I'm here to give your, "April Summer" , a Simply Positive review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
Wow. Such heat for spring! It definately didn't help you were wearing all black also. Whatever the cause, I hope the summer is mild.
Suggested Improvements
I think this would be better as a simple story. It reads more like one than a free verse poem.
I'm here to give your, "Protect and Serve" , a Simply Positive review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
These are some very strong words for the roles all police officers have to play, wherever they may be. Very nice essay.
Suggested Improvements
I think you should keep the reference in the last paragraph to police officers. Perhaps not fellow Marines, as it's calling them all Marines, but rather comrade Marines.
I'm here to give your story, "What Would the Whales Say?" , a Simply Positive review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
Excellent story about a problem our planet is facing. It gives a message about pollution, from a cleverly different messenger.
There's not much detail about the characters, but this isn't a character driven story. It's about telling a message, and the dialogue does just that.
There were some technical problems (listed below), but nothing too bad.
Suggested Improvements which was situated somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean, a young women
I think here, you can remove which was and somewhere. women should be singular woman hydrophone, which was the microphone
You can remove which was here also.
In the next sentence, remove that, put a comma after nearby, and of is needed after group.
The first group of human dialogue, I think you have the speech and action paired wrong. An older man/"Susan, She looked/"Are you, He shook/"Do humans polluting the ocean, the are essentially
They instead of the I mean come one
One should be on
Next sentence, comma after yesterday. Why just yesterday I passed
just yesterday should be between commas
Next paragraph, tying should be trying. They are far too
There
The last sentence of that paragraph, for should be to.
Overall, it was still a very good story. Thanks for sharing!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you are receiving this honour!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
Very nice! The four stanzas are four different seasons, snapshots of their time together. I like how you begin it with spring, and end it in winter. It reflects the seasons well
Suggested Improvements
I think the flow of this poem would be better with punctuation.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
Review of
Couplet (E) An appropriate title... #798242 by Eliot
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
This was a short poem, but was packed with emotion. Two lovers kissing in the rain show a deep, intimate connection. One's leaving, but promises to return.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you are receiving this honour!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
This poem is a great description of the state of disarray those suffering from depression or anxiety can be in. There can be a strong lack of desire to do even the simplest of household chores. The clutter and mess is a reflection of the person's state of mind.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you are receiving this honour!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
I think this is a poem about something that most people fear, the loss of mental abilities. The knowledge we once had is getting harder to recollect, just slightly out of our grasp.
I wasn't sure if this poem was supposed to follow any pattern. Some lines rhyme while others don't.
Suggested Improvements The poems cease to make since
Do you mean sense?
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you are receiving this honour!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
This is a heart wrenching poem about a puppy struggling to survive a horrible virus. In the poem, there is sadness, yet determination that the strength of your will will support your puppy.
Suggested Improvements Fits so tiny and small
As a first line, this is unclear. I think you're trying to suggest here that the puppy is so small, it fits in your hand. I'd suggest changing it from fits to body. Weak and barely stand
standing
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
This poem certainly brought back memories of my younger days. Oh, the joy and fascination as you pluck the stem and blow the seeds, watching them float away. Who knew we were helping to spread the growth of weeds?
The technical aspects of the poem were spot on. You followed the form perfectly. Just one suggestion, though. The third verse, I think it may sound better as Winds shift.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gift's. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
The poem starts off with a description of youth, its carefreeness, with endless possibilities, and blissful ignorance of the reality to come. It then goes on to a longing for those times once again.
I think this poem conveys very well the thoughts of many adults. We all long for what we miss, perhaps wanting to feel that innocence once more.
Suggested Improvements
It seems that some lines are grammatically correct while others are not.
In the third line, I'd put A before time.
In the fifth line, are after possibilities
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gift's. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
I thought this was an interesting poem about life. It presents fate as a ruling factor, unavoidable and inescapable. My thoughts on this wrap around like a mobius strip. It may very well be our destiny to reach a certain end, but can we ultimately know if it is solely by fate, or if we are fated to use our own conscious effort?
Maybe it's not your intent, but this is a truly thought provoking poem.
Although each line has a distinctive dominant consonant sound, it is written so they're not tongue twisters.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the TS Eliot Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
I thought this was a dark poem about the destruction of a dream. There is no paradise. The world is a cruel, cold place. The despair reaches a climatic point when the subject begs to either be freed from her burdensome life or to be rescued.
Every line flowed beautifully, a whirlwind of emotion.
Congratulations on your win of my package for the Heart to Heart Auction. Here is review 3 of 3.
