Howdy, Christina~Thanks StoryMaster and thank you for participating in "Invalid Item" hosted by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~. My name is Kristi and I will be reviewing your entry "To YoU…" . Please understand that I review as I hope to be reviewed ~ honestly and openly. I may make a suggestion in this review, but it will, of course, be just that... a suggestion. I tend to rate poetry on the feeling(s) the piece invokes in me, rather than on popularity or societal views and standpoints.
GENERAL THOUGHTS
A very deep and emotional piece that had me suffering right along with the main character. At first, the random capitalized words were distracting, but then I realized that those specific words WERE, in fact, more powerful when capitalized. I also like the off-beat formatting that can be found in places throughout the poem.
SUGGESTIONS
I wanna scream ‘coz of the pain, For us older readers, "'coz" is a bit bothersome. I would consider changing it to "'cause".
Is something that puzzles me no end. Consider inserting "to" directly after "me".
Thank you for sharing this piece of yours with all of us here at WDC. And again, thank you for entering the contest. I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you back for Round 11!!
Howdy, Clarified Chaos and thank you for participating in the "Invalid Item" hosted by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~. My name is Kristi and I will be reviewing your entry "Van Helsing's Battle" . Please understand that I review as I hope to be reviewed ~ honestly and openly. I may make a suggestion in this review, but it will, of course, be just that... a suggestion. I tend to rate poetry on the feeling(s) the piece invokes in me, rather than on popularity or societal views and standpoints.
GENERAL THOUGHTS
A very descriptive, hair raising, and spine tingling rendition of an excerpt from Dracula. If you ask me, this poem belongs in the book!! The rhythm flows frighteningly well and the rhyme blends together smoothly. Great job!
SUGGESTIONS
Till morning came along with the sun, The use of "Till" always puts me in the mind of a garden. I have always recommended people use "'til" when using it as the shortened version of "until".
Thank you for sharing this piece of yours with all of us here at WDC. And again, thank you for entering the contest. I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you back for Round 11!!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
And yet again, you have captured my full attention with your poetic story telling talent. Only this time, you incorporated a rhyming and rhythmic form.
MY FAVORITE PART
For what is lost to us. We are strangers once more, every ray
Of sunshine is agony, an implacable reminder of stupendous madness;
And thus the dimming of the night and the dawning of the day
Become a dreadful thing. With light comes clarity. The sadness
Stems from morning regrets; the matchless folly of fulfilled desires
Overwhelms last night's gladness. The sun awakes, the moon tires.
SUGGESTIONS
Sitting here in watchful silence, each in our own way grieving Since the rest of this piece contains punctuation, I would place a period after "grieving".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I am very glad to have found this piece! I am still sitting here in awe of your story telling abilities; how you manage to draw me in with your first word and still have my full attention long after I am finished reading. Again, I thank you for sharing your masterpiece with us all!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A very well written poetic story that narrates a scene in the loathed marriage counselor's office.
MY FAVORITE PART
the lying bitch, her tears accompanied by heaving tits
in the hopes of stirring up his sympathy and my jealousy.
SUGGESTIONS
An maybe while he sits there leaning back in the chair I believe that "An" should be "And".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I am always impressed by your poetic story telling abilities. Not many people can tell a full story in so few words and poetically at that. I love the realness; the no holds barred attitude in your writings. I appreciate and respect how you are not afraid to use profanity when the story calls for it. You are very capable of drawing the reader in to the exact nature of your writings. Thank you for sharing this with us and please, keep up the great work!
Just a suggestion: you may want to edit your brief summary as it mentions that your brother in law passed away on October 7, 2009. We have yet to make it to that date. I suppose that you meant to type October 7, 2008. This is a very sad and loving piece dedicated to a loved one who has passed away. The sentimental message comes through loud and clear. I did get tripped up in a couple of places where the rhyme just seems to end and then pick up again. Was this intended? Thank you for sharing this piece with us all and accept my condolences for your loss.
Awesome little shop you have here! I found just what I needed for several different occasions! Thank you for making it possible to send a little bit of sunshine to some friends!!!
Hey, Dave, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
This beautifully written piece followed the required prompt of describing spring perfectly and enticingly!
FORM
I am not a poetic form pro, but I know what I like! And I like this 5 line stanza form where the rhyme scheme is AABBA. Very appeasing for the reader.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
There are no spelling or grammatical errors present in this piece! Bravo!!
RHYME & RHYTHM
The rhyme does not seem to be forced and the rhythm flows like a melody.
