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711 Public Reviews Given
711 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
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Public Reviews
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126
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

An amusing and ironic tale of high school kids goofing off. I found it fairly interesting and kept reading to see how far along this opening chapter would take us.

Perhaps your subtitle should reflect only what happens in this chapter, rather than giving a spoiler on the rest of it. But that's up to you.

I don't see any major grammar errors or anything to correct there. I would suggest, however, that you change the item rating from E to 13+, considering the "teenage" bits and pieces of the story. It adds funny, realistic atmosphere, but it's not E.

The characters mesh well, from the grumpy teacher to the clever diner owner, and the different ways they interact with the students. I like how James subtly steered them into doing a less harmful prank while thinking they would have a lot more fun that way.

The setup leaves us hanging nicely, and overall I think it's a good opening chapter, arranging everything we should expect: the cast of characters, the situation, the triad of goals, stakes and obstacles.

It looks like a good story, and I probably will stop by the other chapters to see what else happens next.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Flames  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A brief and simple poem, building upon itself to take a cliched metaphor about how powerful love can be to new levels. I like how you use the repeating phrase “In a way one would say,” which creates rhythm, flow and a buildup to the memorable climax.

As someone who dabbles loosely in poetry, I don’t have much to criticize here, especially considering it’s free verse. Your short lines balance well and draw the eye quickly down the page. I hardly know the difference between a villanelle and a sonnet, so I’m not qualified to suggest anything about meter, syllables and structure anyway *Laugh* I view poetry an a highly subjective art form, where one is free to express one’s deepest thoughts and feelings in whatever way one likes.

I always like to make basic formatting suggestions: size 4 Verdana font, and you can experiment with centered text or using a different color font to create a more engaging look. You may also want to add a line count in case you care to enter any contests. I would recommend "Rebel Poetry Contest"  (which can be rather weird) or "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  or "The Newbie Poetry Award"  or "A Newbie Poetry Contest" â€¦ just take a good long look at each set of rules and prompts, and you might find one that strikes your fancy.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Throwing Rocks  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, this is quite amusing. You’ve set up a rich juxtaposition of Little Johnny’s rather pathetic Appalachian home life and the sudden crashing of a meteorite into the field nearby, and his subsequent adoption of the poor little alien creature under the obliviousness of his drunken parents. The descriptive details bring it to life in a visceral, ironic way, without being too harsh or upsetting.

Your title and subtitle are catchy and draw the reader in; I only had to see it once to know I wanted to read it right now.

I see you’ve formatted it perfectly, with good font size and style, a word count right at the top, centered spacers and all that. I would suggest picking a third genre such as “Family,” at least once the contest is over. Also, it would be fun to know which contest and prompt you wrote it for; you can add that in a drop note at the bottom for posterity, because if you stick around here and enter a lot of contests, you'll want to be able to look back over your port and recall why you wrote any given story.

This was a pleasure to read; I kept going, having no idea what would happen next. It would be fun to have a sequel, as we wonder what sort of antics Little Johnny and Marty will get into in the future.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I’ve seen this on the Read a Newbie sidebar for a while and thought it looked interesting, but I wasn’t sure how long it would be or how much time it would take to read and review.

Wow, what a tale. I loved every bit of it: your descriptions are vivid and clear, the worldbuilding makes sense, and the story progresses with tension, mystery and excitement. My only desire is to read more of it and plumb the dark secrets that may lie between the two intriguing characters you’ve drawn for us. Is this the opening to a longer novella or series? If so, please keep it going! You have tons of potential here. It reads like a movie.

Your formatting is quite basic, but I understand as a newbie you’re probably not familiar with how to tidy up the text block here on WdC *Smile* All you have to do is select your desired text portion and click on the various little boxes lined up over the text entry form. Those are the keys to basic formatting here. I always recommend size 4 Verdana font, and since you switch between POVs I would suggest underlining the characters names and chapter headings as they change. Also, perhaps a word count in the subtitle, if there’s room, would let people know how long it is so they can decide if they have time to read it and give feedback in one sitting.

