An inspiring tale of a man that has served his country an helped preserve our freedoms. He has seen and experienced the horror and brutal reality that war is. The firework display ignited thoughts of that harsh reality.
Your piece flows well and is packed with emotions, both negative and positive.
Your words were very descriptive and heartfelt. We can never fully realize what our military personnel goes through unless we strap on the same boots and uniform that they do. One of my favorite parts was the interaction between Garret and the older gentleman, a veteran himself. I thought it was a nice scene when the man gave his hat to the toddler and said "Keep your head down, Devil Dog.", a show of respect for a Marine. Very nice. My grandfather was in WW II and I carry his dog tags with me everyday.
Thanks for sharing this great story. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece seems to be about some inner conflict that the main character will not talk about with anyone. At least that's what I got from it. I may be wrong.
The piece is full of emotion and personal anguish. The flow is a little ragged, but I still managed to move through it without much of a snag. I have had the same problem as well, not keeping the flow of a piece consistent. Sometimes it just does not happen, try as I might.
Overall you did a fairly good job. You kept the piece going in the right direction, not going off on any unnecessary tangents.
I think if you used the words "tell not a soul" exclusively throughout instead of the variations, it would be a bit better and more consistent. This is just a small, nit-picky opinion, but it is just that, an opinion. Please take all comments as such. You know your writing and what works best for you better than I could. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
Yet another good example how love can destroy just as much as build up. This piece is full of dark emotion and instances of pure mental sickness. You did a very credible job showing how someone can be so blinded by love that they leave reality and rational thought behind.
The piece has a nice, steady flow and good overall structure. Your words were chosen well and quite descriptive. What's sad is, there are really people out there that possess a mindset such as this. Pretty scary to say the least. Bill certainly put himself in a situation that he deserves whatever consequence he receives. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece was a nice read, though at times the flow was a bit choppy, but not enough to totally throw me off. You did a good job with your descriptions of what was happening. I could form clear mental images which added to the overall experience. I liked the part of crocs and fish swimming down the side of the road, not something most see everyday.
The piece has a positive vibe to it as well as good structure. I've always liked rain. It is quite refreshing.
Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a nicely written piece. It is full of positive emotion, embracing the love two people share. I like the setting of a long journey through life as a pair of kindred souls unite, embarking on what is hoped to be a long and happy existence. The piece, though short, is long on quality. It has nice, steady flow and good structure.
Your words provided opportunities to form mental images which add to the overall reading experience. Everything was held together nicely. Great job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece seems to be missing something, though I'm not exactly sure what. I've read it several times and although it does have quality, I can't shake the notion that there should be more. I apologize for not being able to explain further, it's just a feeling I have.
Your piece flows well and has solid structure. Your word usage is adequate, not overly complex, making for a leisurely read. I can sense the positive energy from this piece. I'm sure most readers probably would as well.
I'd like to expand further, but at this time cannot. I can only offer my humble opinion. You know your writing better than I ever could. Keep at it and continue the positive direction. Write on!
This is a good example of how love is one of the most powerful forces there is. Your words, descriptive and well chosen, tell a tale of a woman that has suffered through the loss of her true love. All she ever wanted was to reunite with him, to be whole again. Your piece flows well and has good overall structure.
You managed to say a lot with very little, not always an easy task. I was able to easily follow along and form simple yet effective mental images based o your words. I could feel the emotion put into the piece. A nice job indeed. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" .
Oh how I would have loved to see the look on your mother's face. It must have been priceless. The five stars are just for that reason, because I don't know how many times I wanted to make my mother speechless. This piece probably sounds all too familiar to a lot of us. We have all gotten "the speech" ad nauseam and for you to successfully bypass that, if only for this one time is great. I used to cringe when I'd hear my mother start "the speech", trying my best to put a song in my head or anything else that would block it from permeating my mind for the umpteenth time. The ending made me laugh. That was classic! I wish I would have thought of that, though with my mother, it would have meant a whole new speech . Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review is part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" .
