I am going to review this lovely,sincere piece you have written about your grand-father. The love and friendship you had for each other was certainly a gift and he has tried to teach you well. In truth my Grandma {as I called Her} told me the same thing when I first started high school. I was in a new high school and had left all my friends behind and couldn't seem to make new ones. Grandma said, if some people didn't want to be my friends, they wern't worth it anyway and it turned out to be true. Eventually, I made friends that enjoyed the things I enjoyed and life became better. You have made so many scenes come alive in this piece, the way Grandfather waited for you in a certain spot, how he knew the best vegetable to use for the snowmamns nose, and the best is ,I too believe ,he is still with you.
This is a story for you to keep. I think it needs to be edited
It would really be difficult to give you an in depth edit but for example:In paragraph two you say,"And one of my favorite things to do with my grand-father was playing in the snow. Thus romping through the snow with grandfather became a favorite but scarce past time. If you lookat these sentences you can see they are actually saying the same thing so it is redundent instead you could combine them and make one interesting sentence such as:" One of my favorite things to do with grand-father was romp in the snow ,but this was a scarce pastime because it didn't snow often in St. Louis. " Go through all your sentences and weed out what is not necessary. Also, remember to start new paragraphs with a new thought and leave a space between paragraphs, much easier to read. I hope I have helped you a bit and I do hope you rewrite this story you and your future children will cherish the memory.
A poem about working in an office., The author seems happy enough to be in this rather boring, as he describes it, but safe no pressure job. Just happy to work on his computer and know he will get paid and be ready for work another day.
On re-reading this I have to say although the author is not wildly happy he seems content and that is more than some people can say.
ONce more a moving, heart rending poem written by a juvenile justice worker, telling of the young people who have been left alone to long to learn to rebel and hate. Misunderstood, baited convinced by peers that it's too late.
In the last stanzahe begs the young people to believe in themselves , to be loud, insist and make us understand. He adds, :maybe we'll surprise each other and you'll survive, grab my hand, it's not too late after all.
This workers May day review has let me meet some people I am more than honored to review.
"Other Peoples Lives "is a beautifully crafted poem by a social worker. It is a heart warming tale of a person who really cares where children have to be placed, where a mother deserves another chance, where one must make an off beat decision rather than follow the rule to make things turn out right and then go home to be with her own family. This truly is one of the most beautiful, touching , honest pieces I have read.
A great humor filled, sweet story of a kindergarden teacher and the first day of school.
So well told one could feel themselves present in the room and admiring Mrs, Carlyle's
diplomacy, patience and kindness A very necessary and important workplace indeed.
A cleverly written poem for Linda who is a gracious employee of the Kanses Memorial union at the UofK. She is the co-ordinator of conferences and from the tribute paid to her in this poem she must be a true gem of the workplace. Whether they can't hear, see, the coffee's hot or the program's not, Linda's there to savethe day!
Designer fasion in the bargain bin is a short article about the big designers designing lower ticket priced items for the masses and the question is will these designers remain in vogue . I like to dress well and try to stay true to myself in style etc. I would rather have a few good pieces of clothing than 25 Wal-Mart specials and i know to some high fashion is very important but although I do not judge it, I also can't get that excited about it because there are so many things in this world that need real tending too.
This item is about trying to get published and whether or not Publish America is a viable source to consider. As the author writes there are good views and naturally bad views. I think I would think twice myself. I do know a couple of authors who have published their own books and they spend hours at church fairs, week-end open air markets etc to peddle their books. One of my accquaintences did get to a Barnes & Noble in NJ but whether they shelved her book I don't know.
It's still my hope to bepublished but I will try it the regular way. There is a poll here and my choice will be "The jury is still out.'
Story of how a company decides their employees have to carpool. One man is left out and thru may trials ends up having to use his sons skate-board to get to work.
Even though he is laughed at he keeps skateboarding and the tables are turned when a layoff comes and the employers have noticed his spirit. As the author writes,"Guess who wasn't on the list of those being laid off?" Nice not to see the good guy finish last!
Interesting and well written story of a woman in the workplace dealing with the unpredictable ways of the business world today. To the person this is happening to it is almost unbelievable and yet man or woman it happens daily. The woman in this story had the confidence in herself to make the decision she could make it on her own but also in todays world some people do not have that leverage because of children to feed, school, etc.
The last three sentences give this story a perfect ending.
Remarkably lovely poem. You truly have hit on all my favorite things that God has given us. Babies for one, as I have watched my beloved grand-daughter grow from her second day of life to a beautiful sensitive child. The best miracle.
The golden sunrise and sunset at the ocean. Taking this American's memory back to the beauty of St. Ives.
The music that fills this earth, voices, musical instruments, hymns,jazz, prayer your beautiful poem says all of this to me. Thank you.
Maretta
Please visit my port someday.
