's what happens when you have been laughing throughout the piece.
Final Words...
I hope you picked a guy that hangs is pants the way you like them to be hanged I love the way you can write about ordinary subjects and make them so entertaining to read.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
How true is this piece. I think many will identify with what you are saying. How easily we can be kind and easy on our friends, and then be so hard on ourselves when found in the same predicament.
I think it is human nature to expect a lot of ourselves, but it can be damaging. The first part of this piece created a wonderful picture and it reminded of me of a visualization technique. I think it is important to imagine ourselves in our best light when trying to tackle something. We need to feel and look the part and I think this can be done by sending our brain positive messages.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
'She tells me everything about me is worthwhile.' I don't know why but I just felt that worthwhile was not quite the right word to use here. Maybe another reviewer could shed some light on it as I think it is an important point in the piece.
I thought the ending would read better if you wrote 'Because she's me.' - Because she is me.
Final Words...
This line kind of hit me 'When all she says is what I seem to know?' Very good! I guess we just have to accept all the good and the bad bits of ourselves
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Obviously a tragic event in your countries history. It is very sad what is happening around the world. London has changed so much in two weeks, and yet it is the same. I think it marks what you mention about this need to move on.
I was thinking about this the other day about how we even forget loved ones. The heart and mind need to forget otherwise we would go crazy, but at the same times it seems a bit shallow or something.
I like the use of the time in this piece I think that worked really well. You got a nice beat going.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I was wondering if this would be better presentated in verses with two lines. I think it would be easier to follow the pattern and the right words would be emphasised.
I think this line 'A last goodbye, true love is sworn.' interrupted the flow a bit. Maybe take away the is?
I only know America from what I hear. You write 'A country stronger from this threat.' I am left wondering is it better? I was against the war in Iraq and dislike a lot of the countries foreign policies. I feel the government is just looking after itself and God teaches us to look after our fellow man. The UK is just follwing the US, when we should be examining our own conscience and looking out for the rest of the world, that is not as power and as rich as the US. Just my little rant
Final Words...
A very relevant piece. I agree it is cruel. We do need to heal. To learn lessons. It is so very sad.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
You have conveyed so much in this piece. It flows well and you keep a nice rhythm going.
In this piece you convey a little more about your father and I am left wondering what possessed such a man to committ such an act. I am not asking for answer, it is just your work makes people think.
I like the pattern you have followed throughout the piece. It works well and so too does repeating the verse at the end.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
A father’s love a lie - A father's love of lies? Does that sound better?
I thought this piece was a bit more simplistic. But as you say you are not a poet (me neither). I think writing work like this is good because you just get it all out there. No fancy words maybe. But is that needed? The message, the pain is clear.
Final Words...
When you read work like this all you want to do is protect that child and get justice for them. I know that one has to trust in God that these needs are met. Again well done on the award. Have you found it helpful writing these pieces?
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
This is a really touching piece and it is nice to hear such a warm story about marriage. There are not too many about these days. You paint a realistic picture which is good too.
I loved the bit about the candy hearts. I think that is soooo sweet . I would have made more of a deal about this part of the story. Even adapted the title! It is such a cute gesture
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"When I married you I know it was" knew?
stories.com, (of course!) - You might like to update this.
I thought this was poetry in the way that this was presented and then I checked and realised that it is a monologue. As such I would consider revising the format. You don't need to have this broken down into verses and breaks inbetween the setences. I think it would be better in a more organised format.
As this is a monologue I would also think about adding more detail. You use brackets to explain details which would be better presented in the main body of the piece. Show us what you are holding. Go into more detail.
Typos/Corrections
"I was watching tv tonight" TV
Final Words...
Always a treat to read a happy story. Wishing you all the best.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Another very personal piece. You must miss them both terribly. It is always difficult to r&r such personal pieces but I hope you find some comfort in sharing the stories.
I thought this piece rhymed and flowed better.
I think you describe a lot in this short piece. I could relate to the body tired with worry and grief. Rather than saying this, you showed us which I think is great. I like your attention to detail.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
"Will he let you stay for one more day,
or will he take you away today?" - I would try and get away from this forced rhyme. I don't think it adds much to the piece.
Final Words...
This is a very touching piece about a time that was clearly difficult.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
I have never had anyone close to me die but my mum has been sick at times and it is awful to watch.
I liked the rhyme at the beginning.
Clearly your love for your mum shows in this piece. So too does the suddeness of death. We all know we are going to die, but try not to think about it. Yet it is the one guranteed thing.
