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710 Public Reviews Given
710 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

Wow, I feel cold and concerned reading this. I glance anxiously towards the window to make sure the sun is still shiningā€¦

A perfect vignette of the consequences of scientific overreach, which, though well meaning, wreaked havoc on the delicate balance of Earthā€™s climate. It focuses not on some lofty mad scientists in the lab, or on the efforts of others to combat what has happened, but simply tells us about an everyday mother and son whose lives have been forever changed by the loss of spring.

I donā€™t see much I would suggest changing, except maybe instead of narrating the explanation of why itā€™s snowing at the end of April, to try and weave it into the story somehow. Perhaps you could have her read the newspaper or turn on the radio and hear a fragmentary mention of the ongoing situation, only to shut it off and retreat into the story of springs past that she is recreating for her son.

This is an excellent story, and I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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27
27
Review of Take My Hand  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

A classic, old fashioned poem we have here, with quaint phrasing that could be thought of as hopelessly trite and corny, but is heartfelt and sincere enough to make an impact on the reader. I feel as though this was written to be read at a wedding. It would look quite lovely written out in fine script on parchment paper and framed as a memory of the great event.

Your meter flows well, almost prosaic in form, like a letter. Itā€™s even signed at the bottom. And the simple repetition of the phrase ā€œtake my handā€ throughout adds structure and balances the long lines. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to create as much clarity as possible and help to focus the words against the busyness of the typical WdC page.

I love a good poem, and a sappy love poem is one of the nicest things to read. I always hope that it comes from the heart and reflects a real physical relationship in the authorā€™s life, rather than being merely a product of the imagination. (Which is how I approach songs and musical artistsā€¦ some, though perhaps talented, donā€™t really ā€œspeak to usā€ from their hearts, and I avoid artists who are obviously mere commercialists in their trade.)

As a poem, possibly a personal one, I have nothing to suggest for improvement. Iā€™m easygoing when it comes to poetry, seeing it as a highly subjective art form in which one pours their own emotions, feelings, or a metaphorical narrative to create something memorable and meaningful. I donā€™t fuss much about rules of meter and form, preferring to judge the quality of a piece on an instinctive level.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Well, this is an ingenious take on the Dear Me prompt. I like how youā€™ve made a story out of it, even tagging the judges, two of which Iā€™m personally familiar with as well. This has created a time capsule of sorts, reminding you of your goals and dreams, and showing us how hard you have worked to get to the status you now have in this community.

Your persistence and adaptability in the face of changing circumstances is admirable, and you view your accomplishments in a clear and objective light, without boasting or putting anyone down. Your 2010 goals are clear and simple, and by not setting up specific numbers of certain things to reach as you had the previous year, you have allowed yourself flexibility in reaching them and a certain leeway for figuring out if they were met by the end of the year. I suppose the answers are self obvious in seeing your Purple Case and knowing that you occupy a position of high respect here. But have you had anything published yet? I should check your port and see if you mention your publication status.

As a creative personal essay, there is not much I could offer to correct here. Perhaps you should consider using Size 4 font to ensure readability across devices. Also, you did remember to include the word count when you originally wrote this, right? It would be helpful to keep one close to the top or in the subtitle.

Congrats on the second place win. Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Colors of Fall  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Found this using the Random Read and Review button. I love a good nature poem, and this has all the essentials of one that is both charming and memorable.

You provide us with lots of beautiful imagery, using metaphors like ā€œshred the sunlightā€ and ā€œa vagrant
touch of redā€ to paint the scenes of a quiet autumn moment. I love the observation of the hole where a little critter must be hibernating. And the final lines about feeling at home in nature open up the poem to a new layer of meanings.

I donā€™t see anything to recommend here; your free verse flows smoothly along the page, and the formatting is good. I rarely have anything significant to suggest about poetry, being hardly an expert on such things as meter and structure. I prefer to view poetry as a highly subjective art form, where we can paint images of what we have in our minds or what we experience in life without worrying about counting syllables or measuring iambic feet. I know a good poem instinctively, and this is one of them.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Phew, that brought back memories of plowing through college level literature textbooks at an early age and wondering why anyone bothers *Laugh* No offense to you or your hard work in writing this - I am after all hanging out on a literature website - but Iā€™ve always had a distaste for stories with dull, heavy themes that have to be pondered deeply upon to try and decipher when the story itself isnā€™t even very ā€œgood,ā€ by which I mean enjoyable, enlightening or overall ā€œpositive.ā€ I guess my own fictional writing leans towards childish and saccharine, especially lately. Funny because I was just considering that earlier today.

