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26
26
Review of A Mermaid's Tears  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi bertiebrite hoping for peace ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "A Mermaid's Tears" .

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I saw that your poem came in 1st Place in "Invalid Item"  and, since I am a lover of romantic poetry, I decided to take a look. Congratulations on your well-deserved win! *Cool*

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
This is a beautiful poem with such sweet sentiments. It tells a uniquely imaginative story that shows off your creative talent. *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
I adore all poetry and, as I mentioned above, romantic poetry is a favorite of mine. While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece.
 
*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things to note here.
 
*Infov* “Peices of glass on a shoreline…?” *Right* The word “peices” should be “pieces”. Although this is your brief description and not actually a part of your poem, it is still an important area. The brief description is one of the things that will catch a reader’s attention, drawing them in to (hopefully) read/rate/review it. *Smile*
 
*Infov* “A Mermaids Tears” *Right* The word “mermaids” should be “mermaid’s” so that it matches the title of your item. It is missing the apostrophe from you byline in the item itself.

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
“I smiled and held to Dave’s hand tight
for we must love with all our might
against that day when tide and time
release us from fair Earth’s design.”
 
The whole poem was great, but this was a marvelous finish! You have captured the bittersweet sorrow of loving someone that we will eventually lose due to the tides and time. It reminds me of the marriage vows that have been used for ages, “To love, honor and cherish until death do us part”.

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were several areas that gave me pause when reading this aloud.
 
“and holding hands he slowly lead
me to shelter of the rocks”
 
I realize you are trying to keep your rhyme with the lines above and below these, but the line break here is a bit rough. You’ll see what I mean if you read the poem out loud. You could actually end the thought with “lead”. For example…
 
“and holding hands he slowly lead
seeking the shelter of the rocks”
 
That slight modification allows for a smoother read without altering the meaning behind these lines.
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers near the shore”
 
These are the only lines that do not rhyme. While there is nothing wrong with that because it could be construed as use of poetic license, there is a way to rhyme this, if you choose to do so.
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers that left me in awe”
 
OR
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers perfectly flawed”
 
The first example would be an exact (or hard) rhyme, while the second would be a near (or soft) rhyme. Your lines are great as they are, but it’s always nice to have options, right? *Bigsmile*
 
One other thing I wanted to mention was punctuation. There is no right or wrong for whether or not punctuation should be used in poetry. It is at the writer’s discretion. However, using it does make for an easier, effortless read as it helps the reader determine breaks in thought more clearly. It is also a great way to add emphasis to specific areas. Your poem has some, but it is very minimal. I felt that there were a few areas that could have used a bit more definition, or structure, by adding either a period or a comma.
 
I mean no offense by any of the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these suggestions are given with the best intentions. One of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
This really is a lovely poem that brought a tear to my eye when I read it. It made me think of the one I love and how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to lose him. *Heart*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work!  WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.

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27
27
Review of Before I Go  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi Sum1 ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Before I Go" , as part of your shower.

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool* And another big, hearty *Balloonb*CONGRATULATIONS*Balloonb* on your promotion to a moderator today! *ConfettiGR**throws confetti**ConfettiB* YAY!! I'm so happy for you! *Delight*

I came across this newly-written piece in your portfolio and was shocked *Shock* to see that it hadn't been reviewed yet. I had to rectify that! *Laugh*

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
This solemn piece is an excellent depiction of something we all think about while pondering the relationships we have with the important people in our lives. It's unfortunate that death is a part of life, but when thinking of our time spent here, it seems we always focus on the difficult, complex connections and encounters throughout life, and the things we have left unsaid. Your poem made me recall the "life flashing before my eyes" moments when I had my own brush with death. The thoughts, emotion and the finality of it all can be quite overwhelming. You captured all of this in your wonderful poem.

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire Traditional (rhyming) poetry so much. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural, effortless. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Your end-rhymes perfectly match. Your meter is great. *Thumbsup*

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things that I would like to note here.

*Infog* "To write what my mind, has to say," *Right* The comma after "mind" is not needed here. This line would be grammatically correct without it.

*Infog* "Before all I know, flies away." *Right* The comma after "know" is not needed here.

*Infog* "I’ve looked in your eyes, seen how they shine." *Right* There are two ways you could go here. You could replace the comma after "eyes" with a semicolon because these are two independent clauses and both are of equal emphasis/importance. If you decide to leave the comma, I would suggest adding the word "and" after it. However, doing so may alter the flow of this particular line.

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINES:
"So before I go, I have to say,
“I’ve loved you forever in my own way.”"

I loved your whole poem, but these are the lines that pack the most punch. These lines are of vital importance because they truly get to the heart of your poem. This is why you've written the piece and, at this point, it becomes clear to the reader.

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I mentioned above, I have only one other suggestion. I struggled a little bit with the line, "Well, that’s been said, I’m at peace now,". What if you were to modify it slightly to something like, "No more/longer unsaid, I'm at peace now" or perhaps "My slate is clean, I'm at peace now"?

I mean no offense by anything I have noted above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
The sincerity, truth, emotion and honesty shine through this entire poem. You were able to portray this beautifully with such sweet sentiments, but I hope you plan on sticking around for a long, long time. We need you! *Heart*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.


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28
28
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "The Thanksgiving Blessing" , as part of your shower.

