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Review Requests: ON
711 Public Reviews Given
711 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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Review of For Granted  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What a heartfelt and beautiful poem. I love everything about it: the flow is good, the feelings are simply expressed and sincere, and your rhymes work well without being trite.

I apologize in advance because I'm on mobile and can't tell if you've already utilized this, but I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font for easy readability across devices. And poetry usually looks more elegant when the text is centered.

I don't usually have much to criticize about poetry because I view it as a highly subjective art form; meters and syllable counts don't matter to me as much as someone pouring their heart into their work, and you've clearly done that.

I like how you gradually unfold the dynamics of the relationship throughout the verses: at first we assume it's a significant other, then perhaps a best friend, then possibly a mother (though you do say you both "grew up") and at the end we see it's your brother.

It ends with a sense of relief that you were able to make things right before he passed away, and reminds us all to take care of our family relationships.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartG*


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Review of I’m scared  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

You’ve given us a lot to digest here, and I will start with formatting. I understand the poetic license involved in making this monologue be one solid text block, and I’m not going to tell you exactly at which points to break it up into easier paragraphs. But one thing you should definitely consider to improve the readability across devices is to use size 4 Verdana font. Poetic license is no excuse for creating something valuable that’s a pain to read.

Formatting aside, this intricately tangled web of concerned contemplations about the meaning and purpose of one’s life is fascinating. It flows from thought to thought logically enough, and honestly I relate to the young man’s existential crisis a lot myself, as crucial decisions loom and yet I’m paralyzed with panic and uncertainty. It seems that he struggles with lethargy, apathy and inertia, knowing there are things he wants to accomplish yet holding himself back with doubts and fears about the potential values and trade offs.

If this is autobiographical, I extend my sympathies for your mental woes. I know how it feels. What one should do is start by setting small manageable goals, avoiding distractions and not taking on so much that it would be overwhelming. But that’s easier said than done!

I don’t have any further specific suggestions for improvements, since this is so deeply personal. It reads well, expressing honestly the feelings within.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartG*


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178
Review of Ocean Fling  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What a charming poem. It speaks about the missing boat in loving relationship metaphor that feels like a 70's song. I really enjoyed it.

I'll give my usual formatting recommendation of size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices, and adding a line count in case you want to enter this into a contest. There are several poetry contests around here that take previously written submissions, and this is definitely good enough. You can find them listed in the Contests page under Community in the right hand sidebar.

I have nothing to offer by way of improvement of the poem itself. For me, poetry is a highly subjective art form, and as long as the lines flow reasonably well and one has put their heart into the work, I don't bother much about meter and syllables.

I'm sure you've already been told about the importance of choosing three relevant genres, for there they all are. It helps others find your work when browsing, and also gives more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

This is a cute and artistic poem, and I'll make an additional suggestion I don't often think of: it deserves a cover art of some kind. You can make really lovely images for free using AI art generators, anything from abstract watercolors to elegant oil paintings. I always use square images to best utilize the given area.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Boat*


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179
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

An amusing study of a human brain removed from its confines and held up for self-examination. We see a sort of tongue in cheek, pseudo philosophical style as the narrator struggles to focus on the task at hand and instead wanders off into the weeds.

I'm not exactly sure what to make of this; if it's nonsense, then you've done a job that could qualify you for iKïyå§ama and her Wonderland project coming up in March.

If it's science fiction, you've created a world of disembodied brains running loose; presumably there's a mad scientist named Boltzmann behind it all (I'm sorry, if there's a scientific joke in that name, I'm not familiar with it.)

If it's satirical philosophy, it's also nifty, as we contemplate the meaning of conscious existence and realize that perhaps the mindless consideration of such is a distraction from whatever we're supposed to be doing at the moment.

I can't think of anything to suggest by way of improvement; your grammar is good, and the absurdity of the described situation is enough to keep us reading. This was fun.