I'm reviewing your poem, "One Night" . This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This is a sad, but true, every day occurrence. Teen bullying is a problem, and unfortunately, it oftentimes goes unnoticed by adults. It destroys a person inside; it destroys their sense of self confdence and self worth. Your poem depicts this growing problem well. It shows that the bully now can follow the victim home, without having to step foot in their door.
Excellent poem.
Thanks for letting me poke through your port!
--Wyn
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Congratulations on your win of my package for the Heart to Heart Auction. Here is review 1 of 3.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Time is Brief" . This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
As a form, I think the Terzanelle is one of the more challenging ones to create. It's tricky, choosing the right words, so that the line makes sense when repeated.
Now, onto the poem.
Excellent work, how the repeating lines are weaved into the story. You paint a grim image of someone desperately trying to keep themselves together against their mental onslaught. I love it!
Suggested Improvements
None at all.
Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm here to give your poem, "Tree Rings" , a Helping Hearts review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
You describe the tree really well, and at the same time, painted it as something sentient.
Flow & Style
I like how the poem is shaped, as if swaying in the breeze.
Suggested Improvements
I stumbled on the line skin thick as bark. I'm not sure the simile works, since it is bark.
I'm here to give your poem, "Macabre Dance" , a Helping Hearts review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impression
This is a wonderfully dark and gothic poem, conjuring images of a vampire's lair, seducing their next victim. The poem itself seems to be written from the point of view of the vampire, coaxing their new creation to drink deeply of new-found blood lust.
Flow & Style
The short lines keep the reader in the moment, making the poem sound more omnious.
I'm here to give your poem, "When Life Turns Gray" , a Simply Positive Newbie review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
It's sad to lose a friend, especially one who was so close. It's even more upsetting to know that no matter how close you are, there are just some secrets you weren't privy to. This poem remembers the good times until the tragic end.
Flow & Style
The poem flowed well with an ABCB rhyme pattern, none of which sound forced.
I'm here to give your story, "A Storm: (WIP)new and revised" , a Simply Positive Newbie review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
You describe the town, the home, and the family, but there's nothing to draw me in, like a prologue should. What glimpse of things to come would make the reader want to continue. More than a simple introduction, it should be bait to draw in your reader.
Suggested Improvements
A like between paragraphs make them more readable.
Your first paragraph can be broken down and made into smaller ones.
There's missing commas scattered throughout.
Also, starting several sentences in a row with the same word gets monotonous. Try switching it a bit.
I'm here to give your poem, "FISH" , a Simply Positive Newbie review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
Interesting poem about a person's lusts and desires, although I don't see how selfishness and fighting make for endearing traits.
Flow & Style
There's no punctuation, so the reader is left to guess where to pause, even in mid-line. The lines read like a headlong rush from one to the next.
Suggested Improvements
Punctuation would help this a great deal.
I'm here to give your story, I did...didn't I? a Simply Positive Newbie review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Tax day is by no means a day for celebration, so it's understandable how upset Jay is when she has to get an extension. I like stories with twists, and this one, I didn't see coming. Great job!
I'm here to give your poem, Wrapped In the Shadows Of Delhi, a Simply Positive Newbie review. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
Your poem brings to light the stark reality of life in Delhi, versus the glorified images often romanticised. The images are harsh and brutal. The last line is etched with sadness and despair.
Flow & Style
The poem is free verse with flowing lines, while some are short and abrupt, making the reader pause.
Suggested Improvements
There is some punctuation, but I suggest making it consistent throughout.
Hello, Wiskers, and congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" , given as an Authors Appreciation Day door prize.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the JRR Tolkien Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
Review of
The World Shaken (E) A poem about an event that nearly tore my family apart. #1478510 by Wiskers
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
You have a talent for writing poems that are emotional and come from the heart. Although your lines are not to any specific form, they still flow well, with your use of punctuation, with flowing rhymes as well.
Hello, Wiskers, and congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" , given as an Authors Appreciation Day door prize.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the JRR Tolkien Fan Package. The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters. I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor!
This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
This was a wonderful, heartfelt tribute to the men and women who've faught and died for our country. It remembers that everyone is someone to somebody, and everyone has a family.
I'm reviewing your poem, Phoenix Rising, on behalf of Simply Positive. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
I thought this was an excellent poem about overcoming adversity and abuse. We see the point when she is suddenly aware of the new life ahead of her. This is a poem of strength and optimism.
Flow & Style
Great flow.
Suggested Improvements
None.
Great poem! Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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