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool*

Since Thanksgiving was on Thursday, I'm really in the holiday spirit. When I came across this item in your portfolio, I simply had to give it a read/rate/review. *Bigsmile*

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
This is such a heartwarming and uplifting reminder of what Thanksgiving is all about. *Smile* This poem also left me with a feeling of incredible pride. It's sad to say that most kids these days probably don't realize (or simply don't care about) what this holiday is all about. My hope, which is probably more like wishful thinking, is that most children are like the one in your poem.

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
Traditional (rhyming) poetry is something very near and dear to my heart. I love poetry in all forms, but Traditional is my favorite. I feel that the rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job making the rhymes feel natural, effortless. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Your end-rhymes perfectly match. Your meter is superb. It allows your poem to flow smoothly and gives it a steady, even cadence when read aloud.

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There is only one minor issue and it's not even within the poem. It's in the brief description, "A family learns about the true meaning of Thanksgiving from thier son". The word "thier" should be "their". I know this is simply a minor oversight. *Smile*

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINES:
"With a mighty heave, he lifted his wares
and carried them up to the top of the stairs.
He quietly opened his Mom and Dad's door;
all that he heard was his father's snore."

At this point in your poem, the meaning behind it becomes quite clear. This had me thinking, "awwwwwww, how sweet". *Heart*

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Other than what I mentioned above, there's nothing else I could possibly suggest. There is definitely a reason I'm giving this 5 *Star*'s. It's wonderful!

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
I love the lighthearted nature of this piece. It is a fitting way to tell such an endearing, but important, story. This poem has rhythmic feel to it that made it quite fun to read aloud also! I could imagine your words being put to music. It would make a cute song for children - an excellent way to teach them about the holiday! *Delight*

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! *Leafo*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.


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29
29
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Winnie Kay ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "A Father's Love " .

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You were kind enough to drop by my port and review some of my writing. Here I am returning the favor. *Wink* The title and brief description of this poem caught my attention. Like most, I get quite nostalgic at this time of year. I miss my parents immensely, but I was much closer to my dad than I was my mom. It was interesting to read of the special bond between a father and daughter, from the father's perspective. *Heart*

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
This was beautiful. It actually left me in tears...and I mean that as a compliment. I am always proud when a reader tells me that my writing has moved them emotionally, whether it is laughter or tears. It's emotive writing like this that stays with the reader long after they have finished reading the item. As writers, what greater praise could we hope to attain?

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
Writing a Traditional (rhyming) poem with alternate lines of Iambic Tetrameter and Trimeter is not an easy task. Your use of all of these elements shows how incredibly talented you are. I love all poetry, but Traditional poetry is my favorite due to the rhythmic appeal of it. You have mastered it quite well. *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There is a reason you teach the comma class at New Horizons. You're the perfect one to do it. Your spelling and grammar are impeccable. I could have (should have) removed this section completely. *Bigsmile*

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
"My heart did speak. I let her fly.
She soared with sweet delight,"

I enjoyed the entire poem and, although it is a heart-wrenching piece, these particular lines are bittersweet. This is what a father must do. He raises his children and lets them go to live their own lives. It is unfortunate that we have no control over what lies ahead in this journey we call life. We can steer down a specific path, but we never know what's just around the bend. These lines speak to that fact. They show it well.

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Knowing how personal this piece is, and understanding that it came from your soul, there is no way I could tell you to alter it in any way. It wouldn't do justice to you or this outlet for your feelings. Whenever I come across items that are as deeply personal as this, I cannot bring myself to tell the writer there is something they should change. Regardless of that, there really is absolutely nothing I would change about this poem. It's a marvelous piece of writing.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
Winnie, my heart breaks for you and your family over this horrific, tragic loss. I also read the story that you link to at the bottom of this poem. There are no words to describe how truly sorry I am for all of you. Writing this piece for your brother was an amazing thing to do. You seem like a strong, tight-knit family. Hang on to that always. It is something that no one can take away from you, not even the monster who did this. My heart goes out to each of you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. *Heart*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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This item number is not valid.
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30
30
Review of ETERNALLY YOURS  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi ~WhoMe???~ ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "ETERNALLY YOURS" , as part of your shower.

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool*

While I was roaming through your portfolio, I saw this piece. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, your title and brief description caught my attention. How could I resist reading, rating and reviewing this item? *Wink*

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
Love, devotion, destiny - this poem has it all! *Thumbsup* With your upcoming nuptials, I feel these words would be the perfect wedding vows. The poem as a whole encompasses all that love is and what it means to devote yourself to someone completely and unconditionally.

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
When I think of romantic poetry, I think of rhythmic, almost lyrical, pieces that flow seamlessly and effortlessly. Traditional (rhyming) poetry has that and so much more. The harmonious aspect of this poetic form enhance the tender feelings and romanticism it has to offer. *Smile*

Your rhythm, meter and rhyme are outstanding. You have certainly mastered the art of Traditional poetry. Excellent job! *Star*

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have just a few things that I would like to point out here.

*InfoG* "it effects all we do." *Right* This is actually a very common mistake. The difference between "affect" and "effect" is indeed tricky. One thing to note is that "affect" is always a verb. The word "effect" can be either a noun or a verb. As a noun, it means the result of something (i.e., cause and effect). As a verb, it means the same thing as the verb "effectuate", which means to bring about, to accomplish. The main differences of effect and affect are:

To affect something is to change or influence it, to effect something is a rather formal way of saying `to make it happen'. Confusingly, because either may produce an 'effect' or result this is a common error.

