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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: ON
711 Public Reviews Given
711 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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151
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,

A useful reminder to all of us to avoid falling for cheap internet scams. I don’t encounter those very often, as my internet browsing habits are extremely limited. But I remember being quite alarmed and annoyed by those ads that take over your screen and shout “congratulations, you are the 5 billionth person to visit this page!! Click here to receive your free iPad!!” They actually use the Google logo to pretend that it’s something official and authentic. I always make sure to clean my caches and cookies and run scans after one of those.

I noticed that this item would be improved by a quick run through Grammarly. And you know what we like to say around here: size 4 Verdana font. And come to think of it, your points could probably use a quick update, as this was just exactly ten years ago. The internet has changed since then, although the scams are still rampant.

Have you had time to check out Wonderland this year? Jeremy | 21 Years On WDC has a really excellent cyberpunk story going on. (Your rant reminded me…) We’re all looking for support, and you’re welcome to drop down the rabbit hole for a visit!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *Computer*


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152
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

What a beautiful story of mother and son. I’m so glad I found your port; you are sharing such deeply personal and inspiring stories and memories with us. You’re so blessed to have a wonderful son and family who loves you that way.

The closing moment at the wedding is enough to bring tears to our eyes as we see the close connection you share with Jeffrey and how far you’ve come through your trials.

I will make the same suggestion again for size 4 Verdana font, but otherwise I don’t have anything to offer to improve on your story. It reads perfectly from beginning to end. Sending good wishes your way for health and wellness *HeartT*

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Butterfly2B*


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153
Review of Angel on the Cape  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

A wonderful story within a story about how one angel who had such a profound impact on your own life went on to help two other people as well by your sharing your story with them. It was a little confusing at first because I read this in your port before I read the original miracle story, but one can easily understand it without having to read the other one.

I’m happy to have met you while doing Anniversary Reviews and I hope you’re doing well lately.

I would suggest you use Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Also you can add three relevant genres to make it easier for others to find your story. I would suggest “Personal,” “Experience” and “Spiritual.”

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Pray*


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154
Review of Mr. Green Eyes  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary month!

This is a nifty story, one that catches us up in a teeny bopper human interest saga that is both universal and special.

You describe the details clearly and with sincerity; is this biographical or simply fictional? Whose picture is that? You have placed us firmly in a certain era, which is easy to visualize.

You've already heeded the usual suggestions for genre selection and large clear font. My only issue might be that the end isn't quite clear enough. Did she continue the relationship by asking him for an explanation, or was that her way of cutting it off?

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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155
Review of THUNDERSTORM  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

Another great poem. I would have loved your portfolio as a kid. You have captured the essence of a thunderstorm in words, from the ferocity of the lightning and roar of thunder to the cool peace of the sudden rain.

If you wrote this for a contest, it would be useful to link to the contest page on your item for future reference, and you can also list the prompt you were writing to.

If this is purely spontaneous, then just ignore me *Laugh*

Your meter is eye-catching as it flows from structure down to a chaotic line of descriptive words and then settles back into structure at the end.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Lightning3*


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156
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

I love a good rhyming poem, and this is splendid. I would perhaps have memorized it when I was a kid. It would look quaint written out in fancy script and tacked to the wall on an old scroll.

It's perfect for kids, telling a classic tale of a fiery dragon and its defeat by the cold of winter. Your meter is free flowing and enjoyable to read, and the story has a beginning, middle and end that doesn't feel constrained by the rhymes.

I don't usually have much to criticize about poetry, and I can't find anything here. As someone who doesn't bother with counting syllables or knowing the difference between trochees and iambic pentameter, I am perfectly unqualified to tell you how to measure your meter *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *DragonHeadR*


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157
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

Wow, that’s quite a poem you’ve created with the image prompt. I love the final punchline of her being a writer. It means a lot to me, because I know how it is to plumb the scary depths of places in search of something. It may not even have been connected to writing at the time, but when the time comes to write, I am well equipped. I strive for objectivity and try to be nonjudgmental as I see the struggles of others. I also have to try hard to not let anything bother me, and writing is a good way to filter stressful experiences.

Anyway… I don’t have much to criticize here. The poetry flows smoothly and paints an unforgettable picture better than the prompt image. You’ve formatted it well and added all the appropriate context for it. I would suggest adding three relevant genres now that it’s no longer a contest entry. “Death,” “Supernatural” and “Fantasy” would be suitable.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*


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158
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

I really enjoyed reading this snapshot from your novel. It paints a clear and fascinating portrait of the family and their interactions and hints at amazing adventures to come. I don’t usually read much fantasy, but this urban style one sounds good enough for me to seek out the rest of it.

