Hello! I have come across your story and just finished reading it. I wanted to leave you some positive feedback and friendly advice!
I feel deep into your words, seeing and feeling the prison you describe so well. The story line is good and the ending is an amazing twist that the reader totally does not expect, yet LOVES! Being a prisoner of yourself is a hell like no other and you wrote this well, describing it in great detail.
I noticed only minor typos or errors in your story. The best way for me to show you is for me to copy and paste it here and I will show the error/typo by using () around whatever it is. Hope that was just clear as mud Ha Ha but I think you will see what I mean once you start reading the following:
I awaken disoriented and unsure of my unfamiliar surroundings(,)my head feels (hazy),as if it is in a fog. It feels as if years have gone by that I have been trapped within this dark prison. How I got here, I don't know. I try looking all over the prison, but all that is around me is cold(,)damp(,) brick. The only source of light I have is a tiny hole in the wall that serves as my window(, barely showing me the)beauty of the outside world. I am forever alone with my maddening thoughts. I attempt to focus my dreams on the forest in the distance. What kind of (animals) live there? Is there a town beyond it, my town? How did I get here? Who put me here,and why? The sounds of the rats darting around in the shadows make me shiver and cringe. The only freedom is the chatter of the birds outside(,)though they never come to my tiny window. Each day my abductor comes to speak to me, but I am unable to understand what is said or whether it's (a)male or female. I have never seen the one who keeps me here as their face is always covered by a black mask. I wonder who or what is behind that mask(?)
I look down at my arms and legs only to find they are bruised and tattered. I try to use what little sunlight I have to look at my battered hands, but there is so much dirt and grim, my fingers are almost indistinguishable. Every inch of me is covered in caked on blood, most likely from years of living in this dreadful prison. My hair is no longer the soft blonde locks I vaguely remember them to be. Now it feels like (stringy)twine and (it) scratches at my face. My clothes look as if I have been mauled by a bear, dirty, bedraggled and covered in blood. I can’t remember when the last time I took a nice hot shower was, or even a cold one. I close my eyes in attempts to remember what it was like before I was imprisoned, yet to my dismay my memories are long gone. Each time I cry out in anguish, I hear the gruff (voice)of the guard outside. The heavy footsteps of the massive guard are my only means of time. He comes at dawn, noon, and night, how long he stays I am uncertain. I wonder if he is the one whispering things through the dark. “You’ll never leave. You will forever be in this prison. No one cares enough to rescue you.”
Each day I spend looking for a way out. Just when it seems as though I may be able to be free, I am thrust back into reality after waking from yet another dream. After an innumerable amount of years, I finally saw my chance of freedom. After being fed my daily meal of indistinguishable mush, I realized the clank of the latch never occurred. My ever watchful guard had made a mistake. A piece of the rock wall tumbles as I move to open the door, frightening me. I scurried back to my corner in fear I was heard. After what seemed like hours I gathered enough (courage and) strength to attempt my escape once again
I dashed out the door before the guard realized his mistake. The longer I explored this labyrinth of a prison the more familiar it felt. Though I feel as if I know this place, every turn is a new surprise yet feeling as if I am walking in my own home. I desperately want to cry out in frustration, but fear I would be heard and thrown back to my cell. As I rounded a new corner I come to the door. This is it! I have found the way out! Finally I am free.
I reach out for the door, just as the door opens and I feel the warmth of the sun on my scarred face for the first time, a skeletal hand grabs my shoulder and swings me around. (My abductor?) Whoever it is grabs my arms so tight I can’t move, it stares at me with deep (dead) eyes, nothing but blackness. I try to wiggle free, in order to fight but it’s futile. I cling to the door edge as I am being dragged back to my dingy cell. As the (abductor) throws me around into the cell, I grab its mask and tear it away. My throat lets out a gasp as I realize the face staring back at me is...myself.
Other then the few typos that I saw everything looked just fine! These are only my suggestions, please do with them as you like! Just some friendly advice!
Nice story line and you hold the readers attention throughout the entire piece!
Write On!!
  |
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