Oh, and a silly aside from a music nerd: as I was processing this in preparation for reviewing it, my playlist gave me a song from Imagine Dragons and their unreleased vault: Hole Inside Our Chests. One of the lines goes "and there's my brain - it's on the floor - it's giving lovers all a brain tour!" Absurd, yes. Somehow the vibe feels similar to what you wrote *Wink* *Music1*

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing.
*Smile* *Brain*


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180
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

You have offered us a splendid glimpse into the stormy depths of your pained psyche. I love how at first I almost didn't realize it rhymes; the long lines feel like free verse, but the rhyming is like the cherry on top, bringing balance and structure to the chaotic moodiness. It's amazing that you were able to say exactly what you needed to say with tidy end rhymes that don't feel trite at all.

I need to remind myself as much as anyone, that on WdC, posting line counts and word counts is a highly recommended habit to develop, so that when you enter contests the last thing you have to worry about is forgetting to add the number of lines/words.

I see you've picked three relevant genres, which was probably already explained by others. It gives you more visibility when browsing and also offers more chances to be nominated for a Quill Award.

I also have made a habit of recommending using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices.

I enjoyed reading this poem, as much as one can enjoy a foray into someone else's unhappiness. I identify with it myself, especially this time of year. It reminds me of the struggles Imagine Dragons lead singer Dan Reynolds goes through... Have you ever listened to their song Dull Knives?

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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181
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it would make a quick evening read.

Your descriptions are excellent, showing us the eerie and unnerving portentions of doom (hmm, I think I just made up a word… *Laugh*) Anyway, your words create a clear picture in our minds of just how creepy the situation is. I always feel that the usage of “you” as the point of view in writing is a bit weird, as if we’re embarking on a Choose Your Own Adventure (or come to think of it one of the WdC interactive stories) But that’s just me; I can understand how the first person or third person would perhaps water down the effect.

If you wanted to expand this, though, it would probably be a good idea to choose a more standard POV to make it easier to read.

Speaking of easy reading, I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font for readability across devices.

I see you’ve chosen three relevant genres, which is always recommended so you get more chances at being nominated for Quill Awards.

The title does a great job of explaining and adding detail to the item, as well.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartBl*


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Review of One of Them  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A brief and carefully written poem, with a distinct style and tone. You’ve conveyed your thoughts on the subject in a striking way, though I’m not sure what I would have made of it if you hadn’t mentioned cults in the subtitle.

I would recommend selecting two other relevant genres, to make it easier to find when browsing and also to increase your chances of being nominated for a Quill Award. Also, I usually recommend using size 4 and/or Verdana font to ensure readability across devices.

I don’t generally have much to criticize when it comes to poetry, especially free verse. I consider poetry to be a highly subjective art form; as long as the idea is conveyed with sincerity and care, it doesn’t matter much if the lines scan or the syllables count properly… to be honest, I’m too lazy to bother writing poems that way myself, so I would have no idea how to critique someone else’s work *Laugh* I just wing it with a vague sense of rhythm.

This is a great poem as it stands, I wouldn’t change anything.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Bathtub Dilemma  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I noticed your item on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it looked like a simple evening read.

I always enjoy a good piece of lighthearted kid-friendly poetry, and this was right on the mark. It's something I would probably have memorized just for fun when I was a kid myself.

I would make just one small suggestion, to combine the four short lines into couplets instead. I believe that would improve the flow somewhat. But generally speaking I never have much to criticize about poetry; I consider it a flexible and highly subjective art form.

You might be able to submit this to Lornda and her Humorous Poetry Contest. I'm not sure if she accepts items previously written. But this is definitely funny enough.

I like that it's also rather realistic; I can imagine something like that actually happening easily enough! It's written with a consistent meter and a happy ending, and I quite enjoyed it.

Another suggestion would be to add two more genres so that it's easier to find and so it has more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest "Comedy" and "Experience" loosely speaking.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Storms  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings again,

I understand how the rhyming couplets can be seen as trite and limiting, and it’s probably good to diversify, but here with this particular poem they go perfectly with your theme.

