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Review of Friday  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Thank You Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" . Included is the message, "For being this last weeks Simply Positive Star Reviewers!"

Ah yes, Friday is indeed the best day. This piece gives great examples as to why Friday is so great. You did a great job using the word "Friday" as an acrostic. The fact you did it three different times is outstanding. This is another form of writing I've yet to attempt.

The piece has a nice, steady flow and solid overall structure. You did very well with the rhyme scheme you chose. Your thoughts are clear and easy to understand. I was able to follow along easily. Thanks for sharing this tribute to the best day of the week. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Thank You Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" . Included is the message, "For being this last weeks Simply Positive Star Reviewers"

Boy, doesn't this sound about right. The plumber shows up after all the water is gone, tightens a pipe or two, then with a big smile hands over a bill that is simply ridiculous! I'd roll my eyes too after something like this.

You did a great job telling your tale within the 55 word guideline. I've never tried that contest before, though I've read many pieces created for it. I liked this one because it shows a scenario that I'm sure many of us have encountered at some point. I don't know how they can charge that much with a straight face. Unbelievable!

The piece flows well and has great structure. You managed to say a lot with very little. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Facing the Day  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JOY-on LOA ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just call me Omni . Included is the message, "thank you for your package donation to my auction!"

Being disturbed from the peacefulness of sleep has always been a thorn in my side. I can relate to your negative reaction and the shouting of "QUIET!" when being woke from noise and/or bright light.

I don't get much sleep as it is, and when I do, I hate having it disturbed because it is so precious. Your words perfectly describe how most people feel when they have to face the beginning of a new day. Birds may be happy at five o'clock in the morning, but I certainly am not!

Truthfully, for the last couple of years, my days have been reversed. I work overnight, so my new day starts in the evening, as I sleep during the daytime.

I enjoyed reading this piece. It has an even, steady flow and fine structure. It reminds me of the times I had to be up early, not wanting to leave the comfortable confines of my bed. My favorite part was the ending, with you slamming the window down. Lord knows I've felt like doing that on many occasions. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello GabriellaR45 ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just call me Omni . Included is the message, "Thank you for your package donation to my auction!"

As I looked through your port, I came across this item. Of course my curiosity got the best of me, so I decided to check it out. This is a wonderful assortment you have here. The idea seems rather unique to me since I do not recall seeing anything else like this around the site.

The pictures are great, most with a caption or other form of writing attached. This collection provides a few relaxing moments as you get a small glimpse into the gardens and lives of the members that submitted items. I spent several minutes going through each one, admiring each image I came across. the "Visitor's Bench" is a nice touch, complete with member's comments. I really like what you've done here. Great job! *Smile*
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Possession  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Kristi ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . I offer my humble opinion.

This piece, made up of mostly negative emotion, does end on a positive note with a glimpse of hope. Your words describe the unfortunate fate suffered when drugs rule your life. Nothing good comes from it and the great possibility of ending up incarcerated exists.

The flow is pretty steady for the most part, the one glaring blip occurring at the end of the second stanza. This is quite minor, but I just wanted to mention it. Overall, the piece has great structure.

Your desire to overcome the evil that permeates your existence shines through in the last stanza. You do owe it to yourself to erase the drugs from your life and start living the life you were meant for. That may be easier said than done, but with sheer determination it can be achieved.

This piece serves as a message to all that surrender to the needle, if you continue your path then freedom will be the next thing you lose. I applaud your efforts to shed a bit of light on a dark subject. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Shade of Gray  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Kristi ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . I offer my humble opinion.

This is a dark, despair filled piece. You display a lot of courage when writing material such as this, sharing a bit of insight into the darkness you have experienced. You show us how drugs can form a powerful grip on our very souls, never wanting to relinquish it.

Your piece has great flow and structure. The words you have chosen offer a vivid description of what's at stake when you delve into the world of drug abuse. Your life is not your own anymore, instead belonging to the poison which flows through your body.

The third stanza is my favorite. The Gates of Hell are a constant reminder of the inner torment felt when you give in to the temptations of drugs. It's a long, suffering journey for many people, with some reaching the end of the road very quickly.

The road to recovery is long and far from easy. What you have here is a prime example of how one's world can become bleak and gray, offering no colorful moments. When you forsake all that surrounds you for another chance to get high, your world truly grows darker by the day.