Whoa! Talk about being snowed in. I don't think I would ever want to find myself in that situation. I could sense the air of desperation Lizzie was experiencing as she dealt with the results of a blizzard. Your words painted a vivid picture of her plight. Her anxiety grew as each day passed, thinking she had been forgotten. The sight of the snowplow undoubtedly washed away her fear and gave her much needed relief.
The piece has pretty good flow and overall structure. Your words are descriptive and allow the reader to see in their mind the events taking place. You did a good job with less than 300 words. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" .
This piece is such a feel good story. It is filled with positive emotions and plenty of love. The excitement Allison showed at the parade was typical for a young child at a big event. You captured a great moment in the life of a little girl.
The piece flows well and has good structure. You kept the story moving along without any noticeable "speed bumps" that would cause the reader to lose track. You made good use of imagery as well. I could easily form clear mental images of the events being described. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" .
This is a positive piece written about a subject that people don't always think about. If we were all on the same page when it comes to "doing the right thing" and recycling or whatever else "going green' entails, this planet would be a lot cleaner. Sadly, that is not the case. I sometimes believe that the damage from hundreds of years of abuse cannot be undone.
This piece gives good advice and makes valid points. It may come across as preachy to some, but I find it to be a simple personal opinion of the sad state the environment finds itself in. I applaud your efforts. Thanks for sharing this. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
Thank you for your post in "Invalid Item" . I had to look for your piece because it was not posted in the bitem format as requested. Please post with that format in the future. Thank you. I also want to apologize for the late response.
Your piece is very short. You have good intentions, letting people know not to have fear overpower them, but it feels as if there could be more added to this. You have basically told the reader what to do about fear but you have not presented ways to go about achieving that. Your piece shows a strong, positive emotional charge, and I like the idea behind it. You made a powerful statement, it simply needs a little more added to it. Fear is something we all have to deal with. It is as much a part of our lives as courage is. It provides the natural balance between the two feelings. You can't show bravery against something that does not strike an amount of fear in you.
My suggestion is to expand this piece. You have a strong opening sequence from which to build. This can really develop into a deeper, more involved read. I believe you have the ability to obtain that. Keep going and continue the positive direction. Write on!
Thank you for your post on "Invalid Item" . My apologies for this review coming so late.
This is a heartfelt piece that ends on a sad note. A young boy and his father find themselves entering what turned out to be a gas chamber used in the Nazi concentration and extermination camps. This piece is full of dark emotion and feeling. The father knew what was happening and his heart and soul were saddened that his son was a part of it.
The piece starts off with a warm, tender moment shared between father and son. The tone changes into a much more serious one after that when the father sees a man being taken away, knowing what is happening to him. He chooses not to upset the child by simply stating the man is going to work in another building, when indeed that is not the case. The boy seems pleased with his new pet mouse and he thinks all is okay with the world. What he does not foresee is, that a time will come when he will have to leave his little pet behind as he enters a doorway that he will not exit alive. This is such a sad moment.
The piece has nice, steady flow and good structure. The wording is not complicated and it is easy to follow along. You did a great job with this piece. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a dark, somber continuation of your sordid tale. Seeing the human monster having a male lover was an unexpected twist. You also showed that under the pain filled, rough and overly violent exterior, that the wicked being actually had shreds of humanity. He is an evil, sexually torturous, pain inflicting puppet when his master pulls the right strings. The horrible beatings he bestows on others apparently happens to him as well. He's both the victimizer and a victim. You painted a pretty gloomy picture with your words. They are filled with negative emotion and melancholy. The reader can sense the fear and psychological stress the character David feels. This piece had me wanting more, and I shall continue to read more as I move on to the next chapter sometime soon. This is a story I want to read in its entirety. You have done a fine job to this point. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a nice start to your story. Not blatantly brutal like the prologue, it provides a good, strong first step from which the reader can begin the journey down this dark road. The opening scene looked liked it could have been straight out of a certain popular television crime drama. You presented the details very well. Your wording is peppered with realism and is very descriptive. You captured my attention and it stayed throughout the piece.