The first thing I noticed, which is a relief on my iPad, is the Verdana font. Wdc’s Comic font comes across as thin and spidery on iOS, which is unfortunate because it does look very elegant.

Your theme is universally relatable, as I have experienced many strong storms in my lifetime and I’m sure we all have. The unnerving power of a thunderstorm becomes a metaphor of the other types of difficulties we face in life. As children, we don’t realize how much trouble there is in the world, and things which weigh heavy on an adult’s heart don’t impact us in the same way when we are younger.

One has to trust in God for protection against the storms; no matter what we’re going through, He’s always there with us, ready to show the wonders of His grace and might. Even when we know how dangerous and destructive the storms can be, we can still step back and admire them because we have faith in the One who controls the weather.

Thanks for sharing, take care and stay safe in the storms *HeartB* *Cross2*


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185
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

What a fine and simple rambling. You have written in almost a stream of consciousness manner, without any clear theme, yet it all fits together well and flows smoothly from couplet to couplet.

The meter and thoughts have a song-like quality to them, as you promise love and goodwill to those close to you. I enjoy a good picturesque poem; this is something I might have written down and committed to memory at a younger age.

As a sidenote, I would recommend using size 4 font to ensure readability across devices. Other than that I have no suggestions for changes.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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186
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

I enjoyed reading this poem. It describes the Scottish highlands in simple terms and draws us to consider the wars and great losses that have happen there centuries ago.

I was surprised to see the rhyming couplets here; you did a good job with the meter and flow. I did feel as though some of the word choices were too simplistic or forced or trite. But I’m no expert on poetic forms; if given the option I would probably go for free verse most of the time.

For this reason I don’t usually have much to offer to “correct” poems; as long as one has poured their heart into the creation, I don’t care a whole lot how it’s written. Poetry for me is a highly subjective art form.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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187
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

A simple and childlike narrative poem, written with a light heart and good humor. We see the narrator taking care of their landlord's chickens and being nice about it.

I enjoyed the repetition of the line "I’m in charge of the chickens;" it gives it a song like quality. Your presentation is excellent, with centered bold text, and the cheerful words flow across the screen quite well.

I don't usually have much to criticize about poetry because I'm not an expert on metric forms. I can recognize a good one mostly by instinct.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Chicken*


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Review of The Darkest Storm  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

A grim and chilling tale of a ragtag family of vampires who meet their demise. Your writing flows well, bringing us clear descriptions and imagery that sets the scenes nicely.

I don’t have anything in particular to suggest; perhaps you might want to make a note of which contest you entered it into. I like the Verdana font, but I usually suggest using size 4 to ensure readability across devices.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartBl*


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189
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings,

A simple short story about an unhappy boy who feels like a failure when he thinks he hasn’t won the contest. I enjoyed reading it, but I do have some suggestions.

First, your writing style feels quite stilted and uncertain, as though you were perhaps an English language learner. You can use Grammarly, a free online writing assistant, to help you hone your skills in writing tone and grammar.

Second, this is a very brief story. It lacks any particular character development or conflict. I like to think of stories in terms of characters, goals, stakes and obstacles. Those are the ingredients that make us want to keep reading.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

I really enjoyed this short story about a guy who wanders off the path both physically and metaphorically and is set right by an unexpected figure.

Your descriptions are clear and the writing flows well. The ending is nice; I figured the girl must be some kind of forest fairy or an angel. I like how carefully you pictured the two characters, especially the color of their skin and hair… most stories I’ve seen here tend to default to Caucasian people innocently enough. Good to find a bit of diversity.

I usually recommend using size 4 font to ensure readability across devices. And a word count at the beginning or in the subtitle would help us know what we’re getting into (though one could just as easily skim down the page to see how long it is.)

I also like to tell people to choose three relevant genres for their items; it helps them be nominated for a Quill Award, and it helps people find the items when they’re browsing. You could choose “Comedy,” “Career,” and “Fantasy” for this one.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Use as Directed  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!

