I'm reviewing your poem, Rama, the best of men. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
While browsing through your port, I came across a name I hadn't heard in a long time. Rama. It piqued my curiosity and I had to read it. I'm glad I did.
Wow! This adaptation of the epic poem is increadible! Thai children are taught this story, and today, it is still very much beloved. The story brought childhood memories to mind.
Flow & Style
For the most part, th poem flowed nicely, but I think you constrained yourself by limiting the poem to four-lined verses. I found myself wanting to take a pause or stop, only to find that it went from the ending of one to the start of the next without one. It's akin to splitting one sentence between two paragraphs.
Suggested Improvements
My one suggestion would be to punctuate it like you would a sentence, and break the verses as such.
Excellent retelling. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, Living without you. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This was a beautiful poem about things that cannot be complete without something it needs.
Flow & Style
I'm not sure what style of poem this is. Is it free verse? It does flow well, even when the style changes.
Suggested Improvements What is soul without a soul mate?
I'd remove the second soul, so it's not repetitive. seeking solace form the Supreme essence,
Do you mean from?
Nice poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your story, Death of a hero, on behalf of Helping Hearts. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This was an excellent story of the tragic hero. We see Bobby walking down the wrong path, only to change at the end.
Storyline
It's odd though, that two people would make reference to April Fools day, when earlier in the story, it was supposed to be October.
Character & Setting
Bobby and Leon were believable, with characteristics that gave them both depth. Even though it's only the span of a few hours, Bobby's character grows from selfish to selfless.
Spelling & Grammar
No mistakes I could see.
Suggested Improvements
Just what was mentioned above.
Excellent story. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your story, Under Dock and Key, on behalf of Helping Hearts. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
Oh wow! Emotional! Heartwrenching! Mere words can not begin to describe the feelings this story evokes. There is anger and forgiveness, sacrifice and understanding. It also shows what we believe may be entirely wrong.
Suggested Improvements
I was able to picture the scene of the car travelling in my head, but there's not much to describe the characters. Perhaps you can add a number, so there's an idea of how many years the adoption agency was blocked.
I'm reviewing your poem, The Diary on behalf of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
Very nice poem about the life of a diary, from the diary's point of view.
Suggested Improvements Who writes in it every night.
her instead of it And when her master is finished
You may want a comma after finish And casted into darkness
Cast
In the third line, you don't need the second her.
Instead of Her words, you can start the line with just Words instead.
Also, I'd suggest you give the poem a content rating. That way, more people would be able to see it.
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, In a wild neon field., on behalf of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
Great image of the birth of a love, with the of flowers amid a field.
Flow & Style
The poem flows smoothly, like gently rolling hills.
Suggested Improvements in thee eye of the world
Do you mean the?
Nice poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your story, Death of Imagination. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This was an opinion about today's society from a different point of view. You are right, though. The mind is spoonfed countless hours of unstimulating images.
Suggested Improvements
The story can be broken up into smaller paragraphs.
Having the word mindless to describe activities the mind is forced to endure in the same sentence with the word mind sounds repetitive. How about some different descriptive words? Even with its nightly adventures, ... being force to choose...
Forced
Nice story. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "The Unxpected Visit" for the Simply Positive Group. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
This is a beautiful poem of childhood memories. It has clear, vivid images, creating an easy to follow picture of the path through the woods. Sight and sound combine to transplant the words to the reader's imagination.
Flow & Style
Smoothly flowing lines with a nice rhyme.
I'm reviewing your story, "Pleasure" for Simply Positive Reviewers. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Wow! What a build up to something totally unexpected! I was expecting something more like a kiss, until the appearance of the needle. You did an awesome job at misdirection.
Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "Some Hostilities left Unspoken" on behalf of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
An emotional poem of feelings that need to be said.
Not all the thought come across clearly, though. In your innocence getting you to become sable
Their innocence makes them darker?
Flow & Style
Written in freestyle, each verse carries a different thought. My favourite is the second one.
Suggested Improvements
In the first line, taste is mispelled. To think I would cowar
Cower Somewhat faultering
Faltering
I think the poem can benefit with the use of punctuation as well. Some lines end, while others flow into the next. It's a bit difficult having to go back and reread to maintain the flow of the words.
