I'm reviewing your story, "In Memory, Yet Green". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Overall Impressions
This was a funny, enjoyable story for St. Patrick's Day. Isaac is taken out of his comfort zone, yet everything works out fine in the end.
Storyline
It moves quickly from introduction to conflict to resolution.
Character & Setting
Isaac and Matilda seem to be two complete opposites. While Isaac's demeanor seems a bit imperious, Matilda is described as fun loving and happy-go-lucky.
Spelling & Grammar
The spelling and grammar were spot on. Some of the lines though, can be tightened up a bit for better effect.
Suggested Improvements
{color:red}His girl-friend Matilda had promised him a "rave" evening. {/red}
Matilda should be in between commas.
{color:red}While brushing his teeth, had some crazy ideas:
{color:green}teeth, he had
{color:red}In college, she helped the lab people {color:black}to set up all the necessary experiments for the students {color:black}of astronomy.
We are told she's an astronomy lab assistant. To have the word astronomy again would be redundant.
{color:red}Humming an old Beatles tune (yellow submarine),
Yellow Submarine needs to be capitols as the title of a song.
{color:red}his manner now on the verge of becoming an aggressor.
Replace "an aggressor" with "aggressive."
{color:red}Isaac left the salon and rushed out.
Try rearranging the words. Isaac left the salon in a rush or Isaac rushed out of the salon
I'm reviewing your poem, "My World". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impression
I thought this was an excellent poem about all the things one can experience without sight. It has strength and determination to face head-on what challenges life may bring.
Suggested Improvements
Perhaps one more sense, touch, can be added to it? Also, since you don't like your title, might I suggest "A Glimpse?"
Excellent poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "A Smooth Band Of Gold ". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
Initial Impression
What a moving and emotional poem about love that endures the test of time! You create a beautiful story through images and rhymes/near rhymes.
Suggested Improvements
In the first stanza, nodded seems contradictory to saying no.
The second-to-last line, a comma might be better than the semi-colon.
The last line, I think it would read better, if seemed was replaced with be.
Excellent poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "The world against me". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impression
This has the potential to be a very powerful poem about standing up to opposition, but it needs work. There is good use of imagery, but also phrases that don't seem to make much sense, except to try to rhyme.
Flow & Style
The rhymes sound forced. why did you try to pick a flare What does this mean? A fight?
The first two stanzas seem to follow the aabb pattern, while the last one is completely different.
Suggested Improvements No, I don't need your pity and neither sympathy
The word choices here is awkward. No, I don't need your pity or sympathy
I'm reviewing your poem, "Twisted". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
What an emotionally charged poem about child abuse! The poem brings to light the sad reality of this common occurrence.
Flow & Style
The flow starts off very rhythmicly, the shortness punctuating each word and emotion. You seem to change that when you talk to the abuser.
Suggested Improvements
I think the poem would be better with the use of commas in the lines as well.
dieing should be dying.
{color:red}You demons eating away at you.
Do you mean Your?
Nice poem. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'll be reviewing your "Introduction" . This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impression
This is the beginning of what is supposed to be a series of articles about a disability. What the disability is is currently unknown, but there are enough details to pique my interest.
Grammer & Punctuation
This introduction can be separated into multiple paragraphs, rather than the one, big block it is now.
Suggested Improvements
Many sentences begin with I. The repetitiveness eventually becomes boring. Try changing it a bit. artacles should be article good and or should be good and/or Before that happened, I want through should be went board should be bored
I'd suggest furter editing to help improve this introduction.
Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "Token Open Hearts". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
A very nice poem, showing how Christmas and Valentine's day have been turned to commercialistic days, where material things has become more important than actual love.
Flow & Style
Nice flow, rhythm and rhymes.
Suggested Improvements Wiat, just a week,
Wait.
Nice poem with a nice message.
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your lyrics, "A boy now a man". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
This is a very emotional piece, written for our soldiers serving away from home.
Flow & Style
Were you able to sing or say these words with a definate beat? I could not find a cadence at all, and for lyrics, I think rhythm is the most important. Words can be set to any tune, but without a beat, it won't fit well.
Suggested Improvements who now lays in Arlington
"lays" should be "lies", and how about "he" instead of "who".
I'm reviewing your poem, "Sad Melody". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
Very nice poem. Although I'm not a Christian, I can see the strength of your faith and the depth of feelings in your poem. I think the thoughts and images within are quite appropriate for this Lenten season.
Flow & Style
It is, as you say, quite an unusual metre and rhyme, and one that was not discernable at first. The description was somewhat a distraction in that the rhyme and metre became something I needed to search out.
Other Thoughts
I had to pause at the line about turning coal into diamonds. One cannot turn coal into diamonds; we merely find what time creates for us.
Still, it was poem that embodied spirit. Thanks for sharing!
