This is a well written piece. It is filled with dark emotion and has a serious tone. Your words are intelligent and fill the piece with an air of quality. This has a nice steady flow and great structure. I like the way you portray a girl that has a huge emotional burden to carry with her. Being weighed down by such psychological stress can be overwhelming. You provide good visuals. I can almost see the pain and cloaked darkness that surrounds her. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on! {e:cool]
A short, simple tribute to a fallen pet. The two coins that are for the Boatman remind me of the coins that are placed in the mouths and under the tongue of the deceased so that Charon, the ferryman for the River Styx will take them across the river to Hades. The piece flows with sad emotion and heartfelt love for the pet that has died. It ends on a positive note with a reminder that her spirit will be safe and not wander hopelessly looking for a place to eternally rest. I remember when I had to bury a dog I had that was run over by drunk drivers. I was heartbroken and drained emotionally. You did a nice job with this. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece was a nice read and a bit comical. The main character Isaac was a whirlwind of emotional distress when he discovered his shamrock colored hair. You displayed his emotions and temperament very well. The piece has good, steady flow and solid overall structure. The spacing was adequate and you managed to keep it all together nicely. The ending was a nice turn of events by having everything work out and Isaac not so worried about his hair anymore but instead focusing on the attentions of Matilda. This St. Patrick's Day turned out lucky after all. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is short on words but long on positivity. You show a great determination to overcome the lacking of one physical sense by focusing on the strengthened ones that remain. This piece shows what can be done if you don't dwell on what you don't have and instead embrace and utilize what you do have. It has steady flow and good structure. Having the ability to use your enhanced remaining senses certainly makes up for the visual loss. Not everyone can do that. Some struggle mightily but you have shown great desire to take life by the horns and forge ahead. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a heartwarming piece. It is a nice testament to lifelong love and the fact that it never fades even after death. The piece is full of positive emotion and has a serious yet comforting tone. Your wording fits the piece just right. It is not overly complicated but gets your message across nicely. It has fairly good flow and sound overall structure. I found this to be an enjoyable read. I liked the part about letting the loved one keep his ring as he is laid to rest. That gesture is a wonderful way to show that even though two people may be separated by death, they will always be together in love. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
A perfect example of why a pool is as close as I get to being in a body of water. This piece is dark and disturbing but is written very well. Your wording is intelligent and descriptive which lets the reader get a sense of the terrifying experience that is going on. I'm guessing the great beast being described is a shark of some sort. That's the first image I came up with. You captured the feelings of sheer terror followed by hopelessness as the body of the unfortunate soul sinks deeper into its watery grave. I like how you made he effort to end this with a positive note by having the dying man remember how much he loved the sea and the peacefulness it provided. Great job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
I must say, as this went along it certainly appeared that the person being spoken of was a "woman for hire" so to speak. You disguised the outcome very cleverly. I would not have thought of a waitress after listening to this description. Does that put my mind in the gutter? More than likely but I can admit it. Your wording probably has most readers forming a mental picture that is way off the actual mark. You did a great job with that. The piece has good steady flow and structure. You may have classified this as erotica but the ending actually gave me a chuckle. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
You have touched on a subject that many people have dealt with. Your piece is filled with dark, cold emotion and feelings of guilt. Your words ring true and carry a serious tone. They are very descriptive and fit the subject matter nicely. The flow and overall structure is sound and you managed to paint a very real picture. Our innocence is very precious and to let it go at the wrong time or to the wrong person is something that as you said, can never be undone. Guilt can be such a crushing force on our mental state. Overcoming it is a hard road to travel but it is necessary in order to move on. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
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This piece is simple in nature but provides a positive message. You employ a nice steady rhyming scheme and keep it all intact. I agree that it would be nice to have a place to go where time was irrelevant and we could just forget the everyday mundane routines and stresses. I'm currently in need of such a place.