I believe in your line, you meant to say, "it affects all we do", where "affects" would mean 'to influence' or 'to inspire'. *Smile*

*InfoG* "bringing me my soul-mate" and "re-uniting us in Love." *Right* There is nothing wrong here, but I did want to note that, although hyphens can be used to join a prefix to another word, doing so is less common than it used to be. One-word forms are becoming more the rule of thumb. Your use of a hyphen is not wrong, it's merely personal preference. I think that removing the hyphen would be more aesthetically-pleasing when reading through the piece, as the hyphen can give the reader pause when there should not be one.

I mean no offense by anything I have noted above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINES:
"Time was the element,
to package it all,
as my heart met with yours,
and we answered the call."

I adore the imagery throughout your lovely poem, but this stanza is my favorite. This is the pivotal turning point in your piece. The reader knows that you have found the one that you are meant to be with forever. The very definition of a soulmate is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. You have portrayed this well throughout the entire poem. *Heart*

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Other than what I have noted above, there is nothing else I could possibly suggest. It's a beautiful, heartfelt piece.

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
I hope you have shared this poem with your fiancé because it is an extraordinary piece. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and the best of luck with your wedding! *Delight*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.


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31
31
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi Sum1 ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "First Thanksgiving" , as part of your shower.

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool*

While taking a leisurely stroll through your portfolio, I came across this wonderful, little gem. Since Thanksgiving is Thursday, I am really in the holiday spirit so, when I saw this, I just had to give it a read/rate/review.

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
All too often, we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season that we forget the hows and whys of the reasons these celebrations came to be. I have always found history to be fascinating. I am a bit of a nerd, after all. *Laugh* From the very first Thanksgiving in Plymouth, Massachusetts to the presidential proclamation by President Lincoln that made it an official holiday (in the hopes of forming a sense of unity between the Northern and Southern states) to yet another president (FDR) which made Thanksgiving a national holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. I find it rather intriguing to see the progression of this holiday and how it turned into our modern-day tradition. However, at the center of it all, is the remembrance of the establishment of this occasion that is the most valuable thing to consider as we prepare to celebrate with family and friends. Your poem serves as a poignant reminder of it. During this season of Thanksgiving, it is so important for us to remember the sacrifice of those that came before us, and the significance of all the things we have and take for granted. I, for one, am quite thankful for coming across this lovely poem that focuses on Thanksgiving...from the beginning.

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
A little bit of history and a whole lot of rhyming makes for one great poem! The rhythm, meter and rhyme are superb. Your end rhymes are spectacular. They don't feel as if they have been forced which, sadly, is the case more often than not with Traditional poetry. You, my friend, are the exception and not the rule! *Wink* I love all poetry, but Traditional poetry is my favorite due to the rhythmic appeal of it. You have mastered it quite well. *Thumbsup*

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I saw no errors. Your poem has just the right amount of punctuation. It allowed for seamless reading as I knew which areas you wanted to emphasize and where you had a break in thought. You did a marvelous job!

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINES:
"Today we celebrate this fateful day,
In many houses, and different ways.
As we celebrate, let us remember,
How this started, long ago, in November."

Let us remember, indeed! These lines were outstanding!! In just a few lines you really emphasized the importance of this holiday. What an excellent finish to your piece.

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
From your beautiful words, to the use of colorful WritingML to the phenomenal image portraying the first Thanksgiving, this poem has it all! There is nothing that could improve this piece of poetic mastery. You not only get 5 *Star*'s, but you also get two BIG *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup*.

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
It's so nice when a writer takes the time to write a tribute to something of interest that is so meaningful and paramount to our heritage. You have a gift for writing from the heart and soul. I'm so glad I came across this item in your port!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.


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32
32
Review of Silent Seduction  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH , fellow Rising Star! *Up**Star*
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Silent Seduction" .

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I selected this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for "Random Thoughts and Cares" . I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items. I'm happy to do so now.

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
This was awesome! It made me think of that wondrous feeling when you look at the one you love and the world just seems to...stop. In that moment, your breath catches, your heart flutters and you believe you are the luckiest person in the world because you are lucky in love. *Heart*

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
Free-verse poetry allows for such interpretive, artistic and intellectually-stimulating writing. Your poem exemplifies all of these traits...and more! It is quite a treat for the reader to see such a unique, and beautiful, piece. The rhythm and meter are excellent throughout. It flowed effortlessly. Your breaks in thought were clear and your line-to-line transitions were done well. Great job! *Star*

*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I really should remove this entire section when I'm reviewing my fellow Rising Stars because it is simply not needed. *Laugh* Your spelling and grammar are excellent, which I have come to expect from all the amazingly-talented *Up**Star*'s. Taking pride in your writing and setting a fine example for the community, showing them where the distinction is that separates good writing from great writing. Very well done! *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
"Silently savoring this special moment with the man I love.
My lips purse shamelessly; all is well in my little world."

What a lovely way to end this piece! The romance, love and feeling of contentment leave the reader with a sense of peaceful harmony.

