This was a basic article on saving money at the grocery store. Most of the tips were just common sense, but it's good to have a reminder once in a while. New shoppers might find this more useful than more experienced ones.
There were quite a few typos in this one. A duplicated "is" in the first sentence. Numbers should be spelled out. "manufactures" should be "manufacturers' ", etc. "Purchase" seems to be repeated a lot in that one section, but I realize that the word choice may be limited. With a little extra proofreading, the writer will have a more polished work.
A nice little story! Very short, but you say everything you need to say, so I wouldn't try to add filler to stretch it out.
A bit of tweaking on the technical side might be necessary. A semicolon might be better in the following sentence than a comma. "Science could prove me wrong; everything could prove me wrong, but doubt would never overtake me." The bolded sentence stands out a little too much. I think it's emphasized enough just by its brevity, I'm not sure you need anything else. It tends to stop the reader cold. I know "smelt" is an accepted past tense form of "smell", but my first thought was of those little silvery fish. You might want to just use "smelled", no matter what SpellCheck says. There are other errors, but I've taken up enough of your time.
Okay. If you were trying to set an angry, almost belligerent tone with this one, you certainly succeeded! Actually, I rather liked it. The piece reads exactly as if it were told by a teenage girl sorely lacking in social skills. It's definitely worth continuing.
Now, on to the boring grammar stuff. You need a lot of proofreading or even better, an editor, desperately. With a bit of tweaking, for example, spell out numbers unless they're really big; break up paragraphs with lines between them {much easier to read online and to catch mistakes before they're out in the real world}; not to mention the obvious ones, "to" instead of "too",etc., you might just have a winner on your hands.
This was a simple little story about watching people on the beach. There wasn't much of a plot or a setting or character development, just a brief peek into someone's day. Even without much detail, I did get a sense of things.
There are a few things that need fixed. I'd omit the first few phrases in one of your earlier sentences: "Although I love children, having a few of my own, my favorite to watch are the couples." ~ ""My favorite to watch are the couples. Since the rest of the piece is about a couple, you really don't need this one. There are some typos and omitted words: "Giggling like a little school " probably should be "Giggling like a little school girl". I'd break up this sentence for emphasis: A big luminous smile lit his face. He leaned down and kissed her. A long,passionate, "I love you" kiss. The ALL CAPS arent' necessary and are a jarring note which drags the reader off the beach.
This was a good little story. It's very sparse, there aren't many details but you really don't need them.
On the technical side of things, you do have a number of errors to find and fix. For example, it should be "every day" not "everyday" in your first paragraph. You need a little review in punctuating speech. " “He hurt me.” She said shaking." ~ "He hurt me," she said shaking."
This was a very good read! You created a sense of stillness, of anticipation, that I really appreciated. You have some wonderful descriptions in your story. I love this one: "the silence enveloped the sounds and mended itself seamlessly back over them".
There are a few places I might have punctuated differently, but nothing too glaring. When your character is speaking out loud, you need to put it in quotation marks, the last sentences, especially.
A response to your comment in the folder's description: Yes. Please continue with this one. I was drawn in from your very first sentence. I definitely want to know more about your characters and the world you've created for them.
That being said, the second part was not nearly as good as the first. There were several phrases that seemed a bit awkward, "had they of visited more often", for example. {I think you can omit that "of".} Perhaps you should consider writing all of this in first person.
What a great read! I love this phrase: "mysteriously conscious and squishy being". It was a very good essay. I looked very carefully and I can't think of anything I'd change.
This story starts off almost as a fairy tale told in third person and then switches for some reason to a first person story told by someone named Brooke. I liked the first part just fine. It was a bit quirky ~ I don't think there's such a word as "dis-included", but I could see it going someplace.
I did not like the part about Brooke and all her complaints. You might want to reconsider having everyone's name start with a B. It could get confusing to your readers. You need to do a lot of editing to repair all the various mistakes. When these are all fixed, you might find an audience for this one.
I enjoyed your story. You did a fine job crafting this one. You have a deft touch, building the tension slowly as the story progressed.
I do have a few things I would change in the technical side of things. I'm not exactly sure why you switched tenses right in the middle of things. You went from "She AWOKE with sunlight falling across her face..." to "She STRETCHES lazily and RAISES up..." without any apparent reason. There are a couple of errors in punctuation, especially as pertains to dialogue, which need to be repaired.
I liked your first sentence. It drew me into the story and kept me reading it. I'm not sure I really believed some of this tale, but it was entertaining. I could picture a young boy being mortified by the appearance of his cow and then by his mother.
You can use a lot of help with grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. Some of your phrases were rather awkward and could probably be replaced by something a little better. "All of the sudden, our daydreams were rudely interrupted by a strong rap on the door" could be "Our daydreams were rudely interrupted by a strong rap at the door". The "all of a sudden" really isn't necessary.
You have an interesting concept here. I like the idea of a new vampire not knowing what she was, etc. You could make something of this one.
You need a lot of help on the technical side of things. Have line breaks between paragraphs will make this much easier to read, especially online. There are a lot of mistakes in this one. You have a number of run-on sentences; misspellings and punctuation problems. A little more time spent proofreading this story would do wonders.