Well I have to say this is well written and obviousely WELL thought out. I am a woman and though a woman of 'a certain age" must admit beautiful flowers do still have that effect .
You are right we are simple creatures but yet there is the old adage "whatever works for you."
I just reviewed one of your pieces and enjoyed it so much that I decided to read another one and I must tell you I enjoyed this one as much.
I think I like this one because I too have a true angel story and it is on my port. I would really like you to read it.
I also must compliment you on how very well written and sincere your stories are and no punctuation errors which I sometimes have trouble with.
My first review since being away for a few days and it was an enjoyable read.
Well written, expressed so sincerely and a wonderful message given that big and yes ,small miracles happen and help us along our pathways. Also, your last senrence says it all!
Wonderful, well told story of 4 generations of landholder's . Great descriptions of the lush land, the rivers and the eras from horses, cars, trucks too planes.
AAron,the landowner, now has made peace with himself for the neccessity of selling some of his land and realizes he is a lucky man to have what he has. I love the last sentence when he and his grand-son are riding their horses and he
says,"Now let's go and catch us a rainbow."An uplifting Americana story
A great portrait of Linda. You have painted it well and we have many similar tastes.
I would like to meet you anyday and we would talk our heads off, especially about the supernatural and what make other people tick.
Definately an enjoyable read.
Maretta
As always{and I have to think of another way to start} I know before even reading that I am going to enjoy your poem's and you have never let me down.
What a lovely home you have made for yourself and how content you sound.
Sometime, I would like to compare life with you. Mine is somewhat different but strangely enough our thoughts and feelings seem so much alike.
Would you do me a favor? I'm not sure my image is showing up and it's supposed too. I would so appeciate it if you would let me know. Thanks. Maretta
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What a lovely poem this is and what a wonderful way you have with words. I find them very worthwhile and enjoy reading your work .It always gives me food for thought.
I would love to try poetry but can't seem to take the jump as there seems so many rules you must follow.
Maretta
I like this ,{I think} tongue in cheek poem about "The "Downtowner".
Especially, because I sort of live in both of these worlds and understand them amd make my own choices.
You have really blown your cover by admitting to driving to Wal-Mart though!
Ah! well we each have our moments.
Maretta
I am sorry for the loss of your son. I also lost a son almost 2 years ago and it is never easy. I hope you are managing to ive again as we all must do. I'm sure, you find, as I do ,that we have good periods and ones where we lose ourselves again. Fortunately, although our dear ones are in our thoughts daily, we somehow realize that the gift they have left us is our own life to live to the best of our ability as you have showed us in your well written story of George and of how much his love can consume you to live your life with a new and crystal clear beauty. A lovely, lovely gift and a wonderful story to share.
Please stop over at my port sometime. Maretta
Here I am a "lady of a certain age" which means ,she can barely manage to admit she is over sixty but does on infrequent occasion.
The reason I am letting you in on this great secret is because I was so enchanted by your love of jazz. And let me tell you it's rather difficult to be a jazz enthusiasist when your feet start keeping time to the music and your eyes close and your head sways from side to side {when over 60} for people think "who is this old lady".
Who she is , is a person who has seen Louie Armstrong,Eddie Conden Georgie Auld etc. Who has stood next toGene Krupa and seen and heard him give it all he had. And although, not strictly jazz, Harry James {big band era} who could play the sweetest trumpet ever heard.
I envy your Tuesday nights. Don't feel sorry for me though because I can still close my bedroom door, turn my Bose up and jazz it up to my hearts content.
I allso love ballet, even with the dancers, and take my little grand-daughter, nine ,to "The Nutcracker" every December.
My daughter ,now married was a singer in NY and NJ clubs in the 70's. So, I am big on that era too.
But enough of my history, I found this piece absolutely delightful, love all the comments, delighted in your love for your subject and wish you many more happy Tuesday nights, also keep writing!
From, Once a jazz lover, always a jazz lover. Maretta.
First I will say, that this short mystery has an interesting, keep reading plot and that the ending twist is terrific and terrifying at the same time.
You tell it quite well. I do think ,although this is a short story , there should be paragraph breaks. On reading it over I can see where you could have at least 3 .
Also, in the 10th sentence you write,"Pulling to my destination" I think you mean by this pulling up but ARRIVING at my destination says it simply and to the point.
Hope this helps and that you will edit each sentence. This is an interesting story, can be improved upon and would be well received.
A sentimental, loving story of your son growing up and of the special feelings you have for him. Any and alll parents will sympathize and love this look into your well written family short memoir.
As I often say, I am not a poet , I do try to put my poetry into my prose if that makes any sense to you. Having said this, I must say that I think your poem is so beautifully written and well expressed.
As you say "it flowed out of you" and perhaps, when this happens to us all at times, it is our creator letting his words fly thru our fingers. Surely if this is true-it happened in this poem
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