Youā€™ve done excellent work here, but the way it moves through three different stories and a myriad of different analysis styles makes it feel too brief and ā€œsample-ishā€ in how it deals with each story and style in just a few simplistic sentences. Perhaps it would have been made stronger by focusing on just one or two stories, or taking more time to dive into each form of analysis. But you probably had a word count to keep in mind, which reminds me itā€™s always nice to see one at the top of the page so we know what weā€™re getting into. Also, Size 4 Verdana font is definitely recommended here so it doesnā€™t feel like weā€™re reading an interminably boring essay which feels like a used car contract.

Also, one last genre would be a good idea to make it easier to find when browsing - not that anyone would be particularly interested, most likely. Perhaps ā€œDramaā€ or ā€œReferenceā€ would be suitable.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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31
31
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Wow, what a tale of pain and suffering, alleviated by the determined efforts of the British army and thousands of helpers.

Iā€™m not sure how much of this is fictional and how much is strictly accurateā€¦ thatā€™s the problem with ā€œfictionalizedā€ accounts of historical events. Iā€™m not especially well-read on the horrors of WW2, preferring to keep such distressing stories at arms length. But this sample is excellently written, stating facts of human depravity and the conditions at the camp with clarity but not dwelling upon the gruesome details in a lingering manner. The hope and hard work of the British and all those who came to the salvation of the death camp is emphasized, and the techniques involved in saving the prisoners are interesting. I will have to look up Glyn Hughes to see if he actually existed; as I remarked itā€™s hard to tell which parts are fictional in such a brief sample.

That first paragraph, though, strikes me as being a bit out of placeā€¦ how is a historical fiction based on the realities of WW2 also a ā€œhorror/fantasy/Stephen Kingā€ style story about a ā€œmalevolent entity?ā€ I understand the metaphor, but the first paragraph which is presumably an excerpt from the book doesnā€™t seem to match up with the matter of fact tone of the rest of the sample.

I assume this is an ā€œadvertisementā€ of sorts for the complete book, which can presumably be found on Amazon. Perhaps you should clarify what purpose this item serves and provide us a link to purchase the book. Oh, and the very first mention of a date is in error; you have it down as ā€œBritish Army stationed in 1980s Germanyā€ when it becomes obvious that 1940ā€™s is meant. I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font here to make it easier to read and give it a more ā€œimportantā€ appearance.

Aside from that I see nothing which I would suggest changing. The sample and background provided makes me interested in finding out more about the book.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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32
32
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Welcome to Writing.com!

This is a nifty piece of writing, inspired by biblical principles and using personification to give voice to the seven sins and portray the destruction they wreak in clear and memorable terms. Itā€™s not quite a poem, but it isnā€™t a simple list either, having elegant repetition and symmetry with a dash of colors to create visual interest.

We see each of the sins laid out with a sentence describing its effects upon oneā€™s life, from Wrath which ā€œextinguishes lifeā€ to Sloth which ā€œsuffocates growth with decay.ā€ These are creative and ingenious illustrations of the damage caused by each sin.

I might recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure visibility across devices and to bring the words into clearer focus against the busyness of the typical WdC page. Also, itā€™s always recommended to choose three relevant genres for your items, to make them easier to find when browsing and to give more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest ā€œSpiritual,ā€ ā€œInspirationalā€ and ā€œReligious,ā€ but there are others.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

I have no idea if this review qualifies for GoT or not, Iā€™m just using the fancy template *Laugh*

First off is something minor and finicky: if youā€™re going to drop f-bombs, which is perfectly fine, the site prefers you to rate the story 18+.

Second, I spotted a bunch of little typos. I think you wrote too fast. You can run it through Grammarly to tidy it up. Hereā€™s a quick example: "That's OK." She said needs to be ā€œhe.ā€ Hmm, I see youā€™re actually fixing them faster than I can type this up! Good work.

A wild action story with just the kind of stuff we would expect. It reads sort of like a comic book; I can picture the aesthetic of something like that. You have the potential to make something more out of it, or you can leave it at this.

Size 4 Verdana font is usually recommended to ensure readability and compatibility across devices, but donā€™t feel bad, I say that to almost everyone on the site.