When I began reading this, I was a little confused. The first few paragraphs didn't seem to make much sense or to go with the title. As I continued to read, however, things became much clearer. I got involved in this story and wanted to know how it ended.
The formatting was a little odd. I wasn't sure if those long line breaks were supposed to signify something or if they were just accidental.
This story read just like it was supposed to be; the ramblings of a deluded person. You did a good job of that.
This seems to be nothing more than a "come-on" for a website. There were stereotypical statements made without anything to back them up. A person's ears stick out so they are possessive? This was just a shill. Don't waste your time. It's spam.
Oh, I do hope there are more of these to come! I am the story lady to a class of kindergarteners and I can definitely see myself reading this one to them! I must confess I have no idea who the Rev. Lambert Willis is, so I can't say if your story is faithful to the original or not. What I can say is that you really need to keep going with this one.
I was dragged kicking and screaming into this one by that first sentence. After finishing that, I had to continue, if only to get the image out of my head. Once inside the work, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a pretty good little read. I must confess my entire knowledge of these games consists of the random bits and pieces of commercials for them I catch on television so I won't comment on any of those.
I did find some errors on the technical side of things. Line breaks between paragraphs would make this more user-friendly. You missed an apostrophe: "mother's basement". There may be a few more. A couple of those sentences were very long, but they flowed well, so I'm not sure I'd mess with them. I like your use of alliteration.
This little short story certainly sounds like it was written by a teenager. I can just hear you on the phone, or perhaps outside your locker before school the next day, telling your best friend all about this date.
There are many mistakes that need to be cleaned up in this story. You would be "sitting in your room", not "setting" unless you're a chicken. It's "daisies", not "daisys". I would have liked some more dialogue with this one, too. More standard formatting would have made this one a little easier to read, too.
Writing about what you know is a good way to start. Keep it up!
This story began with a brother and sister's hunt for a missing family pet, but it soon turned into something a little more gruesome. It was an interesting concept with a twist at the end.
There are some errors that need to be fixed. Each time a new person speaks, a new paragraph is needed. Some of the sentences are a bit long. A semicolon, three commas, an ellipses and a period, all in the same sentence is probably a bit much. Do a little more editing and this will be a better story.
I think those actually living in Las Vegas might take exception to this poem, but you certainly have captured the stereotypical "Sin City". The copy was clean, the meter rhythmical, and the rhymes work. I have no idea what that last line means, but that's fine. Maybe, if I ever get to Vegas, it will all become clear to me.
This story gave a glimpse into a day many mothers can relate to. A simple story of a simple day, told in a simple way, it was touching and heartfelt. I enjoyed it.
There are a few issues in the technical side of things. Some of the sentences were a little long, but that's really a matter of taste and not really an problem. It should be "its load", not "it's load". There are possibly a few more, but nothing major.
Okay. This was cute. A little too short, but cute nonetheless. Even without the "he said" tags, I had no trouble following the dialogue. I would have liked for it to be longer, though.
Clean up the punctuation and you'll have a little gem on your hands.
This story had a good opening line, but didn't live up to those words as the story continued. I could tell the writer feels deeply about the subject but I didn't connect with any of the characters.
Cleaning up the piece will probably help some. The piece was riddled with mistakes, typos and misspellings. " In this fit of fury she ran towards his voice, saying "I won..." which makes it sound as if the girl is saying she won, but I have a feeling the writer meant for the father to be speaking in which case " In this fit of fury, she ran towards his voice as he said "I won. ..." Breaking this story up into several shorter paragraphs will probably help, too.
One thing this story does have going for it is that the writer did not try to be too "literary". Most of the language is straight forward and easy to understand.
I know this type of poem has a name. I just cannot remember what it is right now. Anyway, your poem is a great example of it! The first words in each line did not seem forced at all {often a problem with these poems} and it flowed with a consistent rhythm. The word pictures you paint were clear and vivid!
I might add a comma after "flitter home" and "hibernating" and a period after "dens". In an indication of how good this poem is, I read it three times before I noticed that "nustled" should be spelled "nestled".
This story relates a dream the writer had which she has decided to turn into a short story. The story was rather disjointed, almost like being caught in a dream one doesn't understand.
The introduction was totally unnecessary. The reader doesn't care what the author looks like and the character's looks should be covered within the story. Contrary to what the author says, there are spelling mistakes in this story "fathers", "along", "splitting", etc. SpellCheck should not be used as a substitute for actual proofreading. There are also a number of mistakes in punctuation which should be found and fixed.
This is a good start to a longer work. It has errors. Once they are corrected, this will be a much better read.
I feel I am at a disadvantage here because I am not familiar with the play being reviewed. Therefore, I can only review the review as a stand-alone piece.
The writer gave a little bit of information about the play which helped to set the stage, so to speak. However, some parts were rather disjointed and it was hard to follow. I was not always sure of the reviewer's intent. There are a few sentence fragments that need to be fixed. World War Two should be written out or abbreviated as WWII. Instead of being one long paragraph, it would have been better with several shorter ones.
This was a good first effort, but it can be better.
A kiss from the good little witch.
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