The descriptions are great and there was plenty of showing rather than telling. My only suggestion, other than running it through Grammarly for some minor errors, would be to use size 4 Verdana font to make it easier to read.

I liked how it stands on its own yet builds up what’s already there in your novel. It makes a good story for the contest.

Thanks for sharing , take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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159
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

A fascinating concept is given breath here, as we contemplate the possibility of civilized society without language. I doubt life would be possible as we know it now. If we all lost the ability to communicate with words nowadays, the world would crash down. If it was something that happened a long time ago, it would set history on a very different path.

I don’t usually have much to criticize about poetry. You’ve formatted it well and such as that. It flows smoothly and is easy to read.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary month!

I enjoyed reading this piece of affectionate fan fiction. The two different perspectives are engaging; I guessed right away that it was probably Alessia Cara (a Canadian) escaping to the beautiful Canadian countryside in the beginning. I can tell you’re a Canada resident as well; your appreciation for your land’s natural beauty shines through. (That and the maple leaf on your blue case *Laugh*)

Your descriptions are apt and paint the different scenes well, from the peace and stillness of the country to the crowded, noisy, slightly bawdy bar. Dani’s hopes and dreams are evident as she pours herself into her creations, and we cheer for her as she meets her role model, who grants her a miraculous opportunity.

I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font for your items to ensure readability across devices.

I am not exactly a fan of Alessia Cara, but I do appreciate her style and commitment to writing her own songs for the most part. I can usually tell when someone writes their own lyrics… that one about the party is so relatable. (Here.)

Thanks for sharing, good luck on the contest *Wink* take care and keep writing *Smile* *Music2*


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Review of Crash  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and thank you for requesting a review.

This is a heartfelt and realistic portrayal of a man struggling to reach sobriety, determined to do so for the sake of his family. I feel at turns slightly scornful and then sorry for him as he begins the long journey to put himself back together.

The little showing details you’ve included (as he wakes up, etc) go a long way to making a lasting impression. As a quick reminder, rather than simply saying “he woke up in a drunken hangover” you describe exactly how that feels. That’s good writing.

I don’t know how much of this is biographical; if this is your story, I’m sending best wishes for peace and sobriety.

If I may digress, I’m a big fan of the band Imagine Dragons, and their lead singer Dan Reynolds has been open about his own struggles with addiction, though he had hidden it for years (a choice I won’t hold against him, though it was a great disappointment to find that his insistence on being a Straight Edge and wearing black X’s on the backs of his hands at every show as a symbol of sobriety and avoidance of substances… I think my sentence got derailed *Laugh*) Anyway, no one is completely immune from addiction, even to trivial things. I have an addiction to harmless fun online such as being here and helping people like you *BigSmile*

This was a good story with a hopeful ending. I liked it.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *X*


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162
Review of Shift  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and thank you for requesting a review *HeartT*

A brief and striking glimpse into the lives of two people who left an impact on each other. You’ve described the young lady’s sordid origins and the role the former officer played in clear and memorable words. We see what feels to me a bit like the tables have turned, as if the man needed to see her happiness at that moment in the diner in order to rescue himself from a potential downward spiral.

This is grim yet optimistic, as we see that even the most hopeless case can be saved. We don’t see how much further interaction there had been between the two after he rescued her; was there any chance she recognized him at the diner and understood who he was? Or was it all on his end? This feels almost biographical.

I usually suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Other than that simple formatting tip, I don’t see anything wrong with this piece. It stands as a powerful vignette of the positive influence one person can have on another, even with a fleeting encounter.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Writing*


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Review of Juniper Park  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary month!

A funny read about your camping trip as a young person with a fear of spiders. I enjoyed it. The descriptions are deftly written and really it hardly felt exaggerated at all. I’ve seen highway rest stops that were in similar shape *Laugh*

I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Also perhaps a bit of dialogue among the characters would help make it more interesting, rather than a journalistic monologue. But whatever you like, since it’s autobiographical.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile*


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164
164
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary month!

Good grief, this was hilarious, heartwarming and so relatable. I know how it feels to be a total witch in a bad mood and make everyone around me miserable. I’m glad the husband was so patient and supportive (or just plain scared*Laugh*)

You incorporated the quotes smoothly, and since I never heard of any of them, it all went right over my head quite well. Your characters are well portrayed and amusing, and the story is rapid and rollicking. (Have you ever read Jack Prelutsky’s The Turkey Shot Out of the Oven?)