Your third chosen genre is romance/love, which offers some clue as to the rest of the story. Damon really clicked with me; I have characters like him in my head and perhaps floating around my portfolio as well *Wink* He and Rayne are fascinating. I won’t repeat myself any further… *Laugh* Great work!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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for entry "~ Sky Diving ~" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

Ah, this was really good. I quite enjoyed reading it, though I was half expecting it to include the actual moment of the sky dive. But there’s a word limit, and the point is to highlight the three perspectives in a memorable way.

You handled it perfectly, with the three main characters each having a distinct and unique voice that shines in the allotted moments. The order of POVs is arranged well, beginning with your own sense of unease and panic and ending on an amusing note with the pilot’s view of how absurd you and the entire situation must have appeared to him. The details mesh perfectly as well; from person to person it all matches up and fills in the picture.

Your formatting is good, with font size larger than default and easy to read. I noticed two super minor typos: “Yeh, This place…” in the granddaughter’s dialogue has a capitalization error, and the word “hangers” in your dialogue should be “hangars,” for planes. Other than that, I think it’s a winner *Clap*

If you need sectional word counts, you can access them on your Word file by selecting the desired text chunk (you know: select, copy, paste…) and then checking the word count; it will break down the count and include the portion you’ve selected.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Cat  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings! I found this by using the Random Read and Review button, which I haven’t utilized in a while. I’m very happy I did this evening.

A lovely, brief and simple poem about an alley cat that becomes a member of the family. I love the picturesque descriptions that bring it all to life in a few words, showing us just how black the cat’s fur is. I assumed at first it was a tale of a fleeting encounter, and the words at the end were heartwarming.

You should submit this to the two poetry contests I know of that take old entries: "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" . As free verse it would qualify for both of them.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Smile* *Cat*


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Review of My Life  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, and I apologize for almost forgetting about your review request! Thank you for asking for it.

I’ll get the boring formatting suggestions out of the way first… size 4 Verdana font, perhaps centered text, and possibly a line count at the bottom in case you would like to enter it into "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  or "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" . Two more genres might also be added; I would suggest “Personal” and “Relationship” or “Family.”

Your poetic structure is a little confusing, as I didn’t feel a clearly measured “beat,” yet some of the lines ended in rhymes… oh, I see now upon closer examination: alternate lines throughout end in an approximate “old” sound, which ties the poem together well, is appropriate for the subject matter and perhaps hints at the deeper meaning.

Lines vary in length but are mostly pretty long, which is why I suggest centering the font to balance them out across the page.

Your theme is relatable, as we all wonder about the significance of the paths we’ve chosen in life and what would have happened if we’d gone a different route. Overall it’s an interesting and well expressed item, with some sadness at the end as we see the narrator realizing that his choices may not have been the best and wondering how to correct course.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I say again, welcome *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* This online writing community is big enough for you, and there are many options to interact with others, build friendships, or request reviews if you write anything like standard fiction or poetry.

This is an excellent, honest and heartfelt monologue, explaining your feelings about the important role writing plays in your life. I relate so much to a lot of what you say here, about how one has to work through the adversities and create what one has a desire to see created, even though it feels impossible to accomplish with so much else happening in the “real world.” I know personally how hard it appears to be to reserve time for one’s “unimportant” pursuits such as creative writing or journaling. In fact, while working through Covid I fell completely out of the habit of writing anything at all, and by the time the year was over I couldn’t put two coherent sentences together on paper, I was so stressed out. It took another year to gather my senses and resume my writing journey.

Refocusing on your piece of writing here, I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices, and also to make it more visually appealing. Perhaps a couple more paragraph breaks would help to lead the eye along. Also, if you plan to enter any contests, it’s a good idea to start the habit of including a word count in every item.