Thank you for sharing this with us. Your successful defeat of your demons serves as an inspiration that moments such as this can be put to rest. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Kristi ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . I offer my humble opinion.

This is certainly an interesting assortment of quotes you have here. You mention the cuckoo's nest several times. A place of frequent visitation? *Laugh* I don't have many quotes to share, but there is a song title I think you'd like. It's by Machine Head, and it's called, "Real Eyes Realize Real Lies". I've always liked that.

Some of the quotes here stood out to me, one in particular being, "Happiness is just a word consisting of nine letters and false hope." That about sums up most of my life. Just when I get close enough to the brass ring, they move the damn thing even higher.

Your quotes display various emotions, ranging from love, ("True love can only flourish when in the presence of two willing hearts."), to pride, ("Smiles are the most precious and beautiful things in the world ~ next to a child. However, a smiling child is beyond priceless.") and despair ("We blanket ourselves in the lies of those we chastise."). That's great variety.

I found myself nodding in agreement with a lot of these. You have a lot to say, and these are great examples of your personal views. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I enjoyed reading these quotes. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of PO'd  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your A Little Something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Humming Bird . Included is the message, "Happy New Year!"

I could not have said this any better! You pretty much nailed it on the head with your descriptions. I don't know how many times I've found myself in a similar position, stuck on the interstate in traffic hell and my back teeth are floating because my bladder is so backed up. I hate it!

I found myself chuckling several times as I read this, nodding in agreement as you describe the agony of having no relief in sight. The empty coke bottle(for me Mt. Dew) scenario was all too familiar. Been there, done that. I don't care how gross that may sound to some people, but when you are deadlocked on an interstate and the nearest exit is miles away and you've moved ten feet in the last thirty minutes, that empty bottle starts looking real tempting, trust me.

I love the part you brought up about the "morning wood" and how that might not be the best time for your wife/girlfriend to run her fingers all over your rock hard tool. *Laugh*

The piece flows well and has solid structure. You did a great job with imagery. The last paragraph is just about perfect in describing what sometimes happens when you hold back for too long. The feeling of relief cannot be understated! Thank you for sharing this comical tale of relief. Remember, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. *Smile* Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of This, For You  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your A Little Something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Humming Bird . Included is the message, "Happy New Year!"

This is a warm, heart-felt piece that displays plenty of love and devotion. I like the fact that you wrote this for a friend to commemorate one of the most important days of their life.

Positive emotion runs deep throughout and your wording is very passionate. One thing I noticed was a deviation from the rhyme scheme in the third stanza. Was that intentional? Is this a particular poetic form that calls for that? I'm just curious because it puts a slight bump in the overall flow. Nothing major, but noticeable nonetheless.

That said, this piece still stands tall and is high in quality. You did a great job and I bet your friend really appreciated this personal touch on your behalf. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Loyalty Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Gothic Angel gone . Included is the message, "A token of my appreciation for all the wonderful things you do for me!"

I really liked this piece. It brought back fond memories of my childhood when I was lucky enough to have played in snow. I had the good fortune of having three feet of snow at my disposal. The snow that fell off the roof formed a huge pile that I certainly put to good use.

Your piece is full of warm, light hearted moments with you and your siblings. There is plenty of positive emotion flowing throughout and you display a great sense of family with this. Your wording was quite descriptive, allowing for the formation of clear mental images that took me back to a time of innocence and fun.

You did a great job with this chosen form. I could see why it is challenging. I've never attempted it before, but I'm still getting my feet wet when it comes to trying new forms of poetry. Most of mine is your basic aabb or abab, nothing too technical. I'm not quite ready for something like this. All in due time I guess. *Wink*

Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us. It was an enjoyable read and fits in well with this time of year. Nicely done!
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Computer Woes  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Loyalty Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Gothic Angel gone . Included is the message, "A token of my appreciation for all the wonderful things you do for me!"

Ah, the 'ol computer woes, something we all can relate to. Countless times has my blood pressure risen due to the inner workings (or lack thereof) of this box in front of me. It can make you crazy sometimes.

"You worked just fine the day before", a phrase that has been uttered by many and could easily be substituted with "You worked just fine a few moments ago". *Wink* I share your pain. I think a lot of us here do. I laughed a little after the first line. It sounded like you walked into the room and thought to yourself, "Damn, I have to turn that thing on. I hope it works this time!"