Overall I have nothing to offer except to use size 4 Verdana font, and to add a third genre such as “Family” rather than “Contest.”

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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165
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review.

This is a touching and thoughtfully written story that brought me close to tears by the end. We are introduced to two men and shown their shabby, hopeless shared lives together in the city. The narrative slowly builds on itself until the end, when we understand at last that they are homeless, they mean no harm, and could very well die that night.

I was unsure of the direction this would take at first; dark twists are so common around here. I assumed Bruce and Rusty were street robbers planning to attack the wealthy man. This very assumption leads one to consider one’s own underlying stereotypes and what we expect from a story. Though this story has no plot, drama or development, it paints a powerful and memorable vignette of two friends who have nothing in the world but memories to call their own.

I appreciated the many small descriptive details scattered throughout, immersing us in a poignant, up close experience of the cold, darkening city streets as the men sit and watch the world leave them behind.

My only suggestion for improvement would be to use size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices.

I find this story all too relatable, to be honest. I know firsthand the hopelessness of being one of the poorest of society, of sitting with an empty life and watching the world pass by, of trying to distract myself from the stark, painful reality of impossible struggles by observing others and imagining things about them, of wondering how I’ve gotten myself into this, of feeling like a passive viewer of my own life. Things get better when I take positive action for self improvement, but the complicated chain of obstacles often feels insurmountable, and the inevitability of a disastrous outcome looms large… ok, maybe I’m exaggerating. I speak in poetic generalities now because this story touched me deeply.

Take care, thank you very much for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartt*
So cute :)
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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Review of Between Steps  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

There's nothing quite like a poem well written, and this is just right. I enjoyed being reminded of the hard work that goes into even the most mundane of things, and it's always good to stop and appreciate someone's pride in workmanship.

Your loose free verse flows well, drawing us through the words with care and thought.

I don't have much to offer here; you have good formatting and all three genres, and it's all good.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartt*


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167
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary, Joey!

Good grief, this is hilarious. I would have cracked up laughing out loud but I'm sitting right next to Mom and she'd think I've lost my mind.

Is this seriously autobiographical? If so, I'm rather glad you didn't go into the medical field, as it would have been challenging.

I would recommend adding a third genre, perhaps "Medical" or "Entertainment." Other than that I don't have much to offer for this comedic piece. The characters are amusing, your interactions are deft and the writing flows well, with the wordplay keeping us on our toes as we wonder what in the world is going on and where this is leading.

Thanks for sharing this rollicking bit of fun, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Doctor*


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Review of It's Michigan  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy accidents anniversary!

What a chilly and perfectly concentrated poem. Every word builds that feeling of bleak, sharp cold, from the scattered pine boughs to the hapless squirrel. I’m shivering *Laugh*

Perhaps a separate section showing what happens when the weather warms up by the end of the day and starts turning mushy and slushy would be a nice addition.

Other than that I don’t have any suggestions. This is well written and memorable.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartt*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

You have a portfolio packed with poetry, and I hope to spend some time this month browsing through. I love your simple and charming writing style, it looks to be right up my alley.

I’ve always loved stones and rocks, though not as much as my mom, who always dreamed of being a jewelry designer and working with gemstones. As a child I had a huge collection of rocks of all kinds, and as you observe, they all had stories behind them. There were big anomalous black granite chunks snitched from the graveled grounds of a local nursery, sparkling white and pink quartz picked up from the sweepings at the Lowe’s, ancient clay streaked stones with fern leaf fossils embedded in them from our own backyard, and endless varieties of oddly shaped ones that looked like sponges or bread or other weird things.

Your writing is clear and shares the point well. Nicely formatted and easy to read.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Crinkled  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I greatly enjoyed reading this thoughtful poem. You have poured out your feelings in a loose free verse that flows well. I like the repeated phrase “Maybe when the time is done;” it adds stability and a certain song like quality to the writing.

I don’t usually have much to criticize about poetry, especially free verse, and especially when it’s personal or autobiographical. The choice and placement of words is totally up to you. As long as it’s from the heart, I have nothing to say… though perhaps you meant to say “where your kind eyes touch” and “the quiet in your mind?”

The most useful suggestions I can make would be as regards formatting. Size 4 Verdana font is best for readability across devices on WdC, and poetry often looks more professional/artistic when the text is centered. I would also recommend using the repeated phrase as a signal to add a space between verses to break it into smaller chunks for a better flow.