With a bit more character development or something of the sort, you could submit this to "SENIOR CENTER FORUM" ā€¦ they donā€™t require any prompts and they take anything under 2000 words. You could request a review from Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ via his Crosstimbers Review Forum for advice on character arcs and ā€œgoals, stakes, obstacles.ā€

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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34
Review of Eternal Life  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Groanā€¦ I forgot to affiliate that last review with Annetteā€™s Anniversary page. Anywayā€¦ Iā€™m glad you feel comfortable sharing your beliefs here. Donā€™t let anyone try to interfere and give you bad ratings just because they believe differently. You havenā€™t said anything here which most Christians wouldnā€™t also agree with in a general sense, though perhaps they would argue about the different levels of heaven and whether people are ā€œgood enoughā€ to get to heaven but not quite good enough to be with their families.

As you might know, Imagine Dragons lead singer Dan Reynolds grew up in the LDS church, and though he doesnā€™t hold to much of what they believe anymore, he still likes to say that heā€™s part of the community and heā€™s ā€œbringing change from the insideā€ in relation to LGBTQ rights and loving everyone equally and the youth suicide rate and those serious issues that he feels the church lands on the wrong side of.

I donā€™t have anything to suggest here, because itā€™s a personal essay and Iā€™m not too familiar with the LDS beliefs.

Thank you for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Tinkering Dreams  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hi, Iā€™m here to do a couple of Anniversary Reviews to help me finish off Door 20 in GoT. Thereā€™s some dispute about whether it needs ten reviews or twenty, and as thereā€™s a limit to how much stink I can raise without being booted out entirely, I wanted to be on the safe side before itā€™s too late *Laugh* I had no idea the Doors would be closing at midnight tomorrowā€¦ Gaby sprung that on usā€¦

Anyway, a fantastic story you have here, full of atmosphere and feeling. We can see everything playing out before us, and itā€™s ā€œshown not toldā€ quite well. The steampunk elements are carefully woven into the late Victorian era setting, and the dialogue is accurate to a Dickensian extent. I love how Harold has a happy ending, but I do hope he tried to help that poor girl before they parted ways. It was quite distressing to see the abject poverty and desperation she was living in, and the horrors of the sweatshop that Harold was working in are well portrayed.

Was this your own idea, unprompted by any contest? It isnā€™t often I come across a good steampunk story that wasnā€™t written to a contest, and the idea of the enormous hat full of gadgets reminded me of last monthā€™s Steampunk contest by Beck. Or was that this monthā€™sā€¦? No, March was the most recent one. Anyway, this was a great read, and I donā€™t have much to suggest.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Parlor  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Oh, this is a nice one. The childish simplicity of the theme is gently developed and drawn along to the happiness of the mature conclusion, as we see the narrator gradually moving through different stages of life, connected by the threads of an ice cream parlor and the gradually evolving metaphor of the sea.

I do love a good poem, and this captures so much of the essence of life. We see the kindness of the narratorā€™s companion as they buy them ice cream through the difficulties of life. We see a picture of steadfast fidelity as the relationship continues through the years and the metaphors shift to reflect the passage of time.

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to make the most of your presentation here at WdC, as having a small text flanked by the busyness of the sidebars tends to draw attention away from your item. You may even want to center the text or choose a cute shade of pink like the ice creamā€¦ but that would probably be too goofy.

I really enjoyed this poem. Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I love a good poem, and this is nifty, the free verse flowing loosely across the page with a conversational tone as we see one person musing upon the significance of freedom in this great country.

I love how the entire metaphor is built upon the idea of fireworks, sparkling to life and bringing up great truths about freedom. We see the ā€œflammable expressions of rebellion, reformation, or resistanceā€ and are reminded of how important it is to not only state our views, but to act upon them to bring justice and peace and advance the causes of civilization. Your creativity in making such a simple poem that at first glance looks like a run on sentence, but then we see that itā€™s an acrostic with metaphorical expression that is quite deep, is admirable.

My views on poetry are laidback and easygoing; I see the crafting of a poem as a highly subjective art form, where heart and soul matter more than rigid forms and rules. I detest counting syllables and measuring meter, and since this is a free verse poem, none of that needs to be touched on - which is great because I would have no clue as to advising anyone on those things.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Heartg*.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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38
Review of Mr. Nits  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Ah, now hereā€™s a creative way of handling the Dialogue 500 prompt that we are required to do! I love this. Formatting first, youā€™ll want to use Size 4 Verdana to ensure readability and compatibility across devices. I would also suggest adding a space between each line of dialogue to make it easier to read. Paragraphs are quite important even in a simple item.