An amusing little piece of flash fiction about a woman’s misuse of an experimental medication and the absurd consequences.

Your simple, straightforward narrative style was easy to read, unburdened by dialogue. I would suggest adding a word count in the subtitle so people know it’s a quick read, or perhaps you can gather your flash fiction into a separate folder.

You can also choose two more relevant genres for this item; “Medical” and “Comedy” would probably work. It might also be interesting to know what prompt you were working off of; I assume the words in bold at the end were the required words from Arakun’s Daily FF Challenge.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,

I couldn’t resist checking out one of your mystery stories.

This is a clever and amusing spin on the provided prompt. I appreciate how you made sure to gather up all the context surrounding the story’s creation, as well as providing a word count and even listing all the newsletters it’s been featured in (gee, I need to do that with my stories!)

My only question about the logic of the story would be, how did Todd manage to go all over town burying human bones and no one noticed until his dog dug them up? I would think people would notice when portions of their land had been disturbed. Also, I very much doubt that there would be any fingerprints left on the bullet found in the skull. And at some point Marty would have been reported missing.

Criticism aside, this was a quick and enjoyable read.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Skull*


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Review of Don't @ Me  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

What a fascinating and thoughtful barrage of interconnected words, discussing an issue that has only become even more important today than ever before. I never heard of this style of poetry. Congratulations on your Quill Award, it’s well deserved.

As a Gen Z woman, I grew up sheltered from the chaos of unfettered internet access in a homeschool environment. My first smartphone wasn’t until age 17, and it took a couple years before I joined anything resembling social media (Genius, where basically all we did was collate, annotate and editorialize on song lyrics.)

I spent a couple years or so obsessed with Twitter, but in 2021 I cut back on it, and nowadays WdC is my main online hangout. It’s by far my favorite, with none of the negative aspects which are so readily apparent on the other sites.


Happy account anniversary, take care and keep writing *Smile*


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Review of I lean  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

A thoughtful little poem considering loneliness and the long expanse of empty days without a loved one.

I don't have much to say about poetry generally, especially free verse. Since I don't follow many rules of poetry myself, I'm hardly qualified to criticize anyone else's work. I like how you set off the thoughts with dashes. The flow is good and it all makes sense.

I also like how you've gathered all the details surrounding its creation for future reference.

Congratulations on winning an award for this item. It's well worth it, bringing forth emotion with a few simple words.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Cool House  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was a brief and amusing read. I like flash fiction, especially when it states itself as such in the subtitle, because I know I can read it quickly and get it over with while giving myself a pop of daily fiction to enjoy.

The situation described here sounds almost autobiographical. The irony of imagining how cool the owners of that house must be and then finding out it belongs to someone like that in such an absurd manner… good grief *Laugh*

I would like to make my usual recommendations on formatting:

~ size 4 font is a good idea on WDC to ensure readability across devices
~ It’s always good to include a word count at the top or bottom of the item.
~ If you wrote it for Arakun’s Daily Flash Fiction contest, it would be nice to know what prompt was used, especially when you look back over your portfolio in the future.
~ It’s also good to use all three genres, and not just “contest entry,” because people use the genres to find stories they’ll like, and also it gives you more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would recommend “Relationship,” “Emotional,” or “Community.” It doesn’t have to be particularly relevant, just as long as you have all three.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I enjoyed reading this bright, upbeat play about high school students crafting a play. It was creative and fun, showing us the different characters interacting with a few simple adverbs. Usually everyone says “adverbs are off limits!” But they are necessary when writing a play script because one is unable to describe facial expressions and body language without asking too much from anyone who might have to act the parts *Laugh*

It’s been a long time since I read a play script. As far as I can tell, you’ve done great here, bringing us a tale that catches our fancy with colorful characters and humor, and ends well. You have the classic triad of “goals, stakes, and obstacles,” which, no matter how simple they might be, are necessary for creating a tale that flows and draws us in. It doesn’t have to be a “high stakes” story; it’s all in the telling and showing.

