In this poem, I see life itself as the war through which we are progressing, and I like this view since it is designed to keep us on our toes and ever aware of what is going on around us, but it can also be wearying since this view doesn't allow for the soldier to rest...that is, until his life is over. I'd like a bit of furlough time every now and again to regroup and relax.
Your view of the medals won by the valiant soldier is right on the mark. They are just momentary awards that will soon be gathering dust in the back of a junk drawer in the kitchen or basement. The true glory comes from knowing that as a soldier, one has done his best to get through.
Keep right on writing and sharing your views with us!
Very lovey little poem! I like the way you weave the warmth of Jesus' birth celebration in with the blanket of snow covering the town. Despite the fact that they are cut off from the outside world, Christmas arrives and is celebrated as if the people of the town haven't a care in the world. And, this is as it should be
Keep right on writing and pointing out the wonders of Christ's birth!
Really cute poem! Very good use of the photo prompt. I like the way you create a sort of story around the tree and the three bears who are waiting for Santa to come and visit them. I'm glad that he doesn't keep them waiting long and promises to return year after year.
Keep right on writing and trying your hand at new prompts
I enjoyed reading this poem a lot! I like the way you depict the bitter chill of winter through your descriptions in this piece. I could almost feel the cold biting through my layered clothing. You have done a wonderful job of allowing the reader to share in the experience with your character.
Keep right on writing and sharing gems like this one!
You have captured the snowy, chilly, frosty atmosphere of a cold and snowy day very well in this little poem. I like the minimalist style you used here. It sort of reflects the clipped speech of those who have been outdoors a while and have chattering teeth.
Yes! I long for the first snowfall here to join the children in their first snowball fight of the season!! What fun! You have truly captured the essence of the event in this little poem!
Keep right on writing and reminding us of childhood passions that may have slipped temporarily away from some of us!
A truly heart-rending tale of a beautiful child abused and taught to fear well before he/she is ready to learn about such things. My heart reaches out to those children who suffer at the hands of those who should know better.
Thank you for sharing this wake-up-call with us. We all need to be on the look-out for this kind of thing and try to do something to curtail it.
Yes! I could see the word paintings forming right from the beginning of this piece!! I like very much the way you started out with the broad expanse of the sky and slowly zeroed in on narrower and narrower focuses until you ended up watching yourself write the poem. Sort of like MC Escher's sketch of the real hand sketching a drawn hand sketching the real hand! Wonderful stuff!
Keep right on writing and creating gems like this one!!
You are absolutely right about how much the Christmas season has been re-oriented toward expenditure of money rather than giving of love here in America. We really do need to keep Christ in Christmas and remember the true reason for this holy day's celebration.
There is only one thing that I noticed while I was reading your poem that I thought I should point out to you...in the first line of the poem, did you intentionally spell "morning" as "mourning?" If not, you need to take the "u" out of it. It is an interesting spelling quirk since you are mourning the failure of Americans to recognize Christ's birthday in a less commercial way on the morning of His birth.
Very nicely written poem! You voice here a sentiment that is absolutely true! If one looks upon Nature with love and gentleness of touch, it will remain for all to see in the glory of its pristine beauty...but then, we come along and tear it all up by destroying Nature to put up a dock or a row of slum houses...for what purpose?
Thank you for giving us something to think about the next time we view something in Nature that is beautiful and hope it would last.
Nice poem of self-realization. I'd almost expect to see a sequel to this poem in which the speaker talks about what happened when he/she went back to saving his/her own self image instead of trying to find out something that could not be determined.
Keep right on writing and creating self-reflexive poetry
A very peaceful and calming setting description! I like the way you put this in present tense. It makes it all the more immediate for the reader to share in the experience of being there.
Here are a couple of minor things that I noticed while reading your piece:
where all pain and knowledge of yourher surroundings
the water grew gentle and sunksank into the sand.
Thanks for sharing this piece with us, and keep right on writing!