Yours is different from mine of course, but perfectly suitable to your situation as a Canadian, who doesnā€™t have to worry about taxes on April 15th. I went the route of someone who had no income in the previous year because he couldnā€™t work due to illness; I wonder what other fanciful spins there are upon the prompt. Maybe someday Iā€™ll stop by and read a few after the GoT is over and the dust settles *Laugh* Anyway, I donā€™t see anything I would correct here; the dialogue is amusing and fast paced and brings the story together clearly towards the punchline at the end.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review of Freedom  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Whee! Iā€™m here with a panicky review to finish the dratted doors with *Rolling* There seems to be some confusion about how many reviews are supposed to be crammed in that last door: Iā€™m absolutely certain Gaby is demanding twenty (*Shock2*) but Annette tells me itā€™s just ten. At any rate, better safe than sorry, because I had no idea the Doors would be closing tomorrow at midnight. Iā€™m so close!

I love your spin on this prompt. The beavers escaping from the fur farm is heartwarming and exciting, and perfectly suits you as youā€™re from Canada. We see the aged leader bringing them through adventures and trials to a new more natural and happier life in the wild, and we hope that the ending is a happily ever after. There is a chance they might be found and recaptured.

My story was about a neglected horseā€¦ but whatever. Iā€™m surprised you havenā€™t opened a folder or a book item to hold your GoT stories in. That may be a good idea to keep everything tidy later on. Also, itā€™s fun to include the specific prompt so people know what you had in mind.

Great story! Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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Review of Trinity  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Ah, a poem! I love poetry, especially simple nature poems that have a lot of meaning packed into them.

Formatting firstā€¦ youā€™ve left this poem quite small and unimpressive on the page. Perhaps it would look more ā€œpoeticā€ if it were centered, with larger font size and maybe even a color. And we know that a dropnote for your thoughts is a nice tidy idea.

I love the concepts youā€™ve arranged here, contemplating three different types of birds and comparing them to the variety of human personalities. We see the sparrows, plain on the outside but soaring to surprising heights and nesting in far off nooks and crannies. We see the ravens, and are somewhat unsure about how exactly they ā€œconjure rainbowsā€¦ā€ is it a biblical metaphor? A reference to rain and shadows? A reference to how purportedly bright the Corvid family of birds is? We move on to the next line and see swans, with their monogamous relationships, and the conclusion drawn that these three are ā€œlike us.ā€ Yet there are so many more birds, beautiful and diverse, and there is much more to humanity than simply these three elements.

Yet, this is a charming and simple poem. I donā€™t have anything to offer for advice because Iā€™m quite laidback when it comes to poetry. I view it as a highly subjective art form and pretty much anything goes, as long as one puts oneā€™s heart into it.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hi again!

This is great advice on writing fiction . We see the vivid differences in the writing between your first example and second, and the point of view is brought home with drama and care. Plus we get lots of words from you, explaining the reasoning behind it all.

I chuckled when you said that about the Wikipedia article on France in 1815ā€¦ Iā€™d probably want to read it myself if I was interested. In fact, I might prefer to read the objective, sterile report of facts rather than the harsh, visceral reality of a story about the situation. Sometimes I shy away from grittiness in my writing, which leads to having a sort of childish, fairytale quality. Itā€™s good to remember that vivid writing is more memorable and meaningful than ā€œblandā€ writing. I also have tendencies to narrate stories, especially with first drafts. I like to get it down in almost a summary fashion and then dive into the experience from a deeper and more active perspective second time around.

As before, I recommend Size 4 Verdana font.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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Review of Schrodinger's Cat  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Ah, something brief and lighthearted. I like finding the fun stuff in peopleā€™s ports, and this fits the bill quite well. I wasnā€™t sure what to expect as the cat prowled through the Forbidden Zoneā€¦ was it the kitchen, perhaps? I wondered. Would a fire break out? But no, instead we get a cat with superpowers, who tries them out on his owner. Itā€™s a bit unclear if the ownerā€™s behaviors are connected to the catā€™s ā€œordersā€ or if itā€™s simply a matter of habit, but itā€™s fun to think the cat could be ordering her around. Potential here even for a longer story.

