This is a beautiful poem about an absolutely awe inspiring event! I particularly love your description of the southward flying geese as "shaftless arrows piercing the sky." What a lovely image! Very graphic!
Keep right on writing and making us take a second look at the things that go on around us like clockwork each year!
I have seen those old New England burial grounds, and yes, you have captured their quaintness and charming beauty very well in this story.
I like the depiction of Annie that you present. She sounds like a likeable old soul, and I agree that the children's laughter wouldn't have bothered her one bit.
Keep right on writing and making us think about those from our pasts.
I like the images you present in this poem. They come as little scenes that follow upon one another without much rhyme or reason, just like in a dream. Yet, overall, despite the mild chaos, there is a sense of satisfaction and peace that the reader gets from this piece.
Keep right on writing and making us ponder where our dreams may be leading us.
Yes, even though those spun sugar dreams easily evaporate into the ether, they are worth having for the pleasure that they bring while they are around and for the sweet memories they create. Going from one to another of these dreams is what keeps life going. If we didn't have them, our lives would be totally miserable.
Keep right on writing and presenting us with unusual truisms about life.
Whoa, fyn, this is one heck of a powerful piece! You certainly got me to sit back and think about what you wrote here. As a teacher, I am concerned about the anger that I see brewing just below the surface in some of the students that I teach. The idea that the school I teach in could just as easily be the next Columbine as any other school scares me to no end. But beyond that, your poem brings out the fact that if nothing is done to defuse the anger that our children are suffering with now, it could turn into all sorts of abuse and war later on...depending upon how much power the angry children get later on in life. That continuum that you exposed hit a raw nerve with me and sent an icy chill shivering down my back.
Thank you for posting this thought-provoking poem for us to read and review. Keep right on writing and making us feel uncomfortable about things that need our attention now!
The building passion and sense that something wonderful is being developed in this poem is truly fabulous. I like the way you build tension as the reader desires knowledge of the word you keep secret until the end and then it releases with an explosion -- similar to fireworks on the fourth of July!
Wonderful writing!! keep right on writing and making us proud to be American and/or free
Harry, this is the most chilling storeum I have ever read! The most terrifying part is, as you say, that Hitler thought we were soulmates with him in his plan for inferiority extermination. What a horrifying thought that is! I have never considered myself a violent human being, but I can easily see how someone, looking at events of America's past with Hitler's perspective, could see us as a race of vicious killers.
Your poem will haunt me for days to come...keep right on writing and making us take a hard look at things that terrify us about ourselves.
Hi Harry! I really like this poem a lot. There is a certain peacefulness about the poem as well as a slight undercurrent of the discordant. This rings true with the subject of your poem...elephants! They are generally a peaceful lot, but when man steps in and tries to corner the ivory market, well that's when discord rears its ugly head.
Very beautifully written, with quite a poignant message and something for us to ponder. Keep right on writing!
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I like the feeling behind this poem of elation and praise, but as I read through the poem, I felt as though I was stumbling over some of the longer lines. The poem is already powerful as it stands now, but you might want to try saying the same thing with fewer words. One way to do this is to try rewriting the poem with half the words it has now but still keeping the meaning and feeling and flow intact. I truly believe that if you try this, you'll be surprised by, and happy with, the results, and you'll find that your poem virtually pops off the page with life and vibrance.
Keep right on writing and presenting us with images that we normally don't have time to stop and study
I really like this poem, Bill! I like the gentle hush and flow of the words. They are soothing and sweet. You had me feeling relaxed by the time I got to the end of the poem. I also like how the shape of the poem is sort of like a figure eight and how the title given by Lexi comes full circle in this poem...almost as if the cycle is about to start over again for someone else now that the poem's work is done here.
Too philosophical for ya? Well, anyway, I enjoyed reading your little poem! Good luck in the contest!!
This is a great little poem! I like the way you snapshot moments in the life of the couple to show the changes that they have gone through as well as the good times that they had together.
I like the way the pacing slows when she gets sick and dies and picks back up again when he meets someone new.
The only place I noticed where a change of wording would make the poem flow better was in the following line:
Visits her grave daily -- I would put the word "daily" at the beginning of the line rather than at the end: Daily visits her grave.
Other than this, you did a wonderful job on writing this poem. I could almost see it saved within the pages of a photo album
Keep right on writing and presenting life to us in new ways through your words!
Cool poem, Bill! I really like the way your poem sends out pulses of words like the heart pumps out pulses of blood to the body. I could feel the fear building as I read through your poem. It reminds me a bit of Emily Dickenson's poem "I heard a fly buzz."
Keep right on writing and surprising us with your talents!
Whoa! This is great! Are you planning to turn this into a longer story after the micro-fiction contest is over? You could really turn this thing into a novel if you wanted to!
I'd really like to know just how Ryan hid without being seen by the husband. I think he got behind the door somehow, but with the husband walking in at the same time, I don't see how he wasn't seen.
I love the passion you showed in the few seconds that Ryan and the wife were together. Much different than what the out-of-touch husband's scene with her was like.
Keep right on writing and startling us with the situations your words create!!
This is another poem that has the ring of a prayer to it. It is almost a blessing on someone who has done his/her best and is ready to give up because strength and hope are waning. The speaker is sort of a spiritual cheerleader, urging the person to continue on as planned. Lovely writing!!
This is a really soothing prayer/poem. As I read it, I felt calmness wash over me. It certainly has a ring of sincerity to it, and I could almost see the person praying at the side of his/her bed before getting under the covers to slip into pure sweet sleep. Beautifully written!
Whoa! Another Bill Wilcox treasure! This story really held my attention from start to finish!! I'll be very happy to highlight it as one of my picks in my Drama newsletter this week Is there any genre in which you can't write? I like the use you made of sensory detail in this one. Terrific job!
Wow, this is one powerful poem! All the way through the poem, I was under the impression that the speaker was either someone close to the person spoken to or else a stalker seeking to have her for his own. But when I got to the ending, I was hit with the awesome horror of it all! I have a strong sense that the speaker is something more horrific than just a voice inside her head. It seems more like a demon possessing her than anything else.
Thank you for posting this great poem for us to read! Keep right on writing and making us think!!
You have created a very intriguing poem here! I particularly like the way you play with the formation and positioning of your lines. The visual effect really adds to the experience of reading the poem. Thanks for sharing your work with us!
Keep right on writing, and good luck in the contest!!
This is a rather interesting poll I seem to be in the minority since I chose "Yes. More than I expected." I'd also like to add that about half of the reviews that I get are very detailed and of a very high quality that helps to improve my writing.
Keep right on writing and posting polls that get us to think about what is happening on this site
Great poll, but now you have to add the Boobah characters into the choice mix because they are even worse than the teletubbies! As hard as that is to believe, it is true. I cannot see what attracts little kids to these ugly color puffs that make weird noises and really do nothing other than provide something akin to a bad acid trip!
Keep right on writing and creating polls that allow us to vent a little
This is a fun poll to take I like the choices you gave here! I happen to watch the show from time to time with my five-year-old daughter, so that is how I know the answer to the question.
Keep right on writing and creating polls that make us relax a while and smile!
This is a very cool poll! But you left out one possibility...I watch the show from time to time. I had a blast answering this poll and the one it is attached to.
Keep up the great work of creating polls that make us think about the more inane things in life and make them seem important
Great poll, and after 9/11, I'm not surprised to find my own beloved New York in second place! But, I do wonder why you left Chicago and Detroit out of the list. Was it only because you couldn't fit them into the form, or do the listed cities have a special significance for you?
Keep right on writing and creating polls that we can have fun answering!
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