There is good interaction between the two detectives. It's the way that partners should act toward each other. The piece has good, steady flow and great overall structure. You keep it all together nicely, not straying from the intended path. Great job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is full of heartfelt emotion and true love. It has a serious tone to it and displays a deep rooted commitment between the two characters. The sexual activity is well described and explicitly portrayed. Readers of this type of writing will definitely enjoy your piece. It stimulates the senses. You have made it very easy to form, scintillating mental images. That enhances the reading experience, making it more enjoyable. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" . I apologize for the lateness.
Your continuation is every bit as good as the first. The way you present Aunt Sarah is quite good. It gives a great example of the type of behavioral, emotional and mental changes that a person with Alzheimer's goes through. It is very tough for them and their family to cope with this disease. Your piece is very strong and it is high on quality. This story is a recommended read. I respect your choice to share it. Great job! Keep up the excellent work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" . I apologize for the lateness.
This piece is very well written. You peppered it with a lot of heartfelt emotion and sincere feeling. It is a piece that I think a lot of families can relate to in some form or another. The reader can feel the sadness in the characters as they deal with the diminished mental capacity of their once highly vibrant and strong minded loved one.
The piece has a nice, steady flow and great overall structure. Everything is held together nicely. I did not find myself getting lost while reading this, it managed to keep my attention throughout. Excellent job! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This was an excellent piece. It is filled with a lot of passion and emotion. Each section stands strong on its own, but collectively come together to form a powerful statement of rebirth and renewal. Your words are very descriptive and colorful, each carefully chosen to be part of the overall picture. I found this to be a very enjoyable read and would recommend it to others. This is a great example of the emotional depths that poetry can reach. Great job! Thank you for sharing this. You have shown great talent. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a nice testament to the joy people get from the written word. Writing can fill many voids in our life. It can relieve stress and take our minds to far away places where the realities of life don't exist. Your words show the passion you have for your craft. The piece has a serious tone and plenty of heartfelt emotion. It has good flow and overall structure, never straying from its path. You present your thoughts clearly, not making things complicated. This allows the reader to easily follow along and not get lost. The last stanza is my favorite part.
You did a great job. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This review is part of your winning package from the Carnival of Fools Duck Pond game.
This was quite an interesting piece. I liked how you provided a perspective of someone getting lost in another person's writing. The way you described the environment of words, phrases and images that had come alive and had you trapped was nicely done. I was able to picture you on the inside of your monitor, looking back at the world you left behind after being pulled into a poetic alternate universe. The imagery is outstanding. The piece has good flow and structure, keeping everything in order and maintaining the readers attention. Great job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This review is part of your winning package from the Carnival of Fools Duck Pond game.
This is a well written piece. It is a fine testament to the men and women that have died while in defense of this great nation. Your piece is filled with dark emotion but ends on a very high, positive note. You presented your message well with this. People need to remember exactly why these brave souls have passed on. The wording of the piece is powerful and strong, making your point come across easily. The imagery is nicely done. You painted a vivid picture with your language. I thought it was a very enjoyable and moving read. Thank you for sharing this. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review is part of your winning package from the Carnival of Fools Duck Pond game.
This place definitely sounds like somewhere I don't want to be. Your words were descriptive, allowing the reader to form clear mental images of what you were doing and where you were. This makes for a more enjoyable read. You kept my interest throughout and did not overuse any words or phrases.
The piece has good flow and overall structure. It has a serious, dark tone to it. I can sense the emotions building up inside your character as the beginning of a long, dark night in a realm of the dead ensues. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of your winning package from the Simply Positive Auction.
This piece is nicely written and filled with warm, positive emotion. Your words are mighty and true, giving the piece a strong foundation. It has a nice, steady flow and great structure. Your passion for the Almighty certainly shines through in this piece. The reader can really get a sense of the love and support you get from the Creator. Nicely done! This was an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing it. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This review comes as part of a Friendship Package gifted to you by Kathleen.
This piece is well written and drips with darkness and melancholy. You have managed to express yourself with words that are descriptive, colorful and morbid all at once. Negative emotions flow freely through this and paint a sad but magnificent picture of death and the darkness that surrounds it. It has a nice, steady flow and great structure. I can sense the despair and pain that this wayward soul is experiencing. The part about the maggots kissing and touching your flesh with cool lust creates a quite the creepy visual. Good job! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
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. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!