Nice poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "" on behalf of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
Without reading the description, the first part of the poem sounds as if the tree would be spoken fondly of. Then, the image changes as the tragic event is revealed.
Flow & Style
Nice flow and rhyme. The last stanza seems to end on a hanging beat, though, as if there's more to be added.
Suggested Improvements Oh,Old and twisted tree.
Space after the comma. My memories never free.
Memory's? As in memory is never free? The wind blows, the stem dances.
I had to pause here. The preceding line talks of branches, and I had to associate with that, rather than the initial image of a tree trunk the word stem brings to mind. How about the leaves dancing instead?
Nice poem. Hopefully, the removal of the reminder has help the healing process. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "Spiraling". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
There's a lot said in a few short lines. You describe out-of-control depression extremely well. The downward spiral creates desperation, the need to stop sinking further.
Flow & Style
Shadorma. I've never heard of it before, but it looks like a form I'd enjoy. Trapped is considered two syllables?
Suggested Improvements
None.
Great poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "The Voices Won", on behalf of the Helping Hearts group. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
Schizophrenia is something many people have heard of, but probably don't understand what it means. Your poem is a small snapshot of it, yet gives an emotional showing of how it not only affects the sufferer, but their loved ones as well.
This is truly a deeply impacting poem.
Excellent dark poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "I Can't". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
In a few short words, you are able to convey a sense of longing and unrequited love. I think this is something most people can relate to easily.
Flow & Style
It has a nice flow, the repetition of the words adding and building on that longing and acceptance.
I'm reviewing your story, "Somewhere, My Love". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
What a heartwarming and heartwretching story of love found and lost, and renewed hope. Twenty years of knowing her love is out there and the surity of knowing she would find him again was just beautiful.
Spelling & Grammar
Everything looks all right to me.
Suggested Improvements
None that I can think of.
Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your story, "Squirrel Hunting". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This was a quick moving story about boredom and wanting to relieve it. I can't help but wonder, though, if it was a setup after she decided to go with him. A shotgun to go squirrel hunting? Sounds like more than overkill waiting to happen, which by the condition of the squirrel, looks like did happen. So, this has me wondering the motives of the husband. Was the jovial ending the plan all along?
Suggested Improvements
{color:green}I didn't like to prepare the various wild animal stews but they weren't too bad to taste.
Comma after stew.
{color:green}Not willing to admit defeat and stay home, I shed a layer of clothing and suck the belly in and finally succeed in getting the suit zipped up.
Place a comma after clothing, remove the second and, and suck should be sucked to maintain the tense.
After getting to the woods, the tense shifts for the next few paragraphs, and again for the rest of the story.
Nice story. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
A truly wonderful poem and declairation of love and adoration. The last lines are my favourite and closes out the poem nicely.
Flow & Style
The lines flow smoothly, well paced and metred, although each couplet gets increasingly longer.
Suggested Improvements
I would replace & with the word and. In the third couplet, you use day twice. How about replacing my days with them, so it doesn't sound repetitive.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Forever, Aly Be". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impressions
This was a moving, beautiful poem about the loss and absence of a loved one. There were wonderful images of happy memories, and a poingent sense of loss.
Flow & Style
The poem moved well, with a smooth rhyme.
I'm reviewing your poem, " In The Dusk of Stars". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
I thought this was a dark and thought provoking poem. What is their reality? I'm not sure I understand the meaning of their salvation. There are some very good descriptions, though.
I'm reviewing your story, "A Fork in the Road". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
I'm glad you mentioned your plans on expanding the story in the beginning. As it is, the story reads like a summary, with more telling than showing.
Storyline
I like the premise of this story; a young man must choose sides during a time of war.
Character & Setting
You introduce a lot of characters that need to be fleshed out. Hopefully, this is one of the details you'll be working on when you expand the story.
Suggested Improvements
Further editing, and perhaps an editor to work with you through the writing process. Use less of the passive voice and keep an eye on the tenses.
Good beginning. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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