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
From your beautiful words, to the use of WritingML to the extraordinary picture, this poem has it all! There is nothing that could improve this piece of poetic mastery.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
It seems as though you are a romantic soul like me. I thoroughly enjoyed reading through this poem of such passionate, soul-stirring love.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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33
33
Review of Given To You  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi Fivesixer ,
I'm reviewing your poem, "Given To You" , as part of your shower.

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool* I love the holidays immensely, but they are somewhat bittersweet for me. My parents are deceased and my brothers are scattered all over the place. I get a bit more sentimental and emotional this time of year while I think back on the holiday celebrations of days and years gone by. I am reminded, sometimes very painfully, that my loved ones aren't “here” this year. I miss my brothers. I'd love nothing more than to be able to spend the holidays in Germany with my family. I miss my parents terribly, though, I know they are now angels watching over me from above. That being said, when I saw this poem written for your dad, I just had to read it.

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
My love for the holidays definitely comes from my dad. He was always such a kid at heart. His sense of humor is unmatched. I have yet to meet anyone as funny as he was. He got into the holiday spirit like no one else I have ever known. Think Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation, yes, even the mishaps. They make for some fun memories! That was my dad. *Laugh* As I'm preparing for the holidays again this year, I find myself being nostalgic and even a little heavyhearted. My dad's birthday would be Friday and that just adds to it. I knew this would make me emotional, but that's OK. A good cry can be quite therapeutic. Special days can also provide opportunity. They invite us to remember the good times shared in the past with our loved ones. They give us a chance to think about, talk about or take action that allow us to honor someone who continues to be special and important to us, still. This is how I felt when I read your poem. I felt as though I was thanking my dad for being a wonderful father, friend and confidant who was such a positive influence on my life. If it hadn't been for him, I definitely would not be the person I am today. So, thank you, for writing this piece that made me think, and be thankful for, all of that. After all, this time of year is for giving thanks. *Smile*

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
This free verse poem reads well and has a rhythmic feel to it. It flows well, but there is one area where I struggled slightly, which I will note below.

"but I know you'll have that.
Silently, you'll be thankful for that."

I struggled with these lines because I felt ending two lines in a row with the word "that" was a bit redundant. I think the use of "you'll" in both lines could also be altered to help the overall flow of the piece. What if you were to change these lines to the following?

"but I know you will have that.
Silently, you'll be thankful for it."

Those two very subtle changes do not negatively impact the meaning behind the poem, they merely enhance the beauty of it. *Smile*

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I found no spelling errors. Grammar is always such a personal choice for each and every poet; some use it, others do not. Personally, I feel that punctuation helps the reader determine breaks in thought. It also helps add emphasis in specific areas. Your poem is perfectly punctuated. Very well done! *Star*

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINE(S):
"I only came along as a thank-you."

I enjoyed the entire poem, but this line really hit home. It ends the piece well. It is the summary of the poem as a whole.

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Other than what I have noted above, I have no other suggestions. Whenever I come across a piece of writing that is so deeply personal and emotional to the author, I cannot bring myself to offer too many suggestions for improvement. What you have written came from your soul. It's a lovely tribute to your father. *Heart*

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
This was a heartfelt, deeply emotional read for me. I'm sure you feel the same way about it. I am guessing that this may have been difficult for you to write, but, I hope, that writing about it has helped you. You have a gift for writing from the heart and soul. I'm so glad I came across this item in your port!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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34
34
Review of FEELINGS  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*UmbrellaG* This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *UmbrellaG*


Hi SHERRI GIBSON ,
I'm reviewing your poem, "FEELINGS"  as a part of your shower from "Invalid Item" .

*UmbrellaG* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  - CONGRATULATIONS! *Cool* I took a leisurely stroll through your portfolio. I decided on this poem because I have several off-line friends going through some 'things' right now. I would like to show them your poem because it's not only wonderful, but I feel that it is also something they can relate to.

*UmbrellaG* OVERALL SENSE:
It is unfortunate that those we rely on and love so much are the ones who have the power to hurt us the most. *Frown* This is a sad reality for all of us. Sooner or later, we are all betrayed by a friend. When it happens, we're then faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to forgive them. Situations like this always remind me of the saying, "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn." This is so true...and your poem brought that to mind.

*UmbrellaG* CONVENTIONS:
Your rhythm, meter and rhyme are great. Traditional poetry has always been a favorite of mine...and what a bonus for me - my favorite poetry form written by one of my favorite poets! *Bigsmile* Your end rhymes are sensational. They flow wonderfully and feel completely natural. *Thumbsup*

*UmbrellaG* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I'm not sure why I even have this section here. I should simply remove it when reviewing one of your items. Your spelling and grammar are perfect, my friend! All too often, writers tend to get a little sloppy in this area. It's so refreshing when I come across writers like you who take pride in their work, go over it with a fine-tooth comb and share items with the community that are error free. Great job Sherri! *Star*

*UmbrellaG* FAVORITE LINES:
"My heart's always open to genuine friends,
and if I'm wrong, I'll make amends."

Despite the heartache of being betrayed by a friend, your heart is still open. It's open to forgiveness, making amends and even to making new friends. This is a pivotal point in your poem because it lets the reader know you have not given up hope. There are still good people in the world...and you know it! That is why these lines are my favorite.