The piece flows well and has solid structure. You did a good job with the chosen rhyme scheme and poetry form. I've never heard of Minute poetry. I learn something new here all the time. Thanks for sharing your tale of cyber stress with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Child's Play  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Loyalty Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Gothic Angel gone . Included is the message, "A token of my appreciation for all the wonderful things you do for me!"

This is an interesting comparison you make between two stages of life. I like the way you made the piece come full circle with the first and eighth lines. The points you make ring true. Children often do ignore authority or don't care what you tell them. Many a child wishes to be older, only to reverse that thinking later in life. Being "all grown up" isn't all roses and sunshine. I often wish for days of my youth when I had less to worry about.

I agree that both children and senior citizens need our help and protection. You are right in thinking that an older person may not want our help, having relied on their own devices for so long.

The piece flows fairly well. My issues, just my personal opinions, are the inconsistent placement of each line and the rainbow effect utilized. The piece looks a bit wavy and the colors, at least for me were initially uneasy on the eyes. It took a moment to adjust. One reason I could think of for the rainbow effect would be to represent the beginning of life as a child leading toward the end of life as a senior citizen, with each color a particular phase of life. Does that sound a bit much? *Rolleyes*

Anyway, you did an overall good job with this. It shows how we are all connected, children and seniors alike. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Daizy May and congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame"  by "Invalid Item" .

Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! Sit back and enjoy! *Smile*

This is a fun, light hearted tale of a spider's fate. It looks to me like he never stood a chance. I like how you went through all those different possibilities, only to come up with the conclusion most people do, smashing him with your shoe. A tangled web he'll never weave again. *Smile*

This piece flows well, except for one small hiccup that occurs in the third stanza. The second line doesn't quite roll off the tongue like the rest do. I tripped up on that for a second but quickly regained my stride. You did a great job with the rhyming scheme and the piece has solid overall structure.

The piece was enjoyable to read and I think you did a good job describing each choice of what to do. I could easily develop mental images for each one. That always enhances the reading experience.

I personally do not like spiders so I'd probably reach the same conclusion. I wouldn't reach for the spray because knowing my luck it would just irritate him and he'd crawl further up my leg! I was picturing your cat dining on the eight-legged nuisance and thought that was funny.

Thanks for sharing this bit of arachnid misadventure with us. Keep up the great job and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*



Mike *Cool*
Proud member of the Ink Blot Authors Fan Club Crew


Check out the Author Fan Club! It's an awesome way to pay tribute to your favorite authors!

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Review of One Too Many...  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Phoenix . Included is the message, "Have a Merry Christmas!"


This piece is light hearted and comical. As I read it it, I was picturing what this poor soul was going through trying to keep up with all those children. I've chaperoned my share of field trips when my youngest sister was in school and it was not always easy keeping an eye on a large group of kids.

You did a great job describing the situation the main character found themselves in. Each time the children were counted and there was a mysterious extra was a bit funny. Toward the end, with the description of the extra "child" becoming more clear, it was apparent that this was indeed not a child but a penguin instead! *Laugh* Gee, I think the image you included was a bit of a giveaway. *Wink*

I laughed at the possibility of mistaking a penguin for a child. I definitely think it's high time for a new pair of glasses! This was an enjoyable tale of mistaken identity. Thanks for sharing it with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Revenge  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Phoenix . Included is the message, "Have a Merry Christmas!"

This is just classic. I certainly have wished for an opportunity like this, as I'm sure many people have. You did a great job playing this scene out. The comment at the end made me laugh and was an "Oh damn!" moment. He point blank told her like it is. Funny stuff! *Laugh*

Your description of the initial encounter was dead on. I don't know how many times ex couples get that feeling in the pit of their stomach when one notices the other. The frowning and the wanting to be left alone is quite common. There's a reason why you're not together, so don't expect the other to be all happy when you show up.

The piece flows well and has a good balance of positive and negative emotion. My favorite part is the final stanza, particularly the last line. Thank you for sharing this with us. Revenge is rarely this sweet. Nicely done! The rating is because of how the piece made me feel, not for grammatical excellence. Sometimes being perfect is about feeling rather than technical issues. *Wink* Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Death Bed Promise  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Phoenix . Included is the message, "Have a Merry Christmas!"

This was somewhat disturbing yet undeniably funny. Talk about keeping promises! I have to say, this gave me a real good laugh, but it also gave me one of those "Uggh, are you kidding me?!" thoughts as well.