I am sorry for your loss. It must have been such a shock. Did you discover later what was wrong with her?
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I just think that the flow wasn't quite right with this piece. But it so personal. How can you change that? I just was expecting the whole piece to rhyme when the beginning did.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
You say you never intended to be a poet but why as you are such a great one! There is a lot of poetry on this site but not much of it is to the standard that you have shown here. I am very impressed.
Have you thought about getting some of this published? I am sure you have enough to work with. Maybe the reviews you get will be an incentive. I awarded most of your pieces highly and some I felt could have been 5 stars with a little tweaking.
I agree that poetry is a great way of expressing certain things. I am not much of a poet. I prefer writing articles. But when it comes to expressing emotions poetry does it best as you have clearly shown.
I am glad you have said what kind of reviews you are looking for as then that saves the reviewer time and doesn't get on your nerves either.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I know that I don't put much effort into my introductions but when it comes to reviewing contest I can see that a good introduction is important. While you have all the needed information in the introduction I think people might dismiss it. Perhaps a little time on the presentation might help.
I think the folder is also incorrectly rated. As I understand it, it needs to be as high as the pieces in the folder so that would be GC. Maybe an idea is to state in the brief description that there is a mix of ratings so as to not put people off from looking.
Final Words...
I really enjoyed reading through this folder. I hope anyone who reads this on the review page comes to take a look. I have added some of the items to my faves.
I always like to start with the positives because I know that you have put a lot of work into this. I also think it's very helpful to point out the best bits in a piece so that you're able to develop your strengths.
Pavlov's dogs! I am a psychology graduate. I love the way you incorporated this into the piece. I know not everyone will get what you mean, but they find a different meaning to it and I don't think that every reader needs to understand everything in a piece.
The passage about feeling the pain and everyone digging it in was beautifully put. I could really see and feel the pain. I can completely see how people will keep asking questions. People in social settings have a nasty habit of this need to talk about everything and anything, even if the topic should be dead and buried a long time ago. I can also imagine how painful that is to endure. You conveyed it well.
Suggestions...
I'm not here to re-write the piece, but if you're editing then these points might help
I thought the opening line could have been phrased better. It gives a bad impression and lets your writing down.
There seems to be a slight contradiction here "So I've decided not to wear myself out" - I think you have at least mentally done this by jumping for the phone. However, maybe you mean physically running after her.
I am surprised at the strength of character. On the one hand the character is terribly wounded and on the other they are prepared to carry on with battle scars and all. I think that says a lot about men and womens reactions to things.
I thought the writing style was a little too simplistic. I am not much of a poet. But perhaps you could enter some poetry contests and experiement with different styles.
Final Words...
I thought the ending was very touching. This was clearly written with a lot of heart. It is brimming with powerful emotions. A moving piece!
Write On!
Dreams
P.S. I felt this deserved a high rating because of the emotion conveyed in this piece.
A very interesting article and I think it does address a lot of concerns that people have. I think this member expressed what a lot thought and what may continue to think.
While writting does change for the better the price also goes up and with all business that will mean people will be unhappy.
I am wondering if you copied and pasted from this orginal member's work/e-mail. I thought that was not allowed? I hope you can clarify that.
With regards to the article as I said it was interesting. You did a good job of highlighting the many wondeful things about w.com and you sold the site in a very positive light. It was very convincing. It also did not get boring despite the repition.
I do think you should make it clear that this sentence belongs to the original complaint.
"Thanks for absolutely nothing,"
I thought the ending about this not being a personal attack was good and needed. I think as staff it is perhaps better that you address this to all the members who have this complaint and leave out the mention of this one member. He might not pay for the service but is still a customer I would think.
This piece left many questions unanswered. This piece seems like a very personal piece and so the missing bits are not important.
I find writing can be great therapy when trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am sorry for the guilt and regret that this piece hinted at and then pain that you and others felt. I am guessing that someone died in this tragic event.
Wishing you peace
Dreams
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This was a very touching piece. I have been depressed so know about the pain you speak of.
I can imagine it must be very hard for you to watch that. When a person is depressed they don't have the ability to look outside themselves at the pain that others feel, sometimes because of their own actions. Depression can be selfish like that. But it is important to remember the person before the depression.
I hope your mother gets through this. It is touching to read your close bond and anyone is lucky to have such a support as you clearly are.
"A lesson Ill never truly understand," - I'll
"Will i be as stubborn?" - typo.
"Except how great you seem to be. " - A weak ending. How about 'you are to me'
All the best
Dreams
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I am very impressed by this piece. It flows well. It is emotional and powerful. There were quite a few lines that I liked a lot.
