First Impressions
Nice poem of heartache, and soul crushing loss. Each stanza points a vivid picture of turmoil and anguish. Then, comes the turning point and resolution, leading to the end which I loved.
Hello, Tapia! I'm reviewing your poem, "Rocky Road".
First Impressions
I really liked this poem about a man facing his responsibilities and accepting the challenges of life. Saying he chooses to be selfish, though, changes the tone and has me wondering if it fits in with the rest of the poem.
Flow & Style
Even though this is free verse and without punctuation, it looks like you're trying to end each line during a pause. Taking this into considration, some lines can still be split in two.
what kind of man would I be what message would I send
You can start another line after be.
whatever it maybe success or failure
I am man enough to accept it time is my only enemy
Separate may and be.
You can also start a new line with success and time.
Suggested Improvements
Since you're already using an apostrophe in the first stanza, maybe you should do that throughout, especially where its should be it's. These are two words with different meanings.
I really enjoyed reading your prose. It was full of wonderful imagery of serenity, and although the moment was shattered, it was still lasting. Reading this gave me my own sense of peace. Thanks for sharing!
Hello, E.J Wilkinson! I'm reviewing your short story, "One Little Mistake".
Initial Impressions
I liked how you jump right in to the story with her shout. It made a big impact and right up front, showed the intensity of the story, which was carried throughout.
Character & Setting
I think both of these came through quite well. We see the woman's state of mind in her frantic thoughts, and at the same time, get an apt description of the goings on.
Suggested Improvements
It would be a great improvement and much easier on the eyes if there was a double spacing between the paragraphs. You also start a lot of the sentences with She, and often, back to back or several times in a row. Try changing it around some, mix it up by starting with different words. It will read less monotonous that way. The part where you started with Surely, though, don't change. It served to heighten the effect.
Hello, ~LadyBee~! I'm reading your story, "The Faded Passport", which I found in the Short Story Newsletter.
This was a very sweet, sad, touching, emotional story of love at a distance. To know her grandmother had someone in her heart, and to discover the answer to that question, was bittersweet.
Hello, Adam Forge! I'm reviewing your short story, "Unwelcome Passenger
I love this story! You gave the narrator a nice depth of character. We know his motivations and his thoughts. You also made him believable. Really, how many of us don't make judgements based on appearances? We may try not to, but some times, we just do.
Oftentimes, I like to anticipate where the story is going. In this instance, I wasn't too far off the mark. Your ending does give this tale a nice message: Don't judge people based on appearances.
About halfway down the story, when he reaches Cederton, you have a paragraph that has several sentences in a row beginning with, I. Perhaps change it up a bit? It becomes a bit monotonous, reading sentences that begin with the same word over and over. Also, I don't know if it's intentional or now, but many of your sentences read like fragments.
Interesting poem about someone who's had his ups and downs. The poem also seems to be about a man living with personal contradictions. He's spent a year living in Hell on earth, yet does not believe in God. How can there be one without the other? Why even bother with closure or enlightening his kids, if in the end, it doesn't matter? But he is right, though, and things do come full circle, so does it mean he really does care? :)
I enjoyed the poem. Really. It had a nice flow and beat as well, with a couple missing punctuations.
First Impressions
This is certainly a feeling I can relate to well. Great use of emotion words: calm, despondent, sullen, despair.
Flow & Style
Nice flow and near rhymes.
Suggested Improvements
In the third line of the last stanza, I think it would sound better if the second "for" was removed.
"Broken lies"?
Something sounds . . . off about it.
Hello, CursedFreedom! I'm reviewing your poem, "The Eye Of The Window".
First Impressions
Wow. What an interesting poem, dark and ambiguous. I can imagine some parts describing a person trapped in their own personal nightmare, or the restless spirit of a the dead. Whatever it may be, I can certainly feel the agony and the longing.
Suggested Improvements What little light there is stares back at me,{/red}
Do you mean is staring or just stares?
Hi, Geri! I'm reviewing your article, "Forgiveness".
You're right that we need forgiveness. We need to be able to find it for ourselves, when none seems forthcoming.