As a general rule I don’t like to make specific critiques of personal items; your choice of words is your own. Your grammar and punctuation are good. If you want to get back into writing, you can set goals and participate in the various activities around here. To begin your exploration of WdC, you can check out "Activities @ Writing.Com"  or "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com"  for fun stuff to join. "Question of the Day!"  is a wonderful spot to chat and meet the most active members of the community.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Wonderland 2024  
for entry "I-1. The Jury" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings!

I’m just passing through while completing my own Wonderland tasks. Your book looks exciting, and I’ll probably catch up on some other entries. For now I have a fascination with the jurors, so I went straight to this.

A realistic set of jurors here, which lead us to wonder how they would settle the case among themselves. I remember reading the script for Twelve Angry Men in my literature books, and someday I might attempt to write one myself. These juror lists are good practice.

Keep going, you’re so close to your crown! This is a community project, and we’re in it together. It’s wonderful being able to follow others’ responses to the prompts and enjoy everyone’s creativity.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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for entry "I1:The Jury" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

I'll be transparent up front: I'm only taking the time to stop by other people's Wonderland stories because it's required for continuing *Laugh*

But since I'm here, I'll do my best. I went straight to see who you picked for jury duty, and oh boy, what a fine selection. The characters are quite realistic, serious and relatable, and I could easily see it as a rundown for a sort of Twelve Angry Men type of legal drama. You've labored over the details of their lives in an admirable way that I doubt anyone else did.

I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices, and to bold, underline and number each name so it looks tidier and not like an interminable laundry list. It looks like a lot more than 1000 words, but you kept within the limit.

Keep on going Through the Looking Glass! I'm cheering for you *Delight* This is a big project, and you've come far along in it.

Thanks for sharing, take care and have fun *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*PartyHatBl* Happy Birthday Greetings! *PartyHatBl*


A useful and helpful article about setting up a webpage on WdC. As someone who was recently gifted a Premium membership, I shall sooner or later most likely be investigating the possibilities of building a webpage of my own. Although truth be told, I know nothing whatsoever about HTML *Laugh* I do see parallels with what I’ve learned about Writing ML, so it shouldn't be too much of a jump.

I notice you spend about half of the article discussing how to create tables, which I'm not sure are that important to most writers on here. As someone inexperienced in HTML, I wouldn't know which things would be more useful to discuss... Perhaps I shouldn't have chosen this item to review *Laugh* *Blush*

But now I know where to begin! You've listed sites to go to and learn about web building. I'm excited about the opportunity to make one of my own.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartO*


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Review of Me, Myself and I  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*PartyHatR* Happy Birthday Greetings! *PartyHatR*


A thoughtful poem that raises important questions one should consider in relationships. Such questions illustrate the double standard between men and women, as the men expect to be waited on hand and foot when they get home, even when the woman has a job of her own. And men often have attitudes of arrogance and unrealistic expectations for the way a woman should behave, look or speak.

Your free verse flows well and is easy to read. The formatting is attractive. Perhaps a line count would be a good idea just out of habit.

I don’t usually have much to criticize about poetry, especially free verse. Since I dislike measuring meter and counting syllables, I’m hardly qualified to offer advice on structure or form. As long as it expresses sincere feelings, it counts. I view poetry as a highly subjective vehicle to say things which can’t always be expressed easily in cold hard prose.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heart*


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Review of Tommy's Rainbow  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*PartyHatY*Happy Birthday Greetings!*PartyHatY*

Ah, now here’s a story that’s perfect for the day; heartfelt and ultimately happy as Tommy learns his lesson on love and obedience. I like nothing better than good children’s stories, and you’ve made a charming one here. Those seven rainbow fairies with their lovely voices - why, it could be a Disney movie.

The font’s a bit small on this one; I always recommend Size 4 Verdana around here. Other than that, there isn’t anything I can see to change. Descriptions are warmly visual, and we can see and feel everything quite well. The backdrop of wartime adds a historical feel and some depth to the fairytale.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartRainbow* *4leaf*


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Review of Kalamity  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*PartyHatB* Happy Birthday Greetings *PartyHatB*


Oh dear, this was a painful one to read. I was hoping there would be some hope for survival, but it was a hopeless endeavor. If Edmund had only listened to Sarah…

Which reminds me, if this was set in the usual Victorian steampunk era, the two of them wouldn’t have been sleeping in the same bed while engaged. Just a small thought from a fussbudget.