MY FAVORITE PART
In springtime, Mother Nature starts to play
with colors, replacing the dreary gray
in the sky with a much more vibrant blue.
She soaks the grass in an emerald hue,
celebrating spring in her special way.
A splendid introduction to Mother Nature's perfect ability to announce spring to our ending winter days.
SUGGESTIONS
The second stanza is a bit distracting. While it does follow the rhyming pattern of the entire poem, it is the only stanza that consists of each line having the same end rhyme. In all the others, the third and fourth line's rhymes are different from the first and the second.
PERSONAL OPINION
This is a very uplifting piece that makes me want to celebrate the coming of spring and anticipate it throughout the remaining three seasons!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of
Spring Cleaning (13+) Second chances come in unexpected guises. (Beyond the Water's Edge flash fiction entry) #1553262 by romance_junkie
An extremely bitter-sweet piece about a couple in their fifties fighting for their love. This short story is packed full of a myriad of emotions, from pain to embarrassment to love to hate to happiness to grief; an abundance of feelings for the reader to experience.
MY FAVORITE PART
How ever long she had, he meant to spend the rest of her days making sure she knew how much he loved her. Sometimes, you do get second chances, he thought, and set about kissing her in earnest.
SUGGESTIONS
Spring cleaningtime again. A space is needed between "cleaning" and "time".
she couldn’t bear to leave without making the house sparkle once last time. "once" should be "one".
I’m fifty-seven years old, he thought, and look at least sixty. How on earth could she think a twenty-year old girl would even look in my direction, much less get naked with me? Character thoughts should be italicized. There are a couple of instances as such.
He knew he'd mishandled handled the situation in a bad way. Consider removing "mishandled" as "handled" is sufficient.
And that suddenly his world collapsed around him. Consider removing "that".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
With the proper care of the technical issues, this story would prove to be very powerful and inspirational. As it is, it is a bit difficult to read and follow. If the few suggestions I made were seen to, the reader would be able to fall more into the scene and really get a feel for the emotions that are present. The story line is great and I encourage you to keep writing shorts! Thank you for sharing this with us all!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A great story from the perspective of Buffer, the beagle!
MY FAVORITE PART
I snuggled deeper into Angela’s arms and sneezed softly twice as that ridiculous flowery smell wafted up from the pulse in her throat. Girls seem to prefer that stuff over nice fresh burnt rubber or a heavenly hint of kipper.
SUGGESTIONS
Only Joshua and his current girl-friend were in the room beyond, the study; I would remove the comma after "beyond".
view-halloo the visitors. I'm not sure that I know what this means.
Miz Hurley who was both cook and general dogsbody A comma should be placed after "Hurley".
I felt a hand upon my collar, a couple of pats on my back, Ah, appreciation, at last! Should the comma after "back" actually be a period?
That girl really knew how to hit all the right spots, I was rolled over on my tummy and my paws were waving in ecstasy as she ran fingers down my belly. I would change the comma to either a period or a semicolon.
There was a sound like someone running into wall or other hard object Consider placing "a" before "wall".
but I had learned her name – Darling.” Should there be a beginning quotation before "Darling"?
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Although there are a few areas that need technical attention, I really enjoyed reading this. I have always been partial to stories narrated by animals, especially pet dogs! Your ability to show rather than tell is superb, as I felt I was right there in the room beyond the study! Thank you for sharing this with us all!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
What a fantastic and splendid display of watching the day disappear into the night!!!!
MY FAVORITE PART
Sinuous, sensuous, wavelets of surf AND Distant waves foam, lift their frilly skirts and dance
SUGGESTIONS
Is there anything anyone could suggest that could stand to improve this artistically written masterpiece? I think not!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I am in total awe of this poet's raw talent to paint such a vivid and beautiful picture comprised of perfectly selected words. Each word blends together with the next in such a succulent manner! This is an amazing piece that will be saved to my favorites immediately. I am saving this for all my friends and family to read. Please keep up the great work ~ this is beyond priceless!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A short, but sweet, little piece written about a new couple in love! Ahhhh... the memories!
MY FAVORITE PART
Around the world
you could go,
my love will accompany,
this you know.
SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I have is to add more. It ended way before I was ready for it to.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I love the sweet message of new love that is delivered in this poem. The poet does a good job of recreating the memories of falling in love. As I mentioned earlier, I would love to see more added to this piece. Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work!
Hello Jennifer Thorne. After reading "Rock Bottom" , I would like to offer you a review on behalf of the "Invalid Item" . Please accept what is helpful and disregard anything that is not.