You did a great job with the chosen rhyme scheme. The piece has fairly good flow, with a few minor bumps which come from syllable counts with each line. There were counts ranging from five up to nine. The piece has solid overall structure and plenty of good natured intentions.

The final stanza probably gave me the biggest laugh. It's a mental image I just as soon not have. *Laugh* Thanks for sharing this comical tale of a promise kept. I enjoyed it very much.
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!*Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Allure  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~WhoMe???~ . I offer my honest, humble opinion.

This made me laugh and have one of those "OH Damn!!" moments when I got to the end. Up until the last line this is a serious, very sensual and emotionally charged piece. Then the brick wall comes and BAM!!, all that gets replaced with a very funny physical rejection as the man is left at a loss after discovering his potential love interest plays with members of her own team, so to speak. It was such an unexpected, yet comical conclusion.

You did a great job setting this up. Your words were powerful and evoked visions of a hot, intimate encounter. When the woman's sexual preference is made known, I can almost hear him groan in utter disappointment. Nicely done! Thanks for the great read. I enjoyed the surprise chuckle. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Birthday Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~WhoMe???~ . Included is the message, "Happy Belated WDC Birthday from the Just Because I Want To Forum!"
I offer my honest, humble opinion.

You did a great job with this. I've never tried to write a poem of this form yet. I think it is pretty impressive that you did a mirrored version. That does not appear to be the easiest thing to do, but you pulled it off perfectly.

You describe your thoughts very well. Your words are colorful and display plenty of raw emotion. Sadness pours from every fiber of this piece. A broken heart may never mend and keep us from moving on emotionally. Love builds us up and can break us down, all within the same moment. This shows us love's dark side. A lot of people can relate to this situation.

The piece has fine flow and structure. I like the way you utilized color to emphasize the letters at the beginning and end of each line. It may have been unnecessary, but it was a nice touch. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is a quality read. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Sunset Dreams  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Birthday Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~WhoMe???~ . Included is the message, "Happy Belated WDC Birthday, from the Just Because I Want To Forum!"
I will be offering my honest, humble opinion.

This is a very good piece. Your wording is descriptive, allowing the reader to form clear mental images which add to the overall reading experience. This is a tranquil scene, very peaceful indeed.

I'm not sure of the reasoning behind italicizing the fourth stanza, but it seemed to work very well in this instance. You did a solid job with your chosen rhyme scheme. The piece has a nice, steady flow and great overall structure.

I'm glad you included the meaning of "berceuse", because had you not, I was heading straight for the dictionary. *Laugh*
I've never seen or heard that word before. It's always good to gain a little knowledge after reading the work of others.

Thank you for sharing this soothing piece of nature's renewal.
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Death  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello moonraker ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just call me Omni . I offer my honest opinion.

I really like this dark tinged piece. You did a great job with describing what was taking place. I was able to form some clear mental images which only enhanced the reading experience.

The piece has fairly good flow and structure. I think you should be a bit more consistent with the way you group words together. For example, hanging "and Taste" out there by itself. It may be better joined up with the previous stanza. I think there is also a lack of consistency with comma usage and capitalization. If there is no comma to connect words from different lines, some may take each as a separate thought and therefore the next line should start with a capital letter.

I reach her, spread my wings
My cloak encircles her, takes her into my domain
encloses her
I thrust her into a world from which there is no escape.
no will nor wish to escape


This is an example of what I'm talking about. I'm guessing the third line is the ending of that particular phrase, so maybe a comma should be placed after domain. The fifth line needs to be redone. It doesn't come across clearly the way it is written. I believe you are trying to say that she has neither the will nor a wish to escape. I figured it out after reading the line a few times. Then again it is 4am at the time I'm reviewing this. maybe my brain isn't working quite right. *Laugh*
Anyway, these are merely suggestions, you know your writing better than I ever could.

Overall, this is a solid piece. The imagery you display is beautiful. It is definitely a strong point of your writing. I also have a small suggestion. You may want to change the rating on this to 13+. Some of this contains a bit of sensuality with a reference to lust. Again, just my opinion. I'm simply trying to offer bits of advice.

You provided me with a quality read that with a bit of tinkering can really blossom. Thank you for sharing this dark tale with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of The Grim  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello C.C. ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just call me Omni . I offer my honest opinion.

