A good read! I am a theatre lover, in fact my son is an actor and I'm sorry to say I do not know know Gabrie Byrne.
However, I can imagine the momemt you described and the admiration you hold for this actor.
I also love Kevin Spacy. Will be looking for more of your interesting observations.
Enjoyable read , I agree with your idea of our culture today and I remember the times my children would take the toy out of the box and play with the box. That gives us hope that there is still imagination. When I have my nine year grand-daughter with me and we are alone and talking quietly I find
that even though she has video games etc. she still has the beautiful innocence of loving fairies, telling the corny knock,knock jokes and many other things I did as a child and your right the old things are "fun"
The last paragraph of this story tells me you can write. It is well thought out, succinct.
The rest of the story about your special friendship with Joyce, your church, your hopes f being an architect etc. are interesting but you have to edit this, you give to much information. Read it over, take all your lengthy observations out. Example:We suupported each other as much as possible and we were
a great source of emotional support for each other."
You could just say,"We supported each other in every way."
Take out every word that you don't need to make this story tight and readable for it can be a good one.
Hope this helps and keep writing---and editing.
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.
This is a very sad, thoughtful poem. I especially like the part where you write about your brother making the "ugly city" you live in beautiful because he was there.
I feel sure that his dreams now are as beautiful as he was.
I think this is well written and you could do more with it.
Firt of all I want to tell you that you expressed your feelings very well in explaining your urge to write in the first paragraph.
Next I would tell you t watch your spelling. I can tell one is just a typo error and the other is meant not ment.
Always use your spellcheck or dictionary if need be.
After saying this, I want you to know we ALL make mistakes. My particilar downfall are comma's and sometimes quotation marks.
However, if we have words in us waiting to come out and we want to do this there is not a greater feeling in the world! If you have a chance maybe you could take a creative writing course. Good luck and keep writinfg
I was once part of the move every few years life so your story immediately caught my attention.
It is well written,humerous and truly tells the tale of the wandering breed.
The "what am I doing here feeling"? The when will the phone man get here?[this was before cell phones, for me}. The I desperately love/hate this man as he leaves for work and you look at the 37 boxes for the kitchen alone! You have caught it all in your story without even having to say some of it.
Now I live in one place {altho i did have a 4 and a half year stint in New England {Westfield Mass and Norton, Mass. }New Jersey finally became my we're staying here home.{and scotch helps too}.
Thanks for bringing back memories.
Hi Matthew,
I read your introduction before reading this story.
You have a good story here with a great ending You see the truth in that paragraph.You have found your hero and again your right when you say, there are many more heroes than we know and they don't
have red capes or a bat mask.
My favorite part is how the boy takes us through his thoughts as he waits for the super hero to come.
You have work to do on this story but it will be worthwhile so take it and hone it well. I will be waiting to read the next version!
Brilliant poem! Only an ocean lover can feel the truth behind your words and I am an ocean love.
I wish I could have said them, they are so fitting.
I have a healthy fear of the sea and yet without a doubt it is the closest place we can be to Heaven on this earth.
In many troubled time I [or members of my family ]have sat by the sea to see its beauty, feel its healing sound or feel the soothing salt breeze on our faces. I repeat, truly beautiful.
Your poem for your Dad is full of your love for him and your wishes for a full life for him proves this.
What a wonderful gift to him.What a wonderful heart!
I'm sure he will treasure it and I hope to seem more of your work.
What a beautiful list of things to live for and be happy about.
In one of my classes awhile ago, we had "Our Favorite Things" assignment and it was lovely ,to share with the class ,as yours is lovely to share too. Thanks
This piece hits home with me. I think we are on the same wave length.
When I look at a piece of work, I look at the basic content, what it says to me, does it make me feel sad or happy, does it touch me deeply? Does it make me want to read more. Do I want to tell someone about it?
I know very well that punctuation is important but the "story" is the most important thing.
I think too many times we are to critical and then the reason for your poem becomes obvious.
Sorry to get on my soap box. Needless to say, your poem touched me.
At first I thought this was a humorous piece but as I read on I realized I didn't think so.
Although I am a widow I could never imagine myself doing the"online dating bit" It would seem to me it would be very difficult putting yourself out there, waiting for some input and not receiving any. By the same token how can you know if you have a connection with someone by a written short bio? Or, perhaps a snapshot from 20 years ago.
My advice,a good book,a glass of wine, some Isaac Stern on the stereo and enjoy! A well written, sometime tongue in cheek piece.
A lovely story of your relationship with your Grandfather. I think the love of a grandchild and grandparent is the purest there is. I had it with my grandmother and I have it with my little grandaughter too.
You told your story with lovely descriptions and feelings. I'm sure that coat is your "treasure".
Write on!
Please look in on my port. Would appreciate it.
When I review poetry I always start by saying,"I am not a "poet"I can see you put alot of thought and work into this poem and I like it.
I can tell you are young and I am old{not that old}
because D Day was the invasion of Europe at Normandy Beach in France and Eisenhower was in charge. That would be the first thing you would have to change and also the soldiers they were fighting would be Germans not Japenese. Change those two things and your on the right track. Keep writing
Thank you for the beautiful poem. A year or so ago I sold my home and your words so fit the way I feel.
I have a lovely one now but it's not the home that all of my children lived in. nor is this the home where I can reach over and touch my husband's face at night but the memories are there and I wish the same for a new family someday.
This is a beginning of a story or as they say a work in progress. You have some lovely scenic descriptions in this piece and also descriptions of your feelings and thoughts. Definately a plus.
But! Remember paragraphs? I know you do because you use other puncuation correctly.
Also sentence structure. ex."She has gotten to my nerves till I have no more left." I know by some of your writing,you can do better than that.
Edit again and keep writing,I'd love to read it.
My first review of the day. Well written story, Enjoyed the premis very much, The woman thought she had everything and yet truly realized all she was missing.
This is not an error on your part but in the last sentence you say "I snuffed the Cuban and my heartache"{great sentence}
My thought was that cigar would sound better than the cuban.
A very good start at expressing the sorrow in your life. It is not easy to lose a loved one, probably the most difficult thing we ever have to do.
I find your words "Not from cold or rain" so poignant
for I know exactly what they mean.
We held my oldest son's memorial service on a hot, sunny, July day but it was our hearts that were cold and numb.
Do hope you continue this poem. God bless. Maretta
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