Your piece has a warm, friendly tone and presents the reader with a nice, enjoyable read. I wish stress relief was as easy as closing my eyes. I may never open them again. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
That was pretty good. I've never tried a limerick before. It flowed really well and had a fun, non-serious tone to it.
It gave me a bit of a chuckle when I read it because I could definitely picture the writer getting tendinitis from spending hours upon hours typing away on a keyboard. I have found myself getting a touch of tired fingers from typing on here everyday. It is definitely a labor of love to sit here and read and review the works of many different people each day. I enjoyed reading your witty limerick. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
A sad, cold piece that is filled with melancholy and negative emotion. You put this together nicely even though your words are of the dark and pain filled variety. Child abuse is a harsh reality for so many people. It is a vile act that comes from people with sinister and icy hearts. How anyone could willfully hurt and inflict emotional and physical pain on a young child or anyone for that matter is beyond my comprehension. This piece is a reminder that victimizing children is an absolute abomination and that these children are in serious need of help. It seems like it was a difficult writing but one that is appreciated for bringing a bad situation to attention. Nice job. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece lacks a bit of substance but I commend you for wanting to share your experiences with the members of Writing.com. It needs a bit of tweaking and some fixing of typos but still manages to get your message across although a bit bumpy. The flow is a bit off and the structure needs reworking. I sense you have the ability to make this cleaner and easier to read, making it a more concise read. Keep working at it and continue your positive direction. Write on!
This piece strikes a personal note with me. My brother has this sleeping disorder and has seen his share of difficulties dealing with it. He has to take certain medications for the rest of his life. Your piece has a steady rhythm and good overall structure. You get your message across in a short but precise manner. Its serious tone is attributed to the struggles that accompany this disorder. Nice job. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
A nicely written piece that offers the message that love is more important than materialistic offerings. Christmas has been so overly commercialized that a lot of people forget what it is truly about and are more focused on making someone happy with a new stereo or bike. At what point did this commercial insanity slide into the place of love? Your piece has a nice steady flow and your word usage at times had me reaching for the dictionary. I had no clue what "paucity" meant. I've been learning new words on this site for quite some time. I enjoyed reading your work and respect the message it conveys. Maybe one day we can get back to what Christmas is all about instead of waiting in long lines for that new video game that junior wants. That's the problem. Our world has gotten to a point where this great holiday has now been turned into an obligation and guilt fueled monster. A sad but true statement. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
A sad piece but one that shows the love and caring two people had for each other. Losing a loved one to the horror that is war is never an easy pill to swallow. Your piece captures the dark emotions felt when that event becomes a reality. Love is such a powerful force and when that love is lost it deals a mighty blow to our heart and soul. The boy turned man in this piece should be remembered for his bravery and service to this great country. His resting place in Arlington is filled with many former men and women that at one time were young boys and girls and filled someones life with love and joy. This piece is a nice tribute to the man and lover that was lost. Nicely done! keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
You definitely leave the reader with no uncertainty as to your views of the Almighty. Your piece is filled with warmth and loving words for your Lord. The positive emotion and sincerity is felt throughout the writing. There may be people out there that do not share your religious views but I would think that they would consider this a quality write based solely on how it was written and not of its content. I myself have a distant relationship with the Father right now, for my own personal reasons but I can respect a good piece of literary work when I read it.
You presented your thoughts well and allow the reader to follow along easily, making for an enjoyable read. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
I would have to agree with this piece. The stories I've heard from my mother and sister truly validate this. You go through the beginning of your life, up through the teen years and into early adulthood and are called by a multitude of names. You share a bond with all others that have a specific name or nickname, everyone has those. One day comes along, your child is born and placed in your arms. At that very moment you are given a title that NOT everyone shares, you become "mommy". You look down at your newborn and realize that from this day forward you are now a mother, not just a sister, aunt, cousin, or best friend. The feeling from what I'm told, simply cannot be accurately described with plain words.