Your showing details are all too vivid, bringing the scenes to life with the clarity of a movie. It’s grimly realistic in that tragic accidents of the sort do actually happen even nowadays.(have you heard about the people who dived down to see the Titanic?)

This is a cautionary tale of sorts, reminding one of the fragile hubris of mankind and the great risks that are involved in any technological advances. One wonders if we weren’t all better off living a quiet agrarian lifestyle…

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Gear*


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Review of Hope  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Hope is a theme oft spoken of in poetry. One quickly thinks of Emily Dickinson’s “Hope is the thing with feathers,” that famously uses the metaphor of a bird to describe how hope feels.

You have chosen to illustrate the elusive nature of hope with the classic metaphor of light shining in the darkness. This simple and memorable theme is well used. The words are chosen carefully, and the rhymes are sensible without being overly trite.

I would ask why you have chosen the genre of “Fanfiction” for this item; fan fiction is a highly specific category of writing which uses characters and settings of someone else’s work. Perhaps “Emotional” and “Philosophical” would be better. It’s always recommended to select three relevant genres to ensure you have as many opportunities as possible to qualify for a Quill Award.

A poem of this type would perhaps look its best with centered text. I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. You may also enjoy experimenting with different font colors to enhance the theme and look more engaging. Also, it’s always good to develop the habit of adding a line count to your poetry items here in case you would like to enter a contest later on.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Healing Waters  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

This is an elegant poem that encompasses a broad theme, of life’s transitions as seen through the lens of nature and different bodies of water. The ideas build upon themselves, as the narrator matures from the laughing innocent playfulness of streams and brooks to the stern seriousness of the potentially dangerous river, and then into the peaceful solitude of the lake in old age, and from there to the final dissolution into the great unknown of the ocean.

I don’t have much to offer when it comes to poetry; I personally dislike counting syllables and measuring meter, preferring to go with either free verse or sheer instinct when building poems. So I’m not qualified to advise you on structure and form. But I do know a good poem when I see one. Your verses flow well, and the concepts are easy to grasp.

Formatting advice is easy to give around here; I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Perhaps you can center and underline the title header, and include a line count at the bottom to prepare yourself in case you want to enter any poetry contests. You may enjoy experimenting with different font colors to enhance the theme and make it look prettier on the screen.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Lost Umbrella  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A warm and charming flash fiction, somewhat in the style of a magazine page, "Chicken Soup for the Soul" type of thing. I really enjoyed it.

A couple of suggestions for formatting on WdC: most text formatting options can be found in the line of boxes above the item entry space. First select your text that you desire to modify, and then click on the appropriate boxes. I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. I would also recommend a word count be added; it's a good habit to develop in case you want to enter contests down the road. Word count can be found by clicking the tiny gear at the top of your item.

I couldn't help wondering how she lost her umbrella without noticing, if it was raining steadily. But I suppose when she entered a shop and closed it up it could have gotten lost. Such things happen often in cities; in fact, my Mom often tells me how her umbrellas would keep getting lost in New York back in the 60's.

And I just heard Rihanna's Umbrella song this morning, too *Music1* Serendipity is a beautiful thing, just like how the stranger's kindness brightened Lily's rainy day and reminded her that there is light in the world.

I don't have a lot of suggestions here, in fact hardly any. You've painted the rainy city streets for us with clarity and feeling. The words come smoothly and the vignette is simple and understandable.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Fugitive  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir,

A nifty story you have here. You've taken all elements of the prompt image and carefully incorporated them into the tale, from the two shadowy figures to the weather and the lady's blue eyes.

I like how you've added the little details about going to Africa; knowing some of your background from your blog, I know it's personally true and adds a touch of realism (as if that's really you it happened to.)

