I am filled with such an encompassing sorrow after reading this. It was so forceful with its compassion.
Beautifully written. It has sent chills down my spine and throughout my entire body. What wife or husband hasn't said, "Don't worry. I'll be fine." This story could have been the end result any one of those times.
Such a personal look at the inner feelings of someone who has been hurt by love.
I liked the quiet feeling of this poem. It was almost as if you were sitting at the far end of the room talking to that special someone. You wanted them to know that you love them, but afraid to let them come nearer.
The visual descriptions in this poem evoke a deep fear, not unlike a deadly fear of not only drowning, but of doing so in the dead of night in icy black water.
Brrr! I have chills reading this.
One question- where did you get the title from?
I wasn't sure were you were going with this at first. It seemed to be more of a Sunday school poem written for a child. But then I realized that there was something IN your pants and I could "see" what was going on.
One small typo-
*My ass is burning!! Their in my pants!!
-they are, contraction should be (b}they're
I was especially intrigued by your description of this poem, using "I have always been afraid of" as a prompt.
Focussing on a still life and how it was chosen in the compesision (sp?) is always a difficult thing. Paralleling it to life and its choices was very creative.
Keep writing!
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This is one incredibly beautiful poem.
I feel as if you have looked into the window of my life and seen my life before and after my husband found me. Ironic.
A very interesting look at the craft of the writer.
I liked the almost dark feeling of the first stanza, as thw writer walks thru the darkness with only pen and paper in hand. But then it turns to a fantastic flight as thoughts turn to images and the writing begins.
I have always liked how a haiku can start the images flowing in my mind with just a few small syllables.
Your poem does just that. I can picture a woman standing beneith a blown out street lamp, waiting for her bus, but fearing that it will never come as the cold wind whips around her.
You have quite a few place here that need fixing, so I thought I'd try to help you out by showing them to you-
*No one calls me that now, but i cherish it because it is the only thing
-I
*They call me Maria, but I truly dont know why
-don't
*But what i've learned after coming here for two years
-I've
*It wasnt human
-wasn't
*I hadnt heard a human voice in years, and the programmed instructions that i got from time to time were the closest thing resembling a voice.
-hadn't
-I
*I hadnt heard an angel's voice before.
-hadn't
*wondering what would become of me if I didnt take them.
-didn't
*For once, I didnt want to take the pills.
-didn't
*but they couldnt curb my imagination.
-couldn't
*I knew they couldnt make me take the pills.
-couldn't
This sounds more like a riddle than a poem... could the answer be "justice"?
No, really, I really liked this. But it needs a little bit more, maybe turning it into a riddle type poem by giving the "answer" at the end.
Ok, now looking back at the piece, I can see that this is an acrostic using JUSTICE as the prompt. In that case, I would suggest making these letters jump out at the reader, either by using color, bold or both (ML's)
As Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, this is a more than appropriate story to give as gift- along with a box of chocolates, that is!
The descriptions of the beautiful chocolates, how they smelled and felt in the fingertips was one thing; but then you described the taste! Oh my, do I need a raspberry filled dark chocolate right now!
Intense story, wonderfully written.
Illustration was quite the tease, too.
This was a wonderfully written piece.
The honesty comes forth with a sincerity that is sometimes hard to come by when speaking of addition and overcoming it.
I applaud your descriptions of a reality that many look away from.
One observation: a few of your paragraphs have problems with their layouts. You might want to take a second look at that.
To be given such an unselfish gift in this day and age is phenominal. I know you will cherish it by the feeling of this wonderful poem.
Have you ever thought to submit it to a greeting card publisher. With the ever growing line of cards out there, I'm sure that they could use something like this.
A wonderfully descriptive poem depicting your growth from infant, to young girl to finally, woman.
I liked the lines: And so I swam and I flailed,
I made every attempt to be free.
The grief-burdens of another day
Quickly withered into a new type
Of matter of heart. And the threat
Of rain slowly dissipated into
An arch of color and grace.
I can picture you breaking away from the burden behind you, while overhead, a brillant rainbow id seen through the clouds.
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