For nine months you and this tiny being were of one body. Now you are separate and can share the world together as ONLY a mother and child can. That is truly special.
Your piece is kept simple but it manages to get the point across perfectly. It is full of warm, positive emotion and has a steady, even flow. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This was a touching, heartfelt piece that showed the beauty of a loving relationship between granddaughter and grandfather. It has a warm, feel good tone to it and your word usage fit the piece like a glove. I thought of my grandfather and how much I loved him and he loved me. I miss him immensely, even though he has been gone for over two decades. We shared so many good times together, I only wish there could have been more.
This piece has a nice steady flow and allows the reader to easily follow along and enjoy the read without having to stop and think. I enjoyed reading it and found it to be inspiring. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. write on!
This piece is filled with positive vibes and focuses its attention on that which makes us strong. It has a nice even flow and good rhythm. You did a good job with the style of poem you picked. I'm not a technical master of poetry, not even close but I can say that this piece does indeed have an inspirational tone to it and undoubtedly give some readers a nice little shot of hope. You word usage fits the message you are trying to convey. Even those that do not place much stake in religion can find something worthwhile in this. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
You achieved writing the type of poem you picked quite nicely. I have not heard of this kind but I found it to be very creative. It definitely takes a bit of know-how and writing excellence to be able to do this without writing something that lacks sense. There were even some words that challenged me to break out a dictionary, adding to the age old saying that you learn something new every day. I had no clue what cerulean, maw, or fecund meant. Now I do. thanks for allowing me to expand my own knowledge after reading your piece. Your word usage was intelligent and added to the high quality of this piece. Great job! Keep it up and continue the positive direction. Write on!
I really need to study poetic forms and devices to have a better technical understanding. Until then I can offer my simple opinion. This was a quick, fun read which was also a bit comical. Judging from the note below, you certainly seemed to achieve your goal of writing that particular type of sonnet. It had a nice steady rhythm and came together nicely. I think you did a good job and should certainly make other attempts in the future. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece delivers colorful, intelligent dialogue which sometimes comes across as too much for an average reader such as myself to digest. That is not necessarily a bad thing especially if the average reader was not your intended audience. Although I do not know much about the technical aspects of a lot of types of poetry, I do know that this is well constructed and has fairly good flow. I liked the italicized final section the most. It was a solid ending to a well written piece. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
I guess I would have to be a Survivor fan to be able to compare your view on what would happen with the castaways. Your piece offers an interesting scenario. Your reasons for who would do what, why, and when were amusing but I'm trying to figure out why because didn't they all want off the island? Why vote? Your piece was a bit hurried but you managed to keep it all together. I think this would make a good TV special just to see exactly how it would play out. Seeing as the show was called Gilligan's Island, I'm thinking he might have a slight edge.
Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece talks about embracing the afterlife and treating death like something to look forward to. The idea behind that may not reach agreement with a lot of people but for some death would truly bring an end to the misery they feel and allow their soul to finally experience things that were previously unattainable. Your word usage could be spruced up a bit but you do manage to present your thoughts clearly which allow the reader to easily follow along. The piece has a dark tone to it but ends with just the right amount of light to balance it all out. Overall this is a good effort. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is not bad but truthfully I'd probably change the channel about half way through. It's a great thought and has the possibility of maturing into something better but in its current state it comes across as sterile. I don't get a sense of excitement or a wanting to bring my pet. The views you present do have some merit though. People often do not have the kind of time they need to take proper care of their pet and you are trying to offer them a viable alternative. I believe you were on the right track and that you have the ability within to make this a standout piece. I'm not an expert on writing commercials but I do know what holds my interest. This falls a bit short in that department. Put yourself in the shoes of an outsider for a moment and read the piece as if you did not write it. Ask yourself how it made you feel and whether or not you would seek the services of this company. The basic premise of this piece is fine and the overall idea is sound. You have talent, it simply needs a little polish and you will shine. Keep it up and continue in a positive direction. Write on!
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