The plot you've come up with is creative; to me it looks like the lady is walking her robotic owl down the street. I didn't feel like creating a cliche "damsel in distress" scenario, as I have an instinctive tendency towards, and eventually I stalled on this round and qualified for Jody's Contest Challenge by writing some limericks. I may yet enter it, if I can ever escape Wonderland *Laugh*

Can't think of anything to suggest here; it has a beginning, middle and end, goals, stakes and obstacles, and characters. Grammar is perfect.

Take care, thanks for sharing, good luck on the contest, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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144
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A painful and heartfelt free verse poem describing the difficulties of losing not one but two fathers to carelessness and neglect over the course of your young life. The repetition builds upon itself to reveal the loneliness of your situation, and the final lines reveal just how deeply the rift has been driven. This is simply written and memorable.

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices, and also adding three relevant genres to the item. This gives your item more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. Possible genres include “Experience,” “Personal,” and “Biographical.” Title rules usually suggest capitalizing each first letter and avoiding punctuation, but that’s a minor detail. It’s a clever title.

I don’t usually have much to criticize about poetry, especially free verse. I’m terrible at measuring meter and counting syllables, and barely know the difference between a sonnet and an elegy, so I’m not qualified to point out the errors in anyone else’s formal poetry. This one needs no criticism. It reads smoothly with the feel of a journal entry, and I admire your vulnerability in publishing it here.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I love this image you’ve created for us of someone who has built a beautiful world within a world (within a world.) Alex is writing and creating stories within the warmth, solitude and safety of his apartment, nestled within the security and nearness of a bustling city. This is a vignette of the kind of life I dream of having, removed from the stresses of having to deal personally with others, yet near enough to be able to observe and partake in the multitude of human emotions which inspire me. My only desire would be to be more connected to nature, perhaps (in the context of the city) having a rooftop garden to retire to.

This item has no dialogue, but since it’s solely focused on Alex, there isn’t need for any. I am reminded of the Danish concept of hygge with stories like these: flash fictions with no particular drama or conflict, no “goals, stakes and obstacles” as is usually expected in storytelling. Instead we are presented with a vignette that elicits feelings of comfort and happiness. There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it’s quite poetic and creative.

I’ll make the usual recommendations for size 4 Verdana font, a word count in the subtitle or the top of the item, and perhaps a reconsideration of the chosen genres. “Dark” doesn’t seem to apply here. And “Technology” implies a sort of science fiction theme. Aside from that everything is perfect, almost suspiciously so *Laugh* *Martian*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of The Guiding Light  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

An intriguing item, written with warmth and almost no dialogue. I enjoyed your careful use of words to paint pictures of Alex’s distress and the guidance he found in Mark. It feels a bit repetitive perhaps, as the same elements get used over many paragraphs, such as the streetlights and the emphasis on how significant the relationship became. But it is quite poetic, and there is no mistaking the theme by the time we reach the end of it. Although, I did wonder, when Mark finally spoke, if it was an exaggerated buildup to a joke about how stressful college math can be!

The “no dialogue” style can feel a bit monotonous, as we wait to see if there will be some action or drama to keep things exciting. It is very much a brief, lofty and removed story, elegantly described but all “tell” and no “show.” We are not told anything about Alex, his story or the specific struggles he and Mark faced together. The lack of conversation misses out on what some consider to be an important method of character development, bringing us down into the little minute ways people interact with and treat each other and allowing more room for specific details as to what is going on.

(I hesitate to say that it sounds almost AI generated, but in my personal experiments with such, I have noticed the AI avoids using dialogue and play-by-play showing techniques.)

But creative writing is a broad field, and there is room for contemplative studies such as this. If you wanted you could use this as a summary springboard to create a novel or a story story, building up Alex and Mark’s world and giving us a more exciting view of the situation. Or it can stand alone as a vignette of sorts, describing the impact of a fateful chance encounter in the dark of a city street.