This piece is very good. It is full of darkness and emotion. You did a great job setting the mood for the piece. Your wording painted a vivid, eerie picture of a monster telling tales of unspeakable horrors that dwarf those of his guests. I could sense the fierceness of its voice.

The piece flows well and has solid overall structure. You did a great job keeping everything together and did fill this with anything unnecessary.
" I’ll smile at your monsters
Exalt in your nightmares
And from my sincere yellow-toothed grin
You will take comfort and peace"

This was my favorite part. I liked the way you set this up. Nicely done!

I enjoyed reading this piece. I'm always a sucker for bits of darkness like this. Thank you for sharing it with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Erika  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello C.C. ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just call me Omni . I offer my honest, humble opinion.

Overall, this is a good piece, however there are some issues that may throw a reader slightly off kilter. I will point those out in a moment.

You did a great job describing the actions and surroundings in this piece. Imagery was a strong point. You displayed colorful language. It does seem that you tried a little too hard to keep each line at a certain syllable count, which I know is necessary for certain forms of poetry. The flow is a bit awkward with each line progressing at a different pace. There is great potential for this to blossom into something really special, but I think it needs a bit of reworking.
Unless you are trying to write in a strict form, I think you should scale the syllable count back a bit. It may make the piece longer in length, but it would solidify it more.

In the first stanza, third line, removing the word "do" would help the flow a bit. Also, I don't think having two separate, complete phrases in the final line is the best choice. It seems a bit much, as well as I'm not an expert by any means, I'm just making an observation. A suggestion might be, "The sun shall rise to find her dead".

The word "ugly'st is a bit awkward when first read, but I know what you're trying to say. I wish I could offer better suggestions that would help this piece. It has quality for sure, it just seemed a bit forced together. Good luck with it. I have faith you will progress. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank God for TV dinners! This was a delightful read. I could really sense a bit of anxiety when it came time to cook that turkey. After ten hours you had a giant mound of turkey jerky. *Laugh* I loved the part when you discussed the phone call to your mother about how to properly cook the bird. I could just picture her trying to control her laughter on the other end.

Your piece has a lot of light hearted moments and emotions. Despite the culinary shortcomings, you made it through the holidays just fine. It's probably better if all you could bring to an office party was prepackaged items. That's less hassle and more time for enjoyment. The part about the secretary getting drunk on rum balls gave me a chuckle. Geez, how many did she have?

Your piece flows well and has great overall structure. The interaction between characters was solid. The way you ended the piece, with the picture of your dark, dry turkey sent back to you was rather funny, even if it was sent back after your mother's passing. Thankfully Swanson came to the rescue from that point on.

Thank you for sharing this with us. Next time make reservations instead of dinner. *Wink*
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

Mike *Cool*

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Review of Pop-up Wish  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Fadz ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and emerin-liseli . I offer my humble, honest opinion.

This is a great piece. You did a great job with the interaction between the two characters. I laughed when the genie mentioned Disney's "messing up" of what a genie would look like. I could just hear Robin Williams now! *Laugh*

Your piece has a nice, steady flow and solid structure. You presented your thoughts clearly and concisely. I was able to read along without getting tripped up by some unnecessary tangent.

One would think finding a genie would be great, especially if he is able to grant nine wishes instead of three. However, when he vows to grant them in such a way that you regret making them, it certainly seems unfair.

You managed to evolve that potentially bad situation into a positive one when the genie offered to grant one wish of any kind, no strings attached. When the wish was made to be a writer and have your work appear on WDC, it was a touching tribute to the power of the written word and the desire to share it with others. That was a great way to bring this piece to a close. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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50
50
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello jaya ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and destinydances . Included is the message, For your September participation in
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by A Guest Visitor


I can see why this was awarded that beautiful ribbon. This is a well written piece. It paints a vivid, majestic picture and shows that everything is perfect at that particular moment. Your descriptions are very good, allowing my mind's eye to wander effortlessly.

Positive energy flows freely throughout this piece. I can sense all the warm, tender emotions you put into it. The scenes you display could very well be parts of a wonderful, inspiring dream. Some might think that a dream such as this may cause us to want to never wake up! If only life could always be this grand. Oh well, we can dream can't we? *Wink* Thank you for sharing this excellent piece with us. It was an enjoyable read. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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