Your article can be improved with a couple of paragraph breaks. As it stands now, I see two separate breaks; where you start the sentence with "Relationships", and "Enough is enough."
Very thought provoking article. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, skymac. I'm reviewing your poem "I Miss You Mom".
First Impressions
As a person who has lost their mother also, I often think of the same thoughts. Like you, I'm sure she's in a much better place now, and I too will see her again someday.
Flow & Style
You had very nice rhymes, but some of the lines seem too long.
Nice poem in memory of your mother. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, Invariably Dark! I'm reviewing your poem "Corporate World".
Very nice poem! I like the comparison you made between people going about their day in a work routine and ants. I also like how you pointed out our desire for things we can't afford.
The alternating coloured lines was a nice touch. The rhythm was a bit off in some parts, though, so it was a bit difficult to get a smooth flow. Other than that, I enjoyed your poem.
Thank you for all your hard work and dedication! Sometimes, I wonder if anyone ever reads my public reviews. It's good to know that at least one person, besides the author, is reading it as well. Thanks for all you do to help encourage both readers and writers alike. You are awesome examples of the positive energy of this site.
Your words brought to mind the image of a newborn in peaceful slumber. It's an image I hold fondly in my heart. Then, it brought in a rush th memories and emotions; elation and congratulations, hopes and dreams. And no matter how crazy it may seem, the peaceful face of the baby asleep makes it all better.
Excellent poem, with so much in so few words. Thanks for sharing!
Oh yes, I definitely balk at writing reviews for stories. For the longest time, it seemed as if my reviews were nothing more than "I really liked this story," or "I wasn't too thrilled with this story." So, I'm here and still learning how to improve on my reviews.
Your advice for getting a feel for an author before writing a review was rather interesting, and one I've never thought of doing before. I certainly liked your links to other helpful articles and places.
First Impressions
An interesting poem, about something we all probably thing of about ourselves at one point or another.
Flow & Style
I wasn't sure how this poem was supposed to flow at all. You started it off with a rhyme, so I was a bit thrown when it didn't follow that pattern.
Suggested Improvements
When I read the poem, I kept asking Why. Why did you call yourself a born architect? Why do you say you're quick to jump the gun. I like the point and counter-point, but answering that question would give the counterpoint more of an emphasis, and show clearer the disappointment.
Final Thoughts
Good poem about an emotion I know I feel as well. Thanks for sharing!
First Impressions
Until I read your poem, I'd never heard of echo verse before. It certainly is an interesting form. I enjoyed your take on the magnificent joys and pitfalls of coffee, as well as warning for the unwary.
Flow & Style
Being as this was my first introduction to this style, I'm not sure as to how smoothly the poem is supposed to flow. The single syllable echos didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem.
Imagery
Nice use of words. I especially liked: The steaming billows flow from liquid skin,
akin,
and like to those above which fill the sky,
on high.
Suggested Improvements
None that I can think of.
Final Thoughts
Great poem and a new style for me to consider. Thanks for sharing!
I think this is great advice for everyone who is finds writing a daunting task, especially within the confines of such limits. My flashes certainly seem that way. Of all the advice you give, I think numbers 3, 4, and 10 are the most helpful (to me as a beginner anyways), and I certainly intend to try them.
First Impressions
Wow! Such an incredible tale in just one thousand short words! I wasn't sure what to expect when you started off with the dreams, but you segued flawlessly from the narrator's dream to reality.
Grammar & Punctuation
Towards the end, you might want to do an edit for punctuation. It's nothing serious, just a few missing commas.
I really enjoyed your poem. You took an object most people might not think about and painted a picture with words. I like how you wrote of its possible history, where it may have been, and what it might have been used for. You showed how time and use changed it from something most people probably gave no thought to, to something to be admired.
What a wonderfully emotional poem! You were able to convey the man's pain, anger, his certainty, then doubt. I like how it comes full circle with the man hearing the answer to his question in the beginning.
The question, itself, is thought provoking. Why can he not feel what others do. It's the question that leads him to commit the irrevocable act, and the act that leads to his belated answer. I like how there is layers of meaning and feeling, painted with a vivid image.
Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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