Another thing to remember is to include a line count at the bottom of the item in case you want to enter any contests around here. It’s good to develop the habit.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Pushing Time  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I've read some others of your works, and I think they're built around the same theme of family reconciliation. This is most likely something deeply personal for you, and I'm proud of you for sharing your feelings with us in the hopes that we don't make the same mistakes with our own lives and closest relatives.

I see nothing in this poem to criticize: you have three genres, large font, centered text, and the writing flows well and conveys a heartfelt message. In the second line, the word "text" should probably be pluralized, but that's the only suggestion I have.

A line count is always recommended in case you wish to enter your poetry into contests; it's good to get into the habit of counting your lines (and words of stories) and listing them within the item, so you don't forget it when you're required to.

If I were you I would enter this into a couple of contests around here. Let me fetch the links:
"A Newbie Poetry Contest"  is for newbies, and so is "The Newbie Poetry Award" . But watch out for prompts: I'm not sure if you can enter items previously written in these or if they have to be written to specific guidelines.
But there's always "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  that takes any poetry at all.

Take care, thanks for sharing, best of luck if you decide to enter any of the contests, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I love everything about this poem, honestly. I see you’ve already had 7 reviews, and the basic stuff I usually recommend to newbies has already been taken care of: font size and style, text centering, all three genres selected, etc.

Your lines flow perfectly, drawing us along nicely through the poem. It may be a somewhat trite or predictable theme, but in poetry that can be a good thing. As long as one writes from the heart, the rhymes and vocabulary are secondary. I don’t have much to criticize about structured poetry because I hate counting syllables and mainly go by instinct when evaluating meter.

You can enter this into "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  to see if you win an award. I think it’s a winner myself. There are many other poetry contests here; they can be found at "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com"  I’ll have to check out your portfolio; I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you here before but I can’t quite remember.

Thanks for sharing this charming and simple piece with us, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of God Complex  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well… since you call this “nonsense,” I am unsure how exactly to approach it. I see a person exploring basic concepts of existence and the dilemma of being. The phrase “God complex” implies a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, but I don’t really see that here. Towards the end it does begin to imply a sort of aloofness and feeling different from others, but this could easily be someone simply thinking peculiar thoughts in a quiet moment.

Formatting tips:
~ using size 4 Verdana font ensures readability across devices
~ including a line count is always required when entering contests
~ Otherwise it looks good.

In line 7 I’m not sure about the word “instaur;” do you mean “install?” The rhyme and rhythm flow well and are easy to read. I don’t usually have much to criticize about poetry, especially free verse. As long as it reads ok and is written with sincerity and art, it doesn’t matter how the lines scan or how many syllables there are per line. Also, I’m too lazy to write formal poetry myself, so I wouldn’t know how to begin poking at anyone else’s *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was a fun read, with an amusing conflict between the way the story is expected to go and the way the kids “hijack” it, so to speak, but I found it somewhat difficult to follow. You may want to change the name of either Lee or Leo, because I couldn’t keep them straight and it was hard to tell that Lee was a girl.

I would then make some simple formatting adjustments, like adding a space between each line of dialogue and perhaps even making the four different characters names in different colors so we can follow along better. The Courier “typesetting” font is fun and appropriate but a bit hard to see on some devices. Size 4 font is always recommended for easy readability.

Also, it’s best to get into the habit of including a word count within every item you post here. It’s a very important rule to observe when entering contests, and when you add it right at the top or in the subtitle it gives people the chance to know how long the item is before they get started reading it.

One final thing, it’s important to add a third genre to the item to ensure you have as many opportunities as possible to be nominated for a Quill Award. “Drama” would be suitable here.

I enjoyed reading this and look forward to anything else you have to offer us.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Dust My Book  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I'm happy to find another poem from you on the Read a Newbie sidebar; I like your writing style and will probably be checking out your port soon.

A simple poem comparing our lives to a book and inviting readers to take a peek at the painful realities that lie within its dusty pages.

We all have issues that we've faced, some that we've overcome and others which threaten to overcome us. You've laid out the different phases of light and dark and described things in a clear and readable way. My favorite couplet is "A page of me, when I felt the proudest,
Ends a time, I cried the loudest." I know how that feels. This is a very relatable poem, with "poetic" language that doesn't get too specific.

I think it would make a good song. You can submit this to several poetry contests around WdC, as long as you remember to include a line count. Current contests can be found by looking in the Community tab on the left sidebar and clicking on "contests."

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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