An interesting piece that depicts this poet's definition of rock bottom.
MY FAVORITE PART
The wind carries my whisper of pleading
The moonlight has strayed falling from the sky
These rocky roads leave my bare feet bleeding
Wide open space between nature and I
SUGGESTIONS
Desolation spread its wings over me Should "spread" actually be "spreads"?
Waves come crashing from the sea with furry I believe "furry" should be "fury".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I think this is a nicely written poem. The rhyme does not appear to be forced and the rhythm is smooth - not choppy. Thank you for sharing this with us all and keep up the great work. I am excited to visit your port to read more of your work!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Dickinson Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A very heartwarming piece written to the poet's daughter who is growing up to become her own person.
MY FAVORITE PART
but I hope you will keep
the laughter in your eyes,
and that the best part of me
will remain with you always.
SUGGESTIONS
There are no suggestions to offer; this piece is free of any errors and is magnificent!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Through the carefully selected words used, I could feel the immense love the poet has for her daughter who is blossoming into a young lady. I could also sense the anxiety of the poet as she hopes all the good she has instilled in her daughter stays with her for a lifetime. The poet/mother knows all too well how life can throw curve balls at any time to diminish the "laughter in [our] eyes" yet she doesn't give up hope for her daughter's future. Very good and inspiring piece. Thank you for sharing this with us all!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Dickinson Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A short poem in which the poet briefly describes who she is and what keeps her going.
MY FAVORITE PART
Secrecy is my enemy.
Writing is my salvation.
No longer will I hide who I am.
This is me. Take me or leave me.
SUGGESTIONS
This piece needs no improvement as it is error free and perfect!!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I love this poet's honesty and bluntness. There is much strength and dignity to be read into this poem, as well as the poet. This is an awesome piece that I shall recommend to everyone! Thank you so much for sharing this inspirational piece! Keep up the great work.
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A very interesting story, indeed, concerning the changing of the seasons.
MY FAVORITE PART
It was here Crayola drew her muse for creating new crayons. There was every color for the painter's palette out here in the wilderness.
SUGGESTIONS
The sun was shining, it was going to be a beautiful day. This is only a suggestion: I would change the comma to a semi-colon as both parts make up their own sentence.
Normally the seeds would have been planted in the gardens around late April or mid May. Consider placing a comma after "Normally".
Just a few more fences to climb, and I would be at the base of the mountain. The comma after "climb" is not necessary.
A long thin gray line was just clearing the horizon. A comma should be placed after "long".
The wall of bitter rage was marching on-ward as nothing could stop it. I believe "on-ward" should be "onward".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I am quite impressed by this author's ability to paint a picture with perfectly chosen words. It was as if I was in the wilderness with her, taking in all the beauty of the natural surroundings. Very good job of showing and not telling! This could be considered an artistic masterpiece! Thank you for sharing!!!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A very short story that offers a comical account of an incident the author experienced at work.
MY FAVORITE PART
I was stunned and didn’t quite know what to say. My face must have shown my confusion as both ladies were staring at me quizzically. I looked her in the eyes and as sincerely as possible said, “I am so sorry.” There was a moment of silence as both ladies looked at each other and then back at me as they burst out laughing. The lady held up a plant she wished to purchase: A Bleeding Heart.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions to offer; this piece is error free!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is quite a funny story at the author's expense! I am certain all three ladies involved enjoyed a healthy bit of laughter. Thank you for sharing this event with us and keep up the great work!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of
So Far Gone (E) A short story written for a contest. Based on true events. #1139759 by ~WhoMe???~
A true account of the author's struggle with health problems. This short story also questions where fate/destiny fits in the picture.
MY FAVORITE PART
or can I find the treadmill of life strong enough to help me back into an exercise regime again?
SUGGESTIONS
Sure I have tried to change the way I do some things, but as soon as I get started, something always gets into my way. Consider placing a comma after "Sure" and I would change "into" to "to" as "into" implies inside of something.
I had decided it was time to take my health and get it into order. I would change this instance of "into" as well.
Although I am not even sure anymore the doctors knew for what disease if any they were trying to treat me. I would consider removing "Although" as it is not necessary. I would also remove "anymore" for the same reason. "if any" should be set off with commas.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is an interesting read that allows the reader to learn a bit about the author. I am compelled to answer a couple of the questions asked within the story. Do I give this another shot once I am healed again? Or is that when “Some Thing” will rear its head again? Yes, YES! You must give it another shot once you are healed. And maybe that "Some Thing" will rear its head again, but then again, maybe it won't. Everyone has those "Some Things" that always come in to interfere with the natural progression of our lives. Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the great work, both in writing and in your pursuit of good health!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
HA!! You had me in suspense up to the very end, which wasn't too long since it was only 55 words! How do you do it?