*UmbrellaG* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Knowing how personal this piece is, and understanding that it was (1) therapeutic for you to write and (2) it came from your soul, there is no way I could tell you to alter it in any way. It wouldn't do justice to you or this outlet for your feelings. Whenever I come across items that are as deeply personal as this, I cannot bring myself to tell the writer there is something they should change. Regardless of that, there really is nothing I would change about this poem. It's a marvelous piece of writing.

*UmbrellaG* CONCLUSION:
This was a heartfelt, deeply emotional read for me. I'm sure you feel the same way about it. I am guessing that this may have been difficult for you to write, but, I hope, that writing about it has helped you. Hang in there, sweetie! *Heart*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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35
35
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Vine2**Heart**Vine1* This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item"  through "Invalid Item"  *Vine2**Heart**Vine1*


Hi ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Awaiting His Best-Belovèd" .

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
This came up under my "random reads". Your title and brief description captured my attention.

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
There is nothing more sad than a tale of lost love. This solemnly poignant poem went straight to the heart because of the emotional nature of it. You show the reader the depth of those emotions with the words you've used. The "show not tell" fundamental of writing is one thing that separates good writers from great writers. You've done an excellent job! *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
I love all poetry, but Traditional (rhyming) poetry is my favorite, by far. Your rhyme scheme is very good. I enjoyed your use of poetic license as well. I am a huge fan of poetic license. *Bigsmile*

*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I didn't see any spelling errors, but I would like to point out some issues with punctuation. Punctuation is a very personal choice for each and every poet. Some use it, but others do not. Technically, there is no right or wrong, but I do, however, feel that there are certain scenarios where additional punctuation can enhance a poem. It also makes for a smoother read as it makes your breaks in thought more clear to the reader. It also helps adds emphasis in specific areas.

*InfoV* In the first stanza, you could end the second line with a period as that does complete the thought started in the line above. The third line starts a new thought so separating the two will help the reader transition. The same is true for your third and fourth stanzas. Adding a period at the end of the second line will help the overall flow of the piece.

*InfoV* "He, from a window, glanced above" *Right* The addition of commas separates this clause and allows for an easier read.

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
"he hoped each day would be the day
he’d see his best-belovèd dove."

Feelings and dreams, always holding out hope that the one he loves so dear will return. The romanticism of these lines is wonderful. Great job!

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I mention above, I do have another suggestion for you. I understand what you are trying to say with the line, "his dreams her at his side would lay", but I had to read it several times before I figured it out. What if you were to say "dreams of her; at his side she'd lay" or something to that effect?

I mean no offense by any of the suggestions above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
The sorrowful tone of this poem just add to the emotion the reader feels. This is definitely something I would recommend to anyone that has lost the one they love.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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36
36
Review of Halloween  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi warriormom,
I'm reviewing your poem, "Halloween" .

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I selected this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for "Random Thoughts and Cares" . I have not yet reviewed one of your pieces for my *Up**Star* M2M reviews. I'm happy to have the opportunity to do so now. Since Halloween is Monday, how could I pass up reviewing this contest-winning, spooktacular poem? *Bigsmile*

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
This poem was a wonderful trip down memory lane. It took me back to my childhood and the fun of dressing up and trick-or-treating with friends. *Jackolantern* *Ghost* Back to the days gone by, when there wasn't a care in the world except getting a big, huge bag full of Halloween candy and treats! *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
I love your use of alliteration throughout this free-verse poem. The alliteration and rhythm may pique a readers' interest, but your words are what makes it shine, especially using a paradox like "frightening friendly fiends". A frightening fiend, certainly isn't friendly, but this oxymoron is excellent for this piece. The self-contradictory effect of that line is brilliant and makes perfect sense, given the subject matter of this poem. Great job, Pat! *Delight*

*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I'm not sure why I even have this section here. I should simply remove it when reviewing one of your items. *Laugh* Your spelling and grammar are perfect, my friend!

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
"Night noises fill the neighborhoods,
frightening friendly fiends.
Hovering, hooting owls
give goosebumps to all who hear."

It was tough pinpointing my favorite because I love all of it. I decided on this stanza for several reasons. Yes, the alliteration is one. I can't gush ove that enough - can you tell I'm a fan of it? *Blush* Another reason I chose this stanza is because of your vivid use of imagery. As I mentioned above, this poem was quite nostalgic for me. This is the part that really took me back in time...and it was a rather enjoyable trip!

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Hmmmm, this is another section I could have simply deleted from my review. *Laugh* This piece of poetic mastery is flawless. I wouldn't change a thing.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
I love the lighthearted nature of this piece. It has rhythmic feel to it that made it quite fun to read aloud also! *Bigsmile* I could imagine your words being put to music. It would make a cute Halloween song for children.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.


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37
37
Review of Read me!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi sammy jo ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Read me!" . I see that you are new to our wonderful community. Welcome aboard! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. *Smile*

*BurstV* WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
This poem came up under "Read a Newbie" on the lefthand menu. How could I resist with a title imploring "Read me!" ? *Laugh* What an excellent attention getter! *Thumbsup*

*BurstV* OVERALL SENSE:
All too often we get so caught up in our writing that we tend to forget to have fun with it! Kudos to you for making light of it...and making me laugh in the process! *Bigsmile*

*BurstV* CONVENTIONS:
I love all poetry, but Traditional (rhyming) poetry is my favorite, by far. I enjoyed your use of poetic license as well.

