First, I have to say, you never give up, even when the feeling of loneliness overcomes you. You fight your way out of it. I know, Ihave beent here many times.
Your article is fantastic. It happens to all of us and your description is on the mark. I would venture to say, maybe you need to embelesh on this. Ex[and it. There is so much that can be said.
This is a beautiful poem. I can feel the emotion as you write it. She must have been a very special and close cousin. I have had one or two just like that. They too have passed and I miss them very much.
Ther ei sonly two comments I have. SEcond stanza you say never seized, when it should be ceased, to amaze me. Third stanza, life isn't very long, would sound better. Your writing is wonderful. Keep it up and keep learning.
OH so cute! Well written. You do need to use commas and various punctuation though. It will read better.
Example: Last line - To fall fast asleep, to dream of something so juicy that he might get to eat, the next coming of night.
Keep up your very good writing. Look forward to seeing more of it.
Great dream! And a great begining of the story. Read this out loud so you can pick up some of your errors. Example: Pa says it looks greatr though, because it makes out house look even better. Should be OUR, Lord I hope so. LOL! OK, going on to Chapter 2
Keep up those dreams, oops,, I mean keep up your writing of those dreams. This is good.
Whoa, great lines! Haven't we all been there before? Two sentences and you have done well my friend. I would not change anything. Now, add to this and I want to read it.
I like your poem. You started out rhyming and then went without. That was a little confusing. However, I find that sometimes I do the same. It is a very interesting subject that you chose to write about. I really liked tha Keep up your writing as it has a lot of potential.
OK, you have a good story line going here, but it is confusing. What blue ball and how is it she has it now? How did it start ot roll and where was it going? Did he leave her or did he die?
Do you see what I mean? It is difficult to follow and yet some of it rings true. I think you should rework it. Explane more so the reader can understand what is going on. I would love to read it again when you make cheges.
Really cute! And, so true. You have a great begining, middle and end. I stumble a bit on the "Some grow you believing it will bring luck" but all in all well put together. Good job.
I think I am confused......Just kidding. I like the way you "show" and not "tell" it all. If this was assignment, it was a tough one and you pulled it off. Good thoughts put on paper.
I really like your story. I do not know why but I was a little confused with the back and forth of the writing. I reread it and do understand what you are doing. It is a wonderful piece. Is there anyway to present it a little bit different? Either way, this is very good writing and I say write on!
WOW! How very powerful this writing is. Are you sure you are not a teacher of English? There is nothing I would change. It is written and it is wonderful.
Lynda with a Y
I have to laugh because you nailed it right. I had cousins that lived in Vegas and I can remember when we would be talking and they would express how cold it was, then only to say idiot people running around in their shorts and sleeveless tops. One thing about Vegas, when it's hot, it's hot and when it's cold, it's cold. Good job! Great writing. Keep up the good work.
Well Len Kane, you have something for everyone to think about. Interesting thoughts on paper. I like what you have to say. I do think you need to reread and rework these thoughts. Maybe condense some of them together. You have some errors that you need to fix. Example: "My questions is simple, is it yes or no. Lets look at no first."
There are more that needs to be reworked, but once that is done it will be a fine piece. Keep up your writing as it will be fantastic.
I think you have something going for you. I am a little confused with the beginning as I do not think it matches with the rest of the poem. Take another look and read it out loud.Try reworking some of it . I would like to see it when you do. Keep up the good writing!
This is so cute! Personally I hope this is a true story because I am ready to pack-up and go there! I wouldn't change one thing about this down-to-earth story. Great writing. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
This is so lovely. Do yo remember when German Shepard's were the enemy? I do. OR the Doberman Pinchers. Each dog that has been bred to fight has such a bad reputation, but with the proper handling, when they are pups, they are very good dogs. It will take forever before people give these dogs a chance.
I liked your story. Well written and understandable. Well done!
A very touching poem. I cannot say if the stanzas are perfect or is it needed to be another type as I do not write poetry, but I do know what I like and this poem gives an emotional feeling to me.
I did, at first, think this was a small child, but at the end, of course, realize it was a father she was talking about. This is the only thing I would clear up in the poem.
Lynda with a Y
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