Remember to leave your notes in a dropnote at the bottom, and Size 4 Verdana fontā€¦ (youā€™ll get sick of seeing me say it, but Iā€™m just using it as a filler.) I think Iā€™ve done 5 reviews today, and since I like to use the Daily Review Rewards program as efficiently as possible, thatā€™ll be it for today. Iā€™ll come back tomorrow with two more, if all goes well.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

An amusing story we have here, of a bad boy learning a lesson from his favorite Star Wars characters on Christmas. It was well written for a first draft, with little details that brought it to life. I donā€™t know much about Star Wars, but I chuckled at the way you captured Yodaā€™s unusual language patterns.

The story is simple and memorable. Timmy stands out somewhat from the usual young brat because he seems to be more manipulative, perhaps indeed brighter. If he were older I would almost say he displays psychopathic tendencies, but he does repent nicely at the end and resolve to do better, encouraged by Yoda.

There are instances when reviewing where I feel tongue tiedā€¦ what am I supposed to say? You incorporated the target word quite well by putting it in the mouth of one who talks strangely anyway. A little tweaking, tidying up perhaps, and you could probably submit this to a holiday contest someday.

I usually recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You could also move the background section to a dropnote, either at the top or the bottom.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Short Bio  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hi, Max. Iā€™m sure youā€™ve noticed the hullabaloo taking place within the halls of WdC. Iā€™m here to review five of your items so I can ā€œopen a doorā€ in this activity. Blame Gaby ~ Just tired *Laugh*

Itā€™s nice to get to know you a little better. I appreciate your background in math and remember the joke that goes around during the holidays about ā€œhappy holidaysā€ in algebraic language. I see that a love of reading runs in your family, since your daughter is a digital librarian. Perhaps a link to your website to learn more about you might be a good idea. I remember visiting your website recently and being impressed (or maybe slightly amused) by the published book covers, so the link must be around somewhere.

Iā€™d like to take the opportunity to thank you for your patient advice about every story Iā€™ve offered through your Crosstimbers Review Forum. Your advice has been invaluable, and I usually end up making some last minute changes to incorporate it before the contest deadline *Laugh* which reminds me, thereā€™s only a few days left to write for this monthā€™s Quotation Inspiration! Eek *Shock2*

Thanks for being here. Your presence is greatly appreciated. Take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Ah, pets. Everyone has stories about beloved animals, even if they donā€™t actually own any. Pet stories are a classic way to make friends and share memories. This is a good idea, and it would be fun to see if something of the sort is still active on WdC. Hmm, I think there is a contest running where we can submit items about pets.

Iā€™m on a mission to review 5 closed forums, and I found this one by looking through the ā€œoldest firstā€ option in the search engine. I see forums in those days were very ā€œSpartan,ā€ with little in the way of fancy formatting or even very large font. Nowadays people strive to make their forums as colorful and engaging as possible before one even reaches the comment section. They also function as places to host contests, as well as daily check-in spots for people to chat and see who else is active. I assume you are no longer active around here. Very few people from twenty two years ago are, or even just ten years. I do see you still have an upgraded account, which is a good sign. Iā€™ll have to check out your portfolio sometime soon.

Thanks for being here at the beginning, take care, wherever your journey has taken you all these years, and as I tell everyone here, keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hiā€¦

I donā€™t know if youā€™re still active here or not (I guess the chances of that are quite slimā€¦) Iā€™m on a mission to review five closed forums, so I went to the search engine and specified ā€œmost recently modified lastā€ and this was one of the oldest ones available.

Soā€¦this appears to be a simple ā€œfundraiser lotteryā€ type of activity, where a pot of WdC Gift Points is solicited and then the total funds are split between the host and a lucky winner. Did WdC have the ā€œvirtual diceā€ yet at this time? How was your winner determined? It must have been hard to keep track of 63 participantsā€¦ I find things like that are made easier by the Notepad, where I can gather up reviews and posts and other such things and then post them in the proper area when Iā€™m ready.

I donā€™t recognize anyone who joined the fun, but thatā€™s hardly surprising because Iā€™m a newbie whoā€™s only been here since July ā€˜23. Honestly, Iā€™m at a loss for anything else to sayā€¦ maybe I should go find a forum that was closed more recently, because I fear Iā€™m talking into the wind anyway *Laugh*

Thank you for being here at the beginning. Take care, wherever you are at this stage in your life, and keep writing, as I tell everyone *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Well, now hereā€™s a blast from the past! To open Door 19, I have to review five different forums that are currently closed. So to do that more efficiently I went to the search engine and sorted them out by ā€œmost recently modified last,ā€ which brought up yours as the second option. I think it might possibly be the oldest and even the first forum ever created here *Shock2*

I see itā€™s a contest, which has all the earmarks of modern contests here: award icons, gift points, rules, and prompts, which seem to be rather strange to my mind. Imagination Alphabet? Iā€™ll have to take a look at thatā€¦

Itā€™s sad to observe that you and Hooves are the only donors/judges from this forum left on the site; the others have either left entirely or become White Cases. I see that most of the winning items are also gone for similar reasons.