*BurstV* SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I saw no errors. Your poem has just the right amount of punctuation. It allowed for seamless reading as I knew which areas you wanted to emphasize and where you had a break in thought. Good job!

*BurstV* FAVORITE LINES:
"So please give me feedback
And put me back on track!"

This is what we're all after! Each one of us needs the constructive criticism of a good review so that we can continue to grow and improve our craft. These lines give voice to the importance of quality feedback. This also ends your poem well.

*BurstV* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There is only one area that I felt the rhyme was forced. Your first stanza is as follows:

"I'd really appreciate a review
Before we return to our curfew."

I see where you are going, but I'm not sure that second line reads clearly. What if you were to change it in some way? Perhaps "I feel that I am due" or, maybe have even more fun with it and say, "For each one I'll give you two." *Laugh*

I mean no offense by any of the suggestions above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

*BurstV* CONCLUSION:
I thoroughly enjoyed the light, airy feel to your poem. It was a breath of fresh air to read such a humorous take on something that is very important to all of us.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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38
38
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SHERRI GIBSON ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "A PIECE OF MY HEART" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This came up under my "reviewer items". The title and description caught my attention. Once I opened it and saw that it was by one of my favorite people *Heart*, how could I not give it a review? *Bigsmile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This Traditional (rhyming) poem flows beautifully. All of your line breaks are appropriately placed and your line-to-line transition is right (or should I say write? *Laugh*) on. It has a nice, even rhythm that is seamless throughout your piece. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is amazing. It's thoughtful, emotional and truly shows that deep love that we all hope to find. You are one lucky girl! *Wink* I see no spelling or punctuation errors. Great job! *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
How can you improve perfection? *Delight*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Sherri, this is such a lovely, sweet, sentimental poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. My favorite part is the following:

"Throughout the years what we shared became stronger.
Now unhappiness resides in our hearts no longer."

That is exquisite, a truly remarkable piece of poetry. *Thumbsup*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.


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39
39
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there! I got your e-mail about this so I came back for a quick re-rate. Great job editing! *Thumbsup* The only thing I see is in your first stanza. The second and fourth lines need a space after the commas. The rest of it looks great! I'm so glad you found my previous review helpful!

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to re-rate this for you. WRITE ON! *Smile*

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40
40
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine1* This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " .
CONGRATULATIONS! *Vine2*


Hi Shannon ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your prose, "Last Night I Dreamt Of You, and I Cried" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I like the emotion in your title. It's a vivid introduction to your piece. It lets the reader know they are in for a profound read. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is great. I enjoyed the way you wrote this timeline of your sleepless night. I see no spelling or punctuation errors. Great job!

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
None

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I suffer from insomnia and, although it's not due to missing someone, I can relate to this piece in more ways than one. My favorite part is the following:

"Perhaps tonight you will visit once again; you will sit down next to me, open a book by your favorite poet and begin to read, and peacefully I will drift away to the sound of rippling brooks, the sweet scent of daisies and your voice whispering words of love."

That is a terrific ending! If only we could all fall asleep that way. *Wink*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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41
41
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi dollzell ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Rendezvous with me "  at your request. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your Traditional (rhyming) poem has a nice rhythm to it. I struggled with the flow of it just a little bit with some of the lines that are longer than others. I suggest revisiting some of those lines to see if you could make them a little more concise. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
You word choice is good. It's conversational and emotional. However, there are several areas where it's a bit redundant. I have a few listed below.

*Note* "A sunny day, a cloudless sky suddenly turned to gloom" *Right* A sunny day and a cloudless sky are essentially the same thing. I would pick one and remove the other. Personally, I feel that "A cloudless sky suddenly turned to gloom" is the better choice, but this is your poem to do with as you choose.

*Note* "At least we had love, laughter, memorable memories" *Right* Memories are memorable so this is repetitive. Is there another word you could use in place of memorable? Perhaps "distinguished", "beautiful", "extraordinary", "mind-blowing", "remarkable" or something else entirely?

I don't see any spelling errors, but there are some punctuation issues that I would like to address. There should be one space after a comma. Your poem has a number of commas in it, but there is no space after any of them. Commas are used to not only separate items in a list, but also to show the reader where to pause. The correct usage is comma [,] followed by one space.

The rest of the punctuation is not consistent throughout your poem. Now, as as poet, I know that it is a personal choice for each and every one of us. You used a period to end each of your first three stanzas and you have a question mark in the middle of your fourth stanza, but that's it. You have no other end punctuation in the remaining stanzas. Again, this is a personal choice. The only reason I'm mentioning it is because it's not consistent throughout. Take another look and see which way you'd like to go with it and adjust the way you feel it's appropriate.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Just what I've noted above.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your poem has good bones. The thoughts, feelings and emotions in your words are great. I hope you don't take offense to what I've pointed out above. You asked me to take a look at it, so I wanted to point out what I saw. I would be happy to come back and give it another rate and review after you have made any necessary revision(s).