--Wyn
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I'm reviewing your poem, "Nothing Can Compare". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
Such a beautiful poem, tender and elegant in its simplicity. The images you paint are emotional ones and stir up memories of being on the outside, watching mothers with their babies and the peace I felt when holding my own.
Flow & Style
The lines were smooth, with nice rhymes.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Dreaming Darkly". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
What a wonderfully dark and omnious poem! It speaks of seduction, victim, predator and prey. I wonder, are the words the nightmares of a victim turned hunter?
Flow & Style
Very nice aabb rhyming, with the last two lines of each quatrain rhyming as well. I noticed that the second to last line was a near rhyme, but that can be overlooked, as it blended smoothly with the rest of the poem.
I'm reviewing your poem, "examinaion". This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impression
I really liked how you described your body's reactions to the fear of what may come, your emotions, and resolve to not let that fear control you.
Flow & Style
The first stanza, there seems to be a pattern of rhyme and cadence started, so I was a bit thrown off with the change in the second, then subsequent verses.
Favourite Lines Oh! do not fear,
it will not clear exams,
my dear.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Desert Land", on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for your winning bid of Package 11 in the Heart to Heart Auction. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
This was a very nice poem about not losing faith and hope, even in the direst of situations. The desert provides a stark image of despair, while the storm clouds, usually ill omens, brings much relief to the parched soul. What a great reminder that our prayers are heard.
Suggested Improvements
None.
Lovely and inspirational poem. Thanks for sharing!
I'm reviewing your poem, "Desert Land", on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for your winning bid of Package 11 in the Heart to Heart Auction. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
This was a very nice poem about not losing faith and hope, even in the direst of situations.
Suggested Improvements
I'm not sure what the protocol is for suggesting improvements in a poem given to the author. In the response, I think the metre falters in two spots. The last line of the first stanza, how about beneath instead of on. The second stanza, I think hits the ground needs an extra beat.
Lovely and inspirational poems. Thanks for sharing!
I'm reviewing your poem, "My Journey", on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for your winning bid of Package 11 in the Heart to Heart Auction. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
Very nice images of the different paths the journey of life can take you on, each step a vastly different terrain, with their own surprises. Your poem looks back at the past and forward into the future. I liked the determination in your words that no one can take this journey for you but yourself.
Flow & Style
The capitolisation of Life in your verses makes a greater impact on the flow. It does not blend in, but stands out as something to draw attention to.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Alive", on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for your winning bid of Package 11 in the Heart to Heart Auction. This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
The poem and the picture are an exact mirror. It's good that you can take what many associate with dark emotions and make it an example of climbing out of darkness.
Flow & Style
Gently flowing free verse.
Suggested Improvements
I think the picture would make a greater impact if it was after the poem. Before the poem, it seems like the picture is the inspiration, rather than your rise out of depression.
I'm reviewing your poem, "Butterfly Wings", on behalf of ShellySunshine for your winning bid of Package 11 in "Invalid Item" . This is only my opinion, so please keep what you find useful, and disregard what you don't.
First Impressions
This is a very beautiful poem about hope and peace. I like the image of a faery, sprinkling dust to help heal the world. The two images fit the poems perfectly.
Flow & Style
You use a nice flowing free verse in three stanzas.
Suggested Improvements
Your first line starts the poem off from the first person (or in this case, faery) point-of-view, but the rest of the poem uses the third. Perhaps you can choose either one or the other, to maintain consistency.
The magical dust is spread again,
for she yearns for everlasting peace.
Instead of "for", how about, "because she yearns".
Hello, Richard Briley Jr! I'm reviewing your poem, "The Diaper Change".
Most parents, I think have had to face this at one time or another, racing down the highway, thn suddenly having to make a quick pit stop. I liked how you likened it to racecar driving. It was funny and engaging.
I thought this was a nice poem about deciding whether or not to step out into the unknown. I like the conflicting emotions created. This is a very good analogy of something we do every day, that we probably don't put into such descriptive words.
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon! I'm reviewing your poem, "Melody of the Broken Hearted".
First Impressions
What a wonderfully dark poem of sadness and desperation! I thought the picture fit well and helped to set the mood. The story was great! A broken heart, driving a composer to madness, losing himself to the music eternally.
Flow & Style
Very nice flow, if a bit choppy at places, but you maintained it well, given the complexity of the story.
Suggested Improvements
The only suggestion I can think of is to tighten the lines a bit for a smoother flow.
Hello, ! I'm reviewing your poem, "Where is happiness?".
First Impressions
Your poem poses a question I think many of us have; "Where Is Happiness." Why, though, does your voice come back lonely? I do like the ending.
Flow & Style
I'm not sure whether your intention is to free verse or follow a pattern. Three of your four couplets rhyme, and one of the two tercets rhyme.
Suggested Improvements
You may want to remove the spaces from between the lines.
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