I love finding ā€œtime capsulesā€ here, and definitely this is one of the most historic and interesting Iā€™ve seen so far. Thereā€™s not all that much I can think of to say about it. Iā€™m quite glad you are still here and active after so many years.

Thanks for hosting that and leaving it up, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 
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Review of The Black Hat  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Iā€™m here to review your item for I Write 2024.

Iā€™m happy to find a story written for the Quotation Inspiration this month, as itā€™s always difficult to gauge participation in the Official WdC contests until after the fact. I guess I like to see what ideas other people have to interpret the prompt, especially this one.

We have here a story of two men, friends from way back, who have a misunderstanding over the place of the friend in the home of the one heā€™s come to move in with. It was tastefully written, save for the one f-bomb and the sh*t (both of which are acceptable for the rating anyway) I wasnā€™t sure how dark it would get or how literally the prompt would be interpreted, and was relieved at the quick, blunt ending. It is written simply and clearly, drawing together the theme of good and bad as seen in the Westerns so enjoyed by the two when they were young. I enjoyed the Australian setting and the subtle reminder that Christmas takes place in the summer down under.

The plot feels rather trite and predictable, as we can immediately anticipate the danger lurking in Samā€™s desire to host his friend, especially seeing as that the friend had an affair and thatā€™s what started the mess in the first place. Sam must have been quite blinded by friendship to not realize the obvious risk involved. In fact, Iā€™ve had that kind of story in my head for years, wondering if it would be worth writing. I also thought of something simplistic like that for the Quotation Inspiration, but I didnā€™t really want to deal with such a topic. My latest idea for it - before the month runs out! - is a fantasy.

I would recommend underlining the datelines in order to present a tidier organization, and also adding a few centered stars in between scenes to divide them more clearly. And I never thought Iā€™d say this, but maybe a slightly smaller font size would give it a more ā€œmatureā€ appearance? I like size 4 for everything.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartg*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of ~I'm Coming Home~  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Wow, what a story. Brief and touching, yet so simple in the rendering. We see the heartbroken woman, her desire to be a mother, her rescue of the infant and her brave yet startling decision to run away with the baby girl to a new life in Mexico.

I see nothing to correct or change here; this is the kind of flash fiction Iā€™d like to be able to write. Iā€™m curious that it was a weekly prompt; nowadays Arakun hosts her prompts daily, which is quite a feat because she has to get them all judged and posted up by midnight.

Thatā€™s a gorgeous award icon, and well deservedā€¦ and now I have to figure out how to fill in four hundred more characters *Laugh* This is the final review of your port raid from me, and I must say it was a lot of fun. I never really stopped by your port for more than a brief glanceā€¦ and thereā€™s still plenty more to explore. I didnā€™t have the time or energy to check out the Lou Ryan detective stories, for example.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work - youā€™re greatly appreciated around here *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
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Review of "The Best Gift"  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. Iā€™m here to help my team win *Smile*

Whoa, what a stunning and beautiful story we have here! I love it, and heeding your request at the bottom that we donā€™t offer suggestions as to changing it would be easy. Honestly, I canā€™t think of a thing I would change about it, aside from the basic and monotonous observation to use Size 4 Verdana font, which Iā€™ve said to you enough times already *Laugh*

The cherished moments of a newly minted family are heartfelt and touching, reminding us that families should be whole and happy and sometimes the very Angel we need to help us heal is the one we have unknowingly ā€œentertained at our homeā€¦ā€ Iā€™m thinking of a quote from the Book of Hebrews right now (13:2ā€¦)

It also reminds us how ā€œall things work for goodā€ and even the darkest tragedy has light at the end of the tunnel. It is a story of hope and resilience, of a motherā€™s love that stretched across the boundaries of life and provided an answer to the problems caused by such sudden loss.

This is a striking work, and for a newbie itā€™s quite commendable. I would hope some of my work leaves a lasting impression in such a way.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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