MY FAVORITE PART
I felt a violent shove. The world became dark.
I could feel damp and warmth. I struggled to move.
My pulse raced.
There was strange noise and turmoil, then a blessed release.
I felt cold air upon my cheek.
I let out a loud cry.
"A baby girl,” said the doctor to my mother.
SUGGESTIONS
This piece needs no improving whatsoever!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
To say I am impressed is a major understatement. Beside the fact that the author tells a complete story in less than 60 words, she does so with an air of suspense! I am blown away by this talent and can't wait to go back to this folder to find more masterpieces!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Sylvia Plath Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
A well written poem depicting a very real message that all should take heed to.
MY FAVORITE PART
the sun looks sad as it sets in the sky
the angels above are wondering why
we sit around and ruin our lives
by taking drugs and beating our wives
SUGGESTIONS
to the ones who have gone to a better place This line kinda threw me off as I don't see how it ties in with the preceding and succeeding lines.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I love the message being delivered and couldn't agree more. Yes, we should all give help to a stranger ~ every chance we get. It would definitely prove to make this world a better place as you have stated. I am very pleased that I found this and am looking forward to rummaging through your port some more! Keep up the great work.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Dickinson Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Oh, the sentiment that is bubbling over in these letters is so touching! I must know, are these letters nonfiction or fiction? Either way, they are the sweetest and most natural letters in the world.
MY FAVORITE PART
Oh! gozIntas are division…you know, 5 gozinta 25 how many times? (5)
SUGGESTIONS
I asked dad if we could go out to it, I do realize this is written from the perspective of an eight year old little girl; however, you should consider capitalizing "dad" since it is being used as his name rather than a noun.
Today is the first day of Spring. "Spring" should be lower case. I have never understood why the seasons aren't special enough for capitalization.
We had two islands in ours: A big island with a lodge on it, and a little one nearer our house. Consider changing "A" to lowercase since it isn't actually at the beginning of a sentence.
Oh! gozIntas are division "gozIntas" should maybe be "gozintas"? And how clever!!!
The geese had 7 babies. According to the majority of the guidelines, all numbers below 10 should be spelled out. This is not something that I see as major, just wanted to point it out.
Perhaps next time you should ask your Dad before picking out a vine!!!! With the way it is being used here, "Dad" should be lowercase. I am such a stickler, huh?
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I feel blessed to have discovered this gem of a write. I am heartbroken, though, that it appears that Grand wasn't able to write a last letter as I assume she was on her island in Heaven. A very touching series of letters that I hope are read by the masses!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Dickinson Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
This riveting story is a whirlwind of spine-tingling fear mixed with raw emotions. I cannot seem to make the goosebumps go away.
MY FAVORITE PART
That faint whistle. I hear it again. Dalton dives over me blocking out the sun.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am called to attention.
Taps sound. The clear, simple notes float over Arlington. I will never forget her eyes.
Back ramrod straight, I take the triangular folded American flag and salute my commanding officer. Executing a right face, I take two steps. Two world crossing steps and stop.
I hear the Major’s voice.
'Presenting the flag is Private First Class Stuart Fitzgerald, standing here today solely due to the courageous actions above and beyond the call of duty of Petty Officer 3rd Class Andrea Dalton.'
I salute Mrs. Dalton. Her eyes are Dalton's eyes looking at me. I hand her the flag that honored Dalton home.
Her mother turns to give me a hug. Her head barely reaches my chest. Her silent tears drop on a garnet colored ribbon. She tells me it is okay. This tiny woman, whose daughter died protecting me, tells me it is okay. Next to her, I am the one who feels small.
SUGGESTIONS
but this excuse for a road is like driving across the wind-frozen lake up near my Uncle's camp. Since you don't include the actual name of the uncle, it should be lower case.
That, I think is the big difference. I would consider placing a comma after "think".
My recruiter had a handshake like my Dad's Again, "Dad's" should be lower case unless you remove "my". It should only be capitalized when being used as a proper noun rather than a noun.