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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42
42
Review of Letters from home  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prier ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your monologue, "Letters from home" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This came up under my "random reads" and the title grabbed my attention. *Thumbsup* By the way, have you seen the "Invalid Item"  contest by Bonnie ? Bonnie is doing a wonderful thing with that contest. Your monologue immediately made me think of it. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is great. I love how you were able to portray the disappointment and heartache when a serviceman realizes he hasn't received anything during mail call. That is so very sad. What a wonderful thing you did sharing your letters from home with your friend. That speaks so highly of your character. Bravo to you! How sweet for your mom to start asking for him in her letters to you. It warms my heart. *Heart*

There is only one minor grammar issue that I saw. In your third paragraph, it should be "odd-fitting clothes" with a hyphen. Since both words are describing clothes, it is a compound modifier and, therefore, it needs the hyphen. That is the only thing I noticed. Great job! *Thumbsup*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Just what I've noted above.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This was a wonderful read. It's one of those things that we seldom think about (unfortunately). I try to do my part and write to our soldiers. Bonnie's contest that I mentioned above has helped get people writing to them also. *Smile* Thank you so very much for your service to our country. I know words are a very small token of appreciation, but please know that I am extremely grateful. *Delight*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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43
43
Review of I Pledge to You  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"  and our "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central" !


Hi JACE - House Targaryen ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "I Pledge to You" . You were kind enough to review one of my pieces to welcome me as a newly appointed leader in "The Talent Pond" . I'm returning the favor and reviewing one of your pieces. *Wink*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This is a wonderful title. We all strive to find someone to love and pledge that love to...and have them return it. *Heart*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I love that this Quatrain Chain is also a Traditional (rhyming) poem. In my opinion, rhyming poetry seems to flow so much nicer. Your rhyme scheme is spot on and does not feel forced. Your meter is superb. It allows your poem to flow smoothly and gives it a steady, even cadence. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
You word choice is great. It's spiritual and emotional which leads to a truly beautiful piece of poetry. *Smile* I see no spelling or punctuation errors. Great job! *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This lovely poem is perfect! I would not change anything about it. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This sentimental tribute to love and your pledge to it is amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It was hard for me to pick a favorite part, but I'd have to say it's the following:

"Love is patient, love is kind,
you've heard the pundits say,
But I have found that I am blind,
I let love slip away."

These lines are so firm and powerful. It's a marvelous beginning to your poem. You definitely hit the ground running and pulled the reader in right from the start. Great job, Jace! *Thumbsup*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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44
44
Review of The Old Veteran  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sum1 ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "The Old Veteran" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This is a great title for your poem. It definitely fits the wonderful story you've told in this piece. *Thumbsup*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This traditional poem has excellent meter and rhyme. The rhyme scheme is completely natural. It gives it such a nice rhythm throughout. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I really enjoyed how this poem tells a story in an almost conversational way. It gives it so much character and charm. There's only one thing that I questioned. At the end of the third line in the sixth stanza, the word "day" is capitalized and I don't think it needs to be. I thought I'd mention it. I saw no other spelling or punctuation errors. Great job!

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
None

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Jim, I loved this poem. It's so heartfelt and you know that there have to be stories like this everywhere. Each and every one of our amazing veterans have a "story" to tell about the time they spent serving our country. The whole poem was great, but I think your ending was my favorite part. It ends your poem well with words that ring true. We should honor our veterans on Veteran's Day and every day! *Smile*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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45
45
Review of Will You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine1* This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " .
CONGRATULATIONS! *Vine2*


Hi piewhackett1,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Will You" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I think this is a great title. Have you considered adding a question mark to it since you're asking a question? Just a thought. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your poem flows well. Your rhyme scheme is excellent. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is good. It's thought-provoking and emotional. Your words speak to something we all want to find (and have) with that very special someone.

There's only one minor punctuation error that I saw. In your line, "My love is strong honest, and true" there should be a comma after the word "strong" since it is a list. I saw no other errors. Great job!

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
In addition to the correction noted above, I have a suggestion. In the last line of your first stanza, rather than the word "strong", could you use something else? Maybe "enduring", "unyielding", "solid", "sound", "substantial" or something else entirely? You have "strong" in both the third and fourth line in that stanza, so I just thought I would mention possibly using a different word for one of them. Again, it's just a suggestion. I mean no offense by it.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I really enjoyed your poem. It was very uplifting and quite well-written. My favorite lines are the following:

"Will you walk with me each step of the way?
And will you stand by me come what may?"

This is such a powerful intro to your poem. Starting off with two intense questions pulls the reader in right from the start. I knew I was in for an excellent read! *Thumbsup*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
*FlowerP* Follow the random at "Invalid Item" . I'm participating in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . Stop on over to cheer me on! *ThumbsUp*
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46
46
Review of Keep Your Head Up  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine2**Heart**Vine1* This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item"  through "Invalid Item"  *Vine2**Heart**Vine1*


*Balloony* CONGRATULATIONS *Balloony* on your well-deserved promotion to Preferred Author yesterday! Welcome to the club, fellow yellow! *Bigsmile*


Hi Itchy Water~fictionandverse ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Keep Your Head Up" . You were kind enough to drop by my port to review one of my pieces. *Thumbsup* I'm returning the favor. *Wink*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Title *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
I love this very uplifting title you've chosen. It's a great reminder that, even when life gets you down, you have to keep your head up or you may miss something truly divine.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
Your poem flows well. I think the repetition of the line, "All this He did for me" makes it even more rhythmical toward the end of the poem. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is great. It's so full of imagery. I really enjoyed your use of metaphors. Clouds really are like pillows dancing in the sky! *Wink*

I see no spelling or punctuation errors.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
The only thing I will mention is the capitalization at the beginning of each line. I know this is a very personal choice for each and every poet, myself included. There's no right or wrong as to whether a new line should be capitalized or not. Poetic license allows us to be creative. What I did notice with this poem is that the capitalization is not consistent.