Now for formatting. I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. The font and size and other tools can be found in the line of little boxes above the text box. It’s also a good idea to set off speech in quotation marks in a separate paragraph. Other than that it’s well written and easy to read.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this poem to be quite relatable and interesting. The free verse is tidy and easy to read, with a subtle rhyme upon closer examination, and your biblical references are unique and creative. I’ve always been puzzled about the book of Job myself: it’s one of those things that no one really understands. And the quietly antisocial sentiment expressed in your final three lines might as well have been written by me *Laugh*

I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices and to make the poem look more “interesting” on the page. You may also want to see how it looks centered. I also noticed you end it with a quotation mark, which doesn’t appear to connect to anything. Another tip is to add three relevant genres to the item so that it’s easier to find when browsing. This allows for more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest “Spiritual,” “Philosophical,” and “Experience.”

Did you choose to make it 13 lines on purpose? The second line hints at rebellion, or perhaps you speak sarcastically. The struggle to remain spiritual and keep one’s head on one’s shoulders in the hectic, backbiting world is well expressed here.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Adam's Hands  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com *HeartRate2*

I've been seeing this on the Read a Newbie sidebar for a while and finally had a chance to read it.

This is a touching and heartfelt story with an important message about holding onto your life for the sake of the ones that love you. Even the most difficult day is not worth inflicting such pain on them.

Your flow is good and simple enough to understand. I have a couple of minor formatting suggestions: one, this is in need of spaces between paragraphs. If I was using my iPad it would be pretty much one long block of text. Also, since I'm on mobile I can't tell what size font you've used, but I'll make the standard recommendation for size 4 Verdana.

Perhaps the title could be different, as we assume from combining it with the subtitle that it's referring to the questionable actions of Adam. We are somewhat surprised to learn that Adam was her son who is now her spirit guide in the other world.

I need to be sure to say to anyone who sees this: your life is worth living.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call or text the 24/7 US suicide prevention hotline at 988.


Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartBroken*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

I enjoyed this quick and amusing read. The absurdity and irony of the situation is well portrayed.

If it's an entry for a contest, as I assume from the highlighted keywords, I would recommend adding the word count to the top or bottom of the item. Also, it's handy to include the list of prompt words or the general idea they gave you, for later reference. That way you know why you wrote such a funny story *BigSmile*

On mobile I can't tell what font style you've chosen: Size 4 Verdana is the best to ensure readability across devices.

I noticed a couple of slipups in the agent's name: he's either Peters or Peterson. Also, one thing I learned when writing Green Dragon (remember the spy story you advised me on?) Is that they're never called "agents." Don't ask me what they are called - operatives? *Laugh*

I don't see anything else to correct or adjust here. You've done well in creating an anticlimactic parody of alien stories.

At the ending, it would be funny to tie in Peters's lack of words with the unknown language on the sign, somehow. Like "he had as much of a clue about how to explain this to his superiors as he did what the sign said..." No, that doesn't sound very good. I can't think of how to say it. Do you know what I mean?

Just ignore me... *Rolling*

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *AlienG*


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Review of Whirring  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I enjoyed this rambling examination of the desultory reality of the workaday world. When I saw your item in the Read a Newbie sidebar, I assumed it was a story and thought perhaps it was a thriller type of thing (ie, did the day suddenly twist and end in a totally unexpected way?)

Contrary to my expectations, it’s a free verse poem dealing with feelings of boredom, burnout and lack of motivation. The narrator feels as though they are just a cog in the wheel of the uncaring and money-grubbing business empire that they are slaving to build without proper recompense or credit. I know that feeling of having too much time on my hands at a dull and un-engaging job, allowing my mind to wander sourly as the little noises and idiosyncrasies of others get on my nerves. Perhaps it’s time to strike out on one’s own and become an entrepreneur, building an independent lifestyle free from the trappings of working for someone else.

Your free verse flows well and is engaging to work our way through, though I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices on this site. You strike a pleasant balance between long lines and shorter ones, and since it’s not a structured poem and most likely a rather personal one, I’m not going to make any suggestions as to syllables or word choice. A line count would be a good idea in case you want to enter any contests.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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