I liked the theme of needing attention that you touched upon. Why do we miss that point so easily when trying to help others? Many don't need a solution but just some time and attention.
I also thought your piece touched upon the darker side of what people do when they don't get the help they need. Self-destruction is awful. I think alcohol and drugs play a big part in this.
"Loneliness is a game that I come in first" - I stumbled over this line.
"It's not welcomed back in my life again" - Do you think it would read better without again?
"I've been donw this road before" - typo.
Nice work!
Dreams
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On the plug page you write 'With the London attacks this morning, maybe it's time we take another look'
Your article as I have already informed you simply spreads hate and misinformation.
Why would you plug it at a time like this?
Yesterday my city was bombed and you chose that day to spread your hate.
I am appalled by what has happend. Just as I and many millions of Muslims were appalled by what happened in the US and elsewhere.
I was born in the UK. This is my home. I use the same stations were the bombs were planted. How do you think that makes me feel?
I am grieving for all of Londoners, but it might interest you to know that large Muslim populations were also targetted in the bombings.
Like I have said before. This is our problem. Yours and mine. You seem to think it is all the fault of the Muslims even when we are the victims.
I said to you before why don't we both work on spreading a message of peace. Tell people about the real Islam. Try to reach them. Unite in our efforts. Do not disunite us with your hate
You writing is very disturbing. You leave readers with half version of the truth. Your message that many Muslims are peaceful gets very lost in your desperate attempt to paint our religion as all about war. No one would believe that there is even one peaceful practising real Muslim out there if they believed your article.
You spread hate and lies and it is sad when so many are reading and being mislead by your work.
"The Koran was finished and written mostly by Abu Bakr, Mohammed’s successor. So, one may ask, what does that matter? Well, other than the fact that Allah didn’t write it and neither did his prophet"
This is totally inaccurate. It is laughable. If you don't believe that the Quran is the direct word of God then just say so. No one is expecting a non-Muslim to believe that it is. But it is laughable when you suggest that it was written by Abu Bakr. Why not Aisha? She was very close to the Prophet and was one the greatest reporters of his sayings. The problem is that you want to bring Islam down, one way or another. Your attempts are weak and very sad.
In my previous e-mails I have suggest to you that we talk about peace. Muslims do not agree with suicide bombings and terrorism. You keep talking about what you think the leaders should do, but why do you not want to discuss what you and I should do. I want to tell people about the real Islam. The peaceful Islam. What do you want to do?
It seems to me your aim is to spread hate. By mixing terrorism, suicide bombings and Islam, you want to confuse the lines. While you yourself know that violence has no place in Islam.
"I know that there are different forms of jihad, but I am obviously talking about the suicide bomber type"
There is no suicide type jihad again you want your reader to believe that there is. Jihad is first and foremost an inner personal struggle. Nothing to do with picking up a weapon. Yes there is jihad in Islam, but it is about defence, not beheading innocent people, and not suicide bombings.
I know there is no point in telling you this. But when such articles are written it is the job of every reader to start typing.
This is a very interesting article. You are right about how one can pray anywhere and no one can stop that. I love the freedom I have to pray where ever I want and I find that really useful.
As A Muslim I am commanded by God to pray five times a day. While as a woman I can do this behind closed doors (men should go to a mosque) this prayer is still quite public.
From an early age at school I had get permission for a room so that I could pray in. It is not an easy task when you are so young. I have always loved praying so it wasn't a question of others telling me this is what I should do. However, living in a Christian country I have to accept that it will not be easy to find a place to pray and at school over the years it proved difficult. But there were some wondeful teachers who were very accomodating. Sadly, though the task should not fall on their shoulders. It should be everyones right to have a place to pray, not something they need to struggle for.
I found your conclusion about confusing. For example, this heading 'Schools are in any case incompetent to teach acts of faith' reads a bit awkwardly.
I think it would be great if schools allowed religious teachers of various faiths to come in and teach the kids whatever they wished to know, whilst also learning about other faiths. I think though that when it comes to practicing religion should not be forced on to kids, but they should have the freedom to practice it, like I did with that prayer room.
All the best
Dreams
to realize that God is with and within us
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I thought it was unusual and nice the way you wrote this for your child. If you ever had a son would you call him Frank?
Suggestions... 
'I was also quite emotional, but in the sense of always' - I think this reads better without the but.
Typos/Corrections 
' also became a lot more critical and opinionated.' - typo
I think the letter style is such a cute way of discussing your ideas and your life.