I don’t see any major typos here; perhaps you can underline and center the act headers to tidy it up. Also, I usually recommend using size 4 font to ensure good visibility across devices.

I’ll probably check out your other items soon; your port is small but interesting.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

I love a good children’s story, and you’ve done a charming job here, creating a cozy world of friendly talking animals that could easily become a series.

All good stories need characters, goals, stakes and obstacles, no matter how small or simple those are. You have it all here, with Pippin the kitten entrusted to fetch the milk for his family’s breakfast, inviting a puppy friend to join him, and encountering someone who needs help along the way.

When you say “Lilly shot up...” it would probably sound better to say she “perked up” or she “smiled through her tears” or “jumped to her feet” or something similar, depending on what you had in mind to convey.

It’s always recommended to use all three genres so people can find your item more easily, and also to provide more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest “Family” and “Community.”

Another thing is, it’s usually a good idea to use size 4 font to make sure people don’t have any issues with seeing your words, depending on what device they may be using.

Also, it’s good to see a word count in either the subtitle or the top of the item, so people know if they have time to read it (aloud, as the case may be) in one sitting.

Thanks for sharing tho lovely little story,
take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Final Prey  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

I don't usually read something like this, but I kept seeing in in the "Read a Newbie" sidebar and figured the subtitle looked somewhat interesting.

A "slice of life" type of story, focusing on the demise of a fat slob who works in a dollar store. I wasn't sure at first if I should be sympathetic towards the creepy sounding employee or not, but by the end of the story I was guessing at the horrific crime he had committed, presumably against the young woman or someone close to her. That was clever to include a subtle foreshadowing of such in his dream; I wondered why it was that particular type of dream rather than a nightmare.

I do wonder what she means by reducing his status to a mere "thief" when she accuses him. Is she referring to the stealing of one's innocence?

You have woven the story well, describing and showing the grubby shop and the different characters with clarity and accuracy. It has good atmosphere.

I'm relieved that the seemingly senseless violence that appeared as I glanced over the item turned out to have some solid reason behind it in the end. This is a chilling horror/comeuppance story that many would find to be quite good in its genre.

I don't have too many suggestions to make; you have written well without any obvious typos. You could choose two other genres, such as "Drama" or "Horror" to make it easier to find and nominate for a Quill award.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartbl*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

Despite not being able to make the selections on my screens, I can still appreciate the basics of your word search. My lack of a real desktop computer isn't your fault *Laugh*

I like the choices of words; you've covered pretty much every romantic subgenre that I can think of. Are there romantic crime stories? Mystery Romances? Perhaps a husband/wife detective team? Hmm, now I'm giving myself ideas!

I have one suggestion to make the list appear tidier. You can capitalize the beginning letter of the second word in the two-word items, ie "RomanticSuspense." Since all the letters become capitalized in the search pool, that won't give away your hiding places, while making the list easier to process.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*
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Review of i am a lazy man  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,
Welcome to writing.com!

Amazing, the power of a single sentence to spark the imagination and make us consider our own lives and conduct. “Sad, lazy and bored” sounds unnervingly like me *Laugh*

I like the form of this; three sentences all in lowercase, as though we are peeking inside the mind of an unhappy man. Poetic license allows for what might be considered poor formatting.

Of course, it lacks detail. We wonder who the man is, what the story is behind his ennui. Perhaps this could be built into a brief paragraph, a vignette of sorts. I would suggest using more specific words to create more concrete images, such as saying “I stare out the window for hours, forgetting what I was thinking about, lacking motivation or energy to accomplish what I have set out for myself” rather than simply the three words “sad, lazy and bored.” Show us how the man is sad, lazy and bored and what exactly that means, rather than simply telling us that that’s how he’s feeling.

I would suggest adding two more genres, to make it easier to find and to nominate for a Quill. Perhaps “Emotional” and “Drama” would do.

All criticism aside, this is a haunting three sentences that linger in the mind.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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