Spidey, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this festive season of the year while your mom and uncle are healing and recovering from their surgeries. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and I know that God will watch over you and yours this holiday season!
Wishing you all the best since you already have the best Christmas present of all --- good news about your mom and uncle! Take care and keep right on writing!!
Very interesting story! I like the general gist of it, but I have found a few things that you might like to address as I was reading:
She finds it, expectsinspects it reminiscently, and places it in her pocket.
Her breathebreath is foggy in the air, and her chest feels heavier as the walk continues.
Having walked over the bridge, the woman carriescontinued on toward the lake’s side, passing by gray stones as they protrude from the ground.
You start off writing in past tense, which is great, but then you shift to present tense and continue that way to the end of the piece. You should keep the whole thing in past tense. It will be less confusing to the reader that way.
This is going to be a very powerful poem! But first, you need to decide which tense you want to write in here. The first few lines are in present tense, then most of the rest is in past. It is always easiest to stick to the past tense throughout a piece of writing. Once you get the boy's actions all in the past or all in the present, this will be a dynamite piece of writing!!
Keep right on writing and revising gems like this one!
You have a very good piece in progress here. I like the way you present the happiness of the past and then reveal the sadness of the present. But, I would like to see the interaction and love between those gathered while Natale is alive and then hear and feel the empty silence of the house after his death. This can be done easily by adding in dialogue and sensory details to help your reader actually share in the experience of both being with and being without Natale at Christmas time.
What a lovely sentiment you express at the end of this short poem about a life's dream.
Yes, isn't it wonderful when we are young and the whole world is waiting for us to just snatch at it and take the future and mold it in our hands? What happens to the sculptor who is molding that futuristic clay? Does he/she just vanish when we reach a certain age? Why do we give up on our dreams?
I like the fact that even achieving part of the dream turns out to be so spectacular for your speaker in this poem. It offers hope to the rest of us poor schleps who are still trying to carve that path that will lead us to the achievement of our dreams and goals!
I think every family has one of those old boxes stashed away in and attic, garage or basement! It is amazing, but as I read your piece, it was like you were going through the tattered box in my basement that I have longed to throw away, but which seems to have a force field of some kind around it that won't allow me to get it anywhere near a trash can!
This piece contains nice reminiscences and has no grammatical errors that I could catch!
Keep right on writing and keeping the past alive with stories about whatever it is that has been stowed away in those secret hiding places we all have!
You make many good points here. Yes, Christmas has become very commercialized over the years as technology has allowed us common folk to buy gadgets and gizmos to brighten up our yards and homes. But, if the decorations are put up with reverence and love for Jesus, along with a prayer of thanks for having the ability to buy and assemble them, then I can see nothing wrong with someone dressing up their homes for a birthday party for Jesus. We do as much for our own children, don't we? And Jesus is at least as important as our children, right?
I think the problem comes in, as you say, when people lose sight of the fact that if it weren't for Christ's birth, there would be no Christmas at all. If it is this sort of paganized celebration, then I am with you, but I know that my family and I thank God for all of His goodness before we put up a single gaudy decoration, and we always thank Him for providing us with the means for having such pretty things in our yard and home.
I truly hope that your holidays will be healthy, happy and holy. Keep right on writing and voicing your opinions on things like this that really matter to you.
This is a very hard-as-nails reality check of a poem. I like the way your narrator is tough on the person looking in the mirror, presumably the speaker herself. And, your ending is oh so true that it makes one wonder why we care so much about what other people think and say about us.
Here is the one technical error I found while reading your piece:
and watch the peicespieces fall
Keep right on writing and taking a good hard look in that magical, mystical mirror that really tells us nothing at all.
Your poem does capture what we are doing this endureview challenge for. It is a very clever little piece to be sure. You should send it to Redbird to use on the Endureview forum pages.
Very nicely written piece! Keep right on writing and providing a reality check for us every once in a while!!
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