When writing quoted dialogue, the double quotation marks should be used. I noticed throughout this piece that you only used the single quotations. I would consider changing this.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
This story is nothing less than completely captivating. I felt like I was in the Hummer, bouncing roughly across the desert, sandy terrain. There are a few small technical/mechanical issues that, if corrected, would bring this story to masterpiece status! I am amazed by your ability to draw the reader in and your talent to evoke strong emotions. Your story telling skills are superb. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "Are We There Yet?" for the 2nd Round of ~The Story Spinner Contest~
DID THE STORY FOLLOW THE PROMPT?
Yes, this story followed the selected prompts very nicely. How this author was able to write a true story from given prompts is very intriguing to me! Excellent job!
WAS THE STORY INTERESTING AND FUN TO READ?
I found this story very interesting to read. Knowing before hand that this author's father had passed, I was captivated by the element of mystery throughout the entire piece. I wasn't sure if he was still living or not until the end.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
I noticed only a couple of tiny technicalities and have listed them below for your review.
SUGGESTIONS
My Aunt Debby had allowed her son B.J., A comma should be placed after "son" to fully set apart his name from the sentence.
He proceeded to take us on a three-hour detour through the most derelict parts of Indianapolis; finally ending up lost in the outskirts of some unknown township. I am a huge fan of the semicolon but think that a dash (-) would be more effective and appropriate as the second part of the sentence is not a complete sentence and could not stand on its own.
‘Deb, can’t you just drive? I want to get to this party before it is too late!’ Consider changing the single quotation to double quotation marks since it is, in fact, a direct quote.
All my inept driver had to do is turn a right a few times I would consider removing the "a" that is before "right".
The theme is a surprize party. The surprize... "surprize" should actually be "surprise".
WHAT I LIKED
I particularly like how this author told a true story out of given prompts. This accomplishment truly amazes me!
Thank you for entering your short story in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Ha! Ha!! I think this is wonderful! And quite original I would say! I never would have thought to write about something like this. I found it both entertaining and humorous! I think you have found another niche. You should thank your boyfriend. I have a couple tiny suggestions to offer you. A couple of corrections that should be made in the description of this piece. You have, " Poem about an commerical I saw this A.M." I would change "an" to "a" and "commerical" should be "commercial". Also, "A.M." should actually be lowercase. As for the poem itself, the only thing I would do is change "for both girls and the boy." to "for both the girl and the boy." I am rating this a 5 because I love how the inspiration came from a commercial and I am still sitting here with a silly grin on my face from the humor packed inside! Bravo!!!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Bravo!!! This piece brings about a whole new perspective to the condom and its usage. Despite the couple of small typos I noticed, I am rating this a 5 because it is unique and I love the way this whole poem flows. I love the imagery, the imagination, and the style! An absolutely wonderful piece!!
MY FAVORITE PART
I looked up at the dawning night, shivering with cold and fright,
at the thought of uses more sinister,
the struggling flailing gasps of one unwilling,
a ragged cloth used to administer chemical compliance,
a body bruised and battered, overpowered and shattered
torn apart by the wrong place, wrong time,
discarded, along with the evidence, into the watery abyss;
I shook my head, clearing such dark those thoughts from my mind;
they have no place on such a gorgeous evening.
SUGGESTIONS
like an sinking boat "an" should be "a".
not-so-nice in it refinements, I think "it" should be "its".
OVERALL IMPRESSION
As I already made mention, I believe this is awesome! I enjoyed reading every word. Thank you for your creativity! You truly have been blessed in that area. I can't wait to raid more of your port.
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of
Limes (ASR) Prompt: a horse, an earring, and an ice cream cone #1554368 by romance_junkie
A very short, comical story about a possible romance that began in a supermarket. This could really be turned into something longer!
MY FAVORITE PART
This girl was trouble. And he was in love.
SUGGESTIONS
‘I think you got it first.’ Consider using the double quotations when using dialogue; it is more appropriate.
His sleeve caught on her earring when they went bent down His sleeve caught on her earring when they went bent down
“Horses Are God’s Apology For Men”. For this, I would do one of two things: either use the single quotation marks or just italicize it.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I enjoyed reading this piece but was left wanting more! I would like to see this short story expanded at least another 200 words (or more). Thank you for sharing and let me know if you ever decide to add to it.
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I wanna scream ‘coz of the pain,
For us older readers, "'coz" is a bit bothersome. I would consider changing it to "'cause". 
Love
I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor 
Since the rest of this piece contains punctuation, I would place a period after "grieving".
"once" should be "one".
Character thoughts should be italicized. There are a couple of instances as such.
My Aunt Debby had allowed her son B.J., 