"He planted soft, image-filled clouds
High above my head."

There is no end punctuation after "clouds" so the second line is a continuation of it. Technically, the word "high" does not need to be capitalized.

"The blue was vibrant
and expanded throughout the heavens."

The second line here is not capitalized because it is a continuation of the line above. As you can see from these two examples, the capitalization is not consistent throughout. I thought I should mention it. I mean no offense by it. Your poem is still a beautiful piece of work. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Overall Impression *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
This was a wonderful read that should serve as a reminder to us all. I can see why it was awarded with the Rising Stars Award of Excellence. *Cool* You did an outstanding job! *Thumbsup*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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47
47
Review of The Last Salute  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Michael I. Thompson ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "The Last Salute" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I'd like to again thank you for your service to our country. I hope your deployment ends soon and that you'll be returning home as quickly as possible!

When I come across items like this, I find myself unable to write a "typical" review. What you have written is too personal, both to you as the writer and to me as the reader. You don't need to know if there's a comma or a period out of place (there isn't, by the way). That's not what this poem is about. This beautiful tribute to the fellow soldiers you lost that day speaks for itself. No review should ever tell you to change anything about it. I was deeply touched when I read this. It brought a tear to my eye.

It's hard enough to hear about the loss of a soldier on the news. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is for you to experience the loss of a fellow soldier. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. *Heart* You are all in my thoughts and prayers every single day.

God Bless You and God speed! *Angel*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
*FlowerP* Follow the random at "Invalid Item"  and find out what makes me tick in "Invalid Item" .
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48
48
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Vine2**Heart**Vine1* This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" . You successfully scrabbled for: "Poet don't know it." CONGRATULATIONS! *Delight* This is review #3 of 3. *Vine2**Heart**Vine1*


Hi 🌷 Carol St.Ann 🌷 ,
I'm reviewing your poem, "A Jersey Barb! (July 2006)" . I am also a "Jersey girl" so how could I not do a read, rate and review of this? *Laugh* Plus, I love limericks. I'm not good at writing them myself, but I do enjoy reading those written by authors who are good at it. *Smile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Title *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
This title is hilarious! I find that our state takes a lot of abuse, don't you? We seem to be the butt of many, many jokes! *Laugh*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
It's a limerick that flows with rhythmic precision. I loved your extremely creative rhyme scheme. Great job! *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is humorous and fun. It's upbeat, sarcastic and lyrical, which makes for a great read. *Thumbsup* I found no spelling or punctuation errors. You did an excellent job with this, Carol! *Bigsmile*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
I have none. It's fantastic just the way it is.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyB* Overall Impression *ButterflyB* *FlowerP*
This piece really put a smile on my face. Thank you for that! *Delight* There is no way I could pick a favorite part of this because the whole thing is great. I think this type of self-deprecating humor is something that can be appreciated by everyone that is from this great state of ours! *Bigsmile*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

Thank you for your support of "Invalid Item"  and our very first raffle! *Delight*

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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49
49
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Frank! *Smile*
I'm reviewing your poem, "Sworn to be a U.S. Marine" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This is a great title for your poem! I know how proud you are of your son and I'm sure he appreciated this heartfelt piece written in his honor. *ThumbsUp*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Flow/Rhythm *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Flow is good; line-to-line transition and breaks are done well. Your poem has a very nice rhythm to it. *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Your word choice is great. I like that it's conversational, almost a letter to Alex. I see one minor grammar issue in the last line of your second stanza. The word "nations" should be "nation's" (with an apostrophe), since you're referring to "our nation's joy". It's a possessive, not a plural. I see no other errors. Great job!

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
Just what I've noted above.

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This was such a touching piece. The love and pride you feel for him shines through in the words you've penned. I know how much you miss him since he's been re-deployed to Afghanistan. I can imagine reading over this poem helps. *Smile*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

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#1771417 by Not Available.


*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
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50
50
Review of Regret  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Vine1* This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " .
CONGRATULATIONS! *Vine2*


Hi fyn ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "Regret" .

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Title *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This is an excellent title. Isn't it amazing how one word can encompass so much?

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
I love how this poem tells a story. It's one of those "places" we've all been at some point in our lives. I see no spelling or punctuation errors. Well done! *Star*

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Helpful Tips for Improvement *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
None

*FlowerP* *ButterflyV* Overall Impression *ButterflyV* *FlowerP*
This is such a well-written poem about the "what if" or the "shoulda/coulda/woulda" that happens to us all. I'm sorry you have regret over it. Remember that everything happens for a reason, so don't beat yourself up too much over it. *Smile* My favorite part of your poem is the following:

"What we set fire on paper,
still burns in the corner
of our collective subconscious.
Embers forever glowing,
never to be stoked
yet never turning to ash."

This final stanza closes your poem well. Your possibilities are endless. Never say never! *Wink*

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!! *Star*

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*FlowerP* I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your letter? "Invalid Item"  Round 2 is now open!
*FlowerP* Follow the random at "Invalid Item" . I'm participating in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . Stop on